While Hugo was walking around the library, he came across a breast.
He picked it up and turned it over in his hands.
It was an ordinary ball of flesh, supple, yet firm.
About a C cup, he figured.
Maybe he should ask the librarian to make an announcement.
Or would that be too embarrassing?
Perhaps just drop it in the Lost and Found.
Its owner could pick it up when they realized it was gone.
But then, what if someone took it?
He put it back on the floor and walked away.
Let someone else deal with the thing.
Olga Rudnik asked Santa for only one thing.
Well, technically, two: Mindy Swenson’s tits.
Olga had been good all year, every year.
And Molly was, to be blunt, a stuck-up bitch, forever on the naughty list.
Santa left two lumps of coal for Mindy that year.
On her flattened chest.
Then he flew to Olga’s house, went down her chimney, and replaced her tits with Mindy’s.
He thought about giving Olga’s to Mindy…but he was running late and had to many more stops to go.
The next morning, Olga woke up, looked down, and screamed with joy.
Mindy just screamed.
One candidate said that he would leave no stone unturned in the hunt for corruption.
The other candidate said that she would go no holds unbarred in the hunt for corruption.
They sparred constantly during the campaign.
The winner ended up leaving no stone unbarred in the hunt for corruption.
While the loser spent the next two years accusing the winner of failing to leave no hold unturned.
When the microphones were off, both would check their pockets for the money that had been slipped in there.
Whatever their campaign claims and lies, they ended up leaving no bribe uncounted.
Our anniversary is coming up.
She prefers practical gifts, not fancy.
So, I bought her Uggs.
To make sure they fit, we traded feet and I went shopping.
Back home, she unwrapped the shoeboxes, and put her own feet back on with the new boots.
I’ve gotten her pedicures this way too.
Manicures and rings by trading hands.
We traded more so I could get her legs waxed, buy panties.
I borrow her breasts to buy bras.
Which don’t fit.
Shoulders. Chest, Back.
“Don’t forget the receipt,” she says, handing me a low-cut blouse.
She’s such a tease.
Timmy never felt comfortable as a man.
He’d saved for years, but he was still seven inches from becoming Tina.
Close, but not enough. He kept saving for the final cut.
That’s when the devil showed up.
“I can give you that,” he said. “All of it. 100% natural.”
Timmy happily grabbed the contract.
“Sign it as Tina.”
The next day, she woke up…
Soft breasts, not implants. And the cock… Gone! Labia, vagina, a clitoris! And it felt…
Wait. A hard cot. Bars. Prison cell.
“All natural, death row prime,” whispered Satan.
He’d been given a condemned woman’s body.
Debbie and Marsha had the unexplainable ability to trade body parts.
When Debbie sprained a wrist before a basketball tournament, Marsha swapped wrists with Debbie.
And when Marsha had a rough period before a gymnastics tryout, they traded vaginas.
Whenever one needed the other, she was there, literally lending a hand or whatever was needed.
They found a lump in Marsha’s breast after she had a baby.
Debbie underwent the double mastectomy for her.
They take turns feeding the baby.
After all, with the constant swapping between them, they’re not really sure which one of them is the true mother.
Ted was always telling Alice to go fuck herself.
So, she went ahead and did it.
She pulled off Ted’s head, put hers on Ted’s body, and fucked herself.
Right before she came, she realized that she wasn’t on the pill, and she hadn’t put on a condom, either.
She panicked, pulled out, and made a sticky mess on herself. Still, it felt great.
Ted had a condom in his wallet, so she cleaned up, put it on, and fucked herself again.
The second time was even better. And the third. And the fourth. And…
Ted’s head watched it all.
Poker Night at the magic guild sometimes got fierce.
It was down to one last hand, Aaron and Jane raising and raising and raising.
Jane ran out of chips.
Aaron suggested that she suck his dick if she lost. “Til I come.”
“Fine,” she said.
And she lost.
Aaron stood up, unzipped, and dropped his pants.
Jane cast a spell, and detached Aaron’s penis. And then she sucked it.
Aaron didn’t feel a thing, but after the initial outrage, he smiled.
“It’s not spurting, is it?”
Jane stopped sucking, put Aaron’s penis back on, and got down on her knees.
Wanda filled out the order form incorrectly, and instead of getting the Bread Of The Month Club, she ended up in the Breast Of The Month Club.
At first, she was shocked by the boob in a brown cardboard box that she got in the mail, but she tried it on and found it supple and firm, much more so than her two.
She filled out another order form, and the next month, she got two boxes in the mail.
A pair and a spare.
She used the pre-paid postage to send back her own tits, and went bra shopping.
Heather was busy, so she scheduled all her appointments at the same time.
One assistant took her hands out for a manicure, while another took her feet for a pedicure.
Her arms, legs, and thighs went out for electrolysis, along with her face.
Her torso got a mammogram, her pelvis a trip to the gynecologist for a pelvic.
The ophthalmologist checked her eyes, the dentist cleaned her teeth, and her hair went to the salon for a style.
Five minutes to six, they reassembled her at the restaurant for a dinner date.
But her clothes were back at the office.