George’s scissors

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Where most pirates used their cutlasses for battle, George used his for clipping coupons.
It wasn’t easy, considering how dull the blade was, but the captain wouldn’t lend him the scissors from his desk.
“I remember the last time I lent you my scissors,” said the captain. “It took you over a week to give them back, and they were greasy and filthy.”
“I’m sorry,” said George, but he was more sorry that the fine for the unlicensed barber shop had been greater than what he’d made in tips.