Author: R.

Chemical memory

If you keep a device constantly charging, or top it off every night, the battery has a chemical memory to it and will hold less of a charge.
So it’s important to regularly deplete the battery, and then charge it up.
Thankfully, batteries don’t remember when you swear at them when you need a device the most.
If your phone has a healthy battery, the people who find your body at the bottom of the canyon can charge up to call your next of kin.
Who can sell your phone for more recycling value, knowing that the battery is healthy.

For the glory

Once upon a time, our people built great space ships.
The space ships, they flew so fast. Faster that light.
And we flew between the stars.
So many worlds out there.
But never any civilizations like ours.
Just plants. And some animals.
Nothing intelligent, though.
Just us, in all the universe.
We’re the first. We grew up before anyone else.
So, we spread out to every star.
And we watch and wait.
When a species evolves and grows, it develops tools, language, and…
That’s when we destroy it.
Because existence belongs to us and us alone.
As God made us.

Ten bucks

My friend just got a 10 dollar an hour raise as a contractor.
I remember when I was making less than 10 dollars an hour working in a fast food chicken shack.
Heck, I was making eight bucks an hour doing tech support for a cheap webhosting company.
It started as a dialup internet company, and the dialup people treated us like trash.
Until webhosting took off and dialup went away.
These days, anything beyond my basic expenses goes into the 401k, and anything above that goes into investments.
And, no, I don’t eat fast food chicken. Or use dialup.

Every chick

Every chick I ever fucked became a lesbian.
My first girlfriend, my second girlfriend.
The chick I cheated on her with (the second girlfriend).
All of them became lesbians.
I keep a notebook with all of this.
And every one of them… lesbians.
And, no, they weren’t lesbians before I fucked them.
They were all straight.
But after me, not another guy.
Lesbian all the way.
No, I don’t know why.
My doctor says I’m crazy.
So, I fucked her.
And she became a lesbian.
Her husband wasn’t happy.
About me fucking her.
And turning her into a lesbian, too.

Fury

They say that hell half no fury like a woman scorned but now that I’m in hell, I beg to differ. I did a lot lot of scorning, believe you and me. I’ve spent lots of nights sleeping in my car or on the sofa, but they weren’t on fire or covered with sharp spikes. Very sharp spikes. Then there’s all the whipping. And not the good kind that comes from a lady in leather and stilettos. And it really, really smells bad. Did I mention the fire? Everything is on fire. I think even the fire is on fire.

Weekly Challenge #1031 PICK TWO Hush Beauty Chisel One-eyed owl Interceptor

The next topic is Fancy

LEWIE

The one-eyed owl had a chiseled jaw line. His hushed beak made him the perfect interceptor. Glaring silently at any who dared approach, he rarely spoke.

The moon’s beauty in the night would have its light reflected from all who approached, timid and uncertain. He would ask the question of, not who, but whom?

It was rumored that only the lollipop guild was able to pass, once they answered a question central to the forest’s concerns. Not of smoking forest fires, hooting over campgrounds, crying over garbage, or plows destroying the lands of mice.

Just a centralized accounting of consumption.

RICHARD

Just Joking
It was only a joke, but she wasn’t at all impressed.
She said she was off to the beauty salon for a makeover.
I laughed; told her she’d be better off going to the local building site rather than the salon, “Make -up isn’t going to fix that” I laughed, “hammer and chisel is what you need!”
She was not amused.
Knocked me out with a frying pan, and when I came to, I found myself with my feet in a bucket, full of set concrete.
“Hammer and chisel is what you need!” She laughed, and left me to it.

SERENDIPIDY

The professor peered at the markings on the wall, muttering to himself, “Scarab beetle… dog… obelisk… one-eyed owl… What on earth could it all mean?”
He beckoned me over, “You’re the expert, can you make sense of any of it?”
A subdued hush descended upon the tomb as I examined the hieroglyphs.
“It’s a curse” I concluded. “You will not leave this place alive.”
He laughed and told me he had no time for curses, that it was all nonsense.
I reached for the knife I’d concealed in my jacket.
“Nonsense?” I murmured, “Well, we’ll soon see about that!”

LISA

Poker Face
The room was hard to read. The one eyed owl particularly seemed to be bluffing but the magpie kept putting more money on the table. I thought I had a good hand, but folded early.
I left the table to get another drink, possibly not the done thing, but I didn’t exactly know the rules in this town. When I returned the air felt different. The mood lighter. The hush of earlier was gone.
The owl stared at me – seemed he’d just been winking earlier. I knew then it was time to stop and try to find my way home.

LIZZIE

“Hush,” he said.
“They are coming.” The fear was palpable in her voice.
They could hear her, the interceptors. They could hear her breathe. They could hear her heartbeat. The vibrations of their humming resonated on the walls.
He covered her with his body. He used to be like them, intercepting to drown the resistance.
But she’d changed everything. Her eyes. Her smile, despite everything. And in a heartbeat, he wanted to protect her, to keep her alive.
The humming became distant.
“We’re safe for now”.
And she smiled that smile that almost made him believe he had a heartbeat.

TOM

My last duchess

Maximilien Franklin entered the room through a door that had not been opened in 60 years. The light from his candles caught the spectral array of swirling dust set in motion by the passage of his even strides. On the far wall was a draped painting Max had heard about from his material grandmother. He removed the covering and the hush that hoovered in the room joined a frozen heartbeat. He thought he was ready for work of the Italian master, but the beauty captured in her sad smile brought Max to tears. His hand trembled as to touch her check.

NORVAL JOE

In the hush of midnight, Mandi’s own footfalls sounded as loud as a hammer on a chisel. She hurried across the passage to Billbert’s room.

He sat up groggily as she stopped at his bed. “What’s going on?”

“Do you know of any ghosts that live in your house?” Mandi whispered. “I heard one walk into my room.”

Billbert mumbled, “I didn’t think ghosts lived anywhere. Did Sabrina hear it, too?”

“I don’t know,” she tried to evade. “She’s not in her bed.”

Billbert lay back down and closed his eyes. “Then it was probably just Sabrina leaving the room.”

PLANET Z

Jack used to complain that portions in this country were way out of control. On the one hand, fast food hamburgers are now the size of mini sliders and king sized candy bars should be labeled court jester size. Pathetic. But at sit down restaurants, sometimes it takes two waitresses with platters to bring out your dinner plate. And your drink needs a lifeguard and Floaties. Maybe even a diving board. They charge you extra to share a plate, so you’re paying them for someone not to order. I can’t tell if this is my straw or a pool noodle.

Giraffe delivery

I used to think that the test for being rich would be to be able to go to a website and with only a few clicks have a real live giraffe delivered to your house the next day. A real Live giraffe. But the truth is, giraffes need a safe place to wander around, food, veterinary care. You know, the same as any animal you adopt. Besides, going to a website and clicking things just to get a giraffe delivered. The next day seems rather silly, if you’re rich, that’s the kind of thing you delegate to your butler. Right?

Close to the water

Sometimes I think I should’ve gotten a house closer to the water. And then I see the Pest Control and animal trapper trucks on the street. I asked them what they’ve caught and they’ll say snakes, raccoons and sometimes a baby alligator. I’ve already seen a spider or two in the past two years and one baby snake in the garage so I do the math and try to figure out how much more of that would be showing up uninvited. Then I shru,g put on my shoes, and walk the 10 minutes it takes to get to the pond..

Night nurse

You can bet on anything now.
Celebrity surgeries are all the rage on the betting desks.
Live, die, or complications.
I look up the patient history.
Then I look up the sheet on the surgeon, the nurses, and the anesthesiologist.
I check the odds and this one looks good. I lock in my bet.
It’s not like a surgeon is going to blow an easy layup.
But a nurse? Those can be bought.
And orderlies are a dime a dozen.
Sure enough, there’s complications. A post-op infection.
I cash it in, and split the winnings with the night nurse.

Morning duty

Usually after his morning walk, John would do his morning business in the toilet and jump in the shower.
However, today he was a bit backed up.
So, he went ahead with his shower anyway.
Sure enough, nature called, and he was out of the shower and on the toilet.
He nearly slid off.
A few minutes later, he was back in the shower again.
And nature called again.
Back to the toilet, this time a bit more careful on the landing, and after a minute, back to the shower.
He was almost done when the hot water ran out.