Pyramid Sam

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Pyramid Sam offers to take us on a tour of Giza for fifty bucks, the most authentic and comprehensive tour around, he says.
That’s way cheaper than the government guides. And he says it’s the most authentic tour, which I’m not sure what he means.
The signs say to only take tours from the government guides, but what’s the harm, right?
So, we follow Sam into his tent, and that’s when he reaches for a set of controls and sends us hurtling into the past.
Outside the tent, Ancient Egypt awaits.
I hope I bought enough batteries and memory sticks.

Weekly Challenge #91 – Clowns

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Welcome to the Ninety-first Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Planet Z.
It’s Looking Back On 2008
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Who had the best stories in Weekly Challenge #90?
Kelly from Come Let Me Whisper
Duckyfresh from SLCN
Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club Oddcast
Tom from Footnote
JD from Writing.com
Guy David at Guy David dot com
Laieanna from HodgePodge Point
Terry the Old Coot
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

KELLY BURT

Ok what f-ed-up person was the first to think, “Yes, clowns”you know, for the kids.”
Clowns are terrifying–you know, for the adults. I have never been a fan of clowns…I know, what a surprise. Clowns are evil. They are the ones that walk the night in search of victims. People are afraid of things that go bump in the night, but they should be afraid of CLOWNS! They wear make-up and lurk. I hate things that lurk. I know that I must find a way to rid us of these foul creatures. I hope that there is a cure.

DUCKYFRESH

The wise Bart Simpson once said, “Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.” We laughed at the time; we all thought it was a funny gag because really, clowns won’t eat you in your sleep. That’s not very clown-like behavior at all. I certainly don’t find it amusing one bit to think clowns might creep into your bedroom with fork and knife at the ready, to gobble you up while you slumber peacefully. I am quite certain there is a rule in the Clown Book of Ethics that strictly forbids such nocturnal atrocities. The clowns prefer you awake and screaming anyway.

CALEB

Ever since his last trip to Arkham Asylum the Joker, that one time clown prince of crime decided to go straight. His penchant for wild inventions and gadgetry quickly made him the richest man in all of Gotham. Corporate takeovers proved even more exciting than heists and were so much more profitable. Still, he did wish he could exact vengeance on that meddlesome Batman.
When an accountant notified him of some irregularities in the recent Wayne Corps acquisition, he couldn”t help but smile even wider. Atomic cars? Helicopters? At shareholder expense? Batman was done for.

TOM

I have notice same memories are no longer connect to corporal space. I no longer remember having been at a kiddy clown show. Being the luck child called up to help with a balloon trick. The only latent image in my brain is a 8mm movie shot by my dad. Just as the balloon was growing to amazing lengths the film ran out. The last few seconds of the film turns to a orange red streak and poof I”m and he are gone. I remember being told the clown was Emmett Kelly but it probably was some other 2d clown

JD

Most of the time I love clowns.
The orange hair, large red noses, pants 10 sizes to large, their over size shoes.
They make me laugh until my eyes squirt water like the flowers on their lapels and my voice becomes a croak.
They exhaust me.
This last few weeks I find little to laugh about.
I turn on the TV and there they are.
A full menagerie of clowns, without costumes.
They all say that we, the people, are in trouble and they are the only clowns in town that can fix US.
That’s with a capitol U S

GUY

The clowns came over today. They where just on their way to Kentucky. The big boss knows who to send on an off mission, I mean, no one would suspect a clown. They always get their target and those poor bastards just don’t know what hit them. Was it the little plastic hummer? Maybe it was the pennywhistle? Those are deadly. One note played the right way and all the gray staff comes running out of your ears screaming. Not this time though. This time it was that little electric hand buzzer. Gets them every time. Those clowns are good.

LAIEANNA

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s all just an act.
Don’t be alarmed to see this clown on his back.
He’ll be up again, clowning about,
And when he does, let’s cheer and shout.
Announced as Potato, the fainting clown,
Known one minute to be up and the next minute down.
Life, he spent quiet and shy wherever he’d dwell.
Career, he was magic except those pesky fainting spells.
You’d think and assume it tough on his heart,
But the clown kept strong from the very start.
What did him in one day in fall,
Was bad trajectory of a human cannonball.

TERRY

In the good old days, people who wanted to become clowns ran away to the circus.
Or so Billy Bob thought the legend went. It was a far cry from reality, now that the city put a bounty on their heads.
The bands of clowns and their midget cars involved in drive-by pie in the face incidents were now a daily happening.
The final straw was the mayor’s wife being targeted as she walked down Main Street.
Billy Bob was more than glad to put his army training to work. The money from the bounty would come in handy,
now with jobs were far and few between. All he needed was one of those incidents to happen.
He knew as soon as he heard the car; he was in luck, who else but clowns would be driving like that.
With a quick click, the safety on his rifle was off. Billy Bob would be dining well tonight.
Clowns, damn those clowns!

PLANET Z

There’s an old joke where a guy who’s suicidally depressed goes into a doctor’s office, tells the doctor he’s always miserable while everybody else is so happy.
He’s tried everything ” pills, booze, sex, intense shock therapy… nothing’s worked.
Doctor thinks a bit, says a famous clown is in town, always brings laughter and joy wherever he performs.
Man says “I am Pagliaci.”
Doctor says “What? No, I’m thinking of Bertoli, not you. I mean, let’s face it ” people are laughing because you’re just so awful.”
Then he gives Pagliacci his theater pass, some Zoloft, and kicks him out the door.

Afraid Of

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Susan was afraid to fly. You couldn’t get her on an airplane, let alone anywhere near the airport.
She’d scream in horror the moment a commercial played on television for an airline.
Her life was an absolute wreck.
Then, she went to the hospital for a special research project they were conducting for people afraid of flying.
And, three weeks later, she was cured of her fear of flying.
However, she slowly but surely became deathly afraid of not flying.
Pretty soon, she had to be suspended from the ground by wires.
Maybe we can change her fear to pancakes.

A Night On The Beach

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I wake up and shake the sand from my shoes. This happens every morning.
But I haven’t been to the beach in years.
Only in my dreams.
Sometimes, there’s driftwood in my hand, seaweed wrapped around my ankle.
Salt in my hair from the ocean spray.
On a shelf over my mirror, I’ve put my seashell collection.
All these things, I dream of. And bring back with me.
When I dream of you, take my hand, and let me bring you back.
I will leave my sadness on the sands of my dreams.
To be washed away with the tide.

Adoption

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Once upon a time, there was a fluffy orange kitty that nobody wanted, so the people at the shelter brought him with them to a television station.
He was so pretty and fluffy, the producer of that newscast begged to take him home with her.
He loved being in a new home, and he played with a dog named Aspen, riding on his back.
When the producer was moving to Los Angeles, he ran out the door and hid under the house.
It took two weeks to get him out from under there, and the producer’s best friend adopted him.

Delays

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Through the tears, the sky glistens like the clouds are coated with glass dust, spread across a smear of powder blue.
Beyond, stars twinkle in the darkness. You can’t see them during the day, but they’re out there, all around us, a snapshot from tens, hundreds, thousands, and millions of years ago as the light tries to get here as fast as it can.
Once, I heard thunder a year after lightning had struck a tree. I was walking past a tree stump when a loud blast shattered the air.
Better late than never, I always say, but enough’s enough.

The Monster Under The Bed

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Every kid has a monster under the bed, but I’m grown up now.
And yet, right under our bed, there’s a monster.
No, not the orange fluffy cat down here. His grabbing at ankles and biting hands trying to pet him are behind him now.
He’s sleeping, or…
The monster under the bed is not knowing what I’ll find when I look under there again.
The monster is my fear.
The monster is his suffering, and not being able to do anything about it.
The monster takes away every good memory, and replaces it with the sadness that is now.

Jacob

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Jacob”s violin was the pride of Minsk. But that didn’t matter, because the Nazis put everyone on the trains.
The commander of the camp was also from Minsk, and he knew of Jacob. He commanded him to play for the officers during dinner.
Jacob refused, demanding to play for the workers.
So, they let him. And after a minute of playing for us, he was shot.
The commander was Klaus Gustav. Years later, I found Klaus in Cairo, and I strangled him with one of Jacob’s violin strings.
The sound of Gustav’s croaks doesn”t haunt me at all.
Only Jacob.

Weekly Challenge #90 – Looking Back On 2008

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Welcome to the ninetieth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Caleb Bullen.
It’s Looking Back On 2008
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

What were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #90?
Planet Z
Guy David from Sixteenth
Tom from Footnote
Terry the Old Coot
Robert
Elisson from blog d’Elisson
JD from Writing.com
Kelly Burt from Come Let Me Whisper
Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

PLANET Z

And now, a moment with Rabbi Crapman.
You wants to know about 2008? Oy gevalt, That’s a long ways back.
Let me check the Torah.
And… there. 2008.
Jebediah begat Schlomo.
Sylvia begat Nebuchadneezer.
Hymie begat David.
There was a lot of begatting back them. Horny little Jew bastards.
Ah Queen Sharon the Second begat Rufus Cleveland Washington.
Had a taste for dark meat. Couldn’t keep her hands off the schwartzer help.
Miracles. There was a bunch of miracles, too. All sorts of miracles, miracles here and miracles there. Oy gevalt, the miracles.
That’s 2008. That’ll be ten shekels, kid.

GUY DAVID

I remember back in the days, 2008, that’s when the podcaster riots started, angry podcasters going into the streets to protest their working conditions, being stuffed into dungy old basements, being constantly persecuted by the RIAA storm troops and suffering the ridicule of the bad old media, they just wouldn’t take this anymore, they just went into the streets burning ipods and brasiers and shouting obscenities, oh those where the day.
What do you mean that’s not how it happened? You mean there where no protesters on the streets? No obscene words and burning brasiers and stuff? Oh, those wimps.

TOM

Jim with only moments left till it becomes 2009 lets look back on the wacky world that was 2008 Right you are Dan, there was the merger of the Adam Curry”s Podshow and Alt Dot Chicken to create Curry Chicken. And that surprise move by President ObombA when he made Laurence Simon his press secretary. That was one fun week. What”s Laurence doing now Jim. I think it was 10 to 20 Dan. But you have to agree the top story of the years was Martini Club Industries CEO Caleb Bullen”s win of the noble prize in chemistry for flubber.

TERRY THE OLD COOT

Looking back on 2008, as Old Man Time had in so many previous years,
Saw it was like a tree, seedling at first, then throughout the year, growing tall and straight.
His gaze passing over each seasons,
First, spring, white and grey turning into green and fresh, a mighty start.
Next summer, strong, sunny, warmth, reaching for the sky, at its pinnacle.
Fall, the first sign of age, but with vibrant colors, still slowly growing .
Sadly, winter, the bleak snow and cold has stopped its growth.
With a single stroke, Old Man Time swings his sickle to clear away the tree for the next.

ROBERT

Oh how the time has flied
seems like it was just 2007 but we’re looking back on to 2008.
2008 was just a blink
it seems that i can’t remember a thing
i sit and sit trying to think, yet nothing
OH oh wait, perhaps i should look back on what just happened, 2007?
well, lets see, hum hmmmm looks like i can’t remember this either?
i guess i’m losing my “great” memory
january snow
february cold
march LION
april rain
may sleep
june summer
july independence
august Hot
september 5 Years
october BOO
november cold
december writing
THANK GOD!

ELISSON

Tell you about 2008? Sure I can, Jimmy. That was the year everything
changed.
Kinda hard to imagine that, way back then, everybody was worried about
somethin” called “Global Warming.” And some business called
“Islamofascism.” Be honest with ya, I was too little to remember what
that stuff was supposed to be.
Them was crazy times. We used to ride around in “cars,” and get food
from a big ol” building. Right off the shelf! Naw, I ain”t bullshittin” ya!
But all that stuff went away in 2008, when the Space Rock landed smack
dab on a place called “Mecca.”

JD

2008 was the year that we elected the best president that these United States has ever had in our history.
2008 was the year that the stock market shot through the roof and the Dow broke 15000.
2008 was the year that the alternative fuel automobiles replaced gasoline powered automobiles.
2008 was the year that we discovered that there was no global warming or global cooling.
2008 was the year that every movie and television program was worth watching.
2008 was the year that I discovered that I was Superman and could fly.
Now, how about that bridge in Brooklyn.

KELLY

“Why are you going down this road again?” groaned Jenny. Jenny was eleven and not even around in 2008. Why should she care about the past? “This is so boring,” she complained again.
Jenny’s grandmother smiled before replying. “Because it’s important to me, and that should be enough. Besides, I thought you would be pleased that I can remember anything–since I’m old.” Jenny knew she was wrong and was a little disappointed in herself. “Looking back on 2008 always brings me happiness. If you remember, that was the year I gave life to your mother,” reminded Jenny’s patient grandmother.
Thanks, Kelly

CALEB

We all thought the election was going to be such a big deal. We all thought the Olympics were going to be such a big deal. Who knew that one little invention could have taken all the oxygen from those big stories?
In 2008 The Bullshit Engine finally found a use for political speeches, media commentators, preachers and all the other bullshit that got slung at us all the time. Now you can run your car, your electricity, everything really on bullshit. And it”s totally environmentally friendly” well”. Limbaugh”s drug habit isn”t but his bullshit is like sweet light crude.

The Scissors

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Hi, my name is Roy. I have a pair of scissors.
They’re big sharp scissors, with thick plastic handles.
Hold them up, and they look like eyes.
Open the scissors and it looks like a bird’s beak. Or a mouth.
I open and close the scissors, and it looks like it’s talking.
Then I played a song by Britney Spears on my radio, and it looked like the scissors were singing.
My scissors were singing like Britney Spears.
I love Britney Spears. She’s so hot.
I wonder if they give head like Britney Spears, too.
Oh, okay… let’s find out!