The Ghosts In My Pants

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Most ghosts appear as sheets flapping in the wind, but the ghosts that haunt my house appear as torn and worn-out pants flying around.
At first, I found them frightening, but in time I’ve grown used to them.
They’re even somewhat ludicrous when I think about them.
Especially when they fly around with their zippers undone.
“X Y Z,” I say to a passing ghost, and the jeans hover there for a moment before zipping up.
It goes back to moaning and flapping around with the others.
The laundry promises to exorcise them this time.
Just like “no starch” right?

Rehab

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Things got crazy at the party. Talia overdosed on longevity drugs and went into a coma.
We handed her off to the Sleeping Beauty Ward. They gave us an estimate of 80 years before she’d come out of it.
Eighty years?
They handed me the bill for her babysitting, and I scraped up most of it.
A kidney and some skin for burn grafts covered the rest.
That was 79 years ago. Vital signs say she’ll wake up soon.
Never did find anyone else, too old for her now.
I wrote one last note and walked to the termination center.

The Dead Bird

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I’ve had this bird for years.
Used to be pretty with bright white feathers.
One morning, I lifted the cage’s cover and it was lying there on the bottom of the cage, ugly and dead.
I was about to open the cage when I saw it twitch.
I’d seen this in the news: zombie birds.
If it hadn’t have twitched, it would have bitten off a finger or two.
I padlocked the latch to keep it from escaping.
Now, it just claws and bites at the bars of the cage, getting scrawnier and uglier over the years.
Fifty bucks? Deal.

The Great Claw

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The Great Claw wobbles over our ravaged city.
Every now and then, it descends and grabs at a car or a building and yanks it up into the sky.
Invading the world wasn’t enough for the aliens, so they put it up there to torment us.
“The rest of the world is dead,” said the message. “But you’ll keep us amused while we extract the necessary isotopes for our next journey.”
Scientists at the university tried to come up with defenses, but The Great Claw ended those plans.
It rained bricks as the research center was hauled up… and up…

The Last Photograph

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The Conquest Museum on the Zagitz homeworld has many exhibits, but the most popular is the last remaining human DNA sample.
Drones guide their podlings to the guarded platform for a peek at the vial in magnetic suspension.
The thing is, that’s not the real sample. It’s just for display purposes.
Some claim that the real sample is in a research asteroid where the government is cooking up new batches of humans to stage fake invasions.
But the truth is, there’s no human DNA left. The humans were annihilated decades ago.
The conspiracy theory makes a good bedtime story, though.

Bystander

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Who names a child Innocent Bystander?
I look over the victim’s medical records and shake my head.
A car jumped the curb and mowed down a bunch of kids on the sidewalk.
They all suffered broken arms and legs except for one: little Innocent here, laying on the gurney.
His parents have asked for no autopsy. It’s obvious that the driver is to blame for the kid’s death, right?
Except that he’s not.
The kid was standing in the middle of the street, and the driver swerved to avoid him.
Afterwards, Innocent was beaten to death by an angry mob.

Weekly Challenge #234 – Cotton Mouth

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Cotton Mouth!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
A.M. Earley
Tom
Dave
Stephen
Katwood
Ted
Kathleen
Norval Joe
TJ
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


A.M Earley

“My mouth fells like cotton.”
“Well alcohol, mosh-pits and screaming at the top. . .”
Sheila didn’t get to finish her rant. Her brother Steven passed out on her. The concert-goers around them ignored his plight.
“He is thirty pounds heavier than me, but no one else gives a . . .” Sheila thought of mothers picking up cars, bent her knees and put Steven in a fireman carry. It was forty feet to the door and security.
Steven better be fine by the time the main act took the stage. She loved Steven, but damnit, this is rock-and roll.

Tom

As he took the podium all moisture vanished from his mouth.
A silver thread of doubt ribbonen through his puritan logic.
At first he thought it might be the absence of god.
Am I not called to duty directly by divine will.
After inspection his resolve returned.
A righteous gaze bore into the slumped head of Mistress Brown.
Ada was bound but not broken, met his gaze with defiance.
“Show her the instruments of the question.” Squeaked the preacher.
His mind may have been drenched in grace, but his palate was still parched.
Imagine that Cotton Mather a Cotton Mouther

Dave

It was the darkest, creepiest, building in the neighborhood.
Davey promises he will return tonight with his trick-or-treat bag. This will be the year he owns up for what he’s done to them in the past.
He fills his bag so much he can’t close it. Davey decides it is time to face his fears and make his last stop.
He rings the door bell, his nerves give out, he can’t talk, he has cotton mouth.
He dodges behind the bushes
as the door to Faith’s Embrace Foster Home opens.
A group of small children drag inside their annual gift.

Zackmann

Hello Hugh, I am calling about Charles, your dimension’s company representative. In our world
there are intelligent peoples who look like muppets so we are totally okay with people you
call plushophiles. Getting to the point he is in quarantine. Due to a case of what doctors here
call Cotton Mouth therefore he will stay an additional week and hopefully next time he will meet
someone from a good family and not go home with the first blue plush person he meets in a bar.
At least he knows what foreplay is. Cotton Balls takes much longer to cure.

Steven

Angie arranged the dolls around the table. “Teatime!” she yelled.
Ellie held his denim trunk still as Angie poured imaginary tea.
Bunny’s plush ears did not twitch. R.A. (Esquire) flopped his stuffed
head to the side, red yarn hair draping his shoulder.
“Raggedy.” Angie stared at R.A. “Have some tea.”
R.A. picked up the faded teacup. He glanced at Ann’s severed head in
the corner. She’d guessed wrong. He took a drink of pretend tea.
“Oolong,” he guessed, mouth dry.
Angie smiled. “Yes!”
R.A. sighed in relief.
“From what country?” Angie asked.
R.A. swore Ann’s button eyes winked in anticipation.

Katwood

Dear Sophia,
I am sorry I was unable make it to your wedding, but I was sick. I had to go to the hospital and everything. That alone should tell you how sick I was. It would have been fine, but I had a bad reaction to one of the medications they gave me. Sometime people just don’t listen, especially people who think they know everything. I’ll probably be out and back to work within in the next couple of days. I really did intend to go this time, too. But that damn cottonmouth bit me again.
From,
Your Friend

Ted

I love Thanksgiving: the parade, the sales, but most of all, the stuffing.
My first taste was Mom’s stuffed bird. True, it was pretty dry, but I was hooked.
I’d eat anything with stuffing: chicken, duck, even frog or cat, I reckon.
Midnight last Thanksgiving-Eve, the craving struck. I ate all the stuffing in the house. Every piece.
That morning was horrible. My wife was screaming, the children were crying. I left the house in shame.
I wanted to make it up to them, but how? I had been banned from every store that sold stuffed animals or upholstered furniture.

Kathleen

Thirst
What can I get you to drink?
Can’t decide
Try the water moccasin–house specialty.
Never heard of it.
It’s a girly drink, someone piped in.
What’s that you’re drinking Earl?
You know what I’m drinking.
Isn’t that a water moccasin
The one and only
So it’s a girly drink? I questioned
I’m Earl
So you own this place?
It’s a long story
This was Eve’s and Earl’s; now it’s only Earl’s
But the water moccasin?
It was Eve’s concoction.
Earl showed me his tattoo
Here’s my real baby– a cotton mouth. Isn’t she beautiful.
I’ll try that house specialty.

Norval Joe

“We’re going to make all those new toys pay,” the filthy, faded beagle barked and nervously tucked the seam together where his tail used to be.
“That’s right, No Tail,” the legless, one-eyed giraffe whined. “This will be a night the toy box will never forget. What do you think, Cotton Mouth?”
The teddy bear shoved a ball of loose padding back through his torn mouth and down his throat.
“Yes, they will all suffer, the same as us,” he said and pulled a butcher knife from beneath the bed. “Now if we could just get the stupid box open.”

TJ

Cotton-Mouth Jim didn’t get a song written about him. His brother,
Cotton-Eyed Joe, was kind of a slut. After that girl broke up with her
whiny songwriter boyfriend to be with him, he was regaled the world
over. Of course, everyone always asks about Joe, where did he come from,
where did he go, these eternal questions, but no one’s heard of the
songwriter. Cotton-Mouth Jim, he hasn’t been famous for anything since
he was 9 and he shoved two giant cotton candies in his mouth at the
county fair. That’s the kind of front-page photo that haunts a man.

Planet Z

I smoke way too much pot.
Way… way too much.
My mouth is so dry. When I drag my tongue around, little crusty bits come loose.
I spit them out. What awful colors they are.
It starts to hurt, so…
I smoke some more.
And it gets worse.
Everything stinks. I never clean in here.
Nobody wants to visit because it’s so awful here.
So, I smoke some more.
I can’t tell if it’s day or night.
The cable’s out. Phone’s out. I assume I got fired from my job.
What was my job?
Who cares?
I smoke some more.

They don’t look Swedish

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Some claim Landord Zoelin was a mad scientist I’d say he was just plan sad. Example what sort of evil genus would combined cyborgs with toothpaste. Your going to deploy them with an army of marauding dental floss.
“You laugh today” screamed Zoelin. “But one day I and Colgate Palmolive with rule the world. Into the room oozed Cyborg 1052 “Resistance is futile,” he sloshed. A minty green nano tube smacked Zoelin in the forehead.
Wiping goo off his face he yelled, “Someone get this moron back in his tube.”
“At your command” bellow Billy the bagel droid

Do you trust these pancakes?

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The courts upheld the ban against pancakes last year.
Now, the only place you can get pancakes is an underground grill.
Or, if you risk it, at home.
“We’re making waffles,” I tell the grocery checkout girl as she holds up my maple syrup bottle suspiciously.
The government says that waffles are a gateway breakfast food leading to pancakes, but I disagree.
I like waffles.
I like bacon.
I like orange juice.
But pancakes? No. They don’t hold butter or syrup like waffles do.
She bags the eggs, flour, and maple syrup.
I’ll make waffles.
But after that? Who knows?

Food chain

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Several months after the oil spill, the government kept the real environmental impact assessments suppressed.
President Blaine grinned as he stood before a table piled high with steaming shrimp and crabs.
He rubbed his stomach, full of salad that he’d eaten on the Air Force One flight down to the photo op, and said “Delicious!”
The studies, on the other hand, screamed “Dangerous!”
Plankton contaminated.
Small filter-feeders contaminated.
Bigger fish contaminated.
Predator species contaminated.
All to lethal levels. Total breakdown.
Back in his New Orleans mansion, The Vampire Lord drummed his fingers, grumbling “Damn these humans and their suicidal stupidity.”