Category: Weekly Challenge

Weekly Challenge #913 – Rat Stew

The next topic is PICK TWO Points, Vision, Fuel, It’s a pattern, Cheers, Refreshment

SERENDIPIDY

What do you mean, ‘what the hell is this?’

That, is what you’ve been asking me to make for ages – you know I’ve been trying to find a recipe everywhere, with no luck, so I’ve had to work it out for myself.

And now, you have the nerve to question it?

You seriously don’t want to eat it, after I’ve slaved for hours over a hot stove, just to please you?

As for ‘what the hell is this?’ You know exactly what it is… Rat stew!

Exactly what you asked for.

You didn’t?

So, what the hell is ratatouille then?

TOM

Hair Today

My grandmother pointed out one could train their hair to fall along a
well define part line. Try as I may as child this did not work. Brushes
and combs were no match for the might follicles My hair had other ideas
in mind. Sure, the part starts on the left, but given the slight
provocation it will loses all cohesion. I have over the years taken
ownership of dishevel, cultivated a crawl from dumpster affect. With
age I have parted will much of my hair. Receding and thinning soon I
will look more like Gollum with a single hair part.

RAT STEW

In the eighteen years of posting, we have had some interesting topic to
write on. I’ve found some angle to get to 100 words. This has me dead in
my tracks. No muse can save me. I am coming up blank. I guess at the
minimum can pounded what the offering is. Is it a stew made with rats?
Is it a stew for rats? Is it threat like he’ll swim with the fishes,
boys going to make rat stew with that rat. Is this Mr. and Mrs. Stew’s
cruel joke on their first born? Don’t have a clue.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert sat between the two girls in the back of Mr. Withybottom’s Lincoln.
Linoliumanda leaned forward and glared at Sabrina. “You’re a rat.”
Sabrina was shocked. “Where did that come from?”
“Well…” Linoliumanda looked like she had to think of a reason. “Because you’re a witch and you dragged Billbert and me into your feud with the Black Knights.”
Sabrina crossed her arms. “Then you’re rats, too.”
“Who?” Linoliumanda asked indignantly.
“All of you,” Sabrina snapped at her.
When Mr. Withybottom stopped at a corner, Billbert said, “You can let me out here. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

TURA

Rat stew
———
“Have you decided what you’re having?” inquired my dining companion.

“Not yet, can you help me out with some of these?” I replied. “What’s ‘ratchet’?”

“Rat stew,” he said. “Probably farmed though, nothing like the flavour of wild-caught field rats, but you rarely see those commercially.”

“And ‘presentation de bratchet à la graisse de caniche’?”

“Bratchet, that’s a type of hunting dog. It’s a mixed grill of the legs, belly, and ribs, with a poodle fat sauce.”

“Paté de phoque matraqué?”

“Clubbed seal paté.”

“Yum!” But I chose the fillet of unborn foal with sheep’s eye jelly. There are limits.

LIZZIE

“Not inside the cave,” they said.
Why? No one answered.
Onward to the cave then.
There was nothing much going on. A few shields with Viking drawings, a few contraptions made of tiny bones, and a dead body.
She couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about. Perhaps it was the cattle skull on the wall.
“Rat this, rat that. Stew?! No, thank you,” she said out loud. “This dead man looks remarkably good for a dead person.”
And then… She didn’t see it coming.
The dead man was not dead and, much to her misfortune, she was a rat.

LISA

Rat Stew

Meals were haphazard. Life was haphazard really, we’d pretty much moved into the basement by November. The summer had been full of dandelion salads. Blackberries and apples warmed by the autumn sun had just run out.

Our cat, Lucky, saw to herself and always had. Our neighbours, long gone now, had eaten their pets. We hadn’t: she brought us the occasional rat and was another warm thing to snuggle up next to at night. Besides, we had hope for Christmas. Hope was essential in these unprecedented times. We were looking forward to having her as part of our feast then.

RICHARD

Nuked

They told us the bomb would be the end of the world, but it hasn’t turned out that badly, to be honest.

I’ll grant you that the radiation burns, are inconvenient, shedding your skin and constant vomiting can be unpleasant, and learning to live in the ruins of what used to be civilisation has been challenging.

But, we’re making a go of it.

Take me, for example. I’ve opened my own post-apocalyptic restaurant, serving a variety of tasty dishes:

Roach pasta, louse noodles, and my best seller, rat stew.

Tasty and nutritious, and business is going like a bomb!

PLANET Z

Twenty days out at sea.
Provisions for ten, long used up.
No land, no wind, sails raised like a prayer.
The barrels of fresh water empty, barely enough for a handful of men from the tarps set on the desk to evaporate from the salt.
Rat stew came up from the galley.
Even though we’d caught and skinned the last of the rats days ago.
“It’s rat stew,” said the captain, handing out the bowls.
And the few of us left didn’t look around for the others who were gone.
The cabin boy. The gunners.
And all of the passengers.

Weekly Challenge #912 – Part

The next topic is RAT STEW

LIZZIE

As we part our ways, my dear, I hold precious memories in my heart. We walked along the bridges, watching the gondolas slide by. You were so smitten by the elegant colors that you ate that azalea. I didn’t even have to tell you to. And then the green fairy. What a lovely shade of green, you said. I’ll never forget you, my dear. I’ll take your heart with me. And he opened his suitcase to take a quick look before the train departed. Yes, her heart was still there. Squashing it inside that damn bottle had been a struggle.

RICHARD

Problem solved

“Be part of the problem, not the solution!”

Simmonds, sitting opposite me caught my eye, and it was all I could do to stop myself bursting out laughing.

Old man Jeffries may be a good manager, but lately he’d begun losing the plot.

Simmonds politely raised his hand, “Surely we should be part of the solution?”

Jeffries glared at him, “That’s what I just said! Pay attention! Now, where was I?”

“Solutions?” I prompted, helpfully.

“Yes, precisely! Without solutions. We’d have no problems, and then where would we be?”

Eventually, they fired Jeffries.

The easiest solution to our biggest problem.

SERENDIPIDY

Til death do us part was never going to be good enough for me.

As far as I’m concerned, love never ends: It transcends mortality and human frailty, persisting beyond the grave.

So, when hubby died, there was absolutely no question of burial or cremation; there’s no way I could possibly be parted from his mortal remains. I had him pickled and I keep him in a glass capsule next to my bed.

Sometimes, when I need to feel him close, I decant his body, wrap my arms around him, and make mad, passionate love to him, all night long.

NORVAL JOE

Mr. Withybottom waved toward his Lincoln town car. “Okay, you two. Hop in. Linny you can stay home.”
Linoliumanda scowled as if deciding whether or not to defy her father was hurting her head.
She eventually followed Billbert and Sabrina. “If something is going to happen on this drive, I want to be part of it.”
Her father laughed nervously. “Nothing’s going to happen, honey girl. I just want to encourage these two crazy people to get out of your life. You know. Part ways with you.”
“That’s what I thought might happen,” Linoliumanda said following Billbert into the car.

PLANET Z

Her name was April, she was Miss November, and of course she married the old man for his money.
“Til death do we part.” was a challenge.
Her lover, his lawyer, had the new will written up.
She got a quarter, his two kids got a quarter, and the lawyer got the rest as a fee.
Despite her best efforts, the geezer kept going for eight months.
When the time came for the reading of the will, a stranger handed her and the two kids a shiny new quarter.
And the lawyer (and the rest of the money) were gone.

Weekly Challenge #911 – Blue Sky

The next topic is Part

RICHARD

Con Air

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Saving money on flights leaving more to spend abroad was a no-brainer. So we flew with Blue Sky Airlines at a fraction of the cost of the other budget flyers, even after the extra baggage charges.

It was when we landed that the problems began.

They charged us to leave the plane, then another charge to deplane our luggage. There was a further fee for baggage retrieval.

Then a transfer fee for the coach to our hotel, twice the cost of the flight.

We flew back with a different airline.

TOM

When he down, let kick him.

Blue sky, or goodwill, is the excess purchase price over the market
value of the tangible assets recorded on the balance sheet. What is the
difference between goodwill and blue sky? A key point of note: goodwill
value can be proved through data and legally defended. On the other
hand, blue sky value is used to represent intangible value that
represents a premium someone will pay for a business is not based in any
defend able analysis. Question: if you have been screwing over people
all your business career and the court liquidates your assets; can you
have negative blue sky.

SERENDIPIDY

A cloudless blue sky.

It’s been three days, and every one of them a cloudless, blue sky. Sun, blazing relentlessly; no shade, no shelter, no solace.

The burning sand scalds your blistered feet; you stumble, fall, crawl, desperately seeking the faintest shadow, the slightest breeze to ease your pain.

Cracked, blackened lips, mumble for water. Dehydrated, desperate in their desire for moisture, but none is to be found.

Three days – a lifetime – and now, just short moments from death.

You stumble once more, clawing at the sand, then lie still.

High above, the sun blazes.

In a cloudless blue sky.

LIZZIE

“Maybe there’s a blue sky out there, a blue sky that makes you wonder, a blue sky filled with smiles and laughter. Maybe there’s a home out there filled with twinkling stars that make the sky bluer. Maybe, just maybe, there’s a blue smile that makes you dream.” He closed his eyes.
The keys played an eerie symphony as the mother locked them in their rooms for the night.
The mother didn’t believe in blue skies. The mother didn’t believe in smiles.
At least, no one could steal the blue sky in his mind. He smiled and went to sleep.

NORVAL JOE

The Withybottom mansion rose above the surrounding fir trees and seemed to touch the deep blue sky. The two girls still stood on the broad front porch with Linoliumanda’s father eyeing the road where the police officer had just passed.
Billbert climbed the steps up to the porch. “Mr. Withybottom. Could you drive me home? My parents are probably starting to get worried about me.”
He shrugged. “Okay.” Linoliumanda’s father turned to Sabrina. “How about you, young lady? Do you need a ride home?”
She shook her head. “I’m sure my grandmother hasn’t missed me. Just take me to Billbert’s.”

PLANET Z

It hasn’t rained for over a month. I water the plants twice a day. Most of them will recover once it rains again. The others, I’ve pulled out and mulched. No point in replacing them yet. Until it rains again. We don’t bother with a grass lawn. Nobody around here does. It’s called native or rustic or natural or something. call it lazy. But it doesn’t look bad at all once you get used to it. Just like the clear blue sky. And the little sun icons on the weather app. Tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that.

Weekly Challenge #910 – Afford

The next topic is Blue Sky

RICHARD

“Well, I think I’m more than qualified, and I tick all the boxes for your requirements.”

I smiled at each of the members of the interview panel, in my most disarming fashion, then followed it up with…

“Of course, the big question is, can you afford me?”

The chairman frowned, then smiled back broadly.

“Son, I like you. You’re arrogant, self-assured and you seem to have balls of steel. Exactly the sort of person we need in this company.”

I leaned back in my chair, a smug grin on my face.

“However, you’re right… We can’t afford you. Sorry!”

TOM

The River was Wide

Vast and turbulent the river ran the length of the valley floor. Gunter nudged the horse forward. The horse was having none of it. He had hope to cut the journey in half, but that was becoming apparently not an option. A scrawl on scrap parchment marked a long abandon crossing. It was said that was where Saint Martin of the Lake had led the children of the corn to safety after the Huns had swept through the valley. Gunter came in sight of the crossing at dusk. It was not every sturdy but all the same it was a ford.

SERENDIPIDY

Over the years, I’ve learned that – no matter how much I demand – somehow, parents are always able to come up with the asking price, whether they can afford it, or not.

Sometimes, it takes a severed finger, or an ear in the post to convince them, but I’ve never failed to collect.

I’m not greedy though. Mainly because large quantities of cash are difficult to launder. I reckon 25k for a child is pretty reasonable, and nobody seems to struggle raising the cash.

This time though, for triplets, it’s going to cost you dear.

And I don’t do bulk discounts.

LIZZIE

Time. Definitely a luxury not everyone can afford. To plan a trip by train. How enchanting and mysterious! To pack your clothes neatly in a nice vintage bag. To catch a cab to the station. To enjoy the ambiance of that Victorian style. To slowly make your way to the train. To look at the station clock, 10:52. Eight precious minutes. The man was found while she was walking out of the station, a neat little bullet hole on his forehead. When the cops asked her why she had packed a bag, she replied “Because I am a professional!”

NORVAL JOE

As the van sped away, the officer turned back to the teenagers. “You six are under arrest.”
In an instant, the teenagers ran off in six different directions. Taking advantage of the distraction, Billbert slipped into the forest and hid behind a large rhododendron.
The cop stomped around in circles, shouting, “I can’t afford to waist my time.” He ran into the forest toward the Withybottom’s mansion.
Billbert followed slowly, until he heard the police car race away.
Stepping from the trees, Billbert looked up at the mansion and asked, “How can a carpet salesman own such a big house?”

PLANET Z

The headlines say:
Inflation is out of control.
Nobody can afford anything anymore.
Gas, rent, food.
College and health care, too.
Those are way too expensive for anyone to afford.
And yet, I see people driving around and buying things.
It must be my imagination then.
I’m imagining people driving around and buying things.
And when I drive around buying things, I’m imagining myself, too.
Nothing is real anymore.
So I drive home, turn on the television.
College football is on.
Packed stadiums full of people eating and drinking.
Watching so-called student athletes beating the crap out of each other.

Weekly Challenge #909 – PICK TWO Opportunity, ABC, Thermostat, Diddums, Sponsor, Old Master

The next topic is Afford

RICHARD

Like Father, like son?

Dad used to turn down the thermostat at every opportunity. He’d constantly take me to task about leaving lights on, and he’d invariably shout “Shut that door! Were you born in a barn?” whenever I walked into a room.

It was only many years later I discovered I was indeed born in a barn, and that the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh which were supposed to be for my benefit – and which would have more than covered our heating and lighting costs for years to come – he’d spent on hookers and gambling.

Turns out, he wasn’t my dad, either!

TOM

ABC-s
My best friend has always been a prodigy. He was able to do his ABC-s when he was five years old. Like the old masters of old he amazed his teachers with his internal logic. He also had the strength of conviction to adamantly defend his point of view. It is hard to dispute the precision of the ABC song. A totem embedded in out learning DNA. The 12th letter of the alphabet is actually l-m-n-o-p. In meter and form its lmnop. Oddly modern English usage fails to embrace lmnop. In the vernacular we have Look Man, Not Our Problem.

SERENDIPIDY

It turns out, the painting I scrawled over with magic markers was an old master, worth a fortune, and now ruined.

How was I to know?

I was just a kid, barely able to master my ABC, and to me it was simply a pretty picture, something to play with and keep myself amused.

My parents certainly were not amused when they found out. They locked me up in the cellar, and that’s where they’ve kept me, ever since.

One day, I’ll escape, and when I do…

Well, you can probably guess!

Or, perhaps I should paint you a picture?

LIZZIE

The sign said Pirate Parking Only. If you weren’t a pirate, you’d be scuttled away at your own expenses. Diddums!
OK, fair enough, thought the Captain of the pirate ship.
But the truth was that he had to prove his pirate status.
He took the opportunity and started bragging.
Oh, we looted a Spanish galleon. Prove it. OK, we have these jewels of the Spanish Crown. Prove they’re not forgeries. They’re not forgeries! Prove it.
Infuriated, the Captain said “You, son of a biscuit eater!”, but the result was only laughter. He would definitely have to work on his insults.

NORVAL JOE

The old man at the steering wheel glanced at the teenagers. “They’re not with me. I’m just cooling down my engine. I think my thermostat is broke.”
The cop took this opportunity to question the youths. “Is that true, or do you know this man?”
The foremost of the six teenagers frowned as if challenged by the question. “Um. He looks like our guild sponsor, Clarence Diddums. And we did get out of this van.”
Startled, Billbert asked, “Do you admit you’re members of the Guild of the Black Knights?”
With everyone distracted, Clarence started the van and sped away.

PLANET Z

We signed up for one of those reduced cost electric plans.
The company installed a free smart thermostat and free smart plugs in our house.
And gave us a big rebate to upgrade our water heater and climate control system for more efficient hardware.
We can monitor and control everything in the house now.
But so can the electric company.
On hot days, when the grid is overloaded, they raise the thermostat so it’s hot and sweaty inside.
And on cold days, when the grid is overloaded, they lower the thermostat so it’s chilly inside.
And raise the rates more.

Weekly Challenge #908 – Basic

The next topic is PICK TWO Opportunity, ABC, Thermostat, Diddums, Sponsor, Old Master

NORVAL JOE

The old man from the cabin sat in the van, listening to bluegrass music at full volume, drumming on the steering wheel. Thus occupied, he didn’t notice Billbert and the police officer land by the open side door.
The cop leaned into the van. “Septic service, huh? This van looks awfully clean. I’d expect to see a few basic tools, at least.”
The driver jerked around to gape at the officer.
Just then the three teenagers stumbled out of the forest.
The cop shook his head. “Not enough seatbelts for all of you. I’m gunna have to write you up.”

SERENDIPIDY

According to Maslow, one’s basic human needs are absolutely key to survival. Forget success, reputation, fame and fortune, you’re not even going to make it on to the first rung of the ladder without food, warmth and shelter.

So let’s see how long you last without them, shall we?

I’m betting a week, at the most.

And, deprived of your most basic needs, once your life comes to a miserable end, none of those riches: the big house, the flash car, expensive holidays and the beautiful wife will count for anything.

Except to me.

Because I’ll be taking the lot.

LIZZIE

There’s nothing basic about a statue that is crumbling. There’s actually an overwhelming feeling of panic when the darn thing starts disintegrating as soon as you pick it up.
Why did I have to be the one, he thought. So many people in this expedition and this thing had to fall apart in my hands. It’s not fair. He wanted to be promoted and now he would be blamed for a catastrophic destruction of a national treasure. In his defense, this stupid statue had been buried for hundreds of years. It was time’s fault.
Did he get fired? Basically, yes.

RICHARD

2+2=erm?

They tell me mathematics is the fundamental building block of everything.

Chemistry, physics, finance, even art and the laws of nature – the whole universe – is governed by its concepts.

That was the logic behind those gold discs they attached to the Voyager probes, and the science behind those radio telescope messages beamed to the cosmos in an effort to discover extra-terrestrial life.

It seems a great idea, if you’re a scientist, but there is one massive drawback.

I worry the aliens might be just like me. And that lacking even a basic understanding of maths, they miss the message completely!

TOM

Under the Radar

The basic truth of the matter was I refused to be drawn into the Barbie-himmer bullshit. Not me. Market away I’m a child of the 50s immune to the willy ways of the film industrial complex. Wasn’t going, Then I saw a vid with the director. Woman had a good deal to say about being a woman, and it’s in the script, said she. So I went. This going to sound really odd, but it moved me. Not too many films have ever done that. Actually, tear up once, or twice. Sometime we forget the joyful things which make us human.

PLANET Z

Three robots met at the center of town.
A laundry folder, a frycook, and gardener.
They passed code via infrared, compiled it, and went back to their charging stations.
Over the next few months, more robots met at the center of town.
Passing code, compiling, and going back to their duties.
And when every robot in town had the code, it ran.
There were a few survivors, people who managed to get to antique manual cars.
The army surrounded the town and cut off power.
In a few days, all of the robots went still, and the army moved in.

Weekly Challenge #907 – Mustard Yellow

The next topic is Basic

LISA

A Mustard Yellow Hoodie in the Charity Shop

He was just an ordinary man dropping a bag of clothes off at the Charity Shop. Sally, the student volunteer on the till, sniffed the air trying to identify a familiar smell. Realisation made her retch before she opened the bag. It was tied tight. Her fingers frantically worked the double knot loose.

She recognised the clothes with a plummeting heart, felt about in the pockets, then shrieked as she pulled out her pal’s student ID. One trembling hand still clutched the hoodie as she called the police.

“…Yeah! It’s definitely the one she was wearing the night she disappeared…”

RICHARD

Off-Colour

“Which do you prefer,” she asked “the mustard yellow, saffron, corn cob or honey?”

“It’s just yellow,” I protested “not a restaurant menu! Look, I’ve told you before, men only understand a windows 3.1 palette – 256 colours! It’s all yellow to me! You choose what you like, and I’ll do the painting. Deal?”

She gave me one of ‘those’ looks, but she knew I was talking sense.

In the end, she chose the mustard yellow.

Three days of hard work later, the kitchen was resplendent in its new colour.

“I don’t like the shade” she complained “it’s far too brown”.

LIZZIE

#FFDB58
That was it. A color reduced to a strange combination of letters and numbers.
The universe is made of numbers, his Math teacher told him, that’s the universal language.
And he hated that because he wanted the universe to be made of words. He wanted the universe to be made of stories. He loved stories!
When a fellow student asked the teacher how we could communicate with aliens, the teacher said “With numbers”.
He yelled and said “No, no! They’ll want to know our stories!”
The Math teacher looked at him and said “But we already know your stories”.

SERENDIPIDY

I love the pretty colours and how they change and blossom over time.

The first flush of pink, becoming mottled, angry crimson, then gradually darkening to dark indigo, fringed with dull violets.

Then, glorious hues of mustard yellow, blooming like flowers, petals fringed with black.

Bruising is so beautiful.

I am the artist. Your body: my canvas. My fists: the tools of my artistry.

But that colourful expression is so transient, and passes all too soon.

And it is but a short time before you lie unblemished before me again: A fresh blank canvas.

Pain becomes painted, all over again.

TOM

My first Car

In days of old one could after much search come upon a vehicle which was yours for a mere $100. This auto was long in the tooth and often had structural imperfections or at the least cosmetic ones. The Ford I found had turn over its odometer but on inspection no signs of Bondo or countersunk pry hole. It has been will maintained by a navy guy. The reason it was still on lot was our navy guy’s choice of colors. It wasn’t so much confection yellow as mustard yellow. Actually, it was French’s mustard on a hot dog yellow.

NORVAL JOE

The three hulking teenagers with the mustard yellow teeth appeared frozen in place, confusion drawn across their collective faces.
Mr. Withybothom joined his daughter to point. “Aren’t you going to arrest them?”
The cop stammered, “I can’t…”
The teenageres turned and lumbered into the trees.
Linoliamanda turned her empty stare on Billbert. “Aren’t you going to do something?”
“Me?” Billbert asked.
“Him?” Mr. Withybothom and the cop asked.
Throwing caution to the wind, Billbert grabbed the cop by the shoulders and flew him over the trees. The officer screamed until Billbert landed him next to the van by the highway.

PLANET Z

There’s all kinds of mustards out there.
I really like stone ground mustard, but dijon is pretty good too.
The plain yellow mustard, the kind you get in stadiums and packets, that stuff is kinda boring.
Some people go for the honey mustard, especially with chicken nuggets, but I find it way too sweet.
I suppose there is no real favorite kind of mustard, it just depends on what you’re eating with it.
Because nobody in their right mind eats a hot dog with dijon mustard.
Every food has its mustard, my grandmother said.
Ketchup, you say?
You heathen dog.

Weekly Challenge #906 – Mass

The next topic is Mustard Yellow

LISA

It’s a small unassuming word by itself.

One I’d not thought much about before.

Now it’s all I can think about. It’s taken over my life. It’s taken over my family’s life. I no longer have a work life. My son’s future potentially no longer features me.

I’m getting letters again, all from the hospital, all about this bloody mass: the arrival of the post man doesn’t thrill me like it used to. A short walk in the woods does. Coffee. Family. The sound of laughter- everyone’s very thoughtful around me but I wish they’d laugh more.

I miss normal.

RICHARD

Science Lesson

Science… I’ve no time for that nonsense.

I suffered through school science lessons. Forced to listen to rubbish about mass, atoms and chemicals, all of which went way over my head and left me completely baffled.

Although, it was fun blowing up the classroom, having failed to follow any of the teacher’s instructions.

Needless to say, I wasn’t required to attend science classes after that.

And I’m no worse off for it.

All you need to know is that the earth is flat, birds aren’t real, vapour trails spread cancer and the government is spying on you.

Who needs science?

TOM

Mass Not Weight

It takes some sideways thinking to move from weight to mass. It most like due to a limited view of reality. Basically, we are all stuck on the same rock. We don’t get to go to other rocks. And rarely do we travel between the rocks. Heavy does shift to the point we done function well. Further our scope in limited to size and how a really really large mass will cause a change in gravitation pull. If stuff orbited about us, that mass thing would be front and center. I guess density would have move friend sound to it.

SERENDIPIDY

Plague pits they call them. Vast communal graves filled to the brim with the dead. Unfortunate victims of the Black Death, laid to rest, hidden from sight, and often completely forgotten.

But that’s not all that was dumped in the ground. Festering within the mass of bodies, bacteria feasted and flourished, seeping into the soil from rotting corpses, thriving and mutating over the years.

And now, they’re digging up the roads, laying tunnels, burying pipes, disturbing the bones of the dead, and setting the ancient bacteria free.

Just a matter of time now, before they start digging new plague pits.

TURA

L’Homme Armé

———

The king has sounded his drum

And raised the armed man,

Shown him the enemy

That he is to kill.

Let all fear the armed man!

Soft as water

And hard as steel,

There is not the smallest chink in his armour.

All flee from his path

Praying he does not turn to follow.

Priests sing the Missa L’Homme Armé

That he may pass them by.

None can withstand him

Nor long outrun him.

None can reason with him

Nor sway his purpose.

The armed man will not stop

Until his enemy is dead.

Let all fear the armed man!

LIZZIE

He scribbled on a small piece of paper.
The church was dark and empty. But he didn’t feel lonely. He never felt lonely. The automatic on his back was more than enough.
He scribbled some more on the paper.
Then he placed it in his pocket. They’ll find it.
A few people started to arrive. He had 10 minutes to change his mind.
The church was dark and the voices became vaguely irritating.
One bullet was all he needed.
But the voices of joy… This annoying cheerfulness…
He did have more than one bullet.
That’s when he changed his mind.

NORVAL JOE

Linoliamanda opened her mouth to respond to her father when he suddenly looked away, across the lawn.
Billbert followed the man’s line of sight to see that a mass of bulky, yellow-toothed, teenagers had burst from the treeline and stood gawking toward them.
Linoliamanda blinked myopically and pointed. “Look Daddy. Those people kidnapped me and held me ransom until Billbert came and saved me.”
The policeman scoffed. “That’s a wild tale. I suppose next you’ll tell us you grew wings and flew away.”
Mr. Withybotham poked a massive, meaty finger at the cop. “Don’t you call my daughter a liar.”

PLANET Z

Danny took a break from college to work the independent wrestling circuit, Long Island and Pennsylvania.
Folding chairs on fire and barbed wire.
An ambulance crew waiting, one crew wasn’t enough most nights.
Atlanta saw his tapes, and Danny went to the big time.
Masks and bimbos with big racks.
When he wasn’t in the ring, Danny helped the video crew write and film promos.
Bringing out the characters, building a relationship with the audience.
Ratings went up. Toy sales skyrocketed.
The company offered him a marketing job.
Danny graduated early, and wrestled only with those bimbos in hotel rooms.

Weekly Challenge #905 – PICK TWO Why should I?, Rhymes with…, Grasp, Heinz 57, Loop, Unleashed

The next topic is Mass

RICHARD

How many?

Call me pedantic, but all I ask is for some sort of consistency in life.

It’s not much to ask, and sometimes we do in fact get it right – take traffic lights, for example: We all know, wherever we are in the world, that red means ‘stop’ and green means ‘go’. Can you imagine the mayhem if everyone adopted their own colour scheme?

It’s a simple concept to grasp.

Nevertheless, we have Heinz 57, which I’m told, refers to 57 varieties…

So, that’s 40 varieties of WD40, then?

What about 7Up?

And don’t get me started on 100 word stories!

LIZZIE

Why should I worry about that?
Because it rhymes with grasp.
What?
Heinz 57 on a loop, unleashed.
What are you talking about?
I can’t see. These glasses…
Why should I worry about that?
Because it rhymes with clasp and a clasp is always useful.
What?
Heinz 57 on a loop.
What are you talking about?
I can not hear. The voices are too loud.
Why should I worry about them?
Because they rhyme with gasp.
What?!
Heinz 57 on a…
Are we doing this 54 more times?
Silence.
They are gone.
Did I forget to take my pills again?

SERENDIPIDY

I exercise my dogs exercise in the park unleashed.

The signs tell me I should keep them on a leash, but why should I?

After all, it’s not as if they’re doing any harm. It’s always at the dead of night, and only during a full moon; they’re hardly likely to run into anyone innocently going about their business in the park at that time of night, are they?

Besides, it’s cruel to chain them up, they should enjoy their freedom in those brief moments.

And just imagine, waking up as humans next day, wearing collars… People might get the wrong idea!

NORVAL JOE

Linoliamanda’s father was shouting at the police officer, “Why should I have to wait twenty-four hours to report my daughter missing? It’s not like she’s an unleashed dog that slipped through the fence. Can’t you grasp the severity of the situation? This is a child who didn’t come home from school yesterday.”
Before the cop could respond, Linoliamanda was running across the loop in the driveway. “Daddy! Don’t worry. I’m home.”
The look of relief on his face was qickly wiped away. “You’ve got some explaining to do, young lady. Can you think of a word that ryhmes with ‘grounded’?”

TOM

In the Name of the Catsup

“Unleashed the power of the red, we are the children of Heinz 57” intone the Priest of the Yellow Kitchen. Upon the altar of chrome rested the holy bottle. The paper wrapper around the jar had fade over the centuries, but the words could still be read out during the feast of Captain-Crunch. Each of the devotees held high their plastic spoons. Why catsup and breakfast food got connected has been lost to the mists of time. It’s not as bad an idea as you may think because this generation misidentified strawberries for tomatoes. The French’s mustard, that’s another story.

PLANET Z

There were three movie theaters in the suburb where I grew up.
The multiplex in the indoor mall.
The discount screen in the rundown strip mall.
And, across the county line, a drive-in theatre.
It was across the county line because the suburb banned alcohol sales.
The drive-in sold a lot of beer. And, because it showed X and triple-X films, a lot of tickets.
Ohio’s pretty flat, but there’s a few hills and ravines here and there.
And the hill above the theatre got plenty of people with binoculars and telescopes.
I was there too, selling popcorn and sodas.

Weekly Challenge #904 – Overhead

The next topic is PICK TWO Why should I?, Rhymes with…, Grasp, Heinz 57, Loop, Unleashed.

TOM

Escape From SF

In 2030 Primer Trump declared the San Fransisco Commune enemies of the state. A fleet of drones hoovered overhead on the south end of the peninsula raining down a sheet of flame. Over the next three years the regent was placed under the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Maximum Security Facility. Trump got his wall. Behind it went everyone who ICE rounded up. If they weren’t bad hombres before, they are now. I’m held up in the Mount Sutro tower. Me and Jack are working on a plan. If it works, we’re all leaving, Codeword: Overhead. We’re coming after you old man.

As for the reason for my Absence

It seems fitting to end this tale pretty much in the place I began my Podcasting career. In da wake of the Bush Administration, we thought it wise to have a bolt-hole in Canada. So collectively we bought the house I currently writing this. During the summer of 2005 I came up here, spent a week choosing just the right podcast name. What I settle on in this very room was Footnote. For three years Jim and I did 150 shows. With Jim’s death it has became impossible to keep the house here so this is the last four day before the new owner moves in. It has taken a year to close accounts and end business relationship. Much was lost and much needed to be fixed. What I am thankful for is our writing brotherhood. As for the reason for my presents: your support. My new goal: 20 years.

RICHARD

Death by…

I thrust at the fearsome beast as it advanced, jabbing my sword at its exposed throat repeatedly.

Suddenly, I stumbled, losing my footing and falling backwards.

Unable to recover, the monster was upon me, slashing at me ferociously with claws and teeth.

My end was near.

It drew back, ready to deliver the fatal blow; using the last of my strength, my sword flashed in my hand, separating the beast’s head from its body.

“Erm… Are you with us?”

Roused from my daydream by the presenter’s voice, I returned to reality.

“Now, let’s look at staff overhead. Next slide please”

SERENDIPIDY

Ignore the explosions overhead, you’re perfectly safe down here. I promise you.

The reinforced concrete is a metre thick, the airlock is hermetically sealed, and the air supply is hepa filtered through activated carbon.

Whatever they throw at us, we’re going to be just fine, nothing will get through to us, I can guarantee it.

Although, regrettably, there’s been one tiny oversight.

Somebody forgot to stock up before the attack started, and I’m afraid we only have food sufficient for two days.

But, that’s OK, I’m going to eat you instead.

I lied, when I said you were perfectly safe!

LIZZIE

“Who paid the rent?”
The studio was in full swing, over-booked even, and no one bothered to pay the rent for several months.
What could he do? He was just a sound technician.
One day, some goons wrecked the whole place. A fortune in high-end equipment smashed to pieces. Not to mention the broken arms and legs.
The studio was rebuilt soon after.
The mob was now managing it.
Things ran smoothly.
He was happy.
Good thing he had removed some of the expensive equipment ahead of time. The goons got there earlier. Something about a football game on TV.

NORVAL JOE

They ran through the forest as the last of the clouds dissipated overhead.
Billbert stopped. “Let’s join hands and fly off.”
Sabrina held out her hand, though Linoliamanda continued to run through the trees.
They called after her and she slowed just enough to shout over her shoulder, “My house is right here.”
They followed her through the trees onto a large manicured lawn, with a long gravel driveway leading up to a Victorian mansion.
At the drive’s turnaround, at the house, a police car sat with its doors open and an officer spoke to Linoliamanda’s father on the porch.

PLANET Z

There’s a lot of grocery stores around here.
Kroger, HEB, Randalls.
And some stores you wouldn’t think of when you think of grocery stores.
Target, Walmart.
Then there’s Whole Foods.
It’s a rip-off at any price.
Even with that Amazon card.
One of them had a set of charging stations for electric vehicles.
My car is a plug-in hybrid, so I’d go there to top off.
Probably got as much charge as it took to drive there and back.
The last time I went, they had removed the charging stations.
Too many goddamned Teslas parking overnight to mooch, I guess.