George buries treasure

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Whenever he buried treasure, he’d forget to draw a map to it.
So, he spent a lot of time stumbling around beaches and forests and fields, holding out a lamp and looking for anything familiar.
He never found it again.
“Damn it, George,” said the captain. “Either draw a map or bury the treasure somewhere easy to remember.”
So, the next time George had treasure to bury, he tried to bury it under his bunk.
His crewmates stopped him before he broke through the hull and sank the ship.

George releases the kraken

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Instead of looting and pillaging, he liked to collect small animals.
His favorite was a baby kraken, which he’d kept in a jar by his bunk.
Then, a small tub.
And finally… well… there was no containing it now.
The kraken burst through the deck, grabbing pirates and rending the sails.
Then it hauled itself over the rail and plunged into the sea.
“Well, shit,” sighed the captain.
“Poor Bubbles!” said George.
The survivors stared at George.
“Bubbles was a freshwater kraken,” said George, “and we’re on the ocean.”

Weekly Challenge #1008 – It’s Going Down

The next topic is Advance

LISA

There was a fish in the sky, the sun glinted on its iridescent undersides. Whipped by the breeze it coasted a while on the thermals. We stood in the garden, necks craned, watching it swim through the clouds.
“It’s going down” Sue shouted as we ran to the front of the house.
It sank fast and caught in a neighbour’s oak tree. It was actually a metallic balloon which promptly burst on a conker spine then crinkled in the breeze. A tag dangled from its tail with an address in France: a competition to see whose balloon travelled the furthest.

RICHARD

— Unwise —
“Invest in the stock market he said.”
“What do you have to lose? All you need is a good financial advisor, some spare cash and maybe just a little bit of luck, and by this time next year you could be a millionaire.”
So I took a punt.
After all, I had a little spare cash to invest, and I don’t consider myself particularly unlucky.
Unfortunately, what I didn’t have was a good financial advisor.
He selected the worst stock ever to invest in, and every time I asked him how the market was doing…
He’d say, “It’s going down.”

LIZZIE

“It’s going down…” whispered the radio. The coded message prompted them to grab their guns and take off. Then, they waited. An hour. Two hours. Nothing. Keep radio silence, but… what should they do? One of them decided to stand up and… A shot. Boom. Man down. The others were perplexed. They were the hunters, not the hunted. Another stood up to complain. Boom. Man down. “Wait a second, I didn’t pay a fortune for this. It’s over for me.” Boom. Man down. What they didn’t know was that other men had paid a lot more to hunt the hunters.

SERENDIPIDY

It’s going down to the wire.
The razor wire.
It’s my interpretation of the old fashioned death of a thousand cuts. Updated and improved.
It’s a simple idea: A deep, dark pit, stuffed full of copious strands of razor wire -military grade, of course.
And I’m going to throw you in.
You’ll be torn to shreds. And the more you struggle and writhe in pain, the worse it gets.
Until, slick from blood, screaming in pain, flesh flayed from your bones, you finally succumb to your wounds.
So, now you know your immediate future…
It’s going down, to the wire.

TOM

Fly to close to the sun.

When I was a kid I had a subscription to Youth National Geographic. In one issue was a picture of Alexander Bell’s tetrahedron kites. Big enough to lift a man into the sky. As kid I did not have the materials to build the man lifting kites, but I did build tetrahedron out of drinking straws. Lightest material I could find. Fast forward 60 years 3d printer spitting out nano-tube. Got the cat at about 1000 feet. Looking good, stable, success OH forgot about the load on the string . Too bad. Fluffy, its good down fast. Rethink: need nano-tube string.

NORVAL JOE

Bobbi snatched the phone from Mandi and punched in a text.

Patrick. What are you doing with Sabrina’s phone.

After a long pause, a reply came. Bobbi?

She continued. I came by your house on the way to school. No one was home. Where are you and where is Billbert?

Mind your own business, he sent back.

Bobbie grimaced. “Mom says you are my business. You’re not into more Black Knight crap, are you?”

Just watch, little sister. My crap is going to be powerful, and it’s going down soon.

Bobbie handed Mandi her phone. “The Black Knights have Billbert.”

PLANET Z

Mindy’s fever was finally coming down.
Icepacks and aspirin, and a week in bed.
Her vision was blurry, and she couldn’t read her books, so we read to her.
Or we turned on the radio.
Hauling the television upstairs wasn’t an option.
And she wanted to stay in her room.
We brought up soup and orange juice and ice water, took down the empty trays and bowls and cups.
Replacing her sheets and pillowcases twice a day, soaked with sweat.
She’d lost fifteen, maybe twenty pounds.
Her sister Sally was jealous.
Until the doctor said Mindy had irreversible brain damage.

George the artistic

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“I think I know what my problem is,” said George. “It’s a lack of opportunities to express my artistic side.”
He painted the cannonballs with interesting colors and swirls and lacquers.
He designed lush and beautiful sails with vibrant images that came to life in the wind.
He rigged wind chimes and other instruments so they’d play a melodic tune with the wind and the rolling of the seas.
They all looked and sounded nice as the ship took a broadsides from a British frigate and went down quickly.

George the black belt

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He’d practiced for years with his cutlass, but never got any better.
That’s when George saw an ad for Karate training.
He shrugged and signed up for classes.
After a few weeks, he got pretty good.
He tried Judo and Tae Kwon Do and other styles, too.
After a while, he’d earned black belts in all of them.
“Here, let me demonstrate,” said George happily, and he broke six boards with his fist.
As the ship slowly sank, the captain tied George to the mast with his black belts.

George and the temporary captain

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When the ship’s captain was away on vacation, he hired a temp to run things.
“The captain warned me about you, George,” said the temp captain. “I’ll keep my eye in you.”
So, after their first raid…
“Sorry about that stray shot,” said George. “But that’s a nice eyepatch you’ve got there.”
By the time George’s captain returned, the temp captain was sporting a new eyepatch, a pegleg, and a hook hand.
“Well that ended badly,” said the captain. “I am not looking forward to his review on Glassdoor.”

George tied in knots

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He wasn’t good at love, either.
Oh, he wasn’t bad-looking. And he was always courteous and polite with the ladies.
It was just that deeper connection he never made.
She’d want him to read poetry or go dancing, and he’d try to teach her how to tie knots or tell the weather from the sea air.
One time, he did find a girl who wanted to learn how to tie knots.
But she tied him to a bed and took his money.
And a note: “I love you anyway.”

George counts steps

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was always pacing the deck, back and forth.
“Why are you walking all the time?” the captain asked.
“I bought a step-counting smartwatch,” said George. “I have to get five thousand steps in each day to stay fit.”
The captain smirked. “You could always do that by raping, looting, and pillaging.”
“This is way easier,” said George. “And a lot less messy.”
George walked away, but the captain tripped him up.
George fell and broke his nose, bleeding all over the deck.
“What a mess,” said the captain.

George brings the beach

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He preferred the feel of sand between his toes to the wet wooden deck of the ship.
So, when the ship docked at port, he hauled sand from the beach to the ship and spread it all over the deck.
The extra weight slowed the ship down, and it took longer to catch up to cargo vessels that they wanted to raid.
“Fine by me,” said George, laying in a chaise lounger on the deck and sipping an umbrella drink. “More time for me to work on my tan.”

Weekly Challenge #1007 – Cruising

The next topic is It’s going down…

LISA

Come Fly with Me

It felt good to be out cruising along, feeling the breeze beneath my wings. Endless possibilities for the day lay ahead.
My driver today was old and small. He struggled to see over the dashboard. Our eyes met but I don’t think he saw me stuck to the windscreen. I could hear his music through the glass.
We travelled together as companions for miles until a jet of water unseated me. I had a nauseating lurch back and forth on the wipers before they came to a stop with a screeching judder.
I realised then, my time was nearly up.

RICHARD

— Flight Plan —
There are some things you just don’t want to hear when cruising at twenty thousand feet.
Things like… “Brace for impact!”, “This is a hijack!”, or “Can you smell burning?”
Thankfully, that’s not a situation I’ve ever found myself having to face, but believe me, I’m prepared.
I think I’ve watched every flight disaster movie that’s ever been released. Twice.
I always try to sit over a wing, or next to an emergency exit. Preferably both.
And, unlike you, I always pay attention to the in-flight safety briefing.
Want my advice?
If you ever fly… Sit next to me!

SERENDIPIDY

It’s Friday night, and I’m getting ready to go out, like so many others will be, the world over.
I’ve showered, done my nails and make -up, picked out a killer outfit, and spritzed myself with fragrance.
And, of course, I’ve had a couple of drinks to get me in the mood.
But I’m not meeting up with the girls, hitting a nightclub or even going out with a hot date. My night will be very different.
Tonight, I’ll be cruising the streets; looking for unfortunate victims to feed my craving.
I did say I’d picked out a ‘killer’ outfit.

TOM

Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Don’t look back you can never look back

When I met my first wife, I was living high in Santa Cruz. She was a Walnut Creek Girl with a Fortune 500 Father. I a proto-hippy. One of the oddest things we share was a love of cursing. In northern California lexicon there is phrase: Cruising the Main. And of course, cruising the boardwalk was understood in 174 different languages. We young poor and in need of cheap entertainment. Oh, what a circle that was. Buckets of pills and clouds of pot. Lot and lot of free Booze. One night I even ran it to Both toms: Waits and Lehrer.

LIZZIE

The pelican flew over the cruise ship. The tourists took their phones out to start lives. Look, look, a bird. Most didn’t even know it was a pelican. Some called him a giant seagull. But the pelican flew over again. After the lives came the photos. Social media is hungry, let’s post some photos and show off our ignorance. The pelican flew back and forth. Suddenly, he pooped on the tourists. Shrieks of amusement and more lives, featuring the pooped deck. Likes, hearts, laughing emojis. Then, the pelican flew away, grunting, “bring fish, next time!” and thinking humans are idiots.

NORVAL JOE

With students cruising past them to class, Mandi realized she had said too much.

“He has what?” Bobbi gasped.

“Gotta go to the bathroom.” Mandi hurried into the girl’s room.

She locked herself in a stall, pulled out her phone, and texted Sabrina. Where are you and Billbert?

She read the reply quickly, opened the stall door, and ran into Bobbi, her phone still in her hand.

“Who did you call?” Bobbi demanded.

Mandi shrugged. “I texted Sabrina, but I don’t think it was her.”

“Why?” Bobbi asked.

Mandi frowned deep in thought. “She called me Linoliumanda and not Lindimindi.”

PLANET Z

At night on every cruise ship when the lights are turned off so you can look up and see the stars. Living in the city a lot of the night sky gets washed out by street lights. Even in the country you still get some light pollution. but out on the deep ocean you can see everything and it’s really mind blowing with everyone looking up. Some people trying to take pictures with their phones, not turning off the flash and running it for everyone. At least when it’s dark, nobody can see that it’s you who pushed them overboard.