Say It

636178

What is it?
I guess the best way to say something is just to say it.
The longer you think about it, the more likely you’ll try to come up with ways of saying something else, and then you eventually don’t say what you need to say at all.
And that’s not right.
The longer you take to tell someone something, you might forget some of it. Or you might feel rushed and it comes out wrong.
There’s no taking those things back. Especially things that need to get said.
What did I need to tell you?
Oh, never mind.

Weekly Challenge #88 – Christmas

11194330

Welcome to the eighty-eighth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Santa Claus.
It’s Christmas
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #88?
Zack from MothPod and Shameless Plugcast
Terry from Old Cootcast
Guy David from Guy David dot com
JD
Yxes from PodMafia
Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
Laieanna from HodgePodge Point
Tom from Footnote
Santa Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

ZACK DAGGY

The Holiday is here to celebrate Christ our Lord.
The one day a year that I am not ignored.
Gone are the cold streets, cold nights, and cold gazes.
Replaced by warm seats, warm lights, and warm faces.
The shelter is aglow in the radiance of this fuss.
For the night that I’m here, I’m home for Christmas.
Sleep now comes as it has in the past.
The sad fact about moments is they that never last.
The night begins to fade and so with it the memory.
As I return to the streets to be lost in the reverie.

TERRY

Let it Snow!
I stared at the snowman, tiny black dots for eyes, what looked like a carrot for a nose. A shabby hat on his head and old scarf around his neck. He was surrounded by a blanket of a snowy substance and he had tree branches for limbs.
With a quick wave of my hand it began to snow, a snow that was heavy at first, but slowly dissipated to nothing. Once more I waved my hand and the snow began again, only to dissipate slowly. A lovely site, simply lovely.
I quickly covered the globe in tissue, carefully making sure the glass ball was secure and protected, then lowered it into the box and wrapped it in Christmas paper.
On the card I wrote; from your secret Santa, let it snow.

GUY

There was a suspicious red stain on the snow. Santa was face down on the ground. �Who murdered Santa�? asked the voice of the grey man in the blue suit. The rain deer quickly hid his paws and tried to look sheepish. �I don’t know� he said. �Well, someone must have done it since this sort of things don’t happen by mistake. This universe is just too darn organized for this sort of shit to happen by mistake� said the greyhound. �Say what?� asked the rain deer, holding his paw to his ear. �Caught you red handed� said the constable.

YXES

He loved Christmas! Seeing her wrapped in that big red bow, he knew why he loved opening up presents. As he reached up to untie the bow, he heard her giggle, then he heard her sigh. His eyes got as big as saucers as he watched the bow slowly drop to the ground. Now she stood there with just her Santa hat, and a sprig of mistletoe. Smiling, he moved the mistletoe to rest on her belly, and bent down to give her the best “under the mistletoe kiss” she had ever had. Merry Christmas to all, and good night!

JD

The old man in the Santa costume sat at the end of the bar.
The slow gin was doing its work,
so that even now his memories were little more than a blur.
If he could drink enough he would not feel guilty
until tomorrow when he again became sober.
Out on the street an empty kettle swung from a tripod,
while the first flakes of new snow fell from a black sky.
This Christmas a small child went to sleep hungry and then awoke
to an empty stocking hung at the end of the bed.
Life is not fair.

CALEB

Self inflicted gunshot fatalities always peak around Christmas time. Some think it�s Seasonal Affective Disorder, some think that inability to live up to the idealized Madison avenue version of Christmas leads to terminal depression. But the real reason is that the elves have too much free time.
Their goal is to finish toy production by the end of November in case there are delays. When there are no delays they have most of December off. They grab Santa�s naughty list to find the ones who don�t believe and exact their yuletide vengeance. �Ho ho ho, mother fucker!�
Elves are assholes.

LAIEANNA

“This meeting is to discuss disbanding the Elf Exchange Program.
Injury and dismemberment rates have risen significantly in the human
world.”
“Your accusations are an insult! Where’s the proof?”
“Here’s documented cases of injury, including eyes lost, for improper
use of the bow and arrow.”
“Simpletons!”
“Girls have rashes from the nature jewelry.”
“Absurd!”
“They’re made of poison ivy! And a huge number of defective toys are
leaving this shop, damaged by troublesome fairies that accompany you
Wood Elves.”
“Your lies will bring upon a war of the Elves!”
“Try it, Windtree. We have the fat man on our side.”

TOM

In the 7th grade I became fascinated with photographer. I talked my mother into letting me setup a darkroom in the back bathroom. As Christmas approached I made a list of possible stuff that a 13 year old needed. On Christmas day to my horror I found under the tree 30 feet of pine 1x12s tied up with a bow. How was I going to explain this to my friends at church that morning? They gave their condolences. For 40 years those shelves were used for a 1000 different purposes. When my mom moved to Arizona she took the shelves with.

SANTA Z

The elves, man, it was the elves.
They were just too expensive.
So, I got rid of all of them and went with some outfit based in China.
Then I farmed out the communications and support work to a call center in India.
Delivery went to UPS. Fedex and Airborne just couldn’t compete.
I filed for an IPO, make billions on it.
Reindeer? Hell no. Lear jet.
Venison sausage, man. Good stuff.
Then that shit with the Chinese toys happened.
By then, I was long gone. I was on Aruba, living it up.
Natalee Holloway?
Never heard of her. Honest.

Hawaiian Shirt Day

636190

Joey never played along with Hawaiian Shirt Friday at work.
Everybody else was as colorful as the rainbow, but Joey kept wearing the same button-down suits he wore every other day.
“Joey, it’s Hawaiian Shirt Friday today,” said his boss. “Come on, join in the fun.”
“This shirt is Hawaiian,” said Joey. “I got it off a dead Hawaiian at a nightclub.”
Nobody bothered Joey about Hawaiian Shirt Day after that.
But, oddly enough, coworkers started clubbing with him a lot more often.
He knows all the cool places. And, let’s face it, he’s good at sizing up fashion, too.

Wild West Bar

636185

If you ever find yourself in a wild west bar, the last thing you want to ask the piano player for is Madonna’s “Borderline.”
Sure, her baby is pushing her love over the borderline, but there’s no need to start a fight over it.
People have gotten killed for less.
No, it’s better to stick to the newer stuff, like Vogue or… or…
Okay, all she’s doing now is lame Karaoke-style covers of classics while dancing in her underwear.
No, that shouldn’t be a cue to dance in your underwear in the wild west bar singing Madonna tunes.
As if!

Elbow Job

636181

It’s hard to keep a secret.
Some women, they’re good at giving head, but have you heard about the one who gives great elbow?
Of course not. Nobody ever says “She gives great elbow.” That’s crazy, right?
Well, if you’ve ever gotten great elbow, you wouldn’t think I’m crazy at all.
And even giving great elbow is good.
Know the saying “There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob?”
Well, there’s no such thing as a bad elbowjob or a good elbowjob.
It’s all great.
Here, just tuck in your arm and stick out your elbow.
You’ll see. Trust me.

The Joy Of Work

636187

The biggest joy of this new office is the fact that it takes me less time to get here and a lot less time to get home.
Sure, I used to read on the bus, or listen to music, or nap.
But now, I can spend that time the way I want to. No more rushing through other things because my day was eaten up by a stupidly long commute.
Of course, my joy at my shorter commute means that countless others have longer commutes of their own.
I’m so sad for them.
Like they never were for me.
HAH!

Drummer Boy

636183

I played my drum for him.
I played my best for him.
Did he like it? Did he smile?
No. He cried! He cried like a shrieking pig!
Why the hell was I playing a drum for a kid in a barn, surrounded by goats and camels and rats?
You don’t play drums for babies… you shake rattles. You pluck strings. Or play a flute.
You make goo goo noises in their faces until they clap and laugh and smile.
Stupid baby.
Probably won’t survive the night, anyway.
Hey, nobody’s watching the gold that old fart brought.
It’s mine! Sweet!

First Encounter

830379

Clark Kent was on his way home from another frustrating Friday night football game.
He had had to watch, seething, as Lana Lang was pawed by half the members of Smallville High’s football squad. The worst part was, she ate it up. And knowing that, as Superboy, he could win State singlehanded did nothing to ease his frustration. That had to be his secret.
As he trudged along the dirt path that led to the Kent farm, he saw a strange, glowing rock.
He picked it up. Immediately, his guts spasmed, clenching painfully.
It was his first encounter with Craptonite.

Speakers

636180

Ever have one of those weekends when everything goes totally wrong?
I download some music, click on the Play button, but I couldn’t hear any sound.
I turned the speakers on and off, but still, no sound.
Dammit.
Then I messed with the device settings in the computer, but I still couldn’t hear anything.
I spent the whole weekend changing out the speaker cable, then getting new speakers, and…
Wait a minute.
Are my headphones still plugged in?
Those mute the signal to the speakers, don’t they?
I’m sure my neighbors wanted to mute me for the next ten minutes.

Weekly Challenge #87 – Time Travel

7415137

Welcome to the eighty-seventh Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Tony Folino.
It’s Time Travel
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #87?
Hedgie
Steve
Phil Rossi of
Guy David of The Sixteenth
Tom from Footnote
Elisson of Blog d’Elisson
Tony
JD
Houston Keys from Tater Tots For The Masses
Laieanna from Hodge Podge Point
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

HEDGIE

I stepped into the machine simply labeled time travel and was carefully warned to stay hidden. I watched my child grow from a silly 5 year old to the astronaut he always dreamed he would be. I watched my Husband grow older and happier with time. I saw family members pass on as new ones came along. Family vacations, graduations and simple celebrations came and went. When my time in the machine was up I emerged with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I was given a chance to see what I would never experience�my future.

STEVE

Finally! Me and Kathy in my back seat! She was a real bitch, but what a body! Then my condom broke as I put it on. Damn! Oh well, just this once. What are the odds? Suddenly, there was a bright flash outside. A man appeared and knocked on my window. He looked like me, only twenty years older.
“Thank God it worked!” he said. He handed me a condom. “Trust me,” he said. Then he vanished.
“C’mon, dammit!” Kathy whined. Bossy bitch. I threw the condom out the window and got busy. Just this once.
Who was that guy?

GUY DAVID

The kid was staring at me with wide open curious eyes. I was the stranger he had never met, but boy was I familiar in ways he couldn’t begin to understand, in ways he wouldn’t understand for many years. I just stood there and stared back, in lost for words, and what could I say? I’m all grown up now, made good of my life, and the child I once was is gone, but then, there he is, staring at me with the wonder of a three years old. I looked at my watch.
�My time is up. Bye kid.�

TOM

God thought
“I think I�ll go on vacation”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“What do you mean there�s no where to go?”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Well then I�ll just have to create space.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Your telling me I need to create time too.
Damn the devil is in the details.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“I know he doesn�t have anything to do with it.
It just a saying.
How about
I just do them that at the same time
I�ll call it time/space
sort of a grand unification things.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Where I am I going?
I going back to the future.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Oh, the food is much better there.”

ELISSON

Malachi Mavis climbed into his Time Machine and pressed the lever. After
what seemed like hours of loud vibration and a disconcerting nauseous
sensation, he arrived in Far Futurity. Success!
Exiting the machine, Mavis found himself in a beautiful glade, flanked
by shining glass structures. White-robed men and women strode by and
smiled at him.
A cherubic oldster explained that disease, hatred, and warfare had been
swept away millennia ago, after the Pod Wars.
�So, we won?� offered Mavis.
�Depends on what you mean by �we,� kemosabe,� said the oldster. �We�re
from Epsilon Eridani. You�re what we call �indigenous protein.��

TONY

I was struggling desperately to stay afloat. The boat had capsized suddenly in the stormy sea. One by one I watched as my fellow passengers took their last breathe and disappeared below the surface of the water. I realized my time was limited and pressed the green button on my watch. I was immediately transported back in time and I heard the woman on the other end of the phone say, “Sir, I’m confirming your cruise on…” I stop her and politely said, “On second thought let’s go with that safari trip instead.”

PHIL

�Keto-7,� Freddie said, �Say’s his name is Keto-7. I never seen no one so old in my life. He’s gotta be ninety-nine. Bonkers, too.�
Hank looked down the length of the bar and there sat Keto-7. He was dressed in head to toe tin-foil–a walking baked-potato. Gray eyes looked out from face that was impossibly wrinkled.
�What does he want?� Hank asked and lit a Pall Mall.
�Says he needs a buck forty-five so he can get back to the year 2085.�
Hank called down the bar: �Hey Keto-7–what’s in 2085?�
�My youth,� he answered, his voice flat.

JD

Hi Ho and all that rot…..just a little story on time travel
I stooped and picked up a broken bit of glass from the dust of the gravel road.
The glass is green and slightly curved.
The edges are sharp and, while I hold it
the thin sliver cut through the skin of my finger.
I focus on the pain as a line of blood emerged.
The memory of a time long past floated up to the center of my mind.
A golden haired young boy standing on a dirt road, a bit of broken green glass in his hand, a cut finger.
Strange that my time machine only works in reverse.

HOUSTON KEYS

This is Lieutenant Dan. Leave me a message.
Lieutenant Dan, this is Forrest, Forrest Gump. I have something to say
to you through the miracle of Cher.
If I could turn back time,
I’d get Lieutenant Dan his legs.
I’d shoot back at the Cong who hurt you,
And you’d stay.
If I could drive a car,
I’d drive over to see you.
And you’d love me, love me love me,
I’d give my legs to you�
I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is, I love you like a man
loves another man.
Platonically of course.

LAIEANNA

After I killed Scruffy, the only way my husband could cope was to get
another dog. I was reluctant, but watching Sally closely, I
determined she was normal. That was till the socks situation. At
first all my whimsical socks were disappearing from the drawer. Days
later new socks made of strange space age material were appearing.
While sifting through the pile of unusual foot warmers for the fifth
time one day, I glimpsed Sally walking by the doorframe in a pair of
black socks with rotating red suns. I’ve had it with dogs. Tomorrow
we get a guinea pig.

PLANET Z

Ned’s time machine was built out of a supercomputer and an old portable toilet.
Every time Ned tried to go back in time to visit some historical event, he’d hear a loud bang and some flashing lights, but he was still in the present.
After a week of testing and adjusting, Ned eventually gave up on the time machine and dismantled it.
Back in time, from the crucifixion of Jesus to the assassination of JFK, the torrent of random explosions of human excrement and chemicals suddenly stopped.
The fact that none of this made the history books, well, that’s life.