Santa doesn’t remember his parents at all.
Some say he was left abandoned on an ice floe and set adrift, ending up at the North Pole.
Others say he used to be an ancient Turkish saint.
Or some Norwegian hunter who was hit on the head too many times.
Santa ordered a DNA testing kit to find out.
Two weeks later, the results came back.
The elf in charge of his workshop read the report.
“It says you’re fat and happy,” said the elf. “Can we go back to work now?”
Santa always suspected that he was a Samoan.