Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

Sorry that it’s a day late, but I was in a WiFi dead zone with no connection, and just got back to civilization.

We’ve got stories by:

• Jeffrey
• Munsi
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipity
• Lizzie
• Norval Joe
• Todd
• Planet Z

JEFFREY

America’s Pasttime
by Jeffrey Fischer

Summer weekend afternoons used to be a time to turn on the TV and catch a baseball game. Baseball is a great sport to multitask by: exciting plays happen, but not frequently, and one can always watch the play re-run. Now night games are popular, so it’s hard to see the home team play in the afternoon. But I have twenty sports channels; surely something worth watching is showing.

Nope. Fishermen in floppy hats cast their rods, guys in polyester shirts bowl, guys in loud pants golf, kids do some crazy crap with skateboards, and, for some reason, there’s a repeat of an SEC football game from last season. I switch off the TV and take a nap.

The Replacement
by Jeffrey Fischer

Pepper Johnson was the end game in stunt casting. He always played the same character, a zany oaf whose trademark expression was “Yowza!” Adding Pepper to a show was a sure sign of ratings desperation. He was Sam’s alcoholic brother in Season 12 of “Cheers.” He propped up Season 11 of “Friends” as Rachel’s neighbor. He went down with the ship in Season 8 of “30 Rock.” When CBS wanted “NCIS” to continue for one more season, the pitch was: Pepper Johnson as the coroner, replacing David McCallum’s Duckie Mallard. Pepper would do his zany act, pretending to pull stuffed animals from corpses while saying “Yowza!” Mark Harmon solved the problem by knocking Pepper out cold, shattering his jaw. No more “Yowza!” the show died with as much dignity as a CBS drama could muster.

MUNSI

Banished
By Christopher Munroe

I left with nothing but the clothes on my back.

My crimes had been horrific, but I hadn’t expected to be sent with nothing, without even the chance to explain my behavior.

Yet I was, and I could never go back.

And so I left my past, my home, behind, to fend for myself in a cold, cruel world.

Life will no doubt be hard, painful, and not particularly long, but that’s something I’ll have to deal with.

That’s one of the first things you learn about exile: It is not as fun as the band Outkast made it seem….

RICHARD

The Gospel according to Norman: The sermon on stones and sin

You have heard it said ‘let he who has no sin cast the first stone’, but I say to you, surely the very act of casting a stone at your neighbour is sinful in itself?

If you hold a grudge it is far better to pay a local hooligan to cast stones anonymously on your behalf. In this way you can gloat over your neighbour’s broken windows and cuts and bruises whilst you remain virtuous and righteous.

And if your neighbour should attempt to seek revenge, you can always accuse them of sinning… and have them stoned in the marketplace.

TOM

I Can Feel the Devil Walk Next to Me

When Jimmy broke this arm everyone came round to sign his cast. Most of
the stuff was pretty prosaic, some a bit scatological, and some
sophomoric, but one was downright spooky. Some kid wrote down RIP
9/11/2001. Jimmy never found out who scribbled it on his cast during the
Summer of 1963. When they broke the plaster off he kept the cluck with the
date. “Why you keeping that thing around, Dad?” James Jr would rag. “Just
whistling past the graveyard.” “What?” “Ironically Challenged we are?”
“What??” “Never mind.” They never found Jimmy, but a fireman found the
broken cast.

SERENDIPITY

My own personal reality show, with an unknowing, unwilling cast of billions.

Everyday, I watch you all: Spying upon every moment of your lives – every webcam, every mobile phone, every CCTV monitor at my disposal.

Silently watching… You!

I am the great director: it is I who intervenes to mess about with your life; it is I who follows your every move and calls out your every error and indiscretion.

Every detail recorded for posterity – your life laid bare, with none of the gory details hidden…

The only question is, whom should I invite to the premier screening?

LIZZIE

When Violet fell off the stage, everyone panicked. Two nights till the Opening of the musical and the star actress had broken a leg. After much research, they found a young actress to substitute her, Mattie, who also sang and danced. No one had heard of her but she knew the part by heart. She was hired immediately.
When Violet returned to work, Mattie disappeared, but Violet found a list in a drawer, the list of actresses Mattie had substituted with name/type of accident. The police investigated the matter with little results.
Years later, the actresses started showing up dead…

NORVAL JOE

“That’s Circus Mistress, to you,” she said, casting him a withering glare.
Mickey shifted uncomfortably with the sweatpants across his lap and asked, “Would you mind casting your withering glare another direction so that I can get dressed?”
She turned her back on him. “By all means, put on the pants. I wouldn’t want you to feel self-conscious when people come to stare at you in your cage.”
“That’s all you want me for? The side show?”
She laughed. “Rest assured. My clientele aren’t your average rabble. They are professionals, scientist, surgeons. We will learn the source of your transformation.”

TODD

A dark kitchen. On the stove, a pot boiling. Thunder. Two young women enter. They prepare a soup.

“OMG, I hope it doesn’t rain on her wedding day!”

“I know, right? You see that top she’s wearing?”

“Wet t-shirt contest!”

*Giggles*

“Did she get her tits done?”

“She said she didn’t, You see how perky they were? Bullshit.”

“Did you see her hair? I thought she going to get that guy?”

“Apparently she couldn’t afford him”

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

“This looks done.”

“It needs to cool down”

“Becky! Come taste your wedding soup!”

PLANET Z

When I was little, I remember having a Zebco fishing rod.
We had a whole tackle box of floaters, hooks, weights, and lures.
I had no idea what each of them was for, and I wasn’t very good at typing knots.
And spearing a worm on a hook was out of the question.
God forbid I actually catch a fish. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
So, I ended up just tying a weight to the line and casting it out, then reeling it back in.
Over and over again.
The worms, I just dumped in the garden.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

Sorry that it’s a day late, but I was in a WiFi dead zone with no connection, and just got back to civilization.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipity
• Lizzie
• Todd
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Planet Z

MUNSI

No Story This Week…
By Christopher Munroe

Instead, I’ll complain: Barry Allen’s basically terrible!

I mean, he’s the Flash-est man alive, but I’m watching season two and he’s the worst.

He goes to Earth Two, immediately gets his own surrogate father killed, travels back in time, reveals himself to Evil Flash, and when Other Evil Flash is finally banished to another dimension, he helps return him to this one.

For some reason…

AND he gives up his speed to save Wally, in spite of Wally already having BEEN RELEASED!!!

What? Why? The hostage has already been released, dummy!!!

Sorry, I get angry, when Barry Allen’s total trash…

JEFFREY

Night Hunt
by Jeffrey Fischer

I raised the night-vision scope to my eye, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The muzzle flash briefly illuminated the woods. I thought I heard a cry and wondered if my shot had hit its mark, but the woods went quiet again. My prey was stealthy, which always enhanced the enjoyment of the hunt.

Moving as quietly as I could, I advanced toward the last sighting and looked around. Nothing… nothing… aha! Another quick shot, this one true. The hunt was over. You were a worthy opponent, Mr. Kreuger, certainly above average. Now I bid you good night. In the morning, I’ll have someone bury your body with the others.

Theft Protection
by Jeffrey Fischer

Arthur wondered if he should leave his laptop at his table when he got a coffee refill. He observed an older man leave his computer behind, even when the man left the shop to have a smoke, so Arthur concluded the place was safe.

As he stood in line, Arthur saw a kid swoop in and grab the laptop, then disappear in a flash. Frustrated, Arthur asked the older man why he felt sure that no one would take his machine. “I have theft protection.” He turned his screen around. The orange gas plasma display showed a DOS version of Microsoft Word with its monospaced font. A sticker on the keyboard proudly boasted that the computer sported a 386 processor. “The kids have no idea what this is.”

RICHARD

#1 – Flash!

If there’s one thing that winds me up, it’s the proliferation of the selfie.

If I had my way, it would be against the law to have any sort of photographic device portable enough to fit inside a mobile phone. In fact, I’d outlaw any camera that didn’t require a major exercise in logistics to transport.

In my perfect world, cameras would be the sort requiring a man hiding beneath a dark cloth, with the scene lit by a large pile of flash powder.

Perfect.

And, with that problem sorted, I could turn my attention to those damned mobiles!

#2 – Brilliance

Why is it that whenever I get a flash of inspiration, it’s never at a convenient time?

I worry how many world changing ideas, fantastic inventions and inspiring words of wisdom I’ve had that have been lost forever, thanks to my inability to record them at that crucial moment.

I’ve tried keeping a notepad next to the bed along with just about every memory trick known to mankind, but when it comes to recalling those critical moments… I fail every time.

Than yesterday, I had a brilliant idea for capturing my brilliant ideas…

Unfortunately, I’ve now forgotten what it was!

TOM

Flash

Many years ago while my mother-in-law was still alive she was on her last
litter as a kitten mill. All the Siamese save one had been purchased. He
was the last not because of any defects, he was last because he could
disappear at will. He moved so fast Gail name him Flash. Before you got
the door fully open he was between your feet and out. Same thing on the
way in. Just a blur. One day something seriously spook him. I saw him
striking up the hill, cross the road and out across the meadow. And he was
gone.

SERENDIPITY

The flash from the explosion burned their eyes out, leaving them blind and screaming in agony.

That was only the beginning.

Within hours, their skin was blistering and coming away in sheets; their hair was coming out in clumps, whilst teeth began to fall from rotting gums. Nausea, vomiting and excruciating pain soon followed.

Nothing beats a healthy dose of good old fashioned radiation!

I smiled, sealing the box with a ‘Tested – Quality assured’ sticker.

I reckon they were the best fireworks I’d ever made, and boy was I looking forward to seeing them on the fourth of July!

LIZZIE

Perched on a tree branch, the model posed dramatically, one hand holding her hair away from her face, the strong wind insisting on contradicting her.
The hairdresser went up and down the steps of a ladder, frantically trying to help her. The assistants snickered. The photographer yelled at everybody.
When they finished and everyone was ready to leave, the photographer broke the news. They’d have to redo everything, quickly. They were losing the light.
Eyes flashed dangerously and, after much deliberation, the photographer ended up on the tree branch, posing dramatically, one hand holding his hair away from his face.

TODD

The time node flashed as the time traveler was excreted. She started the countdown timer, powering her exoskeleton, and sprinted toward the event horizon. She had 10 minutes to cover the two miles and return for extraction. She hoped the old maps were accurate. Most had been lost in The Incident. She rounded the corner and noticed a flash of red as The Toy hit the driveway. She diverted, grabbed The Toy and placed it in The Baby’s arms. Giggles replaced anguish as she sprinted off.

The node flashed as she dove through. “Status!” she yelled.

“North American Genocide avoided”

Thank you!

NORVAL JOE

The woman was only gone for a moment. When she returned she said, “Okay. I’ve found a hospital gown, a girl’s pinafore, and a pair of smelly sweat pants, all in your size.”
Mickey pointed a small hairy monkey finger at the sweat pants.
She cut the duct tape holding his arms to his chest and threw the sweat pants across him.
She turned her back and in a flash, Mickey was human again.
“What do you want with me?” Mickey asked.
“You don’t remember me?” she asked. “I’m hurt.”
In a flash, he recognized her. “Wanda, the circus master.”

TURA

Flash
———
In Ormanya, there is but one law: all are guilty. Justice is secret, even from the accused. Only punishment is public, enacted by the Society of Flashing Blades.

They discreetly, invisibly gather in some public place. On a hidden sign, they draw their swords and brandish them fiercely aloft. It is then death to flee. They dance through the crowd until at the peak of its terror, one of them is cut down, by simple decapitation or the death of a thousand cuts.

“Justice has been done,” those standing tell each other, “for it was done, and is therefore just.”

PLANET Z

Ted took a few too many tackles as a high school quarterback, and he ended up working as a sacker at his father’s grocery store.
Now and then, he’d unlock the public customer bathroom and expose himself to whoever was in there.
Ted would spend some time in jail, get released early as a non-violent offender, and end up back at the grocery.
Where he’d expose himself again, and keep the cycle going.
Eventually, Ted got medication that made him behave, but now he puts bread and chips on the bottom of bags.
Customers hate that nonsense a lot worse.