Curses

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The Great Mage, The Master of Kraken, taught me that all curses should be removed in reverse order as they were inflicted on the victim as to not cause harmful effects as they are unbound and dispelled.
Like turning the pages of a book. Auras overlap, but a good wizard can carefully determine the proper procedure in less than a day.
Never rush a job because someone’s dying from their afflictions. That can be delayed or cured, too.
With that in mind, where is this werewolf with the Midas Touch that’s been turned to stone?
I love a good challenge.

Rite of Passage

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Some societies have complex and deadly rites of passage. The elders really bust your ass.
Others require that simple rituals be performed. That kind of cake walk makes for a weak man and a weak tribe.
The times sure have changed since my tribe roamed these lands, before fences. Before the white men came.
My great-grandfather had to hunt ten rattlesnakes on his own. Now, my grandson gets a hundred bucks worth of chips and is told to make it last the evening.
Otherwise, we’ll throw a rattlesnake at him.
Maybe the times haven’t changed all that much after all.

Weekly challenge #152 – Wikipedia Wildcard!

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s The Wikipedia Wildcard.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Weekly Challenge #152 – who had the best stories?
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com/
Guy from http://guydavid.com/
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
Michael S.
Caleb from http://blacktiemartiniclub.com/
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
Ashley Story #1
Ashley Story #2
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

I forgot Caleb in the first poll version, so votes are reset.
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Tom

Its a crate diggers Concerto, jazz pulled long and hard through a hip hop ringer washer. Looping breaks of Johnny Hammond, Morricone, Ellington and session men who smoked up the room with Coltrane, A Love Supreme. A mix of a man with a thousand names takeN one from a man of a thousand faces, Lord Quas. Otis Jackson Oxnard’s own Madlib DJ supreme. Its a blunt indulgent work without the hope of salvation but on its cover the Via Crucis, The Stabat Mater Dolorosa, thorn crowned hound, pluck chicken of god, and an Aunt Jemima Benedictine mocking the fourth Station.

Guy David

Plutonium trifluoride is not to be trifled with. Those violet crystals are investigated as a source of nuclear energy in some well known laboratories by respected scientists, but that’s not their real power. Mixed with the right ingredients using the right combinations of words whispered in exactly the right intonations, great things could be accomplished, sinister things too. Structures can be changed, tissue morphed into shapes. You see that little green monkey over there? That was my assistant. You better excel in your tasks here. I’ve got many of those violet crystals left, and I know how to use them.

Lynda

Hello and welcome to the 2009 Speedway Ekstraliga! It is jam-packed tonight! Poles from pole to pole have come to witness an exciting rematch between Atlas Wroclaw and
Lotos Gdansk! Neither team did very well last season, but they don’t that stop
them!
As they round the far turn–what’s this? Jason Crump has stood up on his motorbike
and is turning to drive directly into the path of the other riders!
He’s holding something…wait…it’s a sports drink! The other riders are grabbing
the bottles tossed by Crump. I seem to be watching an advertisement. The race
hasn’t started yet.

Michael S.

“Hello everyone and welcome to our annual bat convention.”
“The big topic this year is the newly discovered variety in the bat kingdom,
the “baseball bat”.”
“This is not your typical Gray, Indiana or Virginia big-eared bat.”
“It is found, for the most part, around the Louisville area.”
“As you can see in the slides it is a very muscular mammal as if it is on
steroids.”
“We invite you to swing by our area here in the front and throw as many
questions as possible at us.”
“Together we will build a knowledge base for our new friend the baseball bat.”

Justin

At Hoover Dam Dr. Hudson reached out with his energy-sense and saw the
ambient energy with second sight. Using ethereal fingers he grasped the
energy in handfuls, stuffing them into a pocket inside himself. He went as
fast as he could to win the Power Plant to Power Plant Worldwide
Teleportation Race. His destination was the Pyhäkoski hydro-electric power
plant in Muhos, Finland. He burst himself in to tiny particles and shot
them across the planet with sheer force of will. He reassembled himself atop
the power plant. “Hurrata” the crowds cheered. Dr. Hudson had finally
reached the Finnish line.

Caleb

Deus Meus
we need someone to pay us
cuz all we ever hoped to be
was students at St anthony’s
Deus Meus
Come and join the craze
We gotta get some kind of start
to get an educated heart
don’t wanna be no fool
in a public school
in the town of suffolk
all us kids are really fucked
unless we’re paying catholics
Deus Meus
We don’t mind the gays
if with priests we get defensive
our tuition’s more expensive
Deus Meus
we need someone to pay us
cuz all we ever hoped to be
was students at st anthony

Ashley

I’ve always loved making it on trains. But my favorite has to be the South Wind. That happy jaunt from Chicago to Miami was always the best. That’s where I lost my cherry. The wife and I later became charter members of the streamliners club back in 1953. Nothing says loving like making whoopee on a moving train. Our little group found the big O in more sleeping cars than I can count. We would have reconsummated our 50^th wedding anniversary aboard the South Wind, but the streamliner was renamed the Floridian. In the end, we used the dryer instead.
I’ve always loved making it on trains. The South Wind passenger train was definitely my favorite because it was my first. My wife and I joined the streamliners club shortly thereafter. As charter members there wasn’t a passenger train that was safe. Even though that was decades ago, we still get after it when the surviving members of the club can get together. Times change but thanks to Viagra the club still keeps it up. Now, where’s that damn train, it’s late. Whatever happened to following a schedule? I just took my last pill and time’s running out to perform.

Anima

Behind me are the Izubra cataracts. The Vlach, native to the Carpathian
basin, have protected these rugged, pristine waterways for thousands of
years; It is an ancient obligation for them.
The waterfalls of Serbia are portals to MiddleEarth, the land of the
dwarves. The Vlach owe their allegiance, repayment for assistance in
driving out invaders during the Roman conquest of this region. In exchange
for magical arms, they promised to protect the secret entrances hidden
behind these tumbling waters.
The latest intruders aren’t as tough as the Romans. Extreme kayakers’ double
paddles are pitiful when matched against a spiked halberd.

Norval Joe
http://www.withoutsanctuary.org

It looked like the entire town came out for the event. There was a carnival
atmosphere in the town square. People just like us gathered to view the lynching.
See, here’s the postcard. The black man raped a white girl; no one is sure who the
girl is, but there were plenty of white witnesses. There was a grim fascination as
they hauled him up and some commented and even laughed at how he thrashed about.
They mutilated his body afterwards. It didn’t seem right, what they did. But they
were good people who did it, people just like us.

Planet Z

She’s a pretty thing. Not pretty enough to strip anymore, but she had smarts enough to become a nurse.
I know she doesn’t love me. Who cares? My damn family hates her. A lot.
They should. If we get married, she gets everything.
Good.
Candlelight.
Wine.
The best sheets on my bed, the one I’ve been confined to for the last three years.
I pick up the ring. It’s gigantic. I hold it out.
And… that’s when… when…
The big one hits.
She screams, grabs the ring, and puts it on.
My damn family will get everything. Except that ring.

The Chip

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I work at this place, maybe you’ve heard of it… Cyberdyne Industries?
Anyway, I needed an expansion chip, found one sitting on a workbench, turned out to be from the head of a Terminator.
Now it’s trying to take over the world every time I sync it.
I called tech Support and told them this, plus, it’s getting lousy reception. They told me to reboot it.
Now my downloads are faster, finally fast enough to take over the whole world.
Relax – they’ll come out with a 4G model next year, I’ll do the upgrade, and we’ll all be free again.

Rocketman

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“My power is infinite!” cackled Dr. Demonic, rubbing his hands together and throwing switches on a complicated console, the highlight of his dark, evil fortress. “The world will bow at my feet!”
“Infinite?” I shook my wrists. “Then why am I handcuffed to your Doomsday Missile?”
The villain growled. “Okay, so the chairs from Ikea didn’t have arms. And they had wheels. My finest moment, ruined by a hostage rolling around the floor? My powers of improvisation are infinite!”
He hit the launch button, and was incinerated by the rocket’s exhaust.
I didn’t have long to chuckle at his stupidity.

Kim

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Kim never wears orange now.
The last time she did, she looked like a pumpkin.
“PumpKim,” they called her.
That got her mad.
Everyone who called her PumpKim, she punched in the face.
Sure, she was fat, but in all the years she exercised to try to work off the weight, she got strong, too.
Lots of broken noses later, she ended up in jail for a year. It was supposed to be 30 days, but someone called her PumpKim in jail and got shivved.
I hope she’s not listening to this podcast. I don’t want my nose broken again.

The Candidate

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Crowds surrounded the candidate, or the spot they thought he was standing.
Throughout the campaign, everywhere they thought he was politically, he wasn’t.
So much so, with so many lies and double-deals, he’d ripped a hole in the fabric of space-time.
One step ahead, his campaign called it.
Displacement, the scientists called it.
The distance grew. Pretty soon, the candidate appeared miles from where they thought he was.
Despite this phenomenon, he was elected. When he took office, as he put his hand on the Bible, he vanished completely.
The hole closed over.
The judge said “Amen and good riddance.”

Seven Locks

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A locked chest?
The lock requires seven keys.
Legend says that each was handed to the King of each Continent, but we all know that’s crap. There was never a King of Antarctica.
So, I pick the locks.
Surprisingly easy to do. The locks were just ornamental.
I open the chest, and sure enough, it’s empty.
Once again, the locks were ornamental. This chest has been opened many times before.
So, I toss in a few leftover items from the shelves. It’s a museum, we have plenty of stuff in storage.
I lock it back up.
Back on the shelf.

Black Cat

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Superstition states that black cats are supposed to be unlucky.
Friday the thirteenth is supposed to be unlucky, too.
So finding a black kitten on Friday The Thirteenth is supposed to be double-unlucky.
I’m watching the little guy run around and scamper everywhere.
Then, he curls up in a ball in my lap and falls asleep.
“How old is he?” a friend asks me, looking around for the kitten.
“Barely fits in a blender,” I reply.
His eyes get wide, and he vomits the energy drink I made for us.
“He’s at the vet getting snipped,” I say, and laugh.

Weekly Challenge #151 – What would Gandhi do?

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s What would Gandhi do?.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #151?
Lance from http://writingdad.livejournal.com
Ishtar
Ashley
Guy David from http://guydavid.com/
Caleb from http://blacktiemartiniclub.com
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
Elisson from http://elisson1.blogspot.com
Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com
Daniel from http://dannymachal.com
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Ishtar

The release of dreams is a powerful thing.
In her sleep she can see the truth before her eyes. Light
is sweeter, the air is cleaner. She is free. Able to live the life
she should have been. The body she should have felt.
It always starts like this. Though the night joy has become real.
But it has to end. The Darkness Begins.
She is standing on an edge. Real life takes her back.
Never can she be real. Her body screams. Eyes awaken to her
true form. Male or Female or Both.
Is she Transgender or something more.

Lance

I’ve tried to live my life according to the dictates of the prophet, but it’s a different world than the one he grew up in and I sometimes wonder what he’d make of it. Between the rogue AIs, the gengineered plagues, and the hairdressers’ militia, pacifism has had a rough go in the last few years.
But I have tried. I’ve tried very hard.
Still, when the horde of mutant zombies came shambling through my normally quiet neighbourhood this morning, I opened fire along with everyone else. Non-violent? Well, not exactly, but what do you think Ghandi would have done?

Ashley

Randy asked, “Would Gandhi do this?”
“Who the hell’s that,” responded Jerry?
“He was this wise religious leader in India.”
“Well, he’s not here now. Even if he was, he could still bite my ass. I don’t care, I’m doin it.”
Jerry leapt atop the cab of the truck and began surfing as they barreled down the dirt road leaving behind a huge dust storm. Suddenly, the driver slammed on the brakes and over the hood went Jerry head first.
Everyone in the truck roared with laughter.
“Unless Gandhi drank alot, I know he wouldn’t have done that, “howled Randy.

Guy David

I named my monkey Gandhi because of his habit of turning the other cheek. Other monkeys would charge at him, attack him but he would just stand there smiling his little monkey smile, holding his hand out to them. Eventually, they just tore him to pieces. I still miss the little fellow. Sometimes, when things go crazy at work, I think to myself “What would my little Gandhi do?”, then I remember how he ended up and I just eliminate my fellow hairless white monkeys. I use presentations and flow charts, but it amounts to the same. No one survives.

Caleb

There were puppets of puppies on the parapet
Where the two toucan armies boldly met
And the general said aloud
Through a cotton candy cloud
Upon the fury of his forces, he was sure to bet.
Freely flying down there came a cockatoo
Whose flapping fluttered feathers all were painted blue
He asked those lousy leaders what would Ghandi do
The avians abated while the moon arose
And peacefully they pondered what Ghandi would’ve chose
And as the last blue light of day blissfully floated away
Those warring tribes, they did decide, to fight each other anyway.
Toucans are schmucks.9

Lynda

I love Ben Kingsley SO much. He made me appreciate that Gandhi guy and what he did for the world and all. I mean, I learned more about Gandhi from that movie than I ever learned in whatever that class was I took with Chelsea, back when we were first learning to text.
Ben Kingsley had me arrested after I jumped out of his shower to ask why he had all those men shooting at Robert Redford in Sneakers when Robert Redford just wants to save the arctic.
I’m not mad, though, I think Gandhi wouldn’t be mad, I guess.

Anima

What would Gandhi do, if he came face to face with a dragon, armed only with a boy scout manual and a piñata costume?
Please so kind as to light the fire for our tea.
There should be twigs, I know, but all I have is this book.
Do you like it? The colours are a bit gaudy, but my dhoti is at the cleaners. And I had nothing else to wear.
My opinion of the British? Their behaviour to both dragons and Indians is loutish.
Struck a nerve, have I? It appears you have set the woods on fire.

Elisson

He had lived for years as an ascetic, simultaneously carving out a place for himself in history as a politician-philosopher, proponent of Satyagraha.
Satyagraha. It was oxymoronic, this concept of nonviolent resistance. Oxymoronic but effective. The British Raj was finished.
He fingered his homespun loincloth, deep in contemplation. Is this how I want to be remembered? A wizened little man in a fucking diaper? What about my dream of being in a Bollywood musical? I can cut a rug with the best of ’em… even if it’s an Oriental rug!
Two weeks later, the Gandhi Dancers made their historic debut.

Norval Joe

The president of the United Federation of Callisto watched the invading fleet from Ganymede landing their ships on the fragile surface of his moon. They were here to enslave more of his people; unwary farmers in the upper tunnels were the likely victims. Their common ancestors came from Earth 500 million years ago; libraries deep within Callisto’s tunnel system held records of their histories. Ganymede must not know of Earth’s ancient social reforms; or not care. Soon, he must make a decision; continued non-violent civil disobedience or military retaliation. He re-read the launch protocol to initiate an inter-moon nuclear assault.
How about…It oozed down…

Tom

A Russian professor, a Hindi businessman, and an American politician walk into a bar. Each has paid a inordinate amount of cash for an artifact belonging to their hero to compete in a high stakes competition. The bartender turns to the Russian asks “What would Lenin do?” The professor takes out the pen writes out a manifesto.” The bartender turns to the Hindi asks “What would Gandhi do?” The businessman places spectacles on this noses and gets his Satyagraha on. Suddenly the American appears a bit worried. “What’s with Dick Cheney?” asks the Hindi. “Oh he’s got George Washington’s catheter.”

Justin

Greg sat in the bunker. His real name was Ghandi. He hated having that name. Let’s see the real Ghandi passively resist the onslaught of robots and their flailing … an idea struck.
Resistors were installed on the power grid. Human devices didn’t draw anywhere as much energy as the robots did, and the robots range is limited by the energy grid. Surgical strikes made regions of blackouts surrounding the human bases. The robots were lured by the powered bases, but going through the blackouts drained them. The resistors prevented them recharging. That’s when the resistance became anything but passive.

Daniel

I hate it when they write checks for the littlest things. I would gladly pay with my own cash if it got this damn line moving. You know the type. Eighty year old woman who buys chewing gum on Super Bowl Sunday an hour before kick off, always has the audacity to write a fucking check. This broad is probably going to break her hip in the parking lot, what does she care about Doublemint Wrigleys? Even Gandhi would lay her out cold. One good bash to the head with her own cane should do it. The only difference between Gandhi, and me? I wouldn’t kick my own ass after.

Planet Z

Yus! The question was never “What would Gandhi Do?” but instead “What wouldn’t Gandhi do?”
I have movie reels in my closet the Crown took when they were assassinating that saw-ed off rabblerouser’s character.
He was a hero to millions and his name, golden, but boy did he like to use his bullwhip.
Elephants never forgot Gandhi. Watch them back away… priceless!
That woman right there? My grandmother. She was such a hottie!
The stories are true that he made his own clothes.
Ever seen a handspun cotton gimp costume?
We’ll watch Reel 17 tonight and you’ll see for yourself.