Category: Weekly Challenge

Welcome to the Ninety-Third Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Duckyfresh Watanabe.
It’s Hygenic Products
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #93?
	Tom from Footnote
	Guy David from Sixteenth
	Daphne Abernathy of Going Broke
	Kelly Burt from Come Let Me Whisper
	Laieanna from Hodgepodge Point
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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TOM

Initially Jane loved Sammy for his impeccable cleanliness. He looked a lot like David Bowie in the Man who fell to earth. He had nearly every possible hygienic product imaginable. The Michael Jackson high speed nostril clippers, the Arnold Schwarzenegger govonator bikini waxer, Martha Stewart ankle hair remover. Sammy went as far as to have had his sweat glands surgically rerouted. It just might have worked between them if Sammy hadn”t take it just one step to far. Jane hurriedly throw all her clothes into overnight and raced out the door just after she saw Sammy bent over engaged in a tough on Monica Lewinsky extra contoured butt fosse.

DAPHNE

Have you ever watched an 18-Wheeler over turn? I don’t mean seeing the after effects of the helpless trailer on its side and the contents all over the road. I mean seeing it take an off-ramp too fast, tipping over on to two wheels and then come tumbling over with such a crash that the back doors burst open and the contents go everywhere. Well I have, and right now my car is covered in Hygienic Products… so I’m going to be a little late for work.

GUY DAVID

Lony was lazing on the sofa with me, when that salesman came knocking at our door. “Keep yourselves clean ladies, with the latest Crapking Super Hygienic cleansing products”. So much dirty sales talk.
We decided to have fun a little, but Lony got a little rusty since Droma barbecued her, so she turned him into an elf by mistake, while trying to turn him into a pile of dirty socks for our cat, Footnote. Now, imagine an elf, trying to go door to door, selling hygienic products. I just had to do something, so, I turned him into a frog.

KELLY BURT

I was a little concerned when I first left a toothbrush, but he took it well. Then I left some underwear. This was also tolerated. I assumed all was well– I assumed. That was my first mistake. The problem arose when I decided to leave my own personal “hygienic products”. I left my brand of toothpaste and hair products. This pissed him off. He decided that I didn’t like his products, therefore this was a personal attack on him. I’m glad I didn’t leave any tampons. I really would’ve been frighten if he had an opinion on my feminine products.

LAIEANNA

“I am the baddest dog around. No human tells me what to do.”
“Ha, you wish. All cats top you. We’re cunning and never ever do
what we’re told.”
“I’ll prove it! I’ll steal food off the table.”
“I’ll walk on the counters.”
“Oh. Oh! I’ll dig holes in the yard.”
“I’ll eat their goldfish.”
“I’ll chew up their house shoes.”
“I’ll shred the curtains.”
“I’ll bark all night.”
“I’ll pee throughout the house.”
“Well, I’ll drag whatever’s in the bathroom garbage all over the carpet.”
“It’s the wrong time of the month for that! You win, you disgusting animal.”

CALEB

The Following story is true nothing has been changed to protect the innocent.
In 2001 American Hygiene Products, a wholly owned subsidiary of Disposable Soft Goods International, purchased the assets of Drypers Corporation following their announced bankruptcy of October 2000, substantially increasing the sales of the company in North America.
The integration of the acquisition was successfully completed in the first quarter of 2002 and the combined Net Sales for Year End 2002 were in excess of 160 million dollars. Other major North Amrerican acquisitions included Dafoe & Dafoe international in 1987, DrySec in 1993, and Universal Converters in 1997.

PLANET Z

My name is Doctor Johnson N. Johnson, and I invented the cotton swab.
No need to thank me. Just knowing you’re using them in good health is reward enough.
Since then, I’ve invented many hygienic products.
But I have a secret. A dark secret.
Late at night, in my factory, I take off my lab coat and all my other garments and I roll around naked in the cotton bails.
So soft. So luxurious. Such a delight.
Don’t think the worse of me. Come down to my factory, feel for yourself.
It’s not a perversion! It’s Heaven, I tell you!

Welcome to the Ninety-Second Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Kelly Burt.
It’s Candy
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which stories were the best from Weekly Challenge #92?
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
	Terry from Old Cootcast
	Tom from Footnote
	Guy David from Guy David dot com
	Daphne from Going Broke
	Kelly from Come Let Me Whisper
	Laieanna at Hodgepodge Point
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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CALEB

It was three thirty in the morning and I couldn”t sleep. I was haunted by all the imponderables of life. Is it the philtrum that holds the tip onto a pool cue and the ferrule that sits between your nose and mouth or is it the other way around? And what about philately? The smell of my cigarette burning in the night must have woken candy up she said, “come back to bed. I”m about to dream of swans in leisure suits, you wouldn”t want to miss out on that” She was right as usual. I went back to bed.

TERRY

The Candy has always been my downfall.
From the first time I tasted it, it had me.
It can destroy judgment as fast and sure as a man.
The Boss with his promises of fun and money soon had me also.
But, it was the Candy that I wanted the most, which he was glad to provide.
Through the haze created the Candy, so simple were the foulest of ideals.
With the Candy, I could do his dirty deeds.
The Candy had captured me and destroyed my soul.
With the Candy I became reckless and carefree.
With the Candy I seemed invincible and unstoppable.
With the Candy as my guide, I had gone out into the city.
Carefree and reckless, I again went to do his deeds.
Now, with the candy in one hand and a smoking gun in the other,
I watch blood flow from me.
The Candy has made me the enemy of myself.

TOM

Lt. Brumsfield pulled back the sheet covering the coed. Her face had the same stupid grin as the other UC students. Rudy the CSI photographer noted his discuss for Candy. That is what they called Germanium Tetra Lithium on the street cus it sugarcoated the DNA in the brain. Truth told candy never made it to the street, it could only be cooked up in the best of researcher labs. Thus it only appeared in the university population dues its steep cost and proxicimity. The guys who produced G4T were called the Candymen. They wrapped their wares in Wonker wrappers.

GUY

“I want candy” the overgrown 3 years old screamed at the top of her voice, while tearing off another building. Much to her disappointment, she found no candy inside, so she strolled of, leaving a trail of wrecked cars and screaming pedestrians behind. The scientists where waving their strange ray gun at her. “Do it” screamed the senator, “blow this intruder into kingdom come”. “But she’s a human being” protested one of the scientists. “shit, do it”, the senator shouted, so she was blown right into virtuality. “Oh, candy” said the girl and started climbing candy mountain on Edloe Island.

KELLY

Johnny spoke of candy hourly. They had ran through every candy they could think of from Almond Joy to Zero Bar. Still, nothing seemed to satisfy his sweet tooth. Johnny was 82 and an alzheimer’s patient, so the girls took as much time as possible with him. They hoped if one of them could find the key, then maybe they could assist him with living in the present more. Then it clicked, one of the girls realized that candy was not referring to a sugary treat, but to a lost love. Now they knew the correct question: Who is Candy?

DAPHNE

OK, remember when you were a kid and you were told not to do something but you did it anyway then something went wrong and you learned your lesson, that’s what this is. I took candy from a stranger, the next thing I know my hair is messed up, my clothes are ripped, I have this knife in my hand and I’m cover in… well.. it’s not blood, it looks like transmission fluid or oil and there’s a body, but it’s not really a body, it’s a wind-up toy… a Stepford Butler really… but I learned my lesson and no one really died… So can I go officer? I promise never to take candy from a tall, gray haired woman with wind-up keys in their back again.

LAIEANNA

It’s the race of the century, folks, our Gingerbread men lined up,
ready to take this treacheries course. They’re off! Green rounds
the corner, taking the lead. Blue and Red are right behind with
yellow on their heels. Green is down, stuck in Gooey Gumdrops. The
rest easily pass. Oh no, Blue ran off the track! He’s lost in
Lollipop Woods. Red takes the lead. Yellow changes course down
Rainbow Trail. Can he beat Red to Candy Castle? Red puts on an extra
burst of speed. He better watch”oh to late, he’s neck deep in
Molasses Swamp. Yellow wins CandyLand!

PLANET Z

Willy Wonka didn’t give a shit anymore.
After decades of exhausting prestidigitation in this fucked-up nightmare factory, he just wanted to escape.
No more worrying about quality standards, market share, and these damn, crazy-assed singing midgets.
He put his hand on the Everlasting Gobstopper, quoted Shakespeare, and knew he was condemning Charlie to misery.
But, just maybe, maybe it would be different for Charlie.
Happiness? Joy?
No, he’ll also end up a haggard, burnt-out hollow shell, a lonely, envied chocolatier.
The other kids, they were the lucky ones. They came away wiser.
Charlie, he’d never get away.

Welcome to the Ninety-first Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Planet Z.
It’s Looking Back On 2008
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Who had the best stories in Weekly Challenge #90?
	Kelly from Come Let Me Whisper
	Duckyfresh from SLCN
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club Oddcast
	Tom from Footnote
	JD from Writing.com
	Guy David at Guy David dot com
	Laieanna from HodgePodge Point
	Terry the Old Coot
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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KELLY BURT

Ok what f-ed-up person was the first to think, “Yes, clowns”you know, for the kids.”
Clowns are terrifying–you know, for the adults. I have never been a fan of clowns…I know, what a surprise. Clowns are evil. They are the ones that walk the night in search of victims. People are afraid of things that go bump in the night, but they should be afraid of CLOWNS! They wear make-up and lurk. I hate things that lurk. I know that I must find a way to rid us of these foul creatures. I hope that there is a cure.

DUCKYFRESH

The wise Bart Simpson once said, “Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.” We laughed at the time; we all thought it was a funny gag because really, clowns won’t eat you in your sleep. That’s not very clown-like behavior at all. I certainly don’t find it amusing one bit to think clowns might creep into your bedroom with fork and knife at the ready, to gobble you up while you slumber peacefully. I am quite certain there is a rule in the Clown Book of Ethics that strictly forbids such nocturnal atrocities. The clowns prefer you awake and screaming anyway.

CALEB

Ever since his last trip to Arkham Asylum the Joker, that one time clown prince of crime decided to go straight. His penchant for wild inventions and gadgetry quickly made him the richest man in all of Gotham. Corporate takeovers proved even more exciting than heists and were so much more profitable. Still, he did wish he could exact vengeance on that meddlesome Batman.
When an accountant notified him of some irregularities in the recent Wayne Corps acquisition, he couldn”t help but smile even wider. Atomic cars? Helicopters? At shareholder expense? Batman was done for.

TOM

I have notice same memories are no longer connect to corporal space. I no longer remember having been at a kiddy clown show. Being the luck child called up to help with a balloon trick. The only latent image in my brain is a 8mm movie shot by my dad. Just as the balloon was growing to amazing lengths the film ran out. The last few seconds of the film turns to a orange red streak and poof I”m and he are gone. I remember being told the clown was Emmett Kelly but it probably was some other 2d clown

JD

Most of the time I love clowns.
The orange hair, large red noses, pants 10 sizes to large, their over size shoes.
They make me laugh until my eyes squirt water like the flowers on their lapels and my voice becomes a croak.
They exhaust me.
This last few weeks I find little to laugh about.
I turn on the TV and there they are.
A full menagerie of clowns, without costumes.
They all say that we, the people, are in trouble and they are the only clowns in town that can fix US.
That’s with a capitol U S

GUY

The clowns came over today. They where just on their way to Kentucky. The big boss knows who to send on an off mission, I mean, no one would suspect a clown. They always get their target and those poor bastards just don’t know what hit them. Was it the little plastic hummer? Maybe it was the pennywhistle? Those are deadly. One note played the right way and all the gray staff comes running out of your ears screaming. Not this time though. This time it was that little electric hand buzzer. Gets them every time. Those clowns are good.

LAIEANNA

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s all just an act.
Don’t be alarmed to see this clown on his back.
He’ll be up again, clowning about,
And when he does, let’s cheer and shout.
Announced as Potato, the fainting clown,
Known one minute to be up and the next minute down.
Life, he spent quiet and shy wherever he’d dwell.
Career, he was magic except those pesky fainting spells.
You’d think and assume it tough on his heart,
But the clown kept strong from the very start.
What did him in one day in fall,
Was bad trajectory of a human cannonball.

TERRY

In the good old days, people who wanted to become clowns ran away to the circus.
Or so Billy Bob thought the legend went. It was a far cry from reality, now that the city put a bounty on their heads.
The bands of clowns and their midget cars involved in drive-by pie in the face incidents were now a daily happening.
The final straw was the mayor’s wife being targeted as she walked down Main Street.
Billy Bob was more than glad to put his army training to work. The money from the bounty would come in handy,
now with jobs were far and few between. All he needed was one of those incidents to happen.
He knew as soon as he heard the car; he was in luck, who else but clowns would be driving like that.
With a quick click, the safety on his rifle was off. Billy Bob would be dining well tonight.
Clowns, damn those clowns!

PLANET Z

There’s an old joke where a guy who’s suicidally depressed goes into a doctor’s office, tells the doctor he’s always miserable while everybody else is so happy.
He’s tried everything ” pills, booze, sex, intense shock therapy… nothing’s worked.
Doctor thinks a bit, says a famous clown is in town, always brings laughter and joy wherever he performs.
Man says “I am Pagliaci.”
Doctor says “What? No, I’m thinking of Bertoli, not you. I mean, let’s face it ” people are laughing because you’re just so awful.”
Then he gives Pagliacci his theater pass, some Zoloft, and kicks him out the door.

Welcome to the ninetieth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Caleb Bullen.
It’s Looking Back On 2008
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

What were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #90?
	Planet Z
	Guy David from Sixteenth
	Tom from Footnote
	Terry the Old Coot
	Robert
	Elisson from blog d’Elisson
	JD from Writing.com
	Kelly Burt from Come Let Me Whisper
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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PLANET Z

And now, a moment with Rabbi Crapman.
You wants to know about 2008? Oy gevalt, That’s a long ways back.
Let me check the Torah.
And… there. 2008.
Jebediah begat Schlomo.
Sylvia begat Nebuchadneezer.
Hymie begat David.
There was a lot of begatting back them. Horny little Jew bastards.
Ah Queen Sharon the Second begat Rufus Cleveland Washington.
Had a taste for dark meat. Couldn’t keep her hands off the schwartzer help.
Miracles. There was a bunch of miracles, too. All sorts of miracles, miracles here and miracles there. Oy gevalt, the miracles.
That’s 2008. That’ll be ten shekels, kid.

GUY DAVID

I remember back in the days, 2008, that’s when the podcaster riots started, angry podcasters going into the streets to protest their working conditions, being stuffed into dungy old basements, being constantly persecuted by the RIAA storm troops and suffering the ridicule of the bad old media, they just wouldn’t take this anymore, they just went into the streets burning ipods and brasiers and shouting obscenities, oh those where the day.
What do you mean that’s not how it happened? You mean there where no protesters on the streets? No obscene words and burning brasiers and stuff? Oh, those wimps.

TOM

Jim with only moments left till it becomes 2009 lets look back on the wacky world that was 2008 Right you are Dan, there was the merger of the Adam Curry”s Podshow and Alt Dot Chicken to create Curry Chicken. And that surprise move by President ObombA when he made Laurence Simon his press secretary. That was one fun week. What”s Laurence doing now Jim. I think it was 10 to 20 Dan. But you have to agree the top story of the years was Martini Club Industries CEO Caleb Bullen”s win of the noble prize in chemistry for flubber.

TERRY THE OLD COOT

Looking back on 2008, as Old Man Time had in so many previous years,
Saw it was like a tree, seedling at first, then throughout the year, growing tall and straight.
His gaze passing over each seasons,
First, spring, white and grey turning into green and fresh, a mighty start.
Next summer, strong, sunny, warmth, reaching for the sky, at its pinnacle.
Fall, the first sign of age, but with vibrant colors, still slowly growing .
Sadly, winter, the bleak snow and cold has stopped its growth.
With a single stroke, Old Man Time swings his sickle to clear away the tree for the next.

ROBERT

Oh how the time has flied
seems like it was just 2007 but we’re looking back on to 2008.
2008 was just a blink
it seems that i can’t remember a thing
i sit and sit trying to think, yet nothing
OH oh wait, perhaps i should look back on what just happened, 2007?
well, lets see, hum hmmmm looks like i can’t remember this either?
i guess i’m losing my “great” memory
january snow
february cold
march LION
april rain
may sleep
june summer
july independence
august Hot
september 5 Years
october BOO
november cold
december writing
THANK GOD!

ELISSON

Tell you about 2008? Sure I can, Jimmy. That was the year everything
changed.
Kinda hard to imagine that, way back then, everybody was worried about
somethin” called “Global Warming.” And some business called
“Islamofascism.” Be honest with ya, I was too little to remember what
that stuff was supposed to be.
Them was crazy times. We used to ride around in “cars,” and get food
from a big ol” building. Right off the shelf! Naw, I ain”t bullshittin” ya!
But all that stuff went away in 2008, when the Space Rock landed smack
dab on a place called “Mecca.”

JD

2008 was the year that we elected the best president that these United States has ever had in our history.
2008 was the year that the stock market shot through the roof and the Dow broke 15000.
2008 was the year that the alternative fuel automobiles replaced gasoline powered automobiles.
2008 was the year that we discovered that there was no global warming or global cooling.
2008 was the year that every movie and television program was worth watching.
2008 was the year that I discovered that I was Superman and could fly.
Now, how about that bridge in Brooklyn.

KELLY

“Why are you going down this road again?” groaned Jenny. Jenny was eleven and not even around in 2008. Why should she care about the past? “This is so boring,” she complained again.
Jenny’s grandmother smiled before replying. “Because it’s important to me, and that should be enough. Besides, I thought you would be pleased that I can remember anything–since I’m old.” Jenny knew she was wrong and was a little disappointed in herself. “Looking back on 2008 always brings me happiness. If you remember, that was the year I gave life to your mother,” reminded Jenny’s patient grandmother.
Thanks, Kelly

CALEB

We all thought the election was going to be such a big deal. We all thought the Olympics were going to be such a big deal. Who knew that one little invention could have taken all the oxygen from those big stories?
In 2008 The Bullshit Engine finally found a use for political speeches, media commentators, preachers and all the other bullshit that got slung at us all the time. Now you can run your car, your electricity, everything really on bullshit. And it”s totally environmentally friendly” well”. Limbaugh”s drug habit isn”t but his bullshit is like sweet light crude.

Welcome to the eighty-ninth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Hedgie Till.
It’s Nutcracker
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

What were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #89?
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
	Tom from Footnote
	Terry from The Old Coot Cast
	Justin and his Random Thoughts
	JD White
	Yxes from Podmafia
	Houston Keys from Tater Tots For The Masses
	Guy David the Night Guy
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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CALEB

Who called you a sissy? Let me tell you back when your grandfather was young, John Nutcracker Fuzzarelli ran this town. They called him Nutcracker because he loved Tchaikovsky. So much so that he used the protection money he made to build a theatre, the drug money to buy the best orchestra in the country, and the prostitution money started the greatest ballet troupe around. So just remember it was a love of classical music that made this town and if those bullies make fun of you again, use your flute case to break their fucking kneecaps that�ll teach em.

TOM

First position four position second position Plie Fouett� jet� Allegro Grand jet�. He soared across the stage gaining height in the face of the faltering god of gravity. He was nearing Nijinsky. He was besting Baryshnikov. Clara�s month dropped open. The Rat King spun around backwards. The Flowers, Russians and Chinese dancers just stood transfixed. Only Drosselmeyer smiled for it was he who had been supplying the steroids to the Nutcracker. The street brand was affectionately called Bull Ball Boost. Unfortunately the leap landed him on top to the 2 bassoon. Not player the instrument. Boy that was a nutcracker.

TERRY

Company Holiday Parties are so much fun.
As I stood, chatting, Cindy Lou entered the room.
She was tall, thin, and quite beautiful.
Her gown was excitingly different from the pant suits she normally wore.
The front of it was low cut and showed off her ample cleavage,
and her long legs seemed to go on forever under the short skirt.
I hurriedly made my way through the crowd to her.
Smiling, she raised her arms for a hug.
I seized my chance and embraced her, pressing her breasts firmly against my chest.
Just as swiftly, her knee shot up between my legs.
yeooowwww..
Cindy Lou was a real Nutcracker

JUSTIN

Most people think nutcrackers are harmless. Trust me, they aren�t.
One day while I was on vacation in New York I was walking through Little Italy and saw a guy called Violent Vinny get whacked. I was the only one around so they grabbed me and encouraged me to act like I saw nothing.
Apparently they weren�t convinced that I�d not talk and felt like they needed to give me a dose of what I�d face if I ever were to go to the cops.
That�s when they got out the nutcracker and left me with this high pitched voice.

JD

The sugar plum fairies froze as big Bill entered the bar.
It was the night before Christmas and everyone knew what the big man was like this time of year.
He had not received a gift in his whole miserable life.
He, without fail, sent letters to Santa.
Registered letters!
He had even once been nice for 364 days.
Big Bill was just the sort of man that was not ever, and I mean never, going to receive a visit from Santa.
The fairies looked down into their drinks as Big Bill strode the bar with the nutcracker held ready.

YXES

He looked like a soldier, standing up so tall and straight
Although he never smiled, he was always looking at some far distant target.
My favorite thing to do with him was to watch him yawn, a big, impossible opening of his mouth,
and then I’d wait to hear a very peculiar crunching sound, not unlike a fabricated cough.
Then, in all the staunch dignity that he could muster, he’d spit out the shell of a walnut, or pecan
or sometimes even an almond, leaving the meat for me and my siblings to snack on.
He was my favorite Nutcracker.

HOUSTON

The A-Team was trapped with only a few Frankie Goes to Hollywood
T-shirts and a large bag of walnuts.
Hannibal ordered Face and Murdoch to crack the walnuts so they could
create a nut based bomb.
They tried using Murdoch’s head, but that didn’t work so well.
Next, Face tried to use his teeth, but his caps kept popping off.
Finally B.A. stepped up. “Stop with all the jibber-jabber! Hand me
those walnuts!”
Placing the walnuts between his well defined gluteus muscles he began
to squeeze until the walnut gave way.
“I pity the fool that tells anyone about this!”

GUY

The nutcracker bird was sitting on a high brunch overlooking the kingdom. The king was standing bellow the apricot tree shouting orders. �Where is my nutcracker? I want to eat some nuts!� he shouted. The bird, hearing the king and wanting to shut him up, did the only thing it could do and dropped some crap on him. �Off with the bird’s head� shouted the king quite angrily, �and do it quick. I’ve got a Tchaikovsky concert to catch. They are playing The Nutcracker Suite.� The bird laughed a little birdie laugh and flew away, as birds would often do.

PLANET Z

I like going to see The Nutcracker every year, but this year I was busy, so I didn’t get to the ballet until after Christmas.
Wow, do those dancers phone it in once the holiday’s passed.
Clara barely acknowledges the gift, which were blow-up sex dolls, a prank by the propmaster.
The Sugar Plum Fairy was chainsmoking while limply dancing on a runny egg yolk of a moon.
The Russian dancers have long since defected, replaced with any homeless willing to dress up in Soviet Army Surplus for ten bucks and a sandwich.
Somewhere, Tchaikovsky is spinning in his grave.
Put a tutu on him, baby!

Welcome to the eighty-seventh Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Tony Folino.
It’s Time Travel
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #87?
	Hedgie
	Steve
	Phil Rossi of
	Guy David of The Sixteenth
	Tom from Footnote
	Elisson of Blog d’Elisson
	Tony
	JD
	Houston Keys from Tater Tots For The Masses
	Laieanna from Hodge Podge Point
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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HEDGIE

I stepped into the machine simply labeled time travel and was carefully warned to stay hidden. I watched my child grow from a silly 5 year old to the astronaut he always dreamed he would be. I watched my Husband grow older and happier with time. I saw family members pass on as new ones came along. Family vacations, graduations and simple celebrations came and went. When my time in the machine was up I emerged with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I was given a chance to see what I would never experience�my future.

STEVE

Finally! Me and Kathy in my back seat! She was a real bitch, but what a body! Then my condom broke as I put it on. Damn! Oh well, just this once. What are the odds? Suddenly, there was a bright flash outside. A man appeared and knocked on my window. He looked like me, only twenty years older.
“Thank God it worked!” he said. He handed me a condom. “Trust me,” he said. Then he vanished.
“C’mon, dammit!” Kathy whined. Bossy bitch. I threw the condom out the window and got busy. Just this once.
Who was that guy?

GUY DAVID

The kid was staring at me with wide open curious eyes. I was the stranger he had never met, but boy was I familiar in ways he couldn’t begin to understand, in ways he wouldn’t understand for many years. I just stood there and stared back, in lost for words, and what could I say? I’m all grown up now, made good of my life, and the child I once was is gone, but then, there he is, staring at me with the wonder of a three years old. I looked at my watch.
�My time is up. Bye kid.�

TOM

God thought
“I think I�ll go on vacation”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“What do you mean there�s no where to go?”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Well then I�ll just have to create space.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Your telling me I need to create time too.
Damn the devil is in the details.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“I know he doesn�t have anything to do with it.
It just a saying.
How about
I just do them that at the same time
I�ll call it time/space
sort of a grand unification things.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Where I am I going?
I going back to the future.”
Pssmispuushhehhiiee
“Oh, the food is much better there.”

ELISSON

Malachi Mavis climbed into his Time Machine and pressed the lever. After
what seemed like hours of loud vibration and a disconcerting nauseous
sensation, he arrived in Far Futurity. Success!
Exiting the machine, Mavis found himself in a beautiful glade, flanked
by shining glass structures. White-robed men and women strode by and
smiled at him.
A cherubic oldster explained that disease, hatred, and warfare had been
swept away millennia ago, after the Pod Wars.
�So, we won?� offered Mavis.
�Depends on what you mean by �we,� kemosabe,� said the oldster. �We�re
from Epsilon Eridani. You�re what we call �indigenous protein.��

TONY

I was struggling desperately to stay afloat. The boat had capsized suddenly in the stormy sea. One by one I watched as my fellow passengers took their last breathe and disappeared below the surface of the water. I realized my time was limited and pressed the green button on my watch. I was immediately transported back in time and I heard the woman on the other end of the phone say, “Sir, I’m confirming your cruise on…” I stop her and politely said, “On second thought let’s go with that safari trip instead.”

PHIL

�Keto-7,� Freddie said, �Say’s his name is Keto-7. I never seen no one so old in my life. He’s gotta be ninety-nine. Bonkers, too.�
Hank looked down the length of the bar and there sat Keto-7. He was dressed in head to toe tin-foil–a walking baked-potato. Gray eyes looked out from face that was impossibly wrinkled.
�What does he want?� Hank asked and lit a Pall Mall.
�Says he needs a buck forty-five so he can get back to the year 2085.�
Hank called down the bar: �Hey Keto-7–what’s in 2085?�
�My youth,� he answered, his voice flat.

JD

Hi Ho and all that rot…..just a little story on time travel
I stooped and picked up a broken bit of glass from the dust of the gravel road.
The glass is green and slightly curved.
The edges are sharp and, while I hold it
the thin sliver cut through the skin of my finger.
I focus on the pain as a line of blood emerged.
The memory of a time long past floated up to the center of my mind.
A golden haired young boy standing on a dirt road, a bit of broken green glass in his hand, a cut finger.
Strange that my time machine only works in reverse.

HOUSTON KEYS

This is Lieutenant Dan. Leave me a message.
Lieutenant Dan, this is Forrest, Forrest Gump. I have something to say
to you through the miracle of Cher.
If I could turn back time,
I’d get Lieutenant Dan his legs.
I’d shoot back at the Cong who hurt you,
And you’d stay.
If I could drive a car,
I’d drive over to see you.
And you’d love me, love me love me,
I’d give my legs to you�
I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is, I love you like a man
loves another man.
Platonically of course.

LAIEANNA

After I killed Scruffy, the only way my husband could cope was to get
another dog. I was reluctant, but watching Sally closely, I
determined she was normal. That was till the socks situation. At
first all my whimsical socks were disappearing from the drawer. Days
later new socks made of strange space age material were appearing.
While sifting through the pile of unusual foot warmers for the fifth
time one day, I glimpsed Sally walking by the doorframe in a pair of
black socks with rotating red suns. I’ve had it with dogs. Tomorrow
we get a guinea pig.

PLANET Z

Ned’s time machine was built out of a supercomputer and an old portable toilet.
Every time Ned tried to go back in time to visit some historical event, he’d hear a loud bang and some flashing lights, but he was still in the present.
After a week of testing and adjusting, Ned eventually gave up on the time machine and dismantled it.
Back in time, from the crucifixion of Jesus to the assassination of JFK, the torrent of random explosions of human excrement and chemicals suddenly stopped.
The fact that none of this made the history books, well, that’s life.

Welcome to the eighty-sixth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Stuart Warf.
It’s Snow
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which stories were the best from Weekly Challenge #86?
	Tony Folino
	Hedgie Till
	Tom from Footnote
	Anji Bee from Chillcast
	Guy David from Guy David dot com
	JD White
	Houston Keys from Tater Tots For The Masses
	Laieanna from HodgePodge Point
	Yxes from Podmafia
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

---

TONY FOLINO

As the snow fell, the team lined up in formation. The football felt like a block of ice. He thought his fingertips were going to snap off. He lost all feeling in his hands an hour ago. The best he could do to catch and hold the ball was to use a combination of useless hands and numb arms to cradle the ball against his frigid body. An alarm sounded and he turned and walked out door, took off his gloves and motioned to the administrator. “That new simulator feels so real. Wanna get a beer?”

HEDGIE

Early one morning at a New Hampshire college, a wide eyed Bermuda born freshman stared in wonder at the gently falling snow. Winter was here! Giddy with excitement, she ran outside and leapt into a small drift. She made snow angels and had snowball fights with friends for hours. Her dream of a snowy winter had come true! A few weeks later, knee deep in drifts and her arms full of books, a group of seniors that had witnessed her first snow filled morning chuckled to themselves as they heard her muttering “fucking snow. I can’t wait to go home!”.

TOM

See Snow.
Fall snow Fall.
See Dad.
See big shovel.
Shovel dad Shovel.
The snow is white.
The dad is red.
Dad like the snow has fallen.
See Mom.
See Phone.
Call mom call
before Dad dies.
Down our street come the white van
With backward letters.
Hurray van Hurray.
See the tires spin
See the van spin.
Crash van Crash
into the ditch.
See Mom.
See Tears.
Fall tears Fall.
The air is very still.
The dad is very still
See Sky.
Gray sky Gray.
See Snow.
See Dad.
Fall snow Fall
cover-up the dad.

ANJI

i am a southern california gal through and through. you can hear it in my accent, that calls to mind slacking surfers; you can see it in my style — the penchant for year round bare feet; but most of all you can sense it in my attitude — that laid back, chilled out, keep it mellow vibe i maintain despite my workload or surroundings. but once upon a time, when i was still a teen, i moved to arizona with my mother for a year. now most people associate arizona with extreme dry heat, but in flagstaff, they get snow.

GUY

The snow has been falling, dripping on my heart for days, and it is now frozen. No sound is coming out, no internal clock ticking, clicking the days of my mortal prison away. Gone are the days, chased by time rushing by, washing me away in it’s tidy tide, forgotten in a prison of ice.
The rain will wash my pain away, leave me clean, cold and still. I’m forever blue, in a crystalized ice cage, here I stay, unmoving, uncaring, for all my cares are gone, forgotten, as I forever sleep, with a frozen heart, buried under deep snow.

JD

I cover my one sin with other sins
First I commented one sin in ignorance
Then I lied to keep hidden that sin, this time not in ignorance
After the first lie another lie is created and after that, another follows
Soon the lies are too many to count and my mind,
spinning out of control,
bends under the effort to maintain a reality that is not real
The mind bends but it does not break.
Is there a breaking point?
Snow covers the ground as far as my eyes can see
Would that pure snow could cover my sins.

HOUSTON

We open with young Karen crying over the puddle which used to be
Frosty the Snowman.
Karen, what’s wrong?
Santa, it’s Frosty, he’s melted.
Ho, Ho, Ho. Don’t you worry Karen; Frosty is made from “Christmas
Snow.” Once he gets a blast of�
But Santa!
What! I mean, yes Karen.
But Santa, Frosty was starting to melt. WAIT! DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!
But it was too late. The Christmas Wind brought Frosty back to life.
Happy birthday! What the [REDACTED]??? Yellow snow?
Now it is a little known fact that Frosty had the strongest pimp slap
of all the snowmen.

LAIEANNA

“Oh come on,” screamed the devil,
“This just isn’t right.
The people are happy.
They won’t even fight!”
His precious lake of fire
Where souls once burned in it’s flow
Was nothing more than slick and solid
And all the ground was covered in snow
In typical demon fashion, he had a blazing fit
Being sure he was heard as he’d stomp and yell
“You’re showing off up there,
Just to prove you can freeze hell.”
“You’re making a mockery of me.
You’re making me a fool.”
He turned towards his chambers, grumbling
“Just look at me; I’m turning blue.”

YXES

A fresh blanket of snow quietly covered the ground when he suddenly noticed a jacket on the path, then some pants, a hat, some shoes. “This was very odd,” he thought, as he continued picking up articles of clothing on his way to the doorway of a rugged cabin that was hidden behind the trees. He saw smoke curling out of the chimney, and candle light flickering in the windows. Then he saw her, standing in the doorway, naked, except for a red santa’s hat, and a bright red ribbon artfully wrapped around her body. She whispered, “Merry Christmas, lover.”

PLANET Z

I keep a snowball in my freezer.
I also keep a severed head in my freezer.
The severed head came off of a guy from the Census Bureau who came around the other day asking nosy questions:
�How old are you?�
�How many people live here?�
�Are you married?�
�Do you have any children?�
All these questions!
So I got angry and chopped off his head.
Looking back, I probably should have just hit the guy with the snowball.
I could really use the space in the freezer that the severed head takes up.
And the snowball, too, I guess.

Welcome to the eighty-fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Houston Keys.
It’s Naked Twister
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

What were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #85?
	Coal Cracker
	Tom from Footnote
	Guy David from The Sixteenth
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
	Yxes from Podmafia
	Planet Z
pollcode.com free polls

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

---

COAL CRACKER

The mail arrived on a chilly winter morning. It arrived just in time. It was just what was needed to cure the winter doldrums. The envelope was addressed to my wife and me. Inside was an invitation. The cover of the invitation contain four equal-sized circles. One green. One yellow. One blue. And one red. The green circle displayed the address of the party. The yellow circle contained the date. The blue circle showed the time. Inside the red circle was a smiley face. The inside of the invitation contained just two words: Please come.

TOM

Emily loped across the barnyard towards Henry. He held the steel plate to the cellar. The wind whipped Kansas dust into his eyes as Emily cried for Dorothy Gale. He could see the cyclone cutting directly across the cornfield. Henry lowered the door just as his niece�s bike turned down the lane. She froze as the twister spun inches from her feet. In a last frantic cartoon pirouette Taz appeared. Dorothy smiled and said “Aaaboola baga laha rooAh” The Tasmanian Devil dropped both his hands to his groin. He blushed with the sudden realization he was indeed a naked twister.

GUY

Jeramy was embarrassed. He was sure everyone could see his huge erection. The nude assemblage of people trying to touch appropriate color circles was getting to him. The smell was intoxicating. It took all his will power to stop himself from trying to penetrate the closest body. The fact it belonged to a beautiful blond didn’t help much.
Suddenly, a blurry orange puffball ran out of the crowd and between the players. It managed to rub against all the naked bodies while avoiding them as they toppled over each other. �Nardo, you stupid cat�, came a voice from the crowd.

CALEB

It moved like a plague through the Forest Glen Assisted Living Community. Mrs. Johnson never recovered from her sprained vertebrae and died in surgery. Mr. Yakwezel broke his ulna and went into a coma. And Mr. Schwartz�s priapism was fatal. What was their secret? What brought these ancient baby boomers down in a way that Vietnam, Brown Acid, Disco, Reaganomics, TAB, and AIDS never could? I hid in a broom closet till after dark and heard the geriatric laughter turn to cries of agony! I threw open the door To Mrs. Fonzarelli�s Room and nearly vomited. It was� Naked Twister.

YXES

Red hand, blue foot, yellow elbow, purple butt? What does all this have to do with listening to old songs while doing a very unique form of exercising? A few more moves and match-ups like that, and I’ll be all tied up like a neat little pretzel, just waiting to be warmed up and eaten with gourmet mustard or cheese.
Oh, wonderful! Now the instructor is sharing with us HIS way of doing these routines with much greater ease and versatility. He assures us there is only one way to do this routine properly, and it’s called “Naked Twister”.

Z

She and I were always going to the movies.
I say going because we weren’t going to see them.
Why we bought popcorn and drinks, I’m not sure. They always ended up getting knocked over.
One time, we had the theater all to ourselves. Twister was the movie, I think.
She was just supposed to go down on me, but we ended up going at it on the stadium seats.
Hey, you can fold the arms up.
Our clothes got sticky from being on the floor.
We tried going back the next night to see the movie.
Two thumbs up.

Welcome to the eighty-fourth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Guy David.
It’s Marriage
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which stories were the best from Weekly Challenge #84?
	John S from One Screen Stories
	Yxes from Podmafia
	Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club Oddcast
	Guy David from Guy David dot com
	Tom from Footnote
	Stuart from Podmafia
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

---

JOHN S

All day, Bob�’s only day off work this week, as he tried to read a new book or watch an afternoon movie or talk with his brother on the telephone, his upstairs neighbors argued. This was their usual argument–Why were you talking to that woman? Hey, you were talking to that man, so I can talk to that woman–the same weary characters and tired marriage plot played out a dozen times before on a dozen other days off gone wrong.
That night, as Bob tried to sleep, like a dozen times before, all he could hear was their bedsprings squeaking.

YXES

Marriage?? You want me to marry you?? Have you told me you loved me? Oh, you did. Well, did you tell me I was the one for you? Ahhh, I do remember that vaguely, yes. Ok! Have you even considered if I loved you enough to marry you? Well, I have told you every day! You do realize this marriage thing is not something I could take lightly. It’s a huge commitment, and there are so many things I have to consider. My home, my critters, my tupperware! Shut up, & kiss you, and say yes???? Well alright! Yes! dear!

CALEB BULLEN

The Dish ran away with The Spoon but after that it all went downhill.
Their Vegas wedding was cutlery rate then they blew their savings
betting on a bowl game. She went to work and nearly cracked under the
pressure. He fell in with a bad crowd and became a greasy spoon. The
Dish started seeing a rough customer till she was just his little
chippy. Now Spoon he’s in his cups every day stirring up trouble. And
everyone thought they were made for each other. Looking back on it, The
Dish probably should have married a nice stable placemat.

GUY DAVID

The bride wore red. The priest was a coconut tree, or at least, some alien something like a coconut tree. The bride was pretty. I was happy being. Seeing red again. My head was throbbing “Hit them, punch them, Moris”. My fists where clenched, blood oozing from my open wounds. I put salt on it.
The little elf like creatures sang to us, alien voices joined in prayer, then the roof was raised. See the stars. I was proudest. Marriage. Who would have thought.
“I do” I said.
“I do” she said”.
“You may eat your bride” said the tree.

TOM

Frankie and Johnny were lovers kids from the stockyards down south. He worked in the loop and she for the Trib. Weekends you’d find them at the Museum. They’d laugh in the coal mine sung in the U505. Frankie did a fair pantomime of a caryatid on the lawn. Johnny would mess with Foucault’s pendulum, turn the handles on gears, held Frankie tight in the giant heart. In the Whispering Galley in a voice soft and low Johnny proposed marriage to Frankie. They were wed on the cobblestones of Yesterday’s Main Street with a honey moon on the Pioneer Zephyr.

STUART

Marriage never really interested me much. All that awful “you promise to be with her for ever until you die”, I might as well go jump.
So imagine my surprise when I woke up one morning with a wedding ring on my finger in a desert.
Not wanting to be like Britney Spears, I decided to do what any man would do…
Shot the broad in the back of the head
Dug a trench
Dumped the bitch
Filled with Cement
Smoked a Cigar
The judge said I’ve been watching too much Goodfellas
Now I am stuck in this damn cell.

PLANET Z

You’ve heard it all before. The magic is gone from the marriage, right?
Instead of hiring a marriage counselor, why not hire a magician?
It’s magic, right?
I mean, it’s not like you’re going to talk out your problems when things have gotten so bad. And if a divorce is in the cards, well, the magician can easily make that card change into the one you’re thinking of.
Whatever the lawyers cut in half, the magician can make whole again! (Minus the attorney’s fees, mind you.)
And if all else fails, he can always turn your spouse into a frog.