Weekly Challenge #26 – Sleeping Disorder

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Welcome to the twenty-sixth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by last week’s winner Laieanna from HodgePodge Point: Sleeping Disorder.
Ten stories were submitted this week.
One rookie this week. Yay!
And, as always, the usual madness by Planet Z.
Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

Who had the best story for the 26th Weekly Challenge?
T.A. Marquette from Footnote Podcast
John W.
Lisa from Lemons and Lollipops
Andrew from Dodgeblogium
Houston Keys from Tater Tots
Caroline from Quadra
Laieanna from HodgePodge Point
Ted’s Podcast
Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
Kolek from Kolek
The Mad Bard From Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

The full text to each story…
T.A. MARQUETTE

I stair at the doorknob as I polish Master Simon’s blowing Ball. Later I’ll rearrange the newspapers and scrub out my latex boxer shorts.
I tried counting sheep earlier in the week but that just got Mr. Happy excited and you know how demanding that little guy can be.
Sometimes on sleepless night like this I wonder how different my life Would have been if I’d got that part in Pulp Fiction.
If I could dream, which I can’t cuss of this damn insomnia. I see me in a field of cover, surrounded by cute little pink bunnies.
Aaahhha Bunnies.

LISA:

In her twenty-five year practice, she’d never had a case like this. He exhibited all the classic signs of narcolepsy: overwhelming urges to sleep, excessive daytime sleepiness, involuntary loss of muscle tone, hallucinations, and brief episodes of paralysis. Yet, it was more complex; there was something else happening while he slept. He often awoke with uncharacteristic, inexplicable, hand-shaped welts across his face.
She decided to conduct further tests. He spent three days in a sleep lab, where the doctor and three female lab assistants made the novel diagnosis. Her findings were published later that year: First Documented Case of “Nympholepsy”.

ANDREW:

His doctor told him he suffered from a sleeping disorder brought on by stress and all he needed was relaxation. Clive knew better than that; his last visit to the sea was when it all began. His recent visions of discordance and apocalyptical scenes made Bosch’s vision seem childish.
Even the thought of the sea made Clive break out into a cold sweat. His nose was suffering hallucinations of brackish sea-water and fish.
Bathing himself and showers reminded him of sinking in the sea.
He eyed the water far below and jumped…diving into the cold embrace of the tidal river.

JOHN W.

It was midnight with the mowing – this time. Other times it was late night hammering and power tools, for months now. When nagged out of bed the neighbor’s house would become suddenly quiet; and I could get no answer.
My wife told me to be ready next time, and I was. When I leapt straight from my sleeping bag and into their yard I knew it was a mistake even before I saw the teeth.
Who would associate vampires with good housekeeping?
But I smiled, knowing my wife would come to see what the hell was taking me so long.

HOUSTON KEYS:

Tossing and turning all night had become an all too familiar routine and there was no end in sight.
I lay at night gripping my soft and fluffy feather filled friend longing for sleep’s sweet embrace. Finally I could take no more as years of my sleeping disorder had driven me to the brink of insanity.
It had to end.
I finally decided to end it all. I gave away my finest possession, my relaxed fit parachute pants.
I grabbed a pill bottle and downed the whole thing.
Unfortunately it was laxative, so it’s going to be a long night.

CAROLINE:

Sleepwalking wasn’t normally Harry’s style. How on earth did he get here, on the road, far from anywhere? He’d dreamt about Alicia. He couldn’t very well tell the wife that -they only discussed the weather these days. Alicia, his friend from the net he’d never met yet knew he’d like a lot if he ever plucked up the courage. In bright red disordered dressing gown and bare feet he slowly plodded home. His wife opened the front door. ‘Where on earth…’she began. Her eyes bulging as she saw it. On his forehead was a large A written in red lipstick.

LAIEANNA:

“What a honeymoon,” Donna sighed. Alex drank almost a whole bottle of wine by himself and was now snoring. Their very first night together and she was unpleasantly kept awake.
She covered her ears till he stopped. Finally there was no snoring, and no breathing. She stayed acutely aware until he started again. This happened all through the night and she grew deeply concerned. Later, he stopped for far to long. Donna freaked, leaping onto his stomach and pushing on his chest.
Alex grabbed her suddenly and laughed, “I knew I could get you on top of me that way!”

TED:

The harsh reality of life, is that we must and some point, endure sleep disorders. My most problematic symptom is not sleep paralysis, although that can be terrifying. What I have is worse. Sheep paralysis. I lie awake, counting the damn things, and every time, somewhere around # 46 or #47, one of the stupid things trips and bonks me on the head! Then I have to start all over again. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I just hate waking up and stepping in sheep poop. Once in awhile though, it can be a really nice eye opener.

CALEB:

Ted never could believe it wasn’t butter. He asked his wife again and again but she continually reassured him that it wasn’t butter.
It kept him up nights.
He eventually went to a sleep clinic but they too said that it wasn’t butter. Ted just couldn’t believe it or sleep.
Finally the sleeplessness drove him over the edge. Literally. He drowned in his car in Lake Superior. The autopsy showed, one last time, that it had never been butter. It had been meth-amphetamine with some salt and yellow food coloring.
Ted’s wife always did have a strange sense of humor.

KOLEK:

His exhaustion gnawed at him, for he could not fall asleep last night. Or any night before then. He wondered how he would avoid falling asleep at the wheel. Perhaps his sleep disorder would help him stay awake.
Probably not.
He blearily stared down the winding grey road and a thought came to him. No medication has helped him yet, or likely ever would, but this one would.
He thought for a moment, and then made up his mind. He swerved his vehicle into oncoming traffic and smiled.
Finally he would get some sleep. A deep, peaceful, untroubled sleep.

PLANET Z:

When Superman dreams of flying, does he fly?
Based on simple Physiology, we believe he shouldn’t. Most dream-capable organisms have evolved mechanisms in their brains that prevent muscular action while asleep or unscionscious, reducing neural signals to the periphery. All they end up doing is twitching or rolling a bit.
But then, somnambulism is the result of a subconscious malfunction, I remind myself, watching the snoring caped superhero waft crazily against the moonlit sky.
He tumbles, zigs, and grazes a building.
I hope he wakes up soon. I don’t know what’s worse – the damage he’s causing or those window-shattering snores.


Thanks to everyone for sending in their stories, and I look forward to what you’ve got to write (and say) next week.
The theme for next week’s Weekly Challenge will be posted shortly.
(In case you’re interested, I’ve settled on “Clair de Lune” as the opening music and “Moonshine” by Michael Oldfield from the Tubular Bells II album.)

Cross Country

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Derek hated flying, but Mother was very sick and he couldn’t drive home cross-country in time.
His hands clutched the armrests until his fingertips turned purple.
“Are you okay?” asked a flight attendant.
“No, I’m not,” said Derek. “Can you please hit me with this book?”
The attendant refused, so Derek bit her.
“Stop it!” she shouted.
Then she hit Derek with the book.
Derek made it to Mom’s town safe and sound, and in police custody.
He refused to post bail, and he went to jail.
Mother was waiting in the prison infirmary, about to finish her life sentence.

United, We Sleep

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When we sleep, we are connected. All of us working together on solving problems.
From the greatest genius to the dullest retard, we think as one.
We fold proteins, looking for cures.
We examine evidence, looking for guilt.
We imagine technologies, looking for solutions.
We search space transmissions, looking for life.
It is a crime to disconnect and dream. Willful Waste Of Thoughtpower is punishable by Coma.
The prisons are full of the condemned, laboring hard with their minds instead of their bodies.
One day, my cat fell asleep on my pillow.
For weeks, the answer to everything was… mice.

Some Assembly Required

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
No, it’s not because of the stockings hung with care or the tree trimmed to perfection.
It’s because the floor is covered with bicycle parts of various sizes, shapes, and sharpnesses.
Which end is up? Which end is down?
Then there’s the Salvador Dali-esque ambiguity of the parts. Take, for instance, this thing: it’s either a fuser or a gearshift.
I still think they got packed with a photocopier’s manual.
Oh well. I’ll just put it together, sit on it, and we’ll see if I roll or make copies of my butt.

Knit Wit

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Halfway to Mars, communications stopped working.
Commander Gregg had plenty of supplies, a library of movies and books, and all of the yarn he needed to keep his hands occupied.
At first, he thought he’d make a cap. Then, he knitted up a scarf.
The sweater was finished as the retrorockets fired, slowing down the lander’s descent to the Martian surface.
Gregg tried one last time to call Houston, but he’d forgotten about the communications delay.
Sixteen minutes later, Mission Control screamed in futility for Gregg to take off the cap and put on his helmet before cycling the airlock.

Schwein in einem Beutel

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Gerhard looked around the auction house to see if anyone would outbid him.
Once… twice… sold!
He remembered scaling The Wall and running through No Man’s Land to freedom forty years ago to seek his fortune.
He wondered if this section was the exact one he leapt over all those years ago.
Did it matter?
It was when the truck unloaded his prize and he saw the aluminum coathooks and permanent marker scribblings that he realized his mistake: he’d been bidding on the Wall from Berlin’s, a recently-demolished nightclub in SoHo, as opposed to a piece of the Berlin Wall.

This is the dawning of the Age Of Doug

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Zeus chewed on his mashed potatoes in the Old Gods Home and groaned.
“Mashed potatoes?” said Zeus. “In the old days, I drank Ambrosia and hurled thunderbolts!”
Zeus reached into his Depends, pulled out some lightning, and weakly hefted it over his shoulder.
He wobbled and stabbed an orderly in the chest, mortally wounding him.
“Doug,” said Zeus, sputtering mashed potatoes. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted…”
Doug wheezed and gasped, slowly dying.
“I’ll place you in the heavens,” wept Zeus. “Forever with the stars.”
The Old Gods Home posted an ad for Doug’s replacement: “Good pay, great retirement benefits.”

Weekly Challenge #25 – Lounge

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Welcome to the twenty-fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by last week’s winner Caleb Bullen: Lounge.
Seven stories were submitted this week.
No rookies this wee. Boo!
And, as always, the usual madness by Planet Z.
Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

Who had the best story for the 25th Weekly Challenge?
Laieanna from Hodgepodge Point
Caroline from Quadra Island
T.A. Marquette from Footnote Podcast
Caleb from the Black Tie Martini Club
Rahel from Elms in the Yard
Andrew from Dodgeblogium
PJ from No Deep Thoughts
The Mad Bard From Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


The full text to each story…
CAROLINE

“Get into town and get some résumé’s in. It doesn’t matter where just go. If you lounge around in that bed any longer I’ll pour cold water on you head.” Yelled Nathan’s frustrated mother.
“I don’t have the money for the bus.”
“No excuses you’ve got a pair of legs. Look here’s $2 you’ll get the bus if you go now.”
Nathan arrived home in a taxi carrying an expensive looking guitar. Mum told him to leave right now. He did. He happily forgot to mention that he’d spent the $2 on lottery tickets and won the jackpot.

T.A. MARQUETTE

Morty and Ben run a small club outside of D. C.
One afternoon in walks Justice Sandra Day O’Connor carrying a guitar case.
Mort looks at Ben.
Ben looks at Mort.
They both look at Sandra.
“I’m looking for a new job as a lounge singer,” She says.
Mz O’Connor proceeds to deliver a gut wrenching rendition of the Beatles’ Yesterday.
She finishes Mort thanks her and tells her they will get in touch will her.
“Are you nuts that’s frign Sandra Day O’Connor” screams Ben.
Calmly Morty replies “Never book a judge by it cover.”

CALEB

A I like to lounge C#
D Lounge in a lounge A
A The price of drinks C#
B I usually can scrounge E
D Or maybe cash in E
A A favor or two D
A Lounge in a lounge E
E Just me and you A
A I like to play pool C#
D Or if there’s a band A
A I usually dance C#
B Given half a a chance E
D I look like a fool E
A But hey man that’s cool E
E I like to lounge in a lounge A
A A tavern’s okay C#
D So is a pub A
A Most bars are too loud C#
B Same thing with the clubs E
D A cabaret’s fine E
A If you’ve got the time E
E But I like to lounge
A In a lounge

LAIEANNA

For a lazy bastard, he was up early, lounging on the couch watching ESPN. God, another day of sports.
She grabbed the cleaning supplies, and sighed loudly for attention. Of course, there was no response. Another one woman day of chores.
Deliberately, she started with his surroundings…sweeping the rug, wiping equipment, and even sprinkling down dust from the fan.
He didn’t move. Fed up with his persistence to not help, she blocked his view. Still his eyes remained oddly fixed ahead, not blinking. Her hand came down hard on his cheek. Then she ran away hysterical. He was cold…and stiff.

RAHEL

When I found it lounging in the bathtub I held back a scream. (Do lizards hear?)
I thought of paging my friend’s furry lizard hunter, but he’s on another continent. No luck there.
Then I watched it lounge some more and wondered how on earth I was going to shower that night.
Later, I got my courage up and took some pictures of it.
Finally I caught it and released it outside.
I found another lounging in the kitchen sink the next week. They never stop.
They’re called “house geckos.” Sorry, fellas–no lounging around here. Out you go! Out!

ANDREW

It was called “the sea lounge” because it looked over the water near Bournemouth. It jutted quite a few feet over the sea on high cliff. It was this protrusion into the “sea realm” that so enraged the Deep Ones Front for the Protection of the Sea. The direct action group shunned the more secretive nature of their ancestors believing in taking “the war” to unbelieving land-people. The spectacular destruction of the Sea Lounge was their first act of aggression. They claimed responsibility in a rant to local radio that began with the words ‘Ia Ia Ftaggn Cthulhu! Heed!”

PJ

There was no expression on Paula’s face as she watched the flames engulf the Bayside Lounge.
As if in a trance, she stood quietly, oblivious to the activities around her.
The wind blew hot air into her face and smoke into her eyes, but still she stood.
Only moments before she was laughing and enjoying Friday Happy Hour with her friends.
Everyone had gotten out safely but were now pointing and whispering as if she had done something wrong.
This wasn’t her fault.
How could she have known daring a co-worker to light a fart could cause this much trouble?

PLANET Z

I stop by Casper’s Lounge for a drink.
There’s a woman at the bar, sipping bottled water.
She tells her story. I tell mine.
It turns out that her father ran over my father when we were both eight.
My dad was crossing the street when her dad was racing home to bring a
cake to her birthday party.
I remember spending my birthday in the hospital. The police said it was
a hit and run.
“Funny,” she says. “All these years, we never met up before.”
I pick up a bar stool and beat her to death with it.


Thanks to everyone for sending in their stories, and I look forward to what you’ve got to write (and say) next week.
The theme for next week’s Weekly Challenge will be posted shortly.
(In case you’re interested, I’ve settled on “Clair de Lune” as the opening music and “Moonshine” by Michael Oldfield from the Tubular Bells II album.)

The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln 61

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Hannibal Hamlin and Andrew Johnson faced each other across the mud puddle.
“Can’t you just flip a coin?” asked Hannibal of his soon-to-be former boss.
Abraham shook his weary head. “The Treasury has none to spare,” he said. “Every last penny has gone towards the war effort.”
The crowd surrounding the mud pit taunted Hamlin.
“Coward!”
“Tiebreaking fool!”
“Knave!”
“Weakling!”
Hannibal Hamlin rolled up his sleeves and picked up the rope. So did Johnson.
Half an hour later, the men remained on either side of the mud puddle.
“You’re tugging the rope, right?” asked Lincoln.
Hamlin and Johnson laughed together.

Pee Wee’s Hellhouse

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Pee Wee Herman always said “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”
Decades past his prime, Paul Reubens looked in the mirror and agreed.
Behind him, talons clacked on the coffee table. “So, Reubens,” said the Devil. “Do you agree to my terms?”
The contract was signed, and his youth was restored.
“Now I can finally stage my comeback! HAH!” shouted Paul, prancing happily in a circle. “Wait – what do you get out of this, Satan?”
“I can think of no worse torment for humanity than you on the airwaves,” said Satan.
And then he headed for Pauly Shore’s home.