Long ago, Douglas Adams wrote about a planet that send a third of its population away in a gigantic ark.
The supposedly useless third of the population.
The other two-thirds died from a disease from a contaminated telephone.
Because the telephone sanitizers were sent away.
We have no public telephones anymore.
But during the beginning of the Coronavirus Pandemic, I went out to buy supplies.
And even with the handwashing and social distancing, I got to the register, and they handled all of my stuff.
Then I had to use a credit card reader.
I use a tissue with those.
Weekly Challenge #805 – Heat of the moment
LIZZIE
What have you done? They put two and two together. They found out. You ran, hid, wore hats and dresses. Ridiculous. What for? What a waste of time. You should’ve run away. What have you done? Yes, you have killed them all, haven’t you? That’s what they’ll say. And here you were, so full of myself. You answered their questions, all of their questions, and you can’t even remember the answers anymore, you buffoon, thinking you could outsmart them all. What now? Now… Now you’re in deep shit. But you’ve escaped once and you’ll escape again. For how much longer?
RICHARD
Heat of the moment
I didn’t exactly have what you might call an exciting life. It’s really pretty mundane: Get up, shower, get dressed, go to work, watch TV in the evenings, followed by bed.
Then, one morning, I saw the ad: ‘Space settlers wanted’.
For some reason it caught my imagination, and frustrated by the bus to work being late for the third time in a week, in the heat of the moment, I dialled the number and applied.
My life hasn’t really changed at all.
I do exactly the same things as I did before, only twelve million miles away in space.
TOM
What Could Go Possible Wrong 005
Also not missing an opportunity to show off the underclassman spun the
ball up and popped in arch into Ford left hand. “Be a good chap Parker and
head down to the Arms and get us a table. The pone Parker back-fliped up
and took off at a run. “Thought we were head to the library?” inquired
Arnesto. “Because half MI6 will be listened in.” Cervantes start to
sheepishly humming a yet to be written Asia song. “Heat of the Moment,
last time I hear that I was the Dancing on a volcano.” “Just a trick of
the tale, Ford”
NORVAL JOE
“Yes,” Billbert said standing up and looked around at the students in the cafeteria, all in their own worlds, unaware they had ostracized one of their fellow students. “I am willing to take a stand and get labeled a freak.”
However, as he took a deep breath to make his declaration, the heat of the moment suddenly cooled and he found he couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth.
He sat back down. “Are you done with your lunch? There’s something I want to show you.”
Sabrina looked at him sideways. “You’re not a pervert, are you?”
SERENDIPIDY
Do you know just how many people suddenly snap, and end up killing someone in the heat of the moment?
An argument that veers out of control, a bad day at work, the proverbial ‘last straw’; and suddenly there’s a smoking gun in your hand, a bloodied knife on the floor or a toaster slowly fizzing in the bath.
And somebody, who until very recently, was very much alive, and now, isn’t.
Trouble is, the heat of the moment is so unpredictable.
I could never be accused of that.
Cold, calculating, and callous, maybe.
But hot headed and unpredictable?
Never!
PLANET Z
Nathan can check the temperature on his watch and on his phone with multiple apps.
His computer’s browser has a weather bug in the status bar, and there’s an indicator in the information panel.
And there’s a sensor on the car’s dashboard.
And, yet, he relies on a simple thermometer he’s mounted to the rail of his front porch.
There’s something to be said about watching the red mercury go up and down… or is it colored alcohol in there?
Doesn’t matter.
As for rain, storms, hurricanes… if the thermometer is missing, well, the wind’s too much.
Better go inside.
Covid Casualty
Teddy started by washing his hands.
Scrubbing with hand sanitizer..
All over his body. Twenty times a day..
He kept a safe social distance from others..
By locking himself in his house.
Working from home.
He had a stockpile of food and water.
Boiling it to kill all the viruses and germs.
He kept in communication with others through the Internet.
Well, not really.
He paid his bills online.
He just read headlines and Twitter flame wars and other nonsense out there.
One morning, Teddy slipped in the tub.
Broke his neck.
Or maybe he drowned in the hand sanitizer.
The bridge
It’s a strange feeling, going from having teeth, to having them removed and replaced with a temporary bridge, to getting implants and crowns put in.
I’m no longer popping the bridge on and off of my teeth.
I can eat without feeling the bridge come loose on the food.
But it still feels different on my tongue, where the crowns meet the other teeth, and the different seams.
I am careful now, but in time, I’ll do something stupid.
Break a crown, or pull it loose, and it’s back to the dentist.
Until then, I am grateful for modern dentisty.
Silo
Alex knew things nobody else did.
He thought of it as job security.
Who would fire the guy who was the only one who knew how to do things?
“Write it down,” demanded his boss.
But Alex ignored him.
“Are you going to fire me?” he said. “In fact, give me a raise, or I quit.”
When Alex went on vacation, things would grind to a halt.
Alex’s boss decided to harass Alex, flooding his phone and text messages.
Until Alex suddenly died of a stroke.
“It was the knowledge,” said Alex’s boss. “It wanted out, and it killed him.”
Lull a bye
Having trouble sleeping?
You need a lullabye to help you sleep.
Hey, want to know what the best lullabye is?
Well, I would too.
I thought I came up with it, but I fell asleep while writing it.
When I woke up, I forgot what it was.
I looked at the music sheet, and it was clear at first, but then kinda trailed off.
I tried to record myself coming up with it, but I fell asleep, and it ate up all the memory and battery ran out, and when I woke up, it was gone from my recording device.
Toilet paper fort
As the virus spread across the globe, so many people are afraid.
And they will pay anything for food and supplies.
I sit here in my castle made of toilet paper rolls, surrounded by a moat of bleach.
I load cans of soup into the catapults, ready to drive off bands of roving hoarders and scavengers.
Should they make it past the moat and into the gate, I will pour gallons of bleach through the murder holes to murder any infections they carry.
Safe and secure in my fort, a thought strikes me…
I wonder who will walk the dog.
This is the way idiots wash their hands
When it comes to simple hygiene and hand-washing, people are stupid.
They don’t use soap. Or wash their hands long enough.
Or even wash their hands at all.
So, people came up with hand-washing songs to make hand-washing fun and enjoyable.
I think it’s all stupid.
So, I came up with a hand-washing songs that encourages people to lie down in front of trains, walk into traffic, jump off of bridges, and drink everything under their sink.
Sure, it’ll kill some gullible and stupid people.
Good. We’re better off without those fucking idiots.
And it’ll slow the progress of infection.
Weekly Challenge #804 – Over to you…
JARED
The Tale of Nasty Nate
‘Thomas Jefferson established a precedent in 1801 with the Barbary pirates, and I will not change tack with these Somali pirates: the United States of America does not kowtow to pirates. We will utilize all strategic force at our disposal to bring the crew and their ship home.’
“Tough words. Over to you, Kathy.”
“Thanks, Phil-“
Nathan didn’t hear Kathy’s news report. He was lost in imagination: pirates are still real:
|Captain Nasty Nate was a salty sea dog. Not a ship we’re a-sail what didn’t quake are the sight of his Jolly Roger.
“Avast, ye whelps, and heave to!”
NORVAL JOE
Billbert didn’t think it was right that Sabrina should be unfairly labeled. “This isn’t fair that people should treat you so badly. You ought to complain to the principal or the PTA or someone.”
Sabrina shook her head in resignation. “There’s no sense fighting it. It’s over. I’ll just live with it as it is.”
Billbert filled with righteous indignation. “It might be over to you, but it’s not to me. I won’t stand for this.”
A sad smile crossed Sabrina’s face. “What are you going to do, Billbert? Make a big deal and get labeled a freak like me?”
TOM
What Could Go Possible Wrong 004
Ford changed his angle of direction by 5 degrees, swinging wide of the
library and toward the athletic field. “ Remember the 97 game,” mused
Cervantes. Ford caught the shadow of sphere making its way towards
Arnesto’s head. Up field a voice yelled “ Over to you.” A underclassmen
slid just below Arnesto’s arm. Without so much a glance he block the man
and caught the ball. As the pone play looked up Arnesto caused the ball
to dance across his back knuckles. “Show Off.” chirped Ford. “Gifted Ford,
most favored by God.” He drop the ball on the underclassman’s nose.
SERENDIPIDY
Vlad was tired of the killing people business.
He’d started to find the shooting and slashing, garrotting and gashing had become somewhat distasteful, and he was fed up with washing bloodstains out of his decent shirts.
He couldn’t quit though; the money was just too good.
Neither could he trust others to do his dirty work for him: You couldn’t get decent staff these days, and those who were any good were too costly.
So, he built himself a supervillain lair, complete with shark tank and trapdoor.
“Over to you, boys” he’d chuckle, as he pressed the big red button.
LIZZIE
hey sat in silence, the three of them, in a luxurious room that was not meant for them.
“We tried.”
Outside, everyone scrambled to save themselves.
“Yes, we did.”
The icy water didn’t stop people from jumping.
“Why bother?”
“We could make it.”
“You think?”
They laughed and held up their glasses filled with the best whiskey.
And they sat in silence again.
Suddenly, they heard a deafening noise.
Water. Lots of water.
They knew the end was near.
“Bottoms up, boys!”
“Over to you…” And they looked up. They had never believed in God.
Fear changes everything, doesn’t it?
RICHARD
A to G Major
Some would say grandpa was a brilliant composer, but lacking imagination in other areas.
He couldn’t, for example, be bothered with naming his compositions, preferring instead to file them alphabetically in an old filing cabinet in his study.
A bit quirky, but I suppose some of the greatest composers simply gave their pieces a number… Beethoven’s Fifth, anyone?
My personal favourite was ‘Jazz Variations B to C’, but his greatest commercial success was his rock opera ‘D’.
You may not be familiar with it, but I bet you’ve heard its iconic opening number, used in countless movie soundtracks: ‘Overture U’!
RYAN
THE GAME
A smile crawled across his face, and as he threw down a full house, Aces over Jacks, he announces, “It’s over to you.”
She hated how the Kilarkins still butchered Earth’s languages, but laying down her royal flush she responded with, “No, it’s over to you.” She could see the disappointment in his face as she only had her bra and panties left to wager.
Realizing he had lost, this towering humanoid stood and removed his last piece of clothing. She had to fight not to laugh as she now understood why all of their women were dating Earth men.
PLANET Z
Towards the end of his news anchoring career, Don Bobson’s dementia was bad.
He’d look away from the cameras and talk to his cohorts about whatever was on his mind.
The weather, the game.
How much his latest girlfriend pissed off his ex-wife.
The station offered to buy out Don’s contract, but he refused to step down.
Cutting him loose would cause a huge stink in the community and ratings.
So, they built a second studio and hired a replacement.
Running two newscasts at the same time.
One went out on the air.
And the other, Don.
Reading to nobody.
George’s Imaginary Friend
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
This was because he took the advice of his imaginary friend Ralph.
Unlike George, Ralph was a brave and bold pirate.
He was a great swashbuckler, an amazing sailor, a crack shot with a cannon, and was a killer with the ladies.
He tried to teach everything he knew to George, but because he was a figment of George’s imagination, he gave bad advice to George.
Also, he only spoke French, which George didn’t speak.
George mumbled in French in his sleep. His bunkmates covered his face with a pillow.