Someone ran a cat for mayor.
The cat ran unopposed and won.
Some say that the story is a hoax.
Because there’s no city, town, or village there.
it’s just a historical district, and can’t really have a mayor.
But who’s to say that if the place were a real city, town, or village that they wouldn’t vote for the cat?
People shouldn’t waste their time with such silly things.
Instead, they should run the cat for the House of Representatives.
Or The Senate. Or Governorship.
Or maybe even the presidency.
God knows, a cat would be better than Hillary.
Weekly Challenge #668 – TRANSMISSION
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
- Richard
- Serendipity
- Lizzie
- Tura
- Tom
- Duane
- Jerry
- Laieanna
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
RICHARD
Transmission
The Bay City Trans Mission is a charity foundation, set up to provide a safe place and resources for those who need additional support in coming to grips with, and being comfortable in, their gender.
At least, that’s what the application for funding from the city stated.
Now they have all the cash they need, The Mission has evolved into a radical gender-fluid nightclub and twenty four hour bar, and it’s raking in the profits.
The city is happy – they’ve done their bit for equality.
The Mission is happy, for obvious reasons.
And the trans community?
Absolutely ecstatic!
SERENDIPIDY
This is an official alert from the Emergency Broadcast System:
This is a notification to advise that the Zombie Apocalypse has commenced.
Do not stockpile food, water or fuel – this will only prolong the inevitable and provide a false sense of security.
You can run, you can hide, but they will always find you; and when they find you, they will eat your brains and you will become infected too.
Do not be misinformed: There is no escape. No happy endings. And absolutely no hope.
Prepare to meet your doom. The end of the world is nigh.
Transmission ends.
LIZZIE
The image on TV was broken. It went from color to black and white, and back to color again.
The master was saying “In a mad world, only the mad are sane.” And then, the TV went blank.
She hummed the sound of static, but there was only silence.
Suddenly, her dream started playing on TV, the exact same dream she had the night before, that sweet dream of revenge.
She looked at her hands. They were tinted red.
“What have I done?”
She sighed, stood up, and slammed her fist on the TV.
The master was still speaking.
TURA
How to write a self-improvement book.———Begin by telling the reader he’s a schmuck in need of The Answer. (Read chapter one of any self-help book ever!)
There’s two ways to go then. The rationalist atheist crowd are suckers for Science. Draw on psychology, neuroeconomics, game theory, machine learning, with a boatload of scientific references. You can crib them from people like Harari. And don’t mention the replication crisis! I did once, but I think I got away with it.
The
Then,
TOM
A Slice From Another
It was
DUANE
Transmission
“That doesn’t sound very good,” Sherry said. “You should get that looked at.”
After asking around about a good and cheap auto mechanic, I found Hank, of Hank’s Car Repair Place.
Hank motioned me into the garage as I drove up. He was in mechanics coveralls that had a dark outline where you would normally see “Bill” or “Joe” or “Hank.” He held out a greasy hand to introduce himself and fell into a mucus laden coughing fit.
“Something I picked up from the kids” he said.
“That doesn’t sound very good,” I said. “You should get that looked at.”
JERRY
Deep in the desert a lone figure waits. He waits and he ponders the nature of the universe. During the heat of the day he waits in the shade of the Joshua tree and looks toward the blue mountains that form a vast circle around what is now his world. At night he waits and watches the stars, their movement stately and slow. Heat and cold mean little to him as he waits. He has but one driving need. That is to return home. The last transmission told him to wait and he will wait.
And he will wait forever.
LAIEANNA
Eric had just needed something for his
grabbed from the magazine rack the first issue his fingers brushed
over. It wasn’t until he was seated and in motion before he glanced
through it, finding it mostly full of ads, but one spoke to him.
Cherry Unicorn Emporium
If you want, we will get. We don’t judge. Be it a lion in bed to
incense, your fetish is our delight
Popcorn delivery for every purchase over $250.
Incest was misspelled. Disappointed, Eric moved on to the next page.
He couldn’t support a business with poor editing.
NORVAL JOE
The bus chugged to a stop. Billbert followed Linoliumanda to the first open seat. Roderick sat behind them to whisper insults.The driver shoved the bus into first gear. It lurched forward but immediately ground to a stop.The driver stood up. “Sorry kids. I’ll call for a backup bus, but it looks like you’re going to be late to school.””Oh, no!” Linoliumanda panicked. “I can’t be late. I have my Harry Potter report due in English, first period.”Billbert whispered. “I’ll fly you to class. Come on.”Roderick followed them off the bus. “Where are you two going?”
PLANET Z
No matter how hard I try, I always get something on me.Blood, mostly.They say that torture tortures the tortured and the torturer.But I, the torturer, sleep well at night.Those I torture do not.Well, those few who are still alive.If you could call it that.Why not just kill them?Is it retribution?Is it the extraction of information?I don’t know. And I don’t care.I am not a judge. Nor am I a killer.I am a torturer, and I torture.I don’t care what you’ve done. Or what you’ll do.Except scream.
Lifeboats
The ship was sinking. Nothing could be done.
“Women and children first!” yelled the captain.
At first, the passengers were boarding the lifeboats, but some heated arguments broke out over what age constituted a child.
“Fifteen my ass! Your son has a beard!” shouted the crewman. “And male pattern baldness!”
Other lifeboats had a hard time deciding what constituted a woman. “Do we have any attorneys experienced in LGBT law here?” they asked.
In the end, everyone found a boat and was rescued by the Coast Guard.
The captain swore never to prioritize lifeboat boarding again.
Or hit an iceberg.
gAySL
Even though British English and American English are quite similar, British Sign Language and American Sign Language are extremely different.
In fact, French Sign Language is closer to American Sign Language than their British counterpart.
It has something to do with the symbols that each use to represent each concept or word.
Americans and French are more literal than the British, and they’re also sparing with the wild gestures.
As opposed to Gay Sign Language, which is simply fabulous, expressive, and requires a lot of flourishes.
Oh, and glitter. Can’t forget the glitter.
How can you possibly forget the glitter?
Game with the crowd
I could spend a hundred dollars on tickets…
I could spend another hundred dollars on a jersey and a hat…
I could spend twenty bucks on parking…
I could spend thirty bucks on beer and hot dogs…
But instead,
I spend a thousand dollars on a big television…
I spend another thousand dollars on a big sofa…
I spend a hundred dollars a month on cable…
I spend a few hundred dollars on electricity…
I spend twenty bucks on beer, popcorn, and cheese…
Just so I can watch the ballgame at home.
On my sofa.
With my happy, sleeping cat.
Flag Drag
Down there, at the convention hall.
Fanatics in their red, white, and blue dresses and suits and oversized floppy top hats, waving their flags.
Their finest flag drag, the more outrageous, the more patriotic they think they are.
Cheering and screaming. Louder and louder.
Pathetic.
it’s nothing more than a concentration camp for fools who still believe that the system works, run by those who know that the system doesn’t, because they’ve subverted and perverted it for personal gain.
Red, white, and blue instead of grey and white pajamas.
What if there were firing squads? What if there were ovens.
The Preacher
Ever seen The Preacher on television?
He also offers to accompany wanted suspects to the police station.
“The police will kill him if they see him,” he tells the family. “But if he turns himself in through me, I’ll protect him.”
But the truth is, The Preacher just wants to collect the reward.
Being a religious official, he can pocket that money tax-free.
Once the suspect is in custody, he rants and raves to the media.
And then goes home to champagne and steak.
The family calls. They ask for help in getting an attorney.
The Preacher blocks their number.
Doctor Odd’s Laundry
Vinegar, ammonia, and hydrogen peroxide are three things you can use to remove bloodstains from clothes.
But for a famous mad scientist like Doctor Odd, such simple chemistry is beneath him.
Nor is he willing to waste time arguing with the corner laundry. Their prices are unreasonably high, and use too much starch.
Instead, he uses his time machine to return to a time before the blood stained his clothes.
But, by protecting his earlier self, his future self ends up with the bloodstains.
Dr. Odd shrugs, changes clothes, puts on a smock, and heads back in time once again.
Weekly Challenge #667 – Pick Two – judge, delivery, your, lion, unicorn, cherry, Incense, if
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Jon
- Serendipity
- Jerry
- Duane
- Laieanna
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
LIZZIE
Your Lion
The family of sheep grazed placidly. Their life was simple. They slept, they ate, they slept, and everything in between. It was a normal sheep life.
Except for that black one. There’s always one who thinks he’s different.
The family rolled their eyes each time he tried to roar. The neighbor sheep laughed and called him “your little lion”. Mother sheep was absolutely furious.
The day the neighbor sheep were taken away to be slaughtered, begging for mercy, the little lion roared. The humans smiled and thought that was so cute, and spared the family’s life.
Who’s laughing now, huh?
RICHARD
Reality, not myth.
Don’t be too hard on me. It’s not like I’m that dentist who shot Cecil the lion.
In fact, I don’t endorse the needless killing of any animals – hell, if I didn’t enjoy eating meat so much, I’d even consider becoming vegetarian, (as long as I could still have bacon… And maybe, steak… And chicken).
But I’ll make an exception for unicorns.
Miserable, evil, smelly creatures: They deserve everything they get, and more besides.
Mythical is too good for them – I wish they were all extinct!
So yes, I shoot unicorns.
And dragons…
Don’t even get me started on dragons!
TOM
Raising The Dead
“Judging by the placement of the lion we know the lineage and judging by the unicorn we know the family but the present of the cherry gives us the royal personages king Author the Deliverer of lesser Britain in the year 2516. Lost in the incense and peppermint of time we call on your most noble name.”
“Did anything happen, Bruce?”
“Na.”
“Oh fuck, get me another parchment.”
Bruce tossed the pervious page in the corner and removed another from the gilded oak table. “Oh a three head squid and a marmot. This looks promising.” Chime the archbishop of Canterbury.
SERENDIPIDY
I signed up to Amazon Prime. I needed a service that would deliver on time, and according to my instructions.
I’d tried other options in the past, but the sort of things I order really can’t be left with a neighbour; not if you want to remain on good terms with them, or for that matter, still have neighbours. Neither could I afford to have parcels thrown over fences, or left unguarded on the porch.
Unfortunately, Amazon suspended my account.
Somehow, despite the ridiculous amount of packing materials, my lion escaped whilst in the van, and ate the delivery driver!
JON
Wonderland
By
Jon DeCles
The scent of the incense offered to nonsense was all that prevented Alice from being forced to judge between the Lion and the Unicorn in their fierce competition for the position of Laureate of the Kingdom of Hearts.
“The lovely breeze, your Majesty, provides a delivery of the scent of your cherry red roses exceeded only by the splendor of your Majesty’s presence!” Alice said, in the manner that her sister had taught her for kissing up to authority figures.
“Shall we have Cook make us some cherry tarts?” asked the King, timidly.
“Off to croquet!” cried the Queen.
JERRY
#667 Lion and Unicorn
——————————–
The lion and unicorn were playing in the field behind the house yesterday just before sunset. I know because that is when I take my evening walk around the two acre wood. I get to talk with my imaginary friends then. I don’t often see lions in this field and I must admit that I have never seen a unicorn. My friends agree. Pooh Bear, Piglet, Eeore, and Tigger tell me they have not seen a unicorn here before. I must go back now because if I don’t they will put me in that jacket that makes me hug myself.
DUANE
Pick two: judge & incense
Music by Aitua
The judge walked back and forth between the two pedestals. On each stood a single stick of incense. He had paced steadily for hours. As he reached one stand the defense stiffened and their eyes would bulge. As he approached the other, prosecutors would wipe the beads of sweat from their brow. All eyes would follow the judge back and forth.
Back and forth.
Well after midnight the judge stopped, reached over and lit the incense before him. The whole room sighed in relief that it had finally been decided. It was the waiting and not knowing that was worst.
LAIEANNA
Just because you have one talent, one skill, something no one else
possesses doesn’t mean flaunt it. When people thought I was crazy for
receiving alien messages directly to my brain, I was one in ten
thousand. When they figured out it was true, I was a one and only.
The Buglorforbekup race had a lot to say to everyone, giving every
country advice and assignments, and the world followed orders, all to
make a safer, better place. Our own utopia. But in our desperation
for that improved life, we and really I, ultimately created
complacency for an easy invasion.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert waited for Roderick to leave before turning to Linoliumanda. “What? Are you mad at me?”
She shrugged and looked away. “No. Not mad. You shouldn’t judge what I’m going to say before I speak. If you’d given me a chance you’d see I wasn’t going to tell your secret.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I panicked.” He picked up Linoliumanda’s cherry red backpack, decorated with dancing unicorns and gryphons and handed it to her. “Thanks for standing up for me.”
She leaned close to him. “You can be sure. I’m not letting out the secret of my own private superhero.”
PLANET Z
The men could smack Jill around and say the most horrible things, but when it was time to fuck, she had to be on top.
“They can’t choke you that way,” she told her pimp.
The Russians came to town, looking for a party.
All of the girls were there.
One guy got a little carried away with the blonde kid from Omaha, his hands squeezing her throat, and Jill walked in on them.
He shot them both.
When the pimp buried their bodies in the woods, he threw in the kid, then Jill.
“Jill always on top,” he said.
Doctor Odd vs The Author
The famous writer Herbert Tosspot says never to piss off a writer, because they can torture and murder you over and over in their writing.
You should also not piss off famous mad scientist Doctor Odd, who invented a machine which tortures and murders people, then resurrects the victim back to a living, healthy, and conscious state.
Only to torture them again.
Herbert wrote a nasty biography of Doctor Odd.
So, Doctor Odd put Herbert in his machine, and it tortured and murdered Herbert over and over again.
The publisher, afraid for his own life, quietly burned all the books.