Month: April 2023

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

The next weekly challenge topic is: Satisfied

RICHARD

Strong, and black

The coffee shop can be found on the exterior rim of black hole M87. It orbits there, impossibly, ignoring the laws of physics, and doing a roaring trade in espressos and hot paninis.

I particularly recommend their chocolate muffins, which are to die for.

And, truth be told, die is what you most certainly will do.

Because, although the coffee shop, itself, seems immune to the laws of time and space, its customers most certainly are not.

But, whilst partaking of a decent coffee and chocolate muffin, at least you’ll be crushed to atoms with a smile on your face.

LIZZIE

Forward, and they stretched their arms forward.
Oblique, and they stretched their arms kind of sideways but not quite.
Black hole, and they were confused.
Stakes, and they were even more confused.
One of them mimicked a vampire being stabbed. Everyone thought that was a good idea and did the same.
“The point of this class is to open your mind. Express yourselves.”
That’s when he said “I think I’m about to relapse and start killing people again. That stakes part triggered me a bit.”
The class was canceled due to a stampede of students exiting and never coming back.

SERENDIPIDY

When you receive the videotape, you can skip the first hour or so: There’s nothing much to see, so you should fast forward to the good bit.

You’ll know you’re there, when the lights flicker on, and your family appears -a cosy scene, all huddled up on the sofa watching their favourite TV programme.

And it’s only then that you realise that your family are not the only ones watching.

I’m watching them, recording their activities, their conversations… Oh, and their rather disgusting indiscretions also.

And, unless you pay me generously.

The whole world will get to watch them too.

TOM

888

Vinny had a Plan. Make it in Guinness with the larger collection of videotapes. He had a head start with 40 years of hording. People were happy to wheel-barrow their collections to Vinny, free for the taking in. Vinny also had an ace in the whole. He had a least at Area 51, which had the largest structure in the world. When the last cassette was wedged into the ceiling the guy from Guiness got out his tape measure. When the tip touches edge the end of magnetic tape it created a monster electric field. A black hole formed, everything vanished.

As to the reason for my absence

Just like the last Beatles single my friend, God rest his soul, lived on a long and winding road. It starts at the edge of the Upper-Upper San Francisco Bay were the lower-lower Sacramento bangs into it. It ends in the high valley plain which is my Lake County. Each end isn’t much to look at, but what is in between is the largest concentration of wineries in the world. We live in the low rent district of this corridor of wine wealth. So, we got a low rent district hospital. Here lies the problem in the time of Covid

NORVAL JOE

Once Billbert was sure Sabrina was following him to the well, he flew forward over the treetops until he came to the outer edge of a circular well. Before he landed, he dropped the old man so that the jerk hit the ground with a grunt.
Sabrina ran up to Billbert as he reached the well and looked into the black hole of darkness below.
“Linoliamanda?” he called.
“Billbert? Is that you?” A familiar voice rose from the darkness.
Without hesitation, Billbert leapt over the stone wall and jumped feet first into the cold water and the evil knight’s trap.

TURA

Forward; Oblique

———

“Forward! Oblique! À l’extérieure! Bloquez, bloquez!” My fencing master soon reverts to French in our sessions. He says that it is the language of fencing, although the Spanish and German masters I have crossed swords with in the salle said the same of their own. And I think that all of them are right, for the art takes different forms in each place. German for the sabre, heavy and brutal. Spanish for the rapier and dagger, thrusting to kill at a reach. French for the épée, for exactness in the art of death. And of course, Klingon for the betleH.

JARED/JRADIMUS

Poker? I Barely Know Her

She didn’t expect to feel like this. For all her planning and practice, all the preparations she had made for this exact scenario, she didn’t think she would feel like she just met her ultimate crush mixed with feeling like she had finished off an entire sack of Halloween candy.

Her opponent was a black hole – any useful information about his hand didn’t make it to his face.

Hesitating slightly, Simone pushed her chips into the center of the table – “I call.”

“Flush,” her foe said as he slowly fanned his cards on the table.

“Reset the simulation,” Simone barked.

PLANET Z

For years, Teddy recorded video of all kinds of wacky things happening.
He kept a journal to make sure he never sent the same thing twice.
Every week, he’d mail them out to all the television shows with the funny things people doing or happening and all that, but his was never picked.
When YouTube was created, Teddy posted all of his rejected videos there.
So many people subscribed and commented.
His share of the ad revenue was pretty good.
People sent him links to their own videos.
And he’d click Like and leave encouraging comments on all of them.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Still, he was enough of a pirate to be allowed into the Annual Pirate Talent Show.
Lefty McGinty usually won the contest, somehow managing to juggle balls and spin plates despite having a hook for a hand.
Devil’s Eye Morgan shot targets off a cabin boy’s head.
Rummy Bill played a tune by blowing empty whiskey jugs. He had a lot of those.
George folded paper into the shape of animals and things.
“I learned this in Japan,” he said.
Devil’s Eye Morgan shot each of them to bits.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Good or bad, the punishment for piracy back in Ancient Rome was crucifixion.
Soldiers stripped George, whipped him, and forced him to haul his cross to the hill where they’d execute him.
Several others were in George’s group, including a long-haired preacher who’d had his head capped in thorns.
The governor let the crowd choose one prisoner to release.
“Release Barbaras!” shouted the crowd.
George sighed relief as the soldiers took him down from his mount.
Then he mugged a guy for clothes and ran back to his ship.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was a bumbling, incompetent twit.
Which is why the captain chose him as his first mate.
Managers empowering their subordinates to be able to do their best?
Hell no.They want to stay firmly entrenched in power, and to eliminate any threats to their job.
George was the least likely of all pirates to pull off a mutiny.
George was also the least likely to stop a mutiny.
As the crew slipped the noose over the captain’s neck, George laughed.
“Know what’s really funny?” The captain whispered, “You’re next.”

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He once made a bet that he could go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Being an untrustworthy pirate, he had a trick up his sleeve: his shipmates would seal him into a barrel, but send a duplicate empty barrel over the falls.
Then, when it was time to open the barrel, they’d switch again and open George’s barrel.
The problem was, George’s shipmates were also untrustworthy pirates.
And they were the ones that George had made the bet with.
The roar of the falls muffled George’s desperate screams.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Whenever he saw another pirate with a hook hand or pegleg, he’d cringe at the thought of getting hurt that badly.
He kept a first aid kit with him, and if he got as much as a paper cut, he’d spray Bactine on it, slather on antibiotic, and then cover it with a Band Aid.
Not a small one either. One of the big ones.
Then he’d wrap it all in medical tape.
His crewmates liked to pull the bandages off of George slowly, just to watch him wince.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When he rowed his boat, he didn’t row it gently down the stream.
Nor did he row it merrily. He was usually quite angry when he rowed his boat.
Usually, because his shipmates had put him in the rowboat while he slept, cut the mooring line, and sailed off.
George rowed as hard as he could, and then he’d get out his spyglass and try to locate the ship.
That’s when George would wake up from the dream…
And he was still in the boat, exhausted, dying of exposure.

• Scribbling Wren
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

The next weekly challenge topic is: PICK TWO Forward, Oblique, Exterior, Black hole, Videotape, Stakes

SCRIBBLING WREN

The New Term

Paul has changed his name. It’s helped him get a job at one of the most exclusive private schools in the country. Their intake is small but each year there’s always a few new girls.

He’s working as a caretaker and is upstairs cleaning when they arrive. He props on his mop to watch the parade of posh cars screech to a halt on carefully combed gravel.

The girl’s uniforms are crisp, with blazers slightly too long in the arm. There’s a smell of freshly sharpened pencil lingering in the air. He licks his lips ready for a clean start.

RICHARD

Sharp intake of breath

My sharp intake of breath had nothing to do with my son, against all odds, getting good exam results.

You might think it was because, totally unexpectedly, he had straight ‘A’s in every subject he’d taken, but even then, you’d be wrong.

You’d be getting slightly warmer if you thought my shocked expression and nervous laugh were consequences of learning that his success had secured him a place at the top university in the country.

But, that’s still not it.

My sharp intake of breath was solely due to the obscene amount it would cost me to send him there!

LIZZIE

They told him no one would force him to eat only fruit and he was fine with that. He would eat meat too. “Not here, you won’t,” they said, smiling that placid smile of veggie eaters. But he knew what to do. He’d eat their fruit and then he’d sneak out. He was only there because she forced him to go. “You need to lose weight.” Well, not by eating a ton of fruit, he thought.
When they caught him at the local diner, eating a steak, they cried. “Poor animal.” He was offended and replied “I’m not an animal!”

TOM

And the moment passed

Barry stared at a square foot of the wall in front of him. Every molecule of that square chronicled his life and though not judgmental mocked him all the same. He had taken a job as an intake clerk. A summer job which would lead to a position of power and importance. He was going places. What happen to poor Barry can only be explained as the weight of the Patrick Principle: you lower to the level of your least skill. If there is a glass ceiling there has to be a glass floor. On it is written: Intake clerk.

As the reason for my Absence

To understand how my oldest friend ended his life turfed from one medical corporation to another we’ll need a bit of geographic background. California is insanely wealthy. No, I mean streets paved with gold wealthy. Each part of the state has its own product of wealth. Hollywood, Silicon Valley, Militar Industrial Complex, damn Tesla. Our little corner of paradise is grapes. In Wine Country families rule and the head of those family fear nothing so much as the dark shadow of death. You can’t believe the amount of cash they pour into hospitals. Heavy on cardio, we are talking wings

SERENDIPIDY

Weight control is simple: It’s just a matter of balancing food intake with how much energy you expend.

Eat less, move more and you’ll lose weight.

On the other hand, eat more and move less, and the pounds will pile on.

Since you’re unable to move at all, and the feeding tube is working overtime, I think you can see where this is going…

And, once you’re so obese you couldn’t move, even if you wanted to, I’m going to slit your throat, cut you into pieces, and enjoy feasting on your flesh.

I’ll freeze whatever I can’t use immediately.

TURA

Tura Brezoianu
Attachments
Sat, Apr 22, 5:43 PM (13 hours ago)
to me

Intake
———
“I’m God. Ask me anything.”

A sharp intake of breath went through r/AMA, and the questions started.

“Why is there evil?”

“You run the show, that’s the deal.”

“What about natural disasters?”

“It builds character.”

“Can you make a rock so heavy you can’t lift it?”

“It’s called a black hole.”

“Do we have free will?”

“I knew you’d choose to ask that!”

“What must I do to be saved?”

“Treat people right, listen to your parents, eat your greens, walk a few miles every day. You already know this. What were you expecting?”

“What are you expecting?”

“Surprise me.”

NORVAL JOE

Billbert’s super powers made the old man hanging below him almost weightless. He would regain all of his weight if Billbert just opened his hand.
Billbert shook the man. “How high do you think you’d bounce?”
With a quick intake of breath, the man shouted, “She’s in a well to the north. Just put me down in the cabin, first, and I’ll take you to her.”
“I’m not as dumb as you look,” Billbert said. “Take me to Linoliamanda. Then I’ll let you go.”
Billbert dropped low enough for Sabrina to hear him. “Follow me. We’re going to get Linoliamanda.”

JARED

An Exercise in Dialogue: Jargon and Atmosphere

Klaxons screeched as red alert beacons flared to life.

“Operations, report,” Captain Klein ordered.

“Sar, we have reports of fires on all decks. It appears to have spread through ventilation shafts,” Ops Commander Willis answered. “The fire suppression system is bringing most under containment,” she continued.

Capt. Klein turned to their Science officer. “Where did this come from, Le?”

“Not certain, Captain, but the perimeter breach was via the propulsion system’s atmospheric flight coolant intakes,” Lt. Le answered.

“Those should be fully sealed while underway. We need answers as to how they opened during standard NVoS operations,” the captain declared.

PLANET Z

They stripped me naked, put me in purple scrubs, and wheeled me over to a suicide watch room.
Strapped to a bed for 12 hours without food or sleep while an intern watched me.
I did get some water. And pissed in a jug.
Then I was wheeled to an ambulance, dumped into a room with chairs bolted to the floor.
I used the pen from the intake forms to write out notes on a paper shopping bag I found on the floor.
Pulling the wire from my facemask, thinking to myself: should I stick it in an electrical socket?