Caesar approaches The Roman Senate.
Cimber presents him with a petition, but he slaps it away.
Cimber growls and rips the dictator’s tunic.
Caesar stares, muscles rippling.
A mighty fist lashes out, Cimber goes sprawling.
Casca pulls a knife. The Senate gasps as he raises it.
Caesar kicks! The knife flies away. Then with a roundhouse kick, Casca follows.
“GET HIM!” shouts Brutus, and they all attack.
One by one, Caesar kicks, punches, and chops his way through the Senate, defeating them all.
“CUT!” shouts the director.
He calls the producer. “I think we made a mistake casting Chuck Norris.”
Weekly Challenge #287 – Zoo
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Eighty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Zoo
And we’ve got stories by:
Thomas
Sevda
Peter W.
Laina Ash
Chris Munroe
Zackmann
Tom
Abernathy
Paladin
TJ
Norval Joe
Sachy Rexen
Planet Z
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.
Thomas
It was a zoo in there. Every farewell party they had at the office turned out this way. Mr. Wood, the boss, a small person, took off his clothes and danced on the counter that held the doughnuts and coffee machine. Today, his secretary, Greta, was in the corner by the water cooler. She sobbed and blubbered about leaving for her job in Austin. She would miss Mr. Wood and their impromptu couplings in the copy room, and she would miss Mr. Wood’s attention, and the smell of his cologne. Most of all, she would miss the farewell parties.
##
It was a teasing zoo. Someone had the bright idea, and had the monetary backing of rich, Hollywood, self-indulgent, debauchees. Those invited, and attending the zoo could throw things at the monkeys and squirt water in the faces of the older animals. The zoo was very popular for a while, but when word got out, PETA, the SPCA and several other animal rights groups stormed the zoo and took the operators hostage, only to turn the tides by opening a teasing zoo of their own. This time, the animals had their chance for revenge, and it was horrendous, but funny.
Sevda
The monkey slips his hand into the pocket, gently withdrawing the master key as the attendant slumbers against the enclosure. He scampers over to the door, hands fumbling with the turning of the lock. Nearby animals watch the events unfold. “FREEDOM!” he yells, the enclosure suddenly evacuated. He pauses noticing the longing look from the animals. He sets out on his self appointed quest freeing everyone. Some run, fly, or slither off with glistening eyes of mischief. “RUN!” he chants, scurrying up a tree, swinging branch to branch alongside the zoo’s parade discovering their new life.
Peter Wood
The last rays of sunlight glint over the high perimeter wall as I walk past the food stands, closed for the night, and through the litter left by the other animals – The ones the zoo cannot keep, but let in every day, with their opposable thumbs… and wallets.
The animals they let in make way for the ones they cannot keep out. The lions roar, preparing to sleep but rats are the main residents, as big as cats are ignored by the keeper who approaches.
“Excuse me sir, we’re closed now, can you make your way to the exit.”
Laina Ash
There’s a hippopotamus in my line who can not make up her mind.
A goldfish that can’t stay focus enough to finish the sentence that almost out of his mind.
A group of kittens to interest in what’s happening next to them to tell me what they need.
A dodo that’s living up to his name when I tell him his choices are on his feed.
A bunny that’s to quite to tell me what she wants to eat, that with me speaking up for her to hear me, she thumps and try to flee.
I know I’m the zookeeper today, but I feel like I’m the one in the cage. I guess its just one of those days. *Sighs*
Munsi
“You will not turn this courtroom into a zoo!”
The judge seethed, and I suppose I saw his point. Calling a lion tamer in as a character witness was one thing, but a cage of monkeys as “evidence” in a murder trial was beyond the pale.
Perhaps I should have apologized.
Instead I threw open the cage.
Monkeys exploded out of it, and everything was chaos. Lawyers, bailiffs and jurors scrambled, dodging flying poo as best they could. Hilarious.
I was sad to make my exit amidst that grand chaos.
But I had to. They’d have inevitably found me guilty…
Zackmann
This all started because I am an animal keeper and there was a new program director who did not understand the concept of a morning zoo radio show. Although the noises the animals made voiced more sense than some of the other radio shows especially the extreme left or right wing talk shows. If someone tells you a trained monkey could do a job, they never tried to train a monkey. It was like taking candy from a baby, nearly impossible. Now I am the morning guy. The animals are gone but it the studio still smells of monkey pooh.
zackmann
Hello, have some candy. Since I am at work most of the time I am awake, Halloween is one of the few times I see any of my neighbors.
The teenager asked “Was it your house that had apelike creatures running around it last week? My mother thought that something had escaped form the zoo.”
“Sorta” he replied “I didnt have time to decorate so I called Rent-a-Morlock” “How old is your little brother.”
“He is not really my brother. I thought myself too old to go trick or treating so I called Rent-a-Child so I would have an excuse.”
Tom
The Baltimore Asylum for the Criminally Insane is located in a 250 year old brick star fortress. In its subterranean level is ward 5e, a section surround by walls 14 feet thick. The guards on Ward 5e are rotated every 12 hours. In the American Penal system this facility is where the worst of the worst are warehoused. It is called the Zoo. The reigning King of the Zoo is inmate 471066j Lenard C. Parker. Mr. Parker dispatched a guard to his creator with no more than two sheet of note paper. He did it in less than five minutes.
Abernathy
They met at the same time everyday. The sun was just setting and the zoo was winding down. Nora walked over to Larry. They waited patiently for the last of the visitors to leave. Larry turned to Nora. “Not sure I can do this anymore.” Nora felt his sad gaze and asked. “What choice do you have?” Larry grumbled. Smiling Nora said. “Besides look at the perks and the cool hat you get to wear.” In a deep announcer voice she said. “Lar Lar the Dancing Bear!” Larry forgot he still had the hat on and knocked it off quickly.
Paladin
They said it couldn’t be done. If I hadn’t seen it myself I wouldn’t have believed it either. I’ve seen electric guitars, electric pianos, electric drums, even an electric trumpet once. But she brought something to the music scene nobody’s ever seen before. All it took was one show to make her a household name. No drums, no guitars, not even a vocalist. Just one artist backed by lasers and pryotechnics and fifty foot amps hooked up to a little plastic tube. That was the day the world got to know The ‘Zoo.
TJ
eMusicalChairs.com finally started matching me to people in my area — like Dana, a city assessment worker. She appraised my dress-casual sweater, assessed my manners and bearing. She filed interrogatives regarding my hopes and dreams weighted against her own. She was able to compile a dossier and prospectus on our future together by the time we were ready to leave, but what impressed me most was the PowerPoint presentation she whipped together in support of her arguments. Cold and dispassionate as this was, I actually wanted to meet again. For her, however, the numbers just didn’t add up. Quelle damage.
###
Don’t do this. Just don’t. Don’t meet your blind date at the zoo. This is a surefire recipe for disaster. Especially if you’re FUNNY?! Like me? Thinking I’m just really funny? I mean yeah, there were fake warnings I’d planted in her newsfeed about gorillas loose, and sure my antics in a gorilla costume have brought the house down at parties. But to come up behind her in suit and tie, flowers in hand and say to a nearby small child, “Look son, they were right! One of them’s escaped!” well… that just did not go over well at all.
Norval Joe
Milford Sackhacker went to the zoo everyday at lunchtime and watched the monkeys on thier island. Surrounded by a moat, they were protected from malicious visitors, and at the same time, trapped.
They lived comfortably, yet Milford felt this was wrong. These creatures were denied the rights guaranteed to other primates.
Early one morning Milford dressed as a zookeeper and slipped into the zoo. He rowwed a small boat to their island.
“I’ve come to set you free,” he told them.
Unfortunately, they recognized him from his daily visits and thought he must be a pervert. They ran away, screaming.
Sachy
The Zoo, really?! Ugh. Why is it when I hear the word I just can’t stop all the bad memories. Normally when people hear they are going to the Zoo they think about all of the wonderful things that they can see and experience. Not I. The Zoo just reminds me of the time the orangutan vomited over the glass. Or the time the elephant, Sumba, peed and it got all over my leg. Pandas! PANDAS! Oh, the thought of a panda scares the living crap out of me. Just a friendly PSA, don’t get too close. Ugh, the Zoo.
Planet Z
I remember seeing a zoo where the animals were in cages and there being brass signs saying LION and GORILLA and other names.
Then came open enclosures and plastic signs saying what they ate, where they came from… occasionally they said ENDANGERED or THREATENED.
Audio tours showed up. Clunky infrared headsets and timed tapes in Walkmen. MP3 players followed those.
Now, we punch up videos on smartphones, getting a quick lesson, and a bit of high-handed environmentalism in between the ads.
I watch an oryx standing by the path flicker. Then the zebra behind it.
Holograms.
Food’s was expensive, anyway.
Atlas
A pair of philosophers in shabby togas sat across from each other in the marketplace.
One claimed that Atlas the Titan held up the weight of the sky to keep it from crushing the world.
The other claimed that Atlas held on to the sky to keep it from floating away into oblivion.
“That’s just… weird,” said the first philosopher. “Everybody knows that Atlas holds up the sky.”
“Have you seen him?” said the second philosopher. “Have you seen him yourself?”
“Have you?” the first philosopher snapped back.
They lapsed back into silence, looked up, and watched clouds float overhead.
For The Want Of A Nail
The boy ran hard. He traveled light, only a wool robe and tube slung over his shoulder. Despite the urgency of his flight, the boy never dare run at night. The chances of injury were too great. He was carrying a message to Marcus Praxsus which would change the course of history in the Empire. The boy took to the back county when possible, but the only way Triumbrant was through the bridge city. That is where the girl was and that’s why we live in a Republic my son.” “Tell me the story about Praxsus’s head on a pole”
Harvest Moon
Looking at my calendar, I see that today is marked “Harvest Moon.”
So, we’ll build a fleet of gigantic rocketships, and we’ll fly to the moon.
Once we get there, we’ll set up a mining colony and extract all the minerals and isotopes from the moon.
Then, we’ll use the moon to build a spaceport from which we can launch a wave of missions to explore the solar system.
Fantastically rich, we’ll spent the rest of our days in zero-gravity luxury.
Sure, I take things too literally sometimes, but what’s Life without taking chances?
Now let’s go build those rocketships!
The Dog Days
The Ancients believed that the rise of Sirius, the dog star, would add to the summer’s heat, thus producing The Dog Days Of Summer.
Stars are too far away to influence the temperature of our world, but the flame-cannons The Crab People Of Canis Major sure raised the heat in cities their invasion forces burned to the ground.
Why they invaded and how we defeated them, I have no clue. That was many years ago, and the grandchildren of the grandchildren of those heroes tell the wildest tales as we sit around the pot, boiling blue crabs in their memory.
Fireworks
The kids found some leftover fireworks in the shed.
They’re leftover from July… or maybe New Year’s.
I guess you use white for New Year’s, red white and blue for July.
Both scare the crap out of the cows and horses and chickens.
The labels say “ADULT SUPERVISION REQUIRED” on them, so they got Billy Williams.
He’s the retarded farmhand from the Baker farm. Acts like he’s twelve, but he’s an adult, right?
The fields lit up quickly, the fires sweeping across houses and barns, leaping across roads.
The school, the church, the market: all gone.
They will inherit ashes.
Defending Soup
If you find yourself facing an opponent with nothing to defend yourself with but a can of soup:
Step one: Remove a sock
Step two: Place can of soup in sock
Step three: Swing sock at opponent
Step four: Repeat until your opponent surrenders or succumbs
If your opponent doesn’t surrender or succumb, you may be swinging the wrong end of the sock. Adjust your hold so the heavy soup-end is swinging.
Once your opponent surrenders or succumbs, you can celebrate your victory with a nice hot bowl of soup.
(Place sock on hand for dining companion, Socky The Sockpuppet.)
Trail
We lift our backpacks, feel the weight shift on our backs, and head out on the trail.
But instead of birdsong, we are greeted with stump-speeches.
Instead of slapping away mosquito, we slap away pollsters.
And where we once pushed back branches, we dodge the fliers thrust out at us by candidates.
Lobbyists rush past us, handing out wads of cash.
I check my GPS and realize we’ve wandered off the hiking trail and on to a campaign trail.
It begins to rain, so we run for shelter.
Lobbyists assume we’re running for office, and chase us with the money.
Weekly Challenge #286 – Leaves
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Eighty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Mustache
And we’ve got stories by:
Thomas
Jeff
Chris Munroe
June
Tom
Abernathy
Boomer Bob
Danny
Pete Wood
Sevda
Zackmann
Pau
Chris The Nuclear Kid
Steven the Nuclear Man
Paladin
Norval Joe
Jeff Hite
Planet Z
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.
Thomas
Joe was home on leave. He was on his second tour, so he flew stand-by to his home in Portland, Oregon where he was met by his wife and son. He exchanged a few words with his wife, gave her a thick roll of cash, then turned and climbed back onto the plane for his continued flight to Seattle, where he was met by his wife and daughters. He gave his wife a roll of cash, a long kiss, then turned to continue his flight on to Fairbanks where his pregnant wife waited for her kiss and roll of cash.
I knew I broke the record after re-typing my manuscript. The world record for the largest book was 750 leaves. My book started as a short story, then morphed into a memoir. I led a long and adventure-filled life as an insurance salesman, so I chose to write about the hundreds of incidents and anecdotes connected to my elderly clients – concentrating, and largely concerned with – the personal property insurance riders I wrote during my forty years in the business. The reviews of my 5,001 page, self-published tome left a lot to be desired, but I broke the record.
Jeff
I stood, not too close to this huge tree, and watched the leaves tumbling and falling from the branches as a light autumn breeze gently swept across the lake and past where I was waiting.
There was yellow, orange, red, and brown, in a variety of shades. Some the detritus was still soft and supple as though it had been alive and growing just moments before it fell, while other remnants of a summer now past were stiff and crunchy, life well spent.
I fired up the chainsaw and began cutting the thick trunk; there would be heat this winter.
Chris “Munsi” Munroe
The leaves on the trees turn red and gold and brown, and soon they’ll be gone.
I’ve a Scotch/Irish complexion, and I burn and peel in the summer, so when the fall breeze first blows I breathe a silent sigh of relief at having made it through another one. I grab a trenchcoat, an umbrella, and hit the streets to enjoy the season that seems made for me.
Soon Canadian winter will be upon me once again, and I’d be cursing the bitter cold. But at this moment, I’m too swept up in the breathtaking beauty of autumn to care.
June
“When the Leaves Fell”: Her wit was sharpest when the leaves fell.
That was how Granny rolled, even before her mind went into the long spiral of Alzhiemer’s failure. Halloween came with all its costumes, giving her plenty of fodder to heckle the grandkids.
“Are you supposed to be a whore?”
She asked me this the year I was a can-can-girl. The skirt was fabulous, every color of the rainbow hiding under a black silk shell. I said,
“Yes.”
At nine I thought that was what she wanted.
Mother grounded me for the first time that night, and Grandma stopped joking six years later.
Tom
When I heard of Hagakure I thought is there other places to hide? Could you be hidden in the bricks or hidden in the branches? I mean why not hidden in the water cooler or hidden in a bad book review about an obscure British poet? Then I founded out it had a semi-idiomatic meaning: doing good deeds without calling attention to oneself. Sounds a lot like true Charity. Don’t quite know how removing your lower intestine with steel can be constructed into a good deed, and the scream would limit that: Oh don’t pay any attention to me part.
Abernathy
She pressed the stapler firm against the leaf. Smiling she selected another and did the same. Each child from her class had their name perfectly printed on a Autumn colored leaf made of construction paper. The leaves scattered her classroom board cheerfully. She was down to her last one. A bright yellow leaf with the name Lilli upon it. She became heavyhearted. The teacher had no clue the hell the child had been through at home. Her guilt tugged at her. Instead of putting Lilli’s yellow leaf up. She brought it to her desk and slipped it into a drawer.
Boomer Bob
I went out my door this past morning
Feeling the chilled wind blow hard
I was surprised since there was no warning
I guess it was all in my birthday cards
I reached the age of 60 years last week
Now searching for what to believe
As a Baby Boomer I am over the hill’s peak
And have only myself to deceive
It is the time of the year we call fall
And I am ready to flutter to the ground
I wish I still had a summer’s youthful recall
But at least I leave this world more profound
Danny
I refuse to give my dog Freddie a treat until he calms down and stops barking, but Freddie won’t stop throwing a fit because he wants a treat. We’re having a Mexican standoff. There are leaves now matted in Freddie’s thick fur, remnants from our last walk, when once again I overindulged the little bugger by letting him roll in the grass and leaves. Good thing I know how to groom a dog, because Freddie needs to be groomed. I make a Freddie a deal, submit to grooming, he gets a treat. Instead, Freddie just turns away and leaves the room.
Pete Wood
Walking home through the park John kicked cheerfully through the fallen leaves, shuffling, listening to the sounds they made, feeling the resistance against his stride then… wondering what might be underneath, lurking there, waiting for him to trip, to enter their world. His pace slowed, he stopped shuffling and stepped out of the leaves, his mind racing he walked on, looking back. Were they still moving? Is that the wind, or something else…. Glancing at the path behind he wondered about the path ahead and he began to run towards the gates, the traffic and the clean pavement towards home.
The squirrel investigates her drey, finding the twigs, sticks and moss
secure in the forked branches, but the wind blew most of the leaves away.
Peering down, she sees piles of leaves below. She thinks, “I’ll collect
those!” She scurries down the tree, leaping near the bottom …Swoosh! She
lands in the leaf pile. She spends the day gathering. She pants with the
last load, covering the leaves with moss. Smiling, she burrows inside.
“Ah, a comfortable bed at last.” she comments, curling up, “Good night
autumn wind” she whispers falling asleep.
Zackmann
The Sugar Maples are so beautiful this time of year. I love leaves but hate raking them. Now, I have to rake them. I took a leave of absence to take my sisters to a Leafs game. Seems I am stuck here. For the first time I am looking forward to when autumn leaves and winter begins. They do not move as fast in the winter or at least I hope the people interviewed on the Zurvivalist KZOM Radio were right about that. I would not rake at all if the damn zombies wouldn’t insist on hiding under the leaves.
Pau
Outside it’s cold; it rains
“Sorry, we cannot go for a walk “- I explain to my daughter –“ It’s autumn: leaves fall of the trees”
I must bath her, prepare the dinner… She is hungry and tired. Me too.
Better, I think as I see the pile of work office that I’ve brought to home to check tonight.
Then, I realize I forgot to buy the dinner; luckily the shops are still open.
I tell her to stay alone: “Only ten minutes”.
But as I get home I see flying through the window the office reports while she shouts happy: “See mum… autumn has arrived!”
Chris the Nuclear Kid
I smack down the report. “I can’t do this! It’s just too stupid!” I exclaim.
“Too dang bad!” my boss Joe said. “If you aren’t going to work, then you won’t get paid, and you’re going to get fired!”
“Then fire me because I’m not going to do this dumb work. If I don’t have to do this, I’ll be happy!” I shouted.
Joe’s face got red. “Well, then, you’re fired! Get out!”
I walked out the door and felt the breeze blowing leaves across the road.
I wondered what I should do, then realized: Nothing.
So I just walked.
Steven the Nuclear Man
She left me.
In hindsight, I should have seen it coming – she started to wear makeup. First it was subtle hints, then bright reds and yellows. She began refusing my gifts. She just didn’t pay attention – her focus was elsewhere. Our conversations grew short as she turned… brittle.
Then, a bright clear October day, just before the first possibility of a frost, she left. She twirled off to adventure and unknown lands, a dancer spinning away from her partner.
It happens the same way every time.
I look at the spruce across the yard, and I wonder if it’s me.
Paladin
The leaves are green.
He stands resolute, calm, unmoved by any trouble. He scares away the monsters and stands tall through any storm.
The leaves are yellow.
He protects me from what’s coming, though I see no danger. I know there won’t be as long as he’s here.
The leaves are brown.
The immoveable is withering. The immortal is aging. The endless will soon end. He can protect me from anything. But not this.
The leaves are gone.
They say he will be asleep for a long time. Maybe forever. But I’m not afraid.
The leaves will be green again.
Norval Joe
Fly Paper Boy lay on his back with his arms spread out wide and felt like he was floating. But not in the water, he didn’t feel wet.
Light filtered through the leaves of the oak trees that leaned out over the edge of the cliff from which he had just plummeted.
Was this heaven? Was he dead? He couldn’t remember the painful impact with the jagged rocks in the river below.
“Hey Kid,” a gruff voice called. “Get over here before someone sees you out there.”
Chagrined, he crawled across the safety net to the security of a cave.
Jeff Hite
“It is beautiful don’t you think?” Bill said as leaves fell around them.
“Well if you like watching things going dormant in order to survive the hardest part of the year beautiful, I guess so.” Jill sniped.
“Do you have to be so negative?”
“Come on, enough of this. We have things to do, and watching leaves fall is not one of them, now or we’ll miss our window”
Bill Breathed in the simulated cold air one more time, and Imagined he could smell the wet leaves. Then he followed Jill’s lead striping naked and climbing into the hibernation chamber.
Planet Z
The sergeant counts sixty and shouts GO!
I run into the woods, tracking my prey with broken branches and crushed leaves in the mud.
Every thirty seconds I stop, listen, look around, and begin the chase again.
I hear a splash.
I stop, drop to the ground, pistol cocked and ready.
A splash ahead, a crack of a rock against a tree trunk behind me, and a car horn right next to me.
Decoy chips. Clever.
I roll to the side as the robot fires into the ground where I was.
Two shots, green light flashes.
The sergeant yells PASS!