George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
While sailing up the Mississippi, he captured two men on the run who claimed to be a duke and a king.
He planned to ransom them, but it turned out they were wanted in Arkansas for fraud, so he turned in the con-artists for the reward.
After that, he picked up two kids and a runaway slave, telling all kinds of crazy stories.
The slave, he sold downriver. The smarter kid, he kept as a cabin boy.
The wilder of the kids, he kicked overboard in two fathoms-deep water.