I’ve lost so much weight, my ring slipped off the other day.
I searched along the path I took, but couldn’t find it.
When I first got the ring, I felt its presence, but quickly got used to it.
Now that it’s gone, I constantly notice that it’s not there.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling, and I want to put it back on, but it’s gone.
So I will get a new one soon.
My wife was deathly ill last year.
Would I have had to remove the ring if she hadn’t have recovered?
I’d have kept it.
For remembrance.
(Right?)
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #14
Many folk have founded a church based on the doctrines how do you tom write a 100 word story
Count to 100. Notice your mind fill with a great emptiness. In the middle of that emptiness picture yourself writing a story, but not just any stories. This story is destiny to be the great American really short story. You are bathed in an Inner Light, so take the pray rug next to you beat out the flame, your lower intestine are on fire. Look your pages are gone with the wind. Please deposit 25 dollars for the next 10 minutes.
Die In A Fire
Did I ever tell you about my friend Diana Fire?
Parents can be cruel, choosing names.
When she was a child, she liked to play with matches. Every year, she’d ask for a new Barbie Dream House, but by Valentine’s day, Barbie would be back in her shoebox, hair singed and skin scorched a bit more.
Through the years, she blazed a trial through homes, jobs – burning every bridge.
I got a call this morning. Had to identify her body.
Froze to death after getting locked in a walk-in cooler. Ruined the irony potential there.
So we’ll have her cremated.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #13
Many folk have carved the following into tree trunks how do you tom write a 100 word story
It was a dark and stormy night
. The night stormyed, it was dark, Eh. A Darky night storm it was. Dark was it Night was it a Storm? It was a dark stormy nighty. It was sunny and cloudless day. Dark Dark the storm it was Night Night. Was a night even so dark was a storm very so … it. Was it night or was it dark it was a storm. Night dark as stormy is was. It’s a stormdark night
Weekly Challenge #249 – Frozen Bananas
Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Frozen Bananas
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.
Tom
I run a cryro firm called Fruits on Ice. We freeze all kinds. Lots of apples a bunch of pears, strawberries, and tomatoes. In 2020 the University of Hawaii discovered a sentient Pineapple well the rest of the vegetative kingdom followed suit. They organized, elected congressmen. In 2035 they made history with the first Banana president. After eight years He was looking pretty bad, but surprisingly still conscience. A grateful nation decided it was best to freeze their beloved fruit. That’s him over there in the Presidential cryro suite. I tear up whenever I walk past Ol Frozen Banana Barack
Zackmann
That was a strange murder weapon Detective. Just how did you figure it out? Actually, I have a
Paul and Storm tribute band called Frozen Bananas and I was looking to see if our new video
had any hits on youtube. Then I saw these videos about how cold winter gets in Minnesota
and that the victim had been hit repeatedly with a blunt object. We searched the mulch pile. It
was hard to get the prints off a banana peal also to come to the conclusion that the wife of the
suspect committed no crime making a fruit smoothie.
Dave
I’ve had my store for years. I’ve seen it all since I opened my doors in 1974. Right across from me was one of those As Seen on TV stores. If you saw it on TV, you could find it there. They had the Super Funky Ball, Easy Feet, Nappy Nappers and Camel Toe B Gone. Some of it good stuff to make your life easier. Most of it was just crap. So that store went under. Then a combo store opened up. It was half smoothie store and half adult novelty store. Their biggest seller was the Frozen Bananas.
Michael S.
I read the death certificate aloud to my brother and sister.
Hey, it was their father too.
Above the coroner’s signature I read the abbreviation, “DBFB”.
I turned away from my reading and looked across to our lawyer with a questioning look upon my face.
“Apparently,” he explained”, your father was stabbed to death by blunt objects while working in the Arctic in search of oil.”
“He put up one helluva fight but was overcome by the force of so many frozen bananas. Thus, DBFB, death by frozen bananas.”
Undeserving of any intelligent response, I simply returned to my reading.
Chris the Nuclear Kid
Icestorm and The Frozen Bananas
Icestorm the dragon ate warriors for breakfast. Every year, Icestorm
roamed the lands, turning people and crops to ice.
A boy ran through the forests and up the mountain to Icestorm’s cave.
“Who goes there?” roared the dragon. “Another warrior trying to kill me?”
“No, I want you to stop eating people!”
Icestorm laughed. “What should I eat, boy?”
The boy held out bananas from the forest. “Try these!”
The dragon’s breath froze the fruit as he ate them. “Yummy!”
That’s how Icestorm stopped eating people. But the monkeys were in
for a surprise!
Stephen the Nuclear Man
The banana monk knelt before the saffron-robed master.
“What must I do to achieve enlightenment?” the banana supplicant asked
the plantain master – though they both only spoke Mandarin.
The plantain smiled and stepped past the puzzled supplicant. He
returned with cherries, whipped topping, and ice cream. He sprayed
the whipped topping on the supplicant.
The banana got very angry. “Make me one with everything?” the
supplicant shrieked. “That stupid joke doesn’t even make sense in
Mandarin!”
The plantain sat down, smiled, and applauded, even though plantains
have no hands.
And thus did they both achieve Zen.
AM Earley
I came to Vegas to gamble my career as an illusionist. Two years on and I’m little more than an usher in a casino stage show. Before work I stopped at a bench to think of a way to get enough money for my own show, or to go back to Nebraska.
Then I saw the light, or eclipse actually. A gangly frat-boy tourist stood over me. He apparently thought the way I was eating my frozen banana was an advertisement for prostitution. Well it is legal here. However I can think of another way to get his money. Although theft and assault are not legal here.
TerrazaByte
My refrigerator broke down last week with some sort of thermostat issue.
I called the repair man and gave him the details about what the problem was.
I told him that the freezer warms up and thaws everything inside…
and that the fridge part gets so cold, that it freezes everything on that side!
After waiting at the house from SOMETIME BETWEEN 8 and 5,
he finally showed up and had the strangest look on his face after I greeted him at the door.
Am I ever so glad to see you! I have a frozen banana in my pocket!
TJ
The kid across the way had a lemonade stand. It was 90 degrees and
people were drawn to his ice cold refreshment, and I thought, what beats
ice cold? Frozen. I’d dip a frozen banana in chocolate and indeed,
people would plunk $1 down for the tasty treat. I doubled my profits
when I determined they’d pay the same amount for half a banana.
Between us, we locked up the neighborhood. Then Sally opened her
snowcone stand, which did brisk business – until it mysteriously
burned down. It’s their own fault for turning “The Art of War”
into a children’s book.
Norval Joe
“What the heck are those things?” Gefilta said as she fluttered her fairy wings to hold her diminutive body at shoulder level to the rest of the fellowship. Tall, black, cylinders towered obliquely above the heads of the party and exuded a sweet scent. Sartorius stretched his long elfin muscles and kicked forward through large, twisted husks. “They’re bananas. This is the frozen banana forest.” Gluteus the gnome snickered. “”These are the ice giants’ favorite food. Hopefully we’ll get through the worst of it before the giants show up.” Distant booms warned they might just have run out of time.
Justin
Yes, we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today
We’re in the tropics
In our parkas
Because the worst did happen here
It wasn’t
global warming
It wasn’t
an oncoming ice age
But Yes we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today
Here’s really what happened
Please don’t start your laughin’.
I could decide what I wanted to munch
on last Thursday’s lunch.
I held the fridge door open
Trying to find good food I was hopin’
But then substance on which I was dopin’
knocked me right onto me rump!
The door stayed open all night!
(chorus)
Planet Z
The world is running out of monkeys.
Worried scientists came up with a plan to capture and store monkeys cryogenically.
Despite billions of dollars in research and hundreds of frozen monkeys, they never managed to revive the beasts.
Then, they came up with a plan to keep just frozen monkey embryos in storage.
Those, they knew how to revive, but if the world ran out of monkeys, where would they be implanted?
It took a few more billion dollars worth of research to figure out how to implant them into humans.
And that’s how my dad explained my little sister.
How To Write 100 Word Stories #12
Many folk have taken to cake decoration to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story.
Stories are somewhat different from newborn babies, you can’t leave them in the backyard in the rain. Babes as a rule are heavy on the begins but pretty light on middles and ends, unless . . . . Perhaps it is best not to go there. Stories need begins middles and ends. Introduction. Problem. Resolution. If possible an amusing turn of phase at the end to show how goddamn clever you are. But more importantly the use of letters in the alphabet.
Hit Somebody
Every February 29th, we celebrate St. Punch Somebody In The Face Day.
Everybody gets to throw one punch.
But there’s no limit on how many punches you’ll take.
It’s fun to look out the window, watching the neighbors run around, frightened and excited at the same time.
Me, I’m a masochist, because I walk down the street, smiling my shit-eating grin and daring people.
By the time I get back home, not a single punch.
Well, not this year.
In the past, I got my share. Messed me up good.
Now they turn away, disgusted at what they see.
Cowards.
How To Write 100 Word Stories #11
Many folk have rented the Goodyear Blimp to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story.
A story isn’t a story unless it’s universal. So who is the most universal universalist in our corner to the universe. The Dolly Lama! I flew to the Himalayas, but the he was on a mountain top meditating. If the Doll won’t leave the mountain, then the mountain our leave we go. When I saw the great soul a voice filled my mind and I spoke these words “Well Hello Dolly” I must say the medical treatment in Nepal is quiet good.
Looms
Don’t believe the horror stories about textile mills.
Sometimes, they can be fun places.
Once a year, when we’ve made our production targets and have some material left over to play with, I like to go down into the floor and shuffle the punchcards like a Vegas dealer.
Then, I stack them back into the machine and start up the looms.
The patterns that emerge are stomach-wrenching eyesores, complete and total crimes against fashion and decency.
We get out the patterns, make them into slacks, and what we don’t sell to professional golfers we give as gifts to our grandfathers.
How To Write 100 Word Stories #10
Many folk use semaphore flags to ask how do you tom write a 1,000,000 word story.
In a word electroshock.
Set the voltage to 20 amps and the timer to half a second.
That puppy Will keep your hand moving.
ZAAAAAAAAP
EEEEEEEEEIIII.
Sorry let me just jot this down First.
Oh yes if you don’t keep up
that bolt of electricity
does clear the brain pan and believe me
You will stay focused.
ZAAAAAAAAP
EEEEEEEEEIIII.
Sleep you ask?
Overrated.
Eating?
That is why god gave you two good hands.
ZAAAAAAAAP
EEEEEEEEEIIII.
I’m on day 100.
16 to go
ZAAAAAAAAP
EEEEEEEEEIIII.
Honey I can’t feel my legs.