George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Disney liked the concept, and bought it for millions.
But after two successful movies, they brought in a director who rebooted the franchise.
Instead of George, they featured Georgette, a black lesbian pirate who was the best at everything pirates do.
Hundreds of millions of dollars went into a Disney Plus series, and even more money was spent on reshoots.
Fans of the original George who criticized the new Georgette were called racists, sexists, bigots, and homophobes.
Despite terrible ratings, a second season was ordered, and it was worse.
Author: R.
Weekly Challenge #912 – Part
LIZZIE
As we part our ways, my dear, I hold precious memories in my heart. We walked along the bridges, watching the gondolas slide by. You were so smitten by the elegant colors that you ate that azalea. I didn’t even have to tell you to. And then the green fairy. What a lovely shade of green, you said. I’ll never forget you, my dear. I’ll take your heart with me. And he opened his suitcase to take a quick look before the train departed. Yes, her heart was still there. Squashing it inside that damn bottle had been a struggle.
RICHARD
Problem solved
“Be part of the problem, not the solution!”
Simmonds, sitting opposite me caught my eye, and it was all I could do to stop myself bursting out laughing.
Old man Jeffries may be a good manager, but lately he’d begun losing the plot.
Simmonds politely raised his hand, “Surely we should be part of the solution?”
Jeffries glared at him, “That’s what I just said! Pay attention! Now, where was I?”
“Solutions?” I prompted, helpfully.
“Yes, precisely! Without solutions. We’d have no problems, and then where would we be?”
Eventually, they fired Jeffries.
The easiest solution to our biggest problem.
SERENDIPIDY
Til death do us part was never going to be good enough for me.
As far as I’m concerned, love never ends: It transcends mortality and human frailty, persisting beyond the grave.
So, when hubby died, there was absolutely no question of burial or cremation; there’s no way I could possibly be parted from his mortal remains. I had him pickled and I keep him in a glass capsule next to my bed.
Sometimes, when I need to feel him close, I decant his body, wrap my arms around him, and make mad, passionate love to him, all night long.
NORVAL JOE
Mr. Withybottom waved toward his Lincoln town car. “Okay, you two. Hop in. Linny you can stay home.”
Linoliumanda scowled as if deciding whether or not to defy her father was hurting her head.
She eventually followed Billbert and Sabrina. “If something is going to happen on this drive, I want to be part of it.”
Her father laughed nervously. “Nothing’s going to happen, honey girl. I just want to encourage these two crazy people to get out of your life. You know. Part ways with you.”
“That’s what I thought might happen,” Linoliumanda said following Billbert into the car.
PLANET Z
Her name was April, she was Miss November, and of course she married the old man for his money.
“Til death do we part.” was a challenge.
Her lover, his lawyer, had the new will written up.
She got a quarter, his two kids got a quarter, and the lawyer got the rest as a fee.
Despite her best efforts, the geezer kept going for eight months.
When the time came for the reading of the will, a stranger handed her and the two kids a shiny new quarter.
And the lawyer (and the rest of the money) were gone.
George summer camp
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
And you know what they say about those who can’t do.
So, he ran a summer pirate camp for kids.
Instead of making arts and crafts, they pillaged and looted.
Paddling their war canoes across the lake to raid other summer camps for their arts and crafts.
At the end of the summer, the kids would collect the ransom payments, pack their treasure, and head back home.
George wouldn’t see them for another year.
Well, except for the kids who signed up for the after-school pirate camp, that is.
George gets played
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Then again, when it came to women, he had a girl in every port.
Sometimes, two or three.
The problem was, after a while, the women got to talking, and they felt like they were getting played by George.
One minute, George was at the bar, drinking a tankard of beer.
The next, he was being dragged out by several of his former girlfriends.
They’d slipped a little something into his beer.
Three hours later, he woke up, hanging from a lamp post.
By what, I dare not mention.
George the Barber
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So, he gave up being a pirate and became a barber.
He partnered with the tavern next door so that customers could have a drink or two while they waited.
At first, some customers got drunk and rowdy, but they learned to police themselves, and only got a little tipsy before George would say “NEXT!”
He made good business, and the information he gathered from those tipsy customers was priceless.
Her Majesty’s Navy were delighted to listen as they came in for haircuts.
And they tipped George quite handsomely.
George MP
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The Pirate Party of Sweden called George and asked him if he was interested in running for parliament.
“But I’m not Swedish,” said George.
“Nobody is anymore,” said the Pirate Party representative. “Damned immigrants.”
George ran a sloppy campaign, but he more than made up for it at the debates.
He killed two of his opponents, and horribly maimed a third.
Running unopposed and under indictment for murder, George won the ballot easily.
“Now what?” said George, standing in Parliament, surrounded by people in suits babbling in incomprehensible Swedish.
George plays baseball
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When he wasn’t pirating, he was playing amateur baseball.
He’d been hoping to be discovered by a scout, but the scouts all knew he was just as bad a baseball player as he was a pirate.
The rare times he managed to get to first base, he’d try to steal second, and get caught.
So, after the game, he’d steal second, third, home, first, the pitcher’s rubber, and pretty much anything that wasn’t nailed down.
He never played professionally. Instead, he umpired.
The bribes he collected were quite generous.
George Titters
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Every time someone said “booty” he’d giggle.
“What’s so damn funny?” yelled the captain.
“He said booty,” said George, trying not to laugh.
“What are you, three?” said the captain. “Now go swab the poopdeck.”
George laughed out loud and earned a night in the brig.
George made an audio tape with those words, and he ran it in a loop while he slept.
But he listened to it way too loud, temporarily deafening him for a month.
At least he stopped laughing at the words booty and poopdeck.
Weekly Challenge #911 – Blue Sky
RICHARD
Con Air
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saving money on flights leaving more to spend abroad was a no-brainer. So we flew with Blue Sky Airlines at a fraction of the cost of the other budget flyers, even after the extra baggage charges.
It was when we landed that the problems began.
They charged us to leave the plane, then another charge to deplane our luggage. There was a further fee for baggage retrieval.
Then a transfer fee for the coach to our hotel, twice the cost of the flight.
We flew back with a different airline.
TOM
When he down, let kick him.
Blue sky, or goodwill, is the excess purchase price over the market
value of the tangible assets recorded on the balance sheet. What is the
difference between goodwill and blue sky? A key point of note: goodwill
value can be proved through data and legally defended. On the other
hand, blue sky value is used to represent intangible value that
represents a premium someone will pay for a business is not based in any
defend able analysis. Question: if you have been screwing over people
all your business career and the court liquidates your assets; can you
have negative blue sky.
SERENDIPIDY
A cloudless blue sky.
It’s been three days, and every one of them a cloudless, blue sky. Sun, blazing relentlessly; no shade, no shelter, no solace.
The burning sand scalds your blistered feet; you stumble, fall, crawl, desperately seeking the faintest shadow, the slightest breeze to ease your pain.
Cracked, blackened lips, mumble for water. Dehydrated, desperate in their desire for moisture, but none is to be found.
Three days – a lifetime – and now, just short moments from death.
You stumble once more, clawing at the sand, then lie still.
High above, the sun blazes.
In a cloudless blue sky.
LIZZIE
“Maybe there’s a blue sky out there, a blue sky that makes you wonder, a blue sky filled with smiles and laughter. Maybe there’s a home out there filled with twinkling stars that make the sky bluer. Maybe, just maybe, there’s a blue smile that makes you dream.” He closed his eyes.
The keys played an eerie symphony as the mother locked them in their rooms for the night.
The mother didn’t believe in blue skies. The mother didn’t believe in smiles.
At least, no one could steal the blue sky in his mind. He smiled and went to sleep.
NORVAL JOE
The Withybottom mansion rose above the surrounding fir trees and seemed to touch the deep blue sky. The two girls still stood on the broad front porch with Linoliumanda’s father eyeing the road where the police officer had just passed.
Billbert climbed the steps up to the porch. “Mr. Withybottom. Could you drive me home? My parents are probably starting to get worried about me.”
He shrugged. “Okay.” Linoliumanda’s father turned to Sabrina. “How about you, young lady? Do you need a ride home?”
She shook her head. “I’m sure my grandmother hasn’t missed me. Just take me to Billbert’s.”
PLANET Z
It hasn’t rained for over a month. I water the plants twice a day. Most of them will recover once it rains again. The others, I’ve pulled out and mulched. No point in replacing them yet. Until it rains again. We don’t bother with a grass lawn. Nobody around here does. It’s called native or rustic or natural or something. call it lazy. But it doesn’t look bad at all once you get used to it. Just like the clear blue sky. And the little sun icons on the weather app. Tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that.
George raises a baby
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He once kidnapped a baby from a wealthy couple and held it for ransom.
While the parents negotiated with George, he had to change diapers, do midnight feedings, buy clothes, help with homework, and do everything else necessary in raising a child.
The negotiations took twenty-two years, ending when the kid graduated college.
“It was cheaper to let you raise him and then pay the ransom,” his parents said.
Their grown son, raised to be a pirate, made his parents walk the plank.
“That’s my boy!” said George proudly.