My girlfriend Megan’s a magician’s assistant.
She’s a good Catholic, and she’s saving herself for marriage.
So, she borrowed two sets of Mismade Girl boxes from her boss.
Her roommate Sally got into one set, and Megan separated her into four sections.
“Now do it to me,” she said, getting into the other set.
She then had me put her head on Sally’s body.
I opened Sally’s head box. “Are you okay with this?” I asked.
“Fuck her brains out,” she said, grinning. “God, she needs it.”
So, I did.
I ended up marrying Sally.
Because her blowjobs were spectacular.
Hank had always thought that stage magic was fake, but standing there, his legs swapped with Gladys’, he knew it was real.
“Can I have my legs back?” Hank asked the magician.
The magician nodded, and his assistants brought out two chairs.
Hank sat in one, Gladys sat in the other.
The magician covered them with a cloth, waved his wand, and pulled away the cloth.
Hank and Gladys stood up on their own legs.
But now had each others middles.
“Don’t even think it,” said Gladys.
Hank groped himself anyway.
Gladys punched Hank’s lights out with his own fist.
Hank and Gladys liked magician stage performances.
One night, they volunteered for a double sawing act, and their lower halves were swapped.
Instead of his pants and shoes, Hank now had Gladys’ heels and skirt.
And legs, hips, and ass.
He peeked under the skirt.
No panties, freshly waxed.
If he had his cock, it would be hard as a rock.
“Hank!” hissed Gladys, standing on Hank’s legs.
Hank grabbed the magician. “Hey, mind giving me my junk back?”
The magician waved his wand.
And the skirt under Hank’s skirt tented up a bit.
“Ha ha,” said Hank. “Very funny.”
Lucy likes to slip clothes into a guy’s load of laundry to flirt.
“Oh, that’s mine,” she says, as a guy hands over a bra or panties.
Sometimes, she sneaks in a little more.
The guy pulls out a breast, and Lucy waits a while. Watches him turn it over, squeeze it. And then…
“Oh my God!” says Lucy.
She grabs it and stuffs it in her shirt.
“Is the other one in there?” she asks.
The guy hands it over, and she puts in back in place.
“Do they look they’re on straight?” she says, pulling up her shirt.
While Hugo was walking around the library, he came across a breast.
He picked it up and turned it over in his hands.
It was an ordinary ball of flesh, supple, yet firm.
About a C cup, he figured.
Maybe he should ask the librarian to make an announcement.
Or would that be too embarrassing?
Perhaps just drop it in the Lost and Found.
Its owner could pick it up when they realized it was gone.
But then, what if someone took it?
He put it back on the floor and walked away.
Let someone else deal with the thing.
Olga Rudnik asked Santa for only one thing.
Well, technically, two: Mindy Swenson’s tits.
Olga had been good all year, every year.
And Molly was, to be blunt, a stuck-up bitch, forever on the naughty list.
Santa left two lumps of coal for Mindy that year.
On her flattened chest.
Then he flew to Olga’s house, went down her chimney, and replaced her tits with Mindy’s.
He thought about giving Olga’s to Mindy…but he was running late and had to many more stops to go.
The next morning, Olga woke up, looked down, and screamed with joy.
Mindy just screamed.
One candidate said that he would leave no stone unturned in the hunt for corruption.
The other candidate said that she would go no holds unbarred in the hunt for corruption.
They sparred constantly during the campaign.
The winner ended up leaving no stone unbarred in the hunt for corruption.
While the loser spent the next two years accusing the winner of failing to leave no hold unturned.
When the microphones were off, both would check their pockets for the money that had been slipped in there.
Whatever their campaign claims and lies, they ended up leaving no bribe uncounted.
Our anniversary is coming up.
She prefers practical gifts, not fancy.
So, I bought her Uggs.
To make sure they fit, we traded feet and I went shopping.
Back home, she unwrapped the shoeboxes, and put her own feet back on with the new boots.
I’ve gotten her pedicures this way too.
Manicures and rings by trading hands.
We traded more so I could get her legs waxed, buy panties.
I borrow her breasts to buy bras.
Which don’t fit.
Shoulders. Chest, Back.
“Don’t forget the receipt,” she says, handing me a low-cut blouse.
She’s such a tease.
Timmy never felt comfortable as a man.
He’d saved for years, but he was still seven inches from becoming Tina.
Close, but not enough. He kept saving for the final cut.
That’s when the devil showed up.
“I can give you that,” he said. “All of it. 100% natural.”
Timmy happily grabbed the contract.
“Sign it as Tina.”
The next day, she woke up…
Soft breasts, not implants. And the cock… Gone! Labia, vagina, a clitoris! And it felt…
Wait. A hard cot. Bars. Prison cell.
“All natural, death row prime,” whispered Satan.
He’d been given a condemned woman’s body.
Debbie and Marsha had the unexplainable ability to trade body parts.
When Debbie sprained a wrist before a basketball tournament, Marsha swapped wrists with Debbie.
And when Marsha had a rough period before a gymnastics tryout, they traded vaginas.
Whenever one needed the other, she was there, literally lending a hand or whatever was needed.
They found a lump in Marsha’s breast after she had a baby.
Debbie underwent the double mastectomy for her.
They take turns feeding the baby.
After all, with the constant swapping between them, they’re not really sure which one of them is the true mother.