Category: Weekly Challenge

• Ed
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

“My computer isn’t working properly. The USB socket is all messed up. And there’s a koala wallpaper that is driving me crazy. I need this fixed asap. That’s what I’m paying you guys for.”
“Certainly. What’s your address? I’ll send assistance over immediately.”
“Assistance? I can’t answer the door. I’m in the pool. The doctor told me to meditate for half an hour in the pool every day.”
“Perhaps after the meditation?”
“No, I have a major function later on.”
“Tomorrow? After tomorrow? Any day in the future?”
“Are you being snarky with me, young man?!”
The future is bleak.

ED

Operation Koala

Here’s the mission.

Lily Titanium, in position, will notify Poppy Copper, who’ll cause a severe disruption in the security system for six minutes. On go, Lily will enter the office.

“This, once in the laptop’s USB socket, will nearly instantaneously transmit all server data here to the office,” said Charlie Bravo. “Considering the time you need to leave, you’ll need to avoid trouble.”

Famous last words, thought Copper. Major trouble always found Lily.

“Poppy, Titanium,” said Bravo. “I don’t have to tell you how crucial this is. Get in. Get out.”

“Check,” the agents answered together. And they were off.

RICHARD

Ultimate Stress Bringer

Every gadget has one, a USB socket: One of the biggest lies in technology.

You know what that ‘U’ stands for? ‘Universal’, and that’s the one thing it isn’t!

Universal: One size fit’s all; interchangeable; any time, any place, anywhere, anyhow… Only, not one of those definitions is true for USB!

Three different USB leads for my phone, tablet and camera, all different sizes and shapes.

On my PC, one socket I can use to charge, one I can’t.

And considering there’s only two ways round to plug it in, how come it always takes me at least three attempts?

SERENDIPIDY

The koala is a silly bear

And yet he thinks he’s cool;

He’s useless playing poker

Slot machines, and pool

He may be cute and cuddly:

Adorable, but please,

Remember as you hold him close

That fur is full of fleas!

His diet, may be vegan

But this guy’s hard to please:

The only leaves he cares about

Come from eucalyptus trees.

His claws are sharp, his breath is foul,

He keeps antisocial hours

And if he takes you on a date

He’ll never buy you flowers.

But it’s not all bleak, for the furry dude

He tastes great, barbecued!

NORVAL JOE

Billbert leaned back to avoid Sabrina’s puckering lips. “Okay. We’re making contact. Your parawhatzits should be inhibited.”
The school bell rang. Sabrina scowled and let him go. Billbert headed toward the building.
“Wait,” Sabrina said. “I have something for you.”
“Now what?” Billbert grumbled.
“Don’t be rude.” Sabrina took a small gadget from her pocket. It looked like a tiny koala bear. She squeezed it, opening its arms, and clipped it onto Billbert’s shirt.
Billbert scoffed. “Right. People make fun of me as it is.”
“I had a vision that someone is looking for you. This should make you invisible.”

PLANET Z

Vimptner called himself inventor, but the truth is, he never invented anything new.
By the time he created something, another person had already announced it and patented it.
Vimptner’s friends accused him of copying the other person’s idea, but he invited them to his lab to watch him craft a new bottle opener.
And then came news that someone had just patented the same thing.
His friends suggested he work up an unlimited power supply or a cure for cancer.
But he didn’t have those miracle skills.
They shrugged, got some wine, and threw a party with his bottle opener.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Dunno!

“That’s cheating!”

“What do you mean, cheating? It’s a perfectly legitimate use of the word!”

“Yeah, hardly in the spirit of things is it? ‘Detective Jim Blocker was the precinct’s finest cop…’ If the prompt had been ‘hashtag’, would you call him Detective Jim Hashtag? Of course not. Just make the effort, will you?”

“I’ve tried, but I just can’t come up with anything.”

“Well, if you ask me, that’s just a copout! If you’ll excuse the pun.

The thing is, when you have writers’ block, you can’t give in. You’ve just gotta find a way to remove that blocker.”

LIZZIE

“The bike?”
“Yes! She took it. She says the oddest things. She listens to what I say and reorganizes everything in her head only to spit out sentences filled with hatred. And she says one thing one day to say the exact opposite the next, but swearing she never ever said what she said first. She is crazy. So, I blocked her. There.”
“I wasn’t talking about her. And I said blocker, not block her.”
“Oh… Well, I suppose I’m a pop-up blocker then. She won’t pop up in my life again, that’s for sure. Sadly, neither will my bike.”

SERENDIPIDY

Desperately, I flushed a third time, only for the water to rise perilously close to the top of the pan, whilst the offending, massive, pipe-blocker, obstinately refused to disappear.

I weighed up my options: I could just admit my crime, but that would be goodbye to any second date. Escape through the bathroom window? No, that was plain stupid.

And no way was I going to attempt to shift it by hand.

Only one thing for it.

I returned downstairs to my date.

“I’m sorry to say this, you won’t believe what your sister left in the toilet bowl!”

NORVAL JOE

Not wanting to be late for class, Billbert got to the scoreboard well before school. Sabrina’s eyes lit up when she saw him and broke off from other students standing in a cluster.
Billbert held up a hand. “You’ve never explained why physical contact is so important for your magic use.”
She shrugged. “Fair enough. It clears away the parascomps. Their like beta blockers and prevent the reuptake of magical energy expended the previous day.”
Billbert looked at the other student who only held hands. “Okay. But why kissing?”
Sabrina wrapped her arms around his chest. “Because I like it.”

PLANET Z

The Walther PPK was James Bond’s gun.
Bond started with a Baretta, but Q suggested that he switch to a PPK.
And you know boys and their toys.
Elvis gave the guy who played Felix Leiter a gold-plated PPK.
And Elvis himself owned a silver-plated one.
It’s the gun he shot his TV with when Robert Goulet totally botched the national anthem.
Many armies and police use it today.
You’d think it was some kind of hero’s gun.
Did you know it was Hitler’s sidearm, too?
He shot himself with one.
Good. Bad.
It depends on the hand it’s in.

• Richard
• Ed
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

Also, Ed is inviting everyone to contribute to his site Edwardian Times, which is a great opportunity for more ways to express and create. Head on over there and check things out, and let’s all have some fun and challenge in crafting more imaginations.

TURA

Anywhere
———
“Where shall we go for dinner?” I asked.

“Oh, anywhere,” she said airily. But strolling through the restaurant district, she turned up her nose at every place we passed. “Anywhere” seemed to be a rather narrow category.

“It had red upholstery!” she shrilled. “It looked like a McDonalds!”

“And really, Turkish-Siberian-Japanese? The eclecticism is killing me!”

“‘Austrasian’? That means mediaeval Central Europe” (I didn’t know that) “so it’ll all be huge plates of Eisbein mit Sauerkraut and anachronistic potatoes.”

Eventually I just chose a place. But when the waiter came to take our order, she said, “Oh, anything.”

LIZZIE

Anywhere was a town in the middle of nowhere. Life was tough.
One day, a stranger came into town. They didn’t like strangers.
“Anywhere a man can sleep around here?” He asked.
No one answered.
The next day, he was gone and he never came back.
However, he left a thank you note and a stone.”Bury it.”
And they did.
A year later, they heard some noises, dug up the stone, but it had disappeared. Instead, they found a tunnel with thousands of precious stones.
The… stone… had hatched and people began to think that perhaps strangers weren’t always bad.

RICHARD

Anywhere

“Where to, guvnor?”

“Oh, I’m not really bothered, it’s my first time in London. Take me somewhere you’d like to go. Anywhere will do.”

The cabbie craned his head round to look at me, a quizzical look on his face.

“Well, if you’re sure?”

I nodded, “Yes, this is all a new experience for me”, I laughed, “I’m placing my fate in your hands!”

Half an hour later, we pulled into the driveway of a suburban house.

“That’ll be twenty quid, guv.”

“But, where exactly are we?”

“Somewhere I wanted to go mate – home!

You can get the bus back!”

ED

Anyone from Anywhere

Charlie’s mind was blank. Well, not completely. He knew how to walk and talk. But he couldn’t remember anything that mattered to him, or to the people around him. They all had answers they wanted, but those answers were not coming now.

Maybe they would; maybe they wouldn’t.

The doctors, nurses, and people who said they were family told him he had been in a motorcycle accident days ago while heading home from work. “Your body is suppressing the trauma,” he was told. “You have amnesia.”

As far as Charlie knew, he could be anyone from anywhere. It was unsettling.

SERENDIPIDY

The young man wound his window down and beckoned me over.

“Excuse me, we’re a little lost, can you tell me where we are, please?”

He passed me a folded map, and I leaned down to peer into the car.

I could tell they’d been arguing, the woman in the passenger seat wore a tight-lipped expression, and you could almost feel the tension between them.

I handed back the map.

“It doesn’t matter where you are” I said, “but, you really want to be anywhere, but here.”

Then, I pulled out my pistol, and shot him in the face.

NORVAL JOE

I guess I need to address the elephant in the room.
Has anyone seen Tom anywhere? I mean, what could possibly go wrong when you live in the dry hills around Clear Lake, California.
Did he take a trip to Planet Z?
Did Tom get sucked into a black hole, or maybe through a worm hole to a thicket in Yorkshire?
Maybe we can ask Cervantes or Ford. Maybe he’s sought refuge amongst the Canadians.
Regardless of the reason, Tom, I want you to know your absense has been noticed.
So, good night America, and all the ships at sea.

PLANET Z

With a laptop and a phone, they say I can work from anywhere, but there’s some limitations.
I’ll need to be able to recharge the laptop and phone, obviously.
Can’t work if the batteries are dead.
I also need to be able to access the Internet at a reasonable speed.
I can’t work from underwater. The laptop and phone would have severe issues.
Nor can I work while skydiving. It would keep meetings brief, but even with noise-canceling headphones, the roar of the wind would be too loud.
And there’s no way in Hell I’ll ever move to New Jersey.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Ed
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

Also, Ed is inviting everyone to contribute to his site Edwardian Times, which is a great opportunity for more ways to express and create. Head on over there and check things out, and let’s all have some fun and challenge in crafting more imaginations.

LISA

A crap Monday in June

It started badly I’d woken late then I couldn’t find my purse. So I was rushing to work then somehow was lying by the side of the road and seconds later I was in a hospital bed. As I was wondering if the day could get any worse I turned to the monitor – a flat line turned sideways into a ladder promptly climbed by an ape. The music from Donkey Kong rang in my ears.

“Pauline! Can you hear me?”

“I think we’re losing her.”

On the monitor the bonus counter flashed a zero and GAME OVER filled the screen.

RICHARD

Losing to win

The local team got one of those new-fangled digital scoreboards installed at the stadium. The trouble is, they blew the budget on the board and had nothing left over to pay to have it installed.

So, Buck did it for them as a favour.

Only, Buck knows nothing about anything, and he wired it all backwards.

We only discovered after our team lost by minus sixteen points, after sixteen goals!

We figured it out in the end though, and now we’re happy to let our opponents score as often as they can.

Because even zero beats a negative result!

ED

Walking Away

From the dugout, he watched as the grounds crew finished raking the divots and covered the infield.

He glanced up. Visitors 2. Home 1. As the scoreboard lights dimmed, he thought about the glorious ending that almost was. The shot that appeared to be a game-winning homer turned into the last out in a blink with a miraculous grab by the leftfielder.

He’d never had a walk-off hit. And wouldn’t. There was no pro contract waiting, just an office job in Hartford. His walk off was his walking away from the game he’d played since he was 5 years old.

LIZZIE

The scoreboard was off. The race was over.
She had taken her jet ski to the limit and broken it.
The scoreboard would be on again in a few weeks and she had no money.
That’s when her life of crime started. A few tools. A few parts. A whole jet ski, why not!
She painted it in her colors so no one would recognize it.
Now, she was sitting in jail. Not because of the jet ski but because she had messed with… the scoreboard.
She thought, what the heck, I’m not going to be dead in the water!

SERENDIPIDY

You might think it’s a funny sort of game: Two teams, both determined to win at all costs, a referee – that’s me – yet, no scoreboard.

So, how do you know who’s winning?

Well, it’s not that sort of a game.

You see, it’s not about scoring points, gaining territory, or being the best players.

It’s all about surviving, and the only way to win, is to outlive your opponent, until in the end, only one remains standing.

And that’s when I, the referee, step in to deliver the final blow.

Because, in this game, I’m afraid there are no winners!

TURA

Scoreboard
—-
Operating our village’s cricket scoreboard takes keen attention, and over the years I got used to anticipating the result of a ball well before the umpire’s signal.

One day we had a new player batting, unpleasant chap, I thought. I imagined the first ball smashing into the stumps, and then it happened, just like that. So I wondered, was I not anticipating things, but making them happen?

I experimented, visualising each ball in advance. I soon got the hang of it, and I could make the matches go any way I liked.

But as superpowers go, this one’s pretty useless.

NORVAL JOE

On Sunday morning, Billbert was awake, dressed and sitting on the front porch of their tilting three story Victorian home. He saw Sabrina approach and stood, thrust out his hand and shook hers before she could get close enough to lay her lips upon him.
“See you tomorrow,” he said before she could get closer.
Sabrina frowned at him. “Meet me behind the scoreboard on the baseball field before first period.”
Billbert sighed. “Why? Can’t we just high five when we passed each other in the hallway?”
“That is not how it works,” she snapped at him. “Meet me there.”

PLANET Z

I hate playing basketball.
I don’t mind watching it when it’s played well, but I hate playing it.
Shooting baskets for a game of HORSE is okay for one HORSE, but when there’s dribbling, passing, and running involved, no thanks.
In gym, I’d sit on the bench, and when forced to play, throw wild passes or chuck air balls.
“Do you want to referee?” the gym coach said.
“I don’t know any of the rules,” I said. “What’s a double dribble?”
Instead, I volunteered to run the scoreboard.
Dont call it math. It’s just pushing the right button once or twice.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

Major Tom

He’d been floating in a Galaxy Far Far away in a most peculiar way, for over half a century and his back was killing him. He shook his empty protein pack and exhaled loudly before thumping the control panel. The O on his HALO monitor promptly fell off and floated past his ear.

“Hello! Can you hear me?

Major Tom to Ground Control.

Hello! Can you hear me?”

Through his little window planet Earth wasn’t looking as blue as he remembered. He wanted to hug his wife so instead he screamed as loud as he could.

No one heard him.

RICHARD

Plug me in

We live in technologically exciting times, don’t you think?

Some tech would have seemed like magic to our predecessors… Like virtual reality, for example; and unlike the technology of a hundred years ago it can be extremely flexible: Useful for applications from medicine, to virtual worlds.

As for the real world, the general consensus is that it’s in trouble. For thousands of years we’ve been setting ourselves up for a major catastrophe.

Our prompt, maybe, to seek refuge from impending disaster?

Personally, I’d happily be uploaded into the cloud to live out my days like some latter-day, technological angel!

LIZZIE

Major Bunny hurried through the main hall.
“What happened?” Asked Benny, the only human around. He had been adopted by the Bunnies as a kid.
“Not now, Benny, not now.”
The bells clanged, prompting everyone to gather.
“Fellow Bunnies, we’ve been called to action.”
Everyone murmured.
“Consensus Bunny has received the order. This is not a drill.”
That’s when the bunnies stopped being bunnies. And how relieved they were. Thousands of years pretending.
They were still small, but they weren’t cute anymore.
“Let’s harvest some humans!” Shouted Major Bunny.
And the mob scattered in all directions, much to Benny’s horror.

SERENDIPIDY

I’ve been around for thousands of years, and although I’m really ‘all in the mind’, I’m afraid that for those who cross my path, I’m a virtual reality.

I prompt the unwary to take unnecessary risks. I sow doubt and dissent against the consensus, turning the tide of opinion and misleading the gullible: I’m all over fake news, conspiracy theory and manipulation.

You see, I’m extremely flexible and – though I don’t like bragging – I’m a major player whenever fear, confusion and hatred rear their ugly heads!

But, as for who I am…

You can work that one out for yourselves!

NORVAL JOE

“Now Billbert,” his mother said. “You don’t need to chase Sabrina off. She’s a little weird, but she’s harmless.”
Billbert blinked. “Harmless, Mom? She’s a witch. She could turn me into a toad?”
She shook her head. “You’re overreacting. At superhero headquarters, we’ve researched a number of alleged witches. We’ve learned that witches have been around for thousands of years and the major consensus is that they’re well intentioned and no one has ever been turned into a toad.”
“There’s always a first time,” Billbert mumbled. “You’ll be sorry when you answer the phone and all you hear is croaking.”

PLANET Z

Kitaro entered his name at the prompt, turned on his headset, and the world’s databases appeared around him.
It didn’t take him long to find the financial anomalies.
Altered shipping manifests. Strange payments made to inspectors.
He was about to file a report when his headset exploded.
His body fell from its chair, and his office caught fire.
After the sprinklers put out the fire, a fire crew sifted through the records.
“Nothing in the logs, Major” said the lead investigator.
And the case was closed.
The Major checked his balances for a payment… with his terminal, not his headset.

• Lisa
• Ed
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

The Spy next door.

Blue lights and hazmat suits filled the usually quiet tree lined avenue. It was a painfully ordinary street and everyone had thought him a painfully ordinary man. They said he just seemed to blend in, in fact they all struggled to describe him. No one knew what he did but assumed it was something dull like an accountant.

Brian, next door, was proud that he knew what Novichok was but had to google spook. He was shocked, and couldn’t decide if he wished he’d got to know his neighbour better or not.

Of course now it was far too late.

RICHARD

Spook

Dad was a spook.

Of course, if you asked him, he would neither confirm nor deny it, but the dark suit and tie, shades, and the curly bit of wire behind his ear were a dead giveaway.

It was years before the truth dawned on me, however.

As a kid, I was convinced his job had something to do with agriculture. He’d often disappear, sometimes for weeks at a time, and when I asked him where he’d been, he’d say ‘at the farm’ – which, it turned out, was perfectly true.

Although, you never heard any of this from me! OK?

LIZZIE

Frederick was an old ghost. He enjoyed startling anyone who approached the house. But that didn’t last long. After a century or two, another old ghost showed up, Victor. They argued. Victor laughed and Frederick punched him. Victor punched back. Exhausted, they agreed to frighten the town folk together. It was a good thing Victor showed up. The new generation wasn’t as gullible. They would laugh and pull out those hideous little devices, pointing them left and right. It was humiliating. He’d have to talk to Victor about it. Perhaps they could punch a few of them! Ummm… Too much?

ED

Hi there. Hope you had a good week. Here’s my weekly challenge story and recording.

Haunted

I stirred from sleep, quickly focusing on the sounds of the old house. I had just moved in a few days earlier.

After the closing, I had stopped for a coffee nearby, and, asked if I was new in town, said I had just bought the blue house up the street.

“That’s interesting,” the barista had said, with wide eyes. “Didn’t they tell you that house was haunted?”

Huh. No one had, actually. “Cool,” I answered, shrugging it off. “That’ll make for some good party conversations.”

Now, though, staring at the ceiling, a little spooked, I wasn’t sure about that.

SERENDIPIDY

Did I spook you?

Good. That was my intention.

I don’t feel inclined to rest in peace, just because my mortal life has come to an end, I don’t see any reason why I should retire and put my feet up. There’s plenty of life – for want of a better expression – in me yet.

So I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with the creaking floorboards, the cold shivers, and the occasional ornament flying across the room, because I’m here to stay.

Serves you right, I reckon. They warned you the house was haunted when you bought it!

NORVAL JOE

With little chance he would get back to sleep, Billbert got dressed and went out to have some breakfast. His mother was at the table when he sat down with his cereal.
Between bites, Billbert said, “You’ve met Sabrina, now. What do you think?”
His mother smiled. “She’s a bit weird.”
Billbert choked. “You noticed that, huh? Why’d you let her into my room?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to spook her. You’re new here and I didn’t want to chase away the only friend you have.”
“I wish you had,” Billbert grumbled. “Now I have to do it, myself.”

PLANET Z

It doesn’t take much to spook an untrained horse.
Loud noises. Flashing lights. Sudden movement.
You can smack it a few times in the ass.
If the horse rears up, anyone foolish enough to be riding it is gonna get thrown.
When a horse I was training broke its leg, it broke mine.
I was laid up for a month.
Bob spread word it was my fault, and he stole my clients.
It’s only fair I take a few of them back.
Nobody noticed my laser pointer in the horse’s eyes.
Poor Bob. His calendar just got cleared for good.

• Lisa
• Ed
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

Happily ever after

She jolted to a halt halfway down the aisle. Smiling faces looked on worried. Her sister sent what she hoped was a sympathetic look from a flower festooned pew.

The best man approached.

“Y’alright Rach?”

“Erm.” She turned, about to say that her train was caught on something and could he go to unhook it.

“C’mon. It didn’t mean anything. It was only one night…he’s not going to see her again” He’d whispered it so her Dad couldn’t hear.

At that bombshell the butterflies she’d felt flew off and she turned to release her own dress and left the church.

ED

Deflating Ride

My boss called me in before three. I was being promoted, getting a hefty raise, and being told to take the rest of the day. I called my wife, who had off from school. My excitement contagious, we decided to meet and celebrate at our favorite spot.

I flew out of the office, down the subway stairs, and immediately onto a train. What luck! And then I looked around. Not a single smile or joyful face. No eye contact from anyone.

This can’t be right, I thought. I blew out a breath, deflating as the happiness seeped out of me.

RICHARD

Train Driver

I always wanted to be a train driver.

I don’t know why, it just appealed to me, maybe because I was a bit of a train nut at the time, and I figured that if trains were cool, then driving them would be even cooler.

So, I’m living my dream. I’m a train driver.

And let me tell you, it sucks. Big time!

Antisocial hours, constant mind-numbing health and safety checks, and the boring routine of the same routes, same places, every single day.

I always wanted to be a train driver, but now, I’d rather be anything else!

LIZZIE

“The pilot wasn’t trained properly,” said the inspector.
“I trained him myself. I’ve been training pilots for 30 years, as you know.”
“I think you’re losing your… skills.”
Silence.
“How about the huge hole on the side of the plane?!”
“It’ll go in my report, but it wasn’t the cause of…”
“Not the cause?! Five people were sucked out.”
The inspector smiled and walked away.
Thirty years. He waited, thirty years. He had always wanted to be a pilot, but the idiot flunked him again and again. He ended up becoming a mere scribe. This is how you get even.

SERENDIPIDY
They say that those with tormented souls may be called to wakefulness in the dead of night, by the evocative sound of a distant, mournful train horn, echoing through the still night air.

Those called, are drawn, with faltering steps to the old railroad crossing on the edge of town, to await the arrival of the train of the damned.

None will return.

That’s what they say, anyway.

The truth is, nobody goes down to the old railroad crossing in the dead of night…

There is no railroad crossing.

Which begs the question.

Where did all those missing people go?

NORVAL JOE

Still holding his bed sheet to him with his left hand, Billbert reached out his right. “Okay. Take my hand and let’s get this over with.”
Sabrina smiled, took his hand, and leaned forward for a quick kiss.
“Hey!” Billbert shouted, jerked his hand from hers, and wiped his lips. “You said we only need to make contact to be protected.”
“I also said that kissing is better. I’m just trying to train you properly.” Sabrina headed to the door.
Billbert slumped back in his bed and grumbled, “I don’t need training.”
“Right,” Sabrina laughed. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

PLANET Z

I like going to baseball games, but I hate driving Downtown.
And parking there is an absolute nightmare.
So, I’d take the bus, since there’s a bus stop nearby.
But the bus doesn’t go all the way Downtown anymore.
Now it terminates at the main train line, and you take the train Downtown.
There was a another bus line that went Downtown about 15 minutes away.
But it stops at the same train station now.
For a few bucks more, I can order an Uber or a Lyft.
I shrug, turn on the TV, and watch the game from home.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

Line

Sam had worked at the museum for decades, so long he was like one of the artefacts. One day, in the Modern Master’s Gallery he noticed a nasty smear on one of the pictures. The painter was a local man, long dead and one of the founders of the modern movement The piece was called Line. As the title suggests it was a single black line on a white canvas.

Sam had every good intention as he approached it with his bright orange duster.

But as he left the painting it was less of a line, more of a nothing.

LIZZIE

Every good intention starts with a candle, he thought… at first. The solemn emptiness was cold and the minute light gave him hope, a nervous flicker betraying the uncertainty of the moment. Was he really good enough? Was he worthy? He shifted his weight from one leg to the other. Every good intention starts with a candle. But he doesn’t think that anymore. The nervous flicker turned into a blazing nightmare. No one asked. So, he never mentioned his candle. And when someone said “Shall we light a candle, Father?”, he always remembered the cold horror, crawling up his back.

RICHARD

Every good intention

It always starts with good intentions, but every good intention has a downside.

Be nice to someone: They’ll take advantage. They’ll spread the word you’re a pushover, and before you know it everyone’s taking you for a ride.

So, you stop being a nice guy, and what happens? People treat you like crap and make out you’re doing them wrong.

You can’t win.

I try though, goodness knows I try, but it just comes out wrong.

Like this story. I had every good intention to write something positive and uplifting, but I guess, today is just one of those days!

SERENDIPIDY

You know how it is when starting a relationship. You try to show your best side, smile cheerfully, consider the other person’s feelings, and, difficult though it is, you don’t fart in bed.

You’ve every good intention to cover up the real you, but it’s not long before the cracks begin to show.

And I’m not talking about farting in bed, this time.

You see, cannibalism is a compulsion, not a choice: You can only keep it under wraps for so long.

Up to the second meet up, in my case.

Yes, I’m sorry to say, I ate my date!

NORVAL JOE

Sabrina reached out to Billbert. “You need to take my hand.”
Billbert clutched the bed sheet closer to his chest. “Can’t this wait until later? Like, after I get dressed?”
Sabrina sighed and shook her head. “The sooner we make contact, the sooner you’ll be safe.”
Billbert hadn’t know he was in any danger. “Safe from what?”
She blinked her eyes dramatically. “Demons, of course.”
Billbert gasped. “Demons! You never mentioned demons before.”
“I had every good intention of telling you, but the time never seemed right,” Sabrina shrugged. “Once we’ve connected magically, demons will start trying to kill us.”

PLANET Z

I didn’t mean to hurt you.
But you were going to leave me.
And I didn’t know what to do.
So, I locked you in the basement.
And threw away the key.
Which, I guess, wasn’t a smart idea.
Seeing as how I couldn’t open the door to give you food and water.
I tried to slip them under the door, but other than thin tortillas, I couldn’t get any food under the door.
I’d axe down the door, but my axe is in the basement.
Oh, what’s that noise?
You found it.
And you’re chopping down the door to-

• Lisa
• Richard
• Tura
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

Deep in the Forest

He knew Little Red was heading his way. It was Sunday afternoon she’d be going to her Grandma’s house. The canopy of trees overhead sheltered him, like a leafy cave. He ran his tongue over sharp glistening teeth, sighed then in a contented fug curled up in a ball and slept.

She was stood over him when he woke holding her father’s hunting knife aloft.

“What a big mistake you’ve made Mr Wolf. Grandma needs a new fireside rug.”

She clasped his neck, stroking his hackles gently whilst deciding where to cut.

She chose.

And the thicket swallowed his howls.

RICHARD

The Orchard

See that thicket of trees, down at the bottom of the garden?

There were no trees there when I was a lad, and I used to sit there in the sun, eating apples and throwing away the cores.

Over the years, I grew up, and so did the seeds I’d sown. They became saplings, then trees, and there you see them now.

They remind me of those happy times: The freedom of youth, and the simple pleasures of childhood.

More than that, their gnarled and twisted bodies reflect my own.

And I sadly recall, that I am older than they.

TURA

Thicket
———
I heard a story from a Vietnam vet. “Fifty men walked into a thicket and never walked out again.”

That’s it, see. That’s the whole story.

I’d actually encountered it before, in a great-great-grandfather’s memoir of some colonial war in darkest Africa. “A hundred soldiers went into the jungle and never came out again.”

Back in Roman times, veterans would tell of three Roman legions that marched into a forest and never marched out again.

“All is vanity,” saith the Preacher, “There is nothing new under the sun, and fifty men walk into a thicket and never walk out again.”

LIZZIE

The tiny hops of joy brought light to a golden field. The sun. The warmth. Her smile covered by a mask. She motioned to pick a flower, but hesitated and smiled.
It wasn’t the time. Let them live, she thought. Let them live.
Cast a spell, the old woman had said. And she smiled once more.
Kindness. She nodded. Was kindness a spell?
Early bird and all that, but with kindness.
The tiny hops of joy brought a glow she could not explain, a glow of gold, a smile of joy. And she hopped, her face covered by a mask.

SERENDIPIDY

“Let’s play hide and seek!” You said.

I knew you would, it was what you always wanted to play. I never got to choose.

“I’ll hide, and you can seek” you said, “Turn around and count to a hundred.”

I turned around, and dutifully started counting. Like always. I never got to hide, you’d always become bored with the game by the time I found you, and then it was all over.

One hundred.

I won’t bother searching. You’d be hiding in the thicket. You always were.

I waited for the screams.

So, I see you found my man trap?

TOM

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 037

Bender took a step back from Red. So did Arnesto. Red’s eyes went wide, but she kept her composure. “No sudden moves love.” “Define sudden?” “One where we disappear in a cloud of smoke.” “Your move love.” Red lowered a hand to grab the com. “Ok boys and girl, clear the bridge. That mean both of you two.” she said to Cervantes and Bender. While unhappy with being removed from the equation, both back out gracefully. “So, where did you procure that hype-factoid?” Ford tapped the edge of the glass,” A thicket in Yorkshire in a very old Viking briar. “

NORVAL JOE

Billbert’s mother smiled and blinked rapidly several times. “See Billbert? Sabrina just wants to be your friend. Nothing dangerous.”
Billbert sat up, keeping the sheet across his lap. “She’s a witch, mom. She could cast a spell on me in a second. Wiggle her fingers and say, ‘Rabbit in a thicket’, and I’d be twitching my nose and hopping away.”
His mother laughed. “Son. You have quite the imagination.”
Sabrina nodded her head. “She’s right, Billbert. You have a really good imagination. The spell, Rabbit in a thicket, doesn’t turn you into one, it only makes you fast like one.”

PLANET Z

We pick up the map, and into the woods we go.
The witch waits for us. Watches us in her crystal ball.
An open fire.
A potion bubbling in her cauldron, green fog spilling across the weeds.
The woodland creatures breathe in the fog, their eyes glowing green.
And they sing. They sing a low, moaning tone.
And walk, and crawl, and fly around the cauldron.
“Hi,” we say, holding out the map. “We got your invitation.”
The witch sticks a finger in the potion, licks her finger, and smiles.
“It’s ready,” she says, and we all have a drink.

• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tura
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LISA

It was 1967 the smell of Evening in Paris hung heavy in the air. Brenda was twisting for all she was worth. A Cherry B waiting for her back at her table. Bert had at last plucked up the courage to talk.

“I’ve got a proposal!”

“Get you! We’ve only just met…”

He loved the ease with which she spoke. He wanted to marry her tomorrow.

“Errrr. Do you fancy going for a drink?”

She thought he looked like the son of Godzilla.

“Can’t. Me Mam wouldn’t like it!” He understood and Brenda escaped to go drink her Cherry B.

LIZZIE

He twisted the cord of the phone. The sweet smell of success in a single sentence. Nothing felt better than to hear someone say “I hate you”. He grinned. Hate is such a gracious way of living. He hated everyone and he was happy. No one bothered him. He bothered no one. And he was happy. The day he fell in the living-room, a sharp pain on his chest, he wasn’t alone. The dark tall figure by the door grinned and said “It’s time.”
All he could mutter was “I hate you” but this time he was definitely not happy.

RICHARD

The Proposal

I wanted my marriage proposal to be memorable. Something different and unusual, as well as being totally unexpected.

I considered all the usual variations on the theme… The ring in the bottom of a wine glass, baked into a fortune cookie or delivered to my sweetheart by a pure white dove.

But none of them really appealed to me, and besides, they’d all been done before.

In the end, I settled for simple and traditional: On one knee in a restaurant.

There’s an unexpected twist to this story though…

It was only then she told me she was already married!

SERENDIPIDY

If women knew what really goes into their perfumes, I’m sure they’d have second thoughts about putting them on their skin.

Trust me, I know. I’ve been in the business for years, and parfumiers aren’t reluctant about seeking out the most exotic and disgusting bases for their scents.

They’ll use waste petroleum products, animal secretions and nameless extractions from sources you really don’t want to know.

The perfumes I make are no exception. I won’t say what’s in them, but let’s just say animals, and people, were harmed in their manufacture.

But, for me, they’re the sweet smell of success.

TURA

Godzilla; trust
———
“I have found an interesting new race,” said One. “If they burst out from their planet into the galaxy, they promise greatness or great destruction. It has been many rotations since their like was seen.”

“Let us give them the Godzilla test,” said Two. “A superweapon where, if one uses it, they dominate the world, but if another retaliates, the world is destroyed. If they can develop the mathematics of trustworthiness, then in half a rotation we may greet them. If not, they eliminate themselves.”

On Earth, several nuclear physicists awoke from strange dreams bearing the key to unweave matter.

TOM

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 035

“Watch your head,’ said Bender as he lowered the hatch of the Leviathan. Ford could feel the bulk of the ship swinging to the north. But that didn’t make any sense. The Thames was to the south. A flurry of voices rose from the command bridge just below them. Cutting through the cross talk a single order boomed out. “Engage the Chewy.” The cry of a 1000 knives scrabbing cross stone echo in Ford’s bones. The Chewy was boring through the stone directly below St Marks. At same time they moved forward, the Chewy was taking them downward at six degrees.

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 036

“Arnesto, where are we going?” ask Ford. “To hell,” cut in Red “well damn near close to it.” Bender had placed himself to Red’s side while she continued. “ I have a proposal. We get you to your destination, we get the pint glass. Let both our overlord swim in the sweet smell of success.” “Deal.” said Cervantes. “Don’t I get a say in this?” stated Ford. “Why Ford, how unlike you.” raised Bender. “ You really don’t have a clue what this is all about. Do you?” Fort produced a shoot glass from his vest. All got very quiet.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert froze. Sabrina was in his bedroom and he had been sleeping in his underwear. He tried to twist around beneath his sheet to turn over without exposing himself. “Mom. Really? You brought her into my bedroom?”
His mother laughed. “Don’t you trust me, son? I wouldn’t let her attack you, if that’s what you’re afraid of. She said she has a proposal for you and it will just take a second.”
Billbert sighed. “You don’t know her mom. This proposal could be a life sentence.”
Sabrina giggled. “Really Billbert. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me. Yet…”

PLANET Z

There was a mistake in the proposal.
One sentence removed from a draft had made it back in.
Instead of setting up a trust for his grandchildren, Elias was giving everything to charity.
At least that’s what the grandchildren’s lawyers claimed in court.
The charity’s attorneys disputed it.
“I hate those bastards,” they read from a letter. “Fuck them all.”
After years of litigation, there was no money left for either side to fight.
The charity folded. The grandkids had to get jobs.
And the lawyers laughed.
“I hate those lawyer bastards!” is what the old man had actually written.