Give a kid a marshmallow, and then tell them that if they don’t eat it while you’re out of the room, you’ll give them two marshmallows.
This is a famous test of delayed gratification.
I remember the studies. I remember the psychologist standing over me, holding out the marshmallow.
“I don’t like marshmallows,” I told him.
“Well, what do you like?” he asked me.
It took three orderlies to pry my hands from his throat.
Oh, how I love to strangle scientists.
I guess I didn’t want to wait for him to bring a second psychologist for me to strangle.
Author: R.
Weekly Challenge #549 – Halloween Special
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
We’ve got stories by:
MUNSI
The Reason for the Season
By Christopher Munroe
It’s not about candy.
I’m a grown-assed man, if I want candy I’ll have candy. I have money.
Similarly, it’s not the costumes.
I mean, a little, but not really. I already wear what I like, and I’m unselfconscious enough that what I like gets weird if I want it to.
It’s the sense of community. The fact that, once a year, my local goth bar’s going to be packed. It’s sharing a moment, however briefly, with the world, knowing that today everyone’s on the same page as me.
It’s about other people listening to Oingo Boingo too.
Happy Halloween!
JEFFREY
Lights Out
by Jeffrey Fischer
As soon as the sun falls below the horizon, the ghouls sprout on the sidewalks. At first they come one at a time, wee things in sheets or tiaras and glitter, bags of candy thrust shyly toward the door. Parents offer encouragement from a few feet away. The next wave comprises packs of giggling tweens, more assertive than their younger counterparts but still respectful of the process. The occasional parent loiters in the street, keeping a watchful eye on things.
I try to give the little kids a small scare – creepy music, skeletal hands that give out candy – but when the packs of marauding teenagers arrive, it’s my turn to be scared. I shut off the lights and hide until they’ve all gone home.
RICHARD
Halloween… again
I hate Halloween: All those bratty kids demanding treats, and equally annoying parents encouraging the ungrateful monsters!
Every year it’s the same – I draw the curtains, lock the doors, switch off the lights, and open the whisky.
A prisoner in my own home.
Thank goodness it’s only one night a year – I couldn’t stand any more than that.
At least, when I wake in the morning with a crippling hangover, I can reflect on that.
And then, it’s down to the off-licence for more whisky…
Well, I’ve got to be ready for Christmas, and those damned carol singers!
LISA
Pumpkin
We didn’t have Halloween here when I was young. But now my son wants the house decorating, which I’m fine with, there’s certainly no shortage of cobwebs.
It’s the Pumpkin that stumps me. We look online for tips. He sees the design he likes and I weep inside at the intricate detailing on the devil’s furrowed brow.
So, I start while he’s at school.
And later as he and a pal test the treats they’re impressed with my handiwork. They can’t believe how realistic the blood staining the pumpkin flesh looks whilst both fail to notice my hastily bandaged hand.
TOM
I Want To Be a Hobo This Year.
When your little Halloween participation seems like an infinite given. A life time of going door to door to get free CANDY. How great is America. But in reality you got 7 years tops to cash in. When you reach that threshold you shift into the role of kid sister wrangler. But all that is good for is another four year. Sure handing out candy as an adult derives a curtain adult satisfaction. But does it really fulfil that empty Halloween longing. Sigh. Think I’ll just put a pillowcase over my head and drain this bag of mini three musketeers
JON
The Circus Turns
By Jon DeCles
Halloween. Los Angeles. Skid Row. Look it up, it’s a ‘hood, on the map. The Year of the Creepy Clowns, providing every would-be serial killer a chance to play in disguise. Staggering stoned down the old railroad tracks, a lone goth girl, maybe fourteen, black hair, black lipstick, black lace and leather. Black eye makeup. The clowns close in, a mutiny of them, all kinds of knives at the ready, each wanting to be first. She sees them circling. She pulls out a can opener, sharpened, flips open her straight razor.
“Do I get to cut someone now?” she asks
SERENDIPITY
Wake up, Lucy; wake up, Timmy – it’s time for your special annual outing!
You’ve been such good children this year that you can have all the candy you can collect – just as long as you’re polite and you don’t frighten the neighbours quite as much as last year!
Now, hurry along and get ready, and then as soon as it gets dark you can go outside.
Just remember the Golden Rule…
You must be back by ten o’clock, so I can get you both back down to the cellar before bedtime.
And there you’ll stay until next year!
LIZZIE
“There’s a creepy clown behind you. No one will survive. The clown is lifting his arm. Food, food. He’s hungry for you. Forget the time. The time. The time. Time…”
They looked over their shoulders and couldn’t see any clown but this was to be a “horrifying experience” said the brochure, so they thought it was all part of the show.
Suddenly, the room went dark. A dreadful slashing sound… Peter laughed nervously.
When the lights were back on, he was the only one alive.
The Ouija board slowly wrote “Congratulations. Your ticket had a special prize. Come back soon!”
TURA
Halloween
———
“What’s the scariest thing you can think of?” I said slyly.
“Monsters!” they replied. “Zombies!” “Vampires!”
“Use your imaginations!” I said. “How about poisonous mushrooms, that dissolve your body from within, and you turn into a puddle of green slime! Can you imagine something worse?”
“Caterpillars that burrow into your ears and eat your brains!”
“Giant wasps, like those icknew-whatsits in biology class. They lay their eggs in you and you’re eaten by the wasp maggots and you’re awake the whole time and you can’t move–”
The class had just about frightened themselves to tears. Time to release the tarantulas!
———
PLANET Z
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween, but I never got around to carving it.
So, I pulled out a marker and drew a scary face on the pumpkin.
I admit, that’s lame, but it actually looked kinda cool, even though it didn’t light up or anything.
It wasn’t messy at all, and it kept its shape through October nicely.
After Halloween, I opened up the pumpkin and harvested the pulp to make fresh pumpkin pie.
The seeds, I roasted and salted.
Maybe instead of carving a turkey for Thanksgiving and making a mess, I’ll just draw one on the pan.
The Ugly Stick
When Grampa sees an ugly girl, he says “She must have been beaten with The Ugly Stick.”
Which, back in his day, was a real stick.
The City Uglifier would go from door to door, beating girls with The Ugly Stick until they were ugly.
These days, there is no more City Uglifier. The position was eliminated due to budget cuts.
The Ugly Stick is on display at City Hall, in a locked glass cabinet.
However, it’s not a very secure lock, because occasionally, you’ll see an ugly girl.
Grampa puts a finger to his lips, says SSSSSSSSSH!, and winks.
There’s only so much
There’s only so much blood a vampire can drink.
There’s only so much darkness a vampire can see.
There’s only so much forever a vampire can take.
They walk out to the beach, strip off their clothes, and lie down to wait for the sun.
Others hammer stakes into their own hearts. Or they ask their servants to do it for them.
“Make me immortal,” some will ask.
But the vampire knows better. The vampire knows that it’s not a gift, but an endless horror.
So, they kill their servants, walk to the beach, strip off their clothes, and wait.
Sleep is overrated
When people say sleep is overrated, who’s doing the rating?
Exactly what rating did sleep get?
And what rating should it get?
Are they saying that all sleep should be rated X?
Or NC-17, which is what X is now?
You can give a film X for sex, or for violence.
I hope they’re talking about sex, because nobody wants violence in the bed.
Because it’s a lot easier to wash sex stains out of the sheets than bloodstains.
Assuming that you survive the violence, of course.
Or you’ll end up wrapped in the sheets and buried in the woods.
Ali
Muhammad Ali said that he could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.
Doctor Odd found this interesting, and went down to his lab to research the concept more.
Two days later, a horde of flying jellyfish swarmed across the countryside, stinging and paralyzing everything in its path.
People fled in terror.
On the other hand, the flying jellyfish were excellent pollinators, and there were record yields of crops that fall.
Agricultural conglomerates offered him a fortune for the licensing rights.
And he took it. Just like Ali took the white boxing promoters’ money to keep punching people.
Tie a yellow ribbon
Before you tie the yellow ribbon around the old oak tree, remember to soak it in the potion that the Enchantress made for the summoning ceremony.
We don’t want the spirits of our missing soldiers to come home with any demonic baggage this time.
Remember ten years ago, when we forgot to imbue the yellow ribbon with the protection and binding agent?
Of course you don’t. We had the Enchantress work up a forgetting spell for the children after we drove back the demon horde.
Sadly, it only works on children. We elders have to live with the horrible memory.
Your heart still beats
By the time we tie your hands behind your back and pull the black bag over your head, you’re already dead.
Oh, you’re still breathing. Your heart still beats.
But it doesn’t matter. We’ve scanned your ID chip, and your records are already canceled.
We already have your blood type, DNA, and tissue profiles.
Every organ in your body is up for auction. To pay for your crimes.
You feel the needle in the back of your neck.
Lie still. Don’t move.
Don’t damage state property.
We can make it worse. Much worse.
Do you want to feel the knives?
Weekly Challenge #548 – Express
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
We’ve got stories by:
JEFFREY
Week 548 – Express
The passengers boarded the 3:50 headed west and waited for the train to pull out of the station. Then, as always, the train stopped about five miles down the line to allow the 4:00 express train to pass. Couldn’t the railroad just switch the two trains? Everyone who wanted to be home earlier could catch the speedy 3:50, and the cheaper folks could follow behind at 4.
Gutierrez laughed. What was the point of getting home earlier? The guys never showed up at the local until around six, so he made the most of his extra time by studying the ankles of the well-dressed lady one row in front of him.
ROSS
Express Yourself
By Ross Hastings
“Express yourself” quoth Madonna, famously.
Acknowledging the fact that her early material rarely brims with subtext or irony, it seems fair to assume the sincerity of her most earnest encouragement.
The problem is, asking most people to express what they’re really thinking is like like encouraging an alcoholic to drink, or a Japanese businessman to sing “I would walk 500 Miles” by the Proclaimers, or, asking a toddler to shit himself. Their responses, rarely hesitant, will be aggressively enthusiastic, your approval of the results assumed up-front, and your inevitable suffering when they shit themselves socially, publicly and literally, won’t be Madonna’s fault. It will be yours.
MUNSI
Expression
By Christopher Munroe
Don’t go for second best, baby, put your love to the test.
You know you got to make him express how he feels, and baby then you’ll know your love is real.
Express yourself.
Freedom of expression is, after all, constitutionally protected, as noted legal scholar Madonna pointed out.
But, perhaps more importantly, self-expression is a responsibility. As citizens of a free society we’ve a duty to make our voices heard.
I’m expressing myself right now, in fact.
What I’m saying is basicaly nonsense, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I have the right to say it…
LISA
The end of the world
The white plumed sigh from Platform 3 was almost louder than the announcement.
Cancelled!
A replacement bus service leaving shortly.
But the parents of the girl shivering by the leaf strewn track behind the Industrial estate (just after the turn) got to outlive their daughter. Her life now was hard. But it got much better.
On the bus a couple met for the first time although they lived only streets apart. Shared first this journey then a life full of happiness.
Some did miss the gold of the leaves.
The smell of the coffee.
And were just late for work.
RICHARD
#1 – Agatha
Grandfather was a huge fan of Agatha Christie. He had all of her works, even a couple of first editions. So, when it came to his eightieth birthday, we clubbed together to buy him and grandma a trip on the Orient Express.
It had always been his favourite story, but we had no idea just how he’d taken it to heart.
The first we knew that something was wrong was when he was escorted from the train at the end of the journey by a policeman… Without grandma!
They said she was murdered, but the culprit? That remains a mystery!
#2 – Retirement
My grandfather was a funny chap, when he retired he found it hard to adopt a life of leisure.
He refused to take things easy and whenever something interesting was happening, you’d be sure to find him there, keeping notes, taking photographs and generally being a nosey old bugger!
After he died, we cleared out his house – there were boxes crammed full of the fruits of his labours: Accounts of every noteworthy event in town, births, marriages, deaths and disasters – all meticulously recorded.
We found his business cards – Arthur Sponge – reporter (retired) – ex-press.
#3 – Grandfather
It was my grandfather’s express wish that his ashes be scattered at the peak of Kilimanjaro, upon the last snows of spring, under a full moon.
Needless to say, we had no intention of seeing his wishes fulfilled, until his solicitor advised we wouldn’t see a penny of his fortune unless we complied.
It took months of organising, but finally it happened – exactly as he’d wanted.
The thing is, grandfather was no fan of mountaineering, had no interest in Africa and hated snow… But he loved a practical joke, and I guess he’s laughing fit to burst right now!
TOM
One Glorious Shinning Moment
Jessy and Jacob flew for the Great Eastern Express Corp. The Batloft Express ran relay flyers from Denman on the plains to Cordovetus on the coast. Tandem flying down the central circuit insured that mail would reach its appointed destination. Jessy, the bolder of the team, tended to keep his Batloft closer to the ground for speed advantage. Jacob flew a bit higher which gave him a strategic advance. They averaged 20,000 clicks a trans-cycle, the best frackn relayers on the transvelt. With the completion of the Great Western Clack Corp’s Heliograph Net the Batloft Express faded into history.
SERENDIPITY
I wish you people would get it right, it’s the one thing guaranteed to raise my blood pressure.
The word is ‘espresso’ – got it?
Never ‘expresso’! There’s no such thing… It means nothing and shows you up as an ignorant fool, without whom society would be better off.
In fact, maybe I should do something about that?
Go ahead, order an ‘expresso’, and let’s see what you get… Maybe I’ll lace it with cleaning fluid, add a shot of bleach and a sprinkling of glass splinters.
You won’t notice – you wouldn’t know coffee if you drowned in it!
JON
Closure
By Jon DeCles
What really bothered the genii should not have bothered him. All djinn had been trapped by King Solomon, so his imprisonment was a given. It was the unique nature of the prison that was the problem. Solomon’s most famous geometry was his seal, but he had been imaginative, and long before that latter day saint of topography had given his name to it, Solomon had devised a Klein bottle: in which he had put the genii. As it was inside itself, there could never be a way out. But Solomon had also pioneered building ships in bottles: thus eternal seasickness.
The Fastest Tap in the West
By Jon DeCles
When you dance dressed as a female they call you a pony. Fred learned that watching “A Chorus Line,” and went out and got himself a job. Most of the guys wanted to be Ginger Rogers, so everybody could dance; but Fred wanted to be Ann Miller, who had the fastest foot in Hollywood. He heard that she could unhinge her hip, but without that he still got the 500 taps per minute and that made him a star, even if in a limited niche of theater. He was fondly remembered at his death, aged 90, as ‘The Pony Express.’
TURA
Express
———
Pa didn’t like trains. “Horse and buggy’s all you’ll ever need,” he’d say.
One day, the express train stopped. Even the stopping train didn’t stop there, ‘less you telegraphed a request. It had broken down, and was waiting for another engine to come. So I hitched.
The big city, it’s like, even seeing it, I couldn’t imagine it.
So, I’m just a boy, and I got nothing. I gotta live, so… anyway, weren’t no worse than home.
Eventually I take another train, bigger places. And now here I am, starship captain, boldly going. There’s always a bigger place to go.
LIZZIE
Would you like to offer a special someone a trip to an unknown destiny? We have what you’re looking for. Rates for all budgets. We have a promo with our Express Rate. The ride might not be first class, the company somewhat off but… it’s all part of the adventure, right? We’ll take your special someone to vaguely puzzling yet strangely calming accommodations where he’ll be able to enjoy the serene tranquility of our lodgings, alongside a large crowd of other peaceful campers. Oh, and we’ll even provide a sturdy shovel for the… gardening hours, a highlight of our program.
NORVAL JOE
After warming himself in the blanket, eating the ramin, and drinking the water, Mickey came to his senses. He didn’t know where he was. To find his way home, his best chances lay at the hideout he had just fled.
Finding his way back through the darkness he crouched in the brush, watching people mill about the shack. He couldn’t express his disappointment to find among the criminals both Ferrit and Cherry Cola.
He wanted to run out and confront these girls who he’d thought were his friends.
All he could say was, “Ooooo, oooo.”
He was still a monkey.
PLANET Z
Years ago, the Round Rock Express were founded by Nolan Ryan and his son Reid Ryan.
They were the minor league team of the Houston Astros.
But then Nolan Ryan joined the front office of the Texas Rangers.
The Round Rock Express became the minor league affiliate of the Rangers.
Then, the Astros hired Nolan and Reid Ryan for their front office.
The Express will return to the Astros in two years.
All this time, the Corpus Christi Hooks have been owned by the Ryans, and it’s been an Astros minor league team.
But nobody gives a crap about Double-A.
One Frankenstein
It’s not correct to call the creature Frankenstein.
Nor is it correct to call the creature Frankenstein’s Monster.
The truth is, the creature measured exactly one on The Frankenstein Scale.
Dr. Frankenstein created a unit of measurement.
With zero representing something completely harmless and one representing something that was as scary and dangerous as that creature.
Now, if you had two identical creatures, they would not necessarily measure two on The Frankenstein Scale.
There may be some inefficiencies and overlap, resulting in a score less than two.
Or, they may cleverly work together, resulting in a score greater than two.