The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Tom
• John Musico
• Lizzie
• Munsi
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Charlie
• Tura Brezoianu
• Serendipity
• Jerry
• Zackmann
• Bonchance
• Anima
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

TOM

Waits for No Man

When I Was young time moved ever so slow. Days piled on days. Seasons heaped on seasons. Hours creep at a maddening pace.

When I was in my prime time move were so swift. Days piled on days. Seasons heaped on seasons. Hour flew by at a maddening pace.

When I was old time moved ever so blurry. Days, Seasons what did it matter? Hours lost to the future, hour clutched from the past. All madness.

When I am gone time will go on just fine without me. Seasons will come, seasons will go. Days will linger, day will go.

JOHN MUSICO

When to die

When trees sway in the breeze,
that’s when I’m at ease.
When a leaf floats along a gentle stream,
that’s when life’s a dream.
When a bird hovers motionless in the sky,
that’s when I know I’ll get by.
When a quiet fog drapes the countryside,
that’s when I can bide.
When the stars wink like Christmas lights,
that’s when ends the fight.
When the moon is full on clear nights,
that’s when I’m alright.
When dawn’s first sunshine peer from the horizon,
that’s when naught’s surprisin.
When clouds drift slowly across the sky,
that’s when I now shall die…

LIZZIE

When the dancer moved her body sensuously, the crowd gasped. They were mesmerized by her beauty. She roamed the stage in slow motion circles, her arms contouring her breast and hips. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she had a small snake in her hand. The snake slid around her arm up to her neck. There was an odd look on the snake’s eyes, but then again, snakes always look odd. As the snake slowly wrapped around the dancer’s neck, no one did anything. By the time the police arrived, the snake was long gone. They found it later during the autopsy.

MUNSI

Trust

By Christopher Munroe

Never ask when, merely trust.

Trust that, when the time is right, the universe will provide you with all you need.

The universe, after all, is infinite, and as such so is its wisdom, so is its compassion. It takes care of its own and we are all its own, all part of a glorious whole, tiny cogs in an unfathomably huge machine of incomprehensibly profound beauty.

Simply be. Be part of that. And trust it.

Trust too that, when the time is right, I will give you my share of the rent.

No?

Fine, I’ll have it by Monday….

JEFFREY

First Draft of History
by Jeffrey Fischer

Thomas Jefferson had writer’s block. His draft of the Declaration of Independence was already late, and he was having trouble starting. He even told himself that it was okay to have a lousy first draft – first drafts were supposed to be bad.

“Dear King George, it’s not you, it’s us.” Nope, not quite the gravitas Adams was looking for. “Your Majesty, this is a breakup letter.” Blast! Well, time for a drink at the tavern, he thought. I’ll just go with my placeholder and see if the guys in Philadelphia can come up with something better: “When in the course of human events…”

The Agreement
by Jeffrey Fischer

Negotiations for the agreement with Iran weren’t going well. John Kerry had pulled out all the stops, to no avail. He even had James Taylor warbling “You’ve Got a Friend” to the Iranians, but they wouldn’t budge, possibly because no one could understand the old hippie. “What do we need to do to get this agreement done?” Kerry asked one evening after a long day of pretending to negotiate.

The reply was quick: “End sanctions now, give us our money back, and forget about inspecting any nuclear facilities.”

Kerry thought for only a moment. “Done. When I sell out my country, it stays sold.”

RICHARD

Say when

“Say when”, she said, topping up my glass.

Oddly, it was the very same question I’d been pondering in my mind all evening…

“When?”

How long had we been together now? Five years, today – hence our celebratory meal.

We’d skirted around the subject of marriage a few times; we both needed more time, and it had to feel just right. Although we both knew it was inevitable.

I watched her over my wine glass, radiant and wearing that quirky smile I’d first fallen in love with.

There would never be a better time…

“Sweetheart”, I whispered, “I’m leaving you.”

CHARLIE

When the dust settled, what remained of the dental office were dental picks, some scorched records, and a stuffed Cocker Spaniel. The Spaniel was a trophy taken by the doctor when he was in grammar school. The neighbor’s dog, coaxed out of the yard and into the brush was clubbed with his dad’s 4 iron and left on the street. Traveling to Africa and Eastern Europe to bow hunt rare game, he was able to achieve an erection for a month following a big kill, otherwise his member flagged and doctor dribbledick was a flacid personality with a corresponding instrument.

Two

When it comes to quantifying idiotic mouth dumps, Ted NoGent might be king. He wants to stick his machine gun in Obama’s mouth, and pronounces: “Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians – except for the occasional mountain lion steak.” Nogent is a “super man”. I think he is a bag of dead, watery sperm. Kid Rock has had to push him away from him more than once when Nogent insisted on some oily coupling and roadies have been awakened on the tour bus by NoGent leaning over them, dressed in women’s panties and bra, insisting on man-spooning them.

Three

When pigs fly, I won’t be pouncing on stupid and insensitive people. When pigs fly, I’ll be some cloud of brown dust or a few clots of mud settling into the bottom of the Pacific. I’ve got a lot of opinions and harbor way too many ill feelings about my fellow man. Most of my wrath is aimed at pipsqueaks in the media and show business. I can carry a grudge for decades. I often rely on my heritage to conjure up some devastating curses to subtly rain doom and bad luck on my enemies and those that cross me.

TURA

When
———
Oh will you be my wife, my love
Oh will you be my wife?

Build me a castle fit for a queen
Oh then I’ll be your wife.

Here is a castle fit for a queen
Oh will you be my wife?

With a garden as far as the eye can see
Oh then I’ll be your wife.

Here’s the finest garden in all the land
With arbours and fountains on every hand
Oh will you be my wife?

When the sun goes out and the stars grow cold
And moths have eaten all your gold
Oh then I’ll be your wife.
———

When the aliens came
———
“I was hiking out here when I saw it. It came up behind that hill and stopped overhead. Regular flying saucer. Not exactly hovering, more like it’s nailed to the sky.

“Then another hiker arrives, coming the other way. Funny thing is, he says it came up from this side of the hill. Now there’s a puzzle. We get to the nearest town, and it turns out there’s thousands of them, all over the world.

“A day later, they go, just like that.

“So what’s that all about? Aliens show up, and they don’t even leave us a decent story?”
———

SERENDIPITY

I’ve been watching you… Very, very closely, for a long, long time.

I know all your routines and schedules, all your appointments and plans – every minute of every day.

I could be anywhere, waiting for you – behind that wall, around the next corner, waiting for you when you leave the gym or when you park your car in the morning at work.

So, be careful: keep looking over your shoulder, always be on your guard, and never doubt that I am near, no matter where you may be.

Just waiting for the perfect moment.

The question is… When?

JERRY

Spike
——————
I looked for Spike in the yard and did not find him.
I looked for Spike in the street and he was not there.

I ran to Dick’s house.
I ran into the yard. Past the swing hanging from the tree
but Spike was, according to Dick, not anywhere to be seen.

I ran to Jane’s house,
past the white picket fence
and through the gate.

Jane shook her head and turned away.

Even little Sally could tell me nothing.

All Puff did was rub against my leg and look up at me.

Maybe I should have named him Spot.

———–
When
———–
When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go downtown….

I was sitting in front of the TV alone
thinking how lonely I was.

Then I remembered Petula Clarks advice.

I jumped on my bicycle
and rolled ‘downtown’.

What a mistake.

A mile down the road it started to thunder and lighting,
And then the rain started to come down.
Not just a light spring rain but a Bombay torrential downpour.

I raced home.
By the time I pulled into the driveway
not only was I alone and feeling lonely
I was soaked to the bone.
———————
Kid
———————-
Everyone knew the kid was a champ.

He believed them.

Living in the city had made him what he was.

Big, mean, bullet headed.
Neck like an ox.
Shoulders like a six-by-six.
Biceps so big that he could not wear a store-bought shirts.

Tattoos down each arm to his finger tips with ‘Your’ on the knuckles of one hand and ‘Next’ on the other.

He was only 5 foot 10 but he moved like a mountain gorilla.

Then he met Wanda.

Wanda took him down without a word.

Just a gleam in her eye.

The kid was never the same.
—

ZACKMANN

When I go to the library I like to talk to the librarians and check out audiobooks on CD.

Drew likes to sit and read comic books. He doesn’t check them out because he hates to give back any comic book that makes it into the house.

Connie likes to check out novels, mainly Young Adult books or super sultry romances.

When I go with Kevin, oh wait I don’t go with Kevin, Anymore. He’s loud and disruptive also just like when he goes to hotel room parties, he doesn’t realize it is time to leave until the police come.

BONCHANCE

When young, he would concentrate on just one thing and everything else wouldn’t exist. It was said he would just “space out” sometimes. He snapped out of his reverie, someone was shouting. Ya gonna say when?? He looked at the full flagon then at the young man and said, “When”.
Simon stopped pouring the alcohol saying, “about bloody time”!

Glog downed the drink then stood up letting out one long belch of flame and walked out. An old man standing next to Simon shook his head and said son, you should know better than to waste perfectly good drink on a demon!

ANIMA

Charlie

Charlie’s a good old boy, semiretired, who has a habit of walking his dog to the bodega to buy beer and lottery tickets.

His wife harangues him constantly, for drinking too much, and wasting money on Powerball.

But Charlie liked playing the odds. By consistently playing the numbers for the last 35 years, he knew one day he’d win big, and you can’t win if you don’t play.

Last night, when he saw the numbers lining up on the screen, he knew it was time to call his buddy Vito to make a quick escape.

Bye Charlie! Drink in Peace!

NORVAL JOE

“You detect a presence?” Bufford asked the boy in the purple robe. “Of what?”
“Spirits,” Kid Gnocchi said, pulling a pendulum from one of his deep pockets which immidiately began spinning in a counter clockwise direction. The old woman poured dark green powder in the shape of a pentagram on the floor.
“There’s no such thing,” Bufford scoffed. “It’s dark energy.”
When the old woman finished her pattern, she said, “There’s no such thing as dark energy.”
“I will make the spirits visible,” Gnocci said raising his hands. “By the power of powdered kale chips, I command you to appear.”

PLANET Z

North Korea created its own time zone.
They didn’t want to share a time zone with Japan anymore.
However, South Korea still uses the same time zone as Japan.
So, when South and North Koreans work together in the industrial zone run by the two countries, they have no idea what time it is.
They work in a land outside of time.
Not in the past, present, and future.
Everything is in the NOW.
Which explains why everything they build there is total worthless crap.
I wouldn’t give it the time of day.
I’ll stick to worthless Chinese crap, thank you.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Tom
• John Musico
• Lizzie
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Charlie
• Serendipity
• Munsi
• Zackmann
• Anima
• Norval Joe
• Tura Brezoianu
• Planet Z

TOM

Just Doing Business

The Kid had no time for the simple courtesys of gangster etiquette. He did have a wicked sense of humor. He always asked if the mark had any last words, perhaps a short pray or maybe they had a reasonable counter offer. When the mark got the first word out of his mouth he would pop him in the eye. After word got out no one was willing to give the Kid the satisfaction of one last laugh on them. This when the Kid started doing hour long eulogies. Must guys would yell: Fuck You, at some point, then the pop.

JOHN MUSICO

Playing with the kids

In ancient Greece, for fun, boys would grasp the neck of a goat, occluding their carotids, and making the goat pass out. Sort of a dark choice for fun. “Carotid” is derived from the Greek word for “drowsiness” and stems from this mischievous practice. Death by strangulation is inaccurately depicted by Hollywood; suffocation takes minutes but ceasing blood flow to the brain takes a mere 10 seconds. The original Star Trek series was more medically accurate. Spock’s Vulcan death grip where a single carotid was compressed relates to a nerve reflex in the neck which pauses the heart, in seconds.

LIZZIE

Sound Stage 2 was a kid-free zone. The director hated children.
When he realized his main actress was pregnant, he started paying alimony but fired her.
Years later, a kid asked to talk to him. He refused.
The director was then forced to work on a show for children, go figure. Yes, the kid was 14 but he was the owner of the studio.
One day the director went crazy; he abhorred kids and he would have plenty of time to dwell on that, right after the trial ended.
The studio had become a kid-free zone again, that’s for sure.

JEFFREY

On the Job Learning
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Hey, Roger, what are you doing for ‘Bring Your Kid to Work’ Day?” Harvey asked.

“Hadn’t thought about it.”

“You have a kid, don’t you? Bring the little guy in, show him what a working stiff does for a living.”

“I’m not sure anyone would call us working stiffs, but… I don’t know. My kid isn’t all that well-behaved.”

“All the more reason – he can trash the office and make me think I’m back in the frat.”

“Well… okay. But I gotta check Metro regulations first. I can only bring him if they allow goats on the subway.”

The Joker
by Jeffrey Fischer

My colleague Steve was a joker who never owned up to his cruelty. “Hey, big guy,” he’d say “I see your folks killed the fatted calf for you.” Pause. “But you didn’t have to eat it all by yourself! Just kidding.” Or: “I slept with your mom last night. She told me I was so much better than your dad. Kidding!”

I complained and asked him to stop, but he fell back on the cliche about sticks and stones. Words couldn’t hurt, eh?

The next time Steve went on vacation, he mentioned he was flying to Cancun. I called the TSA anonymously and said that Steve had baggies of coke in his rectum. Totally untrue, but it took the TSA guys hours to reach that conclusion. My words must have hurt for a month.

RICHARD

Script for a departure [or, It’s not plagiarism, it’s art!]

“Here’s looking at you kid. I’ll be back!”

“You dirty rat!”

“You talkin’ to me?”

“What if is there is no tomorrow? We should seize the day! Don’t you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone!”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn! I want to be alone!”

Tears… in… rain:

“Don’t cry, Shopgirl. Don’t cry. “I know now why you cry. But it’s something I can never do. Goodbye.”

“In case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”

Well, nobody’s perfect

[The dubious honours go to:

Casablanca (1942)

The Terminator (1984)

Taxi (1931)

Taxi Driver (1973)

Groundhog Day (1993)

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Inception (2010)

Gone With The Wind (1939)

Grand Hotel (1932)

Blade Runner (1982)

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

The Truman Show (1998)

Some Like It Hot (1959)]

CHARLIE

“The Kid” was the consummate simpleton…attributed to a flaw in his genes, or his mother’s drinking and drug use while she carried him. He was pleasant and behaved, but very gullible and trusting. The perfect playmate, as his playmates succeeded in convincing him to take the blame for all the trouble and mischief that the gang managed to conceive and generate. As he grew older, he entered politics at the local level and did very well until the scandal put him in a federal prison for twenty years. Turns out, The Kid took the rap, intoxicated by all the attention.

Second

His dad told him to treat his girlfriends with kid gloves. Donald bought some fine, kid leather, gloves, and wore them his first day of school. The school was private, and sensitive to special needs students, so no one ever mentioned his gloves, believing they concealed some skin condition or disfigurement. Young Donald T. was very popular with the girls. They loved it when he stroked their neck or legs with his gloved hands. His pals thought it was creepy, but they were jealous of the admiration he got from the girls, and because of his wealthy and influential family.

Third

He kidded around with mates and teachers. He believed that his humor was a bit twisted, and anyone that gave his pranks time to sink in would realize that he was being very clever and ironic. Humor gone unappreciated or acknowledged is sad, and it eventually gnaws away at the psyche of the jokester or punster…as it was in Leslie’s case. Maybe his jokes and pranks were NOT funny at all. Maybe he was under the illusion that he was clever and funny. Maybe his friends played along with him because he was prickish and they feared or pitied him.

SERENDIPITY

Soft and warm: they really are the best ever.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to own a pair of proper kid gloves, but they’ve always been too expensive. Which is why I decided to make my own – although I never expected to end up running my own business off the back of them.

I’ve started diversifying too – now I’m manufacturing socks and scarves, and they’re selling well.

Business is booming, but I worry my raw materials won’t keep pace with demand.

So, I’m looking for a new school… And a fresh supply of kids.

MUNSI

Nicknames

By Christopher Munroe

I can’t help wondering about old western gunfighter naming conventions, sometimes…

I mean, for example, surely a gunfighter nickname involving “Kid” in any form must be something said gunfighter would inevitably grow out of, yes?

As he went from cowboy to cow-man, the Cincinnati Kid would surely become the Cincinnati Adult, then the Cincinnati Senior, who can safely be disregarded because he’s not as fast as he used to be…

Y’all’s old and busted, is what I’m getting at, Cincinnati Kid. Y’all’s old and busted and you ain’t got shit on me.

And yes, those ARE fighting words.

Bring it.

ZACKMANN

Thanks for the ride partner. Before you ask about the eyepatch which I wish it was in celebration of Talk Like a Pirate Day, the sad truth is I got in a scrap with a certain Billy the Kid. Billy had become addicted to old school Lucky Strikes. The day I ran out and gave him a Marlboro Red Billy spit the filter right into my eye. I’m go to the doctor to see if I can take off the patch then to look for a job without goats or at least a place that doesn’t use cigarettes as dewormer.

ANIMA

Second Skin

These gloves are nice, but won’t work for me. I have this terrible condition – I am hyperallergic to almost everything. Even lotion residue on people makes me break out in hives. It is truly awful.

Well, well! You should have mentioned this sooner. Try these here on for size. They are expensive, and I only have a few pairs left. They’re vintage; my uncle Gacy made them in the 70’s.

Wow, they’re great, like a second skin! What did you say they were made of?

Genuine kid. A pity, Uncle never taught me the secrets to making his signature gloves :(

NORVAL JOE

Several people circled around Bufford and Agent Aphasia who held the open container.
The crazy haired woman rearranged her tinfoil hat and said, “Give me the ghost reservoir.”
“Ghost reservoir?” Bufford asked. “It’s a dark matter containment cylinder.”
“Bring in Gnocchi,” the old woman called.
“No one here is hungry, you old bat,” Aphasia growled.
A boy wearing a purple robe with silver embroidered stars walked into the room, his arms folded across his chest.
“Kid Gnocchi is our most powerful medium,” the old woman sneered.
The boy raised his hand for silence and said, “I feel a strong presence…”

TURA

Kid
———
Good old Mr. Johnson, always the joker. He’d stand on someone’s foot and yell at them to get off his foot. Or he’d pour ketchup down someone’s back. Then he’d say, “Just kidding!” His grin would get tighter and his eyes would go hard and people would back off.

Eventually it came out he was keeping three women prisoner in his basement and living on their benefit payments. In court, all he said was, “I was just kidding! Can’t they take a joke?”

So don’t say to me, “Can’t you take a joke?” Because, no, I don’t think I can.

PLANET Z

They were the perfect couple.
Well, sort of.
She wanted kids. He didn’t.
At that point, they were going to be the imperfect couple or the imperfect family.
A counselor suggested a cybernetic child.
He didn’t want kids of any kind.
She didn’t want a pet, whether animal or robotic.
She wanted a child.
So, they broke up, and found others to marry.
She had a kid. He and his new wife didn’t.
The counselor didn’t get the commission on the robot child lease.
Eventually, the program was scrapped.
And replaced with kid gladiators.
They get awesome ratings on television.

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