George and the piper

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The people of Hamlin were desperate, so they called on George to rescue their children from The Pied Piper.
George came back the next day with crates full of rats, and he released them.
“No, you idiot,” said the mayor. “The Pied Piper led those away first. When we refused to pay, he led away our children.”
“Ah, ok,” said George. “Sorry.”
The next day, George came back with The Pied Piper.
“My rate has doubled,” said The Piper. “Oh, and I prefer Bitcoin.”
George took a 10% commission.

Weekly Challenge #989 – Server

The next topic is Place

LISA

The Server
Pete, a medical student, was working part time as a waiter. It’d been a difficult shift a packed restaurant with one particularly rude customer mostly insulting him and questioning his intelligence. He didn’t contradict her.
It was a placement week and the same awful customer had been in a nasty car crash. Her shoulder had come out of its socket; He quickly and efficiently popped it back in. As he left the cubicle she asked if she knew him.
“I was your thicko waiter, the other night.” Pete smiled, “I’ll be back to stitch your facial injuries in a moment.”

RICHARD

— 404 —
It was me.
I was the one who opened the email that brought my laptop down.
And it was my laptop that went on to crash the network and bring the server down.
The same server that went on to trash the data centre, which screwed the web and brought down the internet completely.
Yes, you can blame me for it all.
I’m the one who single-handedly broke the information super highway.
And apparently, it’s not going to be fixed any time soon, so they tell me.
But why not look on the bright side?
No more dodgy emails!

LIZZIE

“Arsenic? We apologize. The server is offline.”
The questions continued until the server was back online.
Everyone resumed clicking their buttons frantically.
Some even chanted “the server is online, the server is online”.
What were the little tables for?
“Roleplay,” was the answer.
She didn’t know where the menu was, but the waiter whispered “no worries”. He’d explain everything.
The needle. What? No.
But but… “the server is back online”.
Now she understood the little joke. “Here, Happy Birthday, have fun”.
She was a widow, a black widow. Go to the RP café and have some arsenic on our tab.

THOMAS

Server

Mr. Liu moved like a shadow through Jade Lantern, his age hidden beneath a crisp blue jacket and knowing smile. He delivered plates of thousand-year eggs and drunken shrimp with eerie precision, never writing orders down, never making a mistake.

One night, a new customer hesitated over a plate of braised eel. Mr. Liu leaned in. “Eat,” he whispered. “It’s watching.”

The man laughed nervously, but Mr. Liu did not. He simply walked away, humming an old tune.

Later, when the plate was empty, the man swore he saw Liu give the eel’s discarded bones a small, approving nod.

IAN

The Server

“Soup’s cold!”

“Well, I didn’t make it!” thinks Larry, apologizing.

“The guy on table 5 says this soup’s cold,” Larry tells the chef.

“Christ, don’t shoot the messenger,” Larry thinks seeing Fat Steve’s violent glare.

Swearing, Fat Steve vindictively overheats it, and Larry takes it back.

“I’m never coming here again!” says the table five guy.

“Good, fuck off!” thinks Larry, heroically maintaining his composure, squeezed in the vice of customer and chef.

Later he reads the feedback on the restaurant app.

Terrible food, worse service.

In bed, he receives his manager’s text message.

See me before your shift tomorrow.

SERENDIPIDY

Whether you’ve enjoyed your meal, or not, please don’t forget to tip the server.
Make it a decent tip too, none of your measly ten or twenty percent. Better still, go the whole hog, the food is cheap enough for you to double-up, a hundred percent seems a reasonable ask to me.
Your server works hard, particularly with what they have to deal with behind the scenes in the kitchen.
So, please consider being generous.
If not, don’t blame me when they wait outside for you with a cleaver.
And you’ll end up as tomorrow’s dish of the day!

TOM

Rabbit Holes

The path of the geek is long and deep. Being in Silicon Valley in the late 70s if you had a cursor interest in Networks you were easily swept up in the techno-Gyr. Spent major time working with Sun, then Red Hat then SUSE. I had a 1200 baud Hayse before it was released to the public. Built a mess of servers. Ran Sendmail. Ran IRC. Ran Apanche. Try my hand at Microsoft’s servers, but frankly, there stuff sucked. Taught Unix class, now I’m just happy to wander around Discord. If your now current everything is above your pay grade.

NORVAL JOE

When Sabrina came back downstairs, she kept her eyes on the floor, not looking at anyone. “There are still a few things I couldn’t fit in my backpack.”

Billbert hugged her. “I’ll bring them to school.”

“Okay. Thanks,” she mumbled and followed Ms. Callabassa out.

Once the door was closed, Billbert asked, “Can’t you follow them, with a satellite through work, or something?”

His mother paused, then with determination, said, “Yes. I think we can.”

They sat at the computer and his mother entered her password to log into the office network.

A message appeared, “Unable to connect to server.”

PLANET Z

The asylum application process was simple.
Get a cell phone from a border agent, download an app, and apply for asylum.
A judge napped in an office while a room full of clerks rubber-stamped applications, and you could print out a certificate, or just show the certificate on your phone to any law enforcement bothering you.
And then the law changed.
The asylum app was shut down, the borders were closed, and the servers were handed over to a new team of clerks.
They gathered up the names and addresses, handed them over to immigration officers, and the raids began.

George on a cruise ship

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Any time he led a raid on another ship, things didn’t end well.
Unless you count that time George led a raid on that Filipino cruise ship.
They were going to rob the casino, but people mistook them for actors playing pirates.
“This is better than the shows in Vegas!” said the cruise ship’s captain. “Can you do this for every one of our cruise ships?”
George’s captain signed the contract, and they made more money playing pirate roles than actually being pirates.
George kept busy stitching up costumes.

George and the swear jar

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Most sailors speak in ways that are saltier than the seas, but George did his best to avoid swearing.
He had a swear jar by his bunk, and every time he swore, he’d put a piece of eight in it.
His shipmates would steal from the jar, and George would shout “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY?”
And he’d drop another piece of eight in the jar. Which his shipmates would also steal.
His shipmates eventually stole enough money to throw themselves a party.
No, they didn’t invite George.

George the… whirling dervish?

George was a dervish, but he wasn’t a very good dervish.
He tried to whirl, but he’d get dizzy quickly, and he’d trip over his own feet.
So, he tried to whirl the other way, and he’d trip over his feet even more quickly.
That’s when George decided to give up whirling, and he’d stand perfectly still.
“What good is a dervish who does not whirl?” growled his dance master.
“Does not the earth turn?” said George. “And orbit the sun? Which orbits the galaxy?”
The dance master pondered this, and then slapped George on the back of the head.

George eats local

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He sailed the world, adventuring with his shipmates.
But unlike them, he would take in local culture and cuisine.
He’d be sipping coffee at a sidewalk cafe or enjoying some delicacy in a hole-in-the-wall while they’d be lining up at the McDonalds for a Big Mac and fries.
And then they’d plunder and loot the place, burning it to the ground.
George didn’t try to convince his crewmates that going local was better than franchise food.
Because he didn’t want them plundering, looting, and burning his favorite places, too.

Lisa – Empty Click

TOAST

The house felt empty when the first responders forced the door but found Paul unconscious on the kitchen floor. They fired up the defibrillator; heard the click that signaled it was ready, then waited for the green light.
“Clear!”
Paul’s body jerked but was unresponsive. The room filled with Ambulance Staff, Police, Family. A toaster, tethered by its plug, was hanging off the side; his Mum put back in its place. The job got harder the smaller the room became but they continued well after they needed to.
No one ever noticed the screwdriver that had rolled under the cooker.

George wasting time on facebook

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent most of his time on Facebook, telling his friends about his adventures.
Instead of actually doing anything. You know, like pillaging, looting, and plundering.
This annoyed the hell out of his shipmates, and they cut off his access to the ship’s WiFi.
But even the Guest access could access Facebook.
“It’s so that the people we kidnap for ransom can beg their relatives for money,” said the captain. “Or they can start a Kickstarter or something.”
The frustrated crew threw George’s laptop overboard. Then they threw George.

Weekly Challenge #988 – Give it all, Empty, Churrasco, Fiendishly difficult, Click

The next topic is Server

RICHARD

— Cross words —
Today’s crossword was fiendishly difficult. I’d spent twenty minutes trying to figure out six across: ‘Beginning with Spanish dippers, at Brazilian barbecue?’
I didn’t have a clue.
My wife peered over my shoulder, “Churrasco!” she said brightly.
“What?”
“The beginning of Spanish dippers… churros, and the Brazil barbecue thing… churrasco.”
She smiled disarmingly, whilst I plotted various ways of murdering her, without getting caught.
“OK, Brains”, I retorted, “Try this. Two words, four and three – last one, ‘O-F-F'”
She gave me her unimpressed look.
“In that case, you’ll find your dinner in the T, something, A, something, H!”

THOMAS

Churrasco

Gus had always loved a good churrasco, but grilling at home was fiendishly difficult now. His hands, butter-fingered with age, trembled as he tried to flip the steaks with tongs. The searing heat made him sweat, and balancing on two canes didn’t help. The first steak slid right off the grill. Cursing, he shuffled to retrieve it, nearly tipping over. His dog, Bruno, snagged the fallen prize. “Guess it’s yours now,” Gus muttered. By the time he managed a perfectly charred picanha, exhaustion won. Still, biting into the smoky meat, he grinned. Victory, however small, still tasted sweet.

TOM

Empty Click
I’m pretty sure the term Click is met with an empty response. Well, I
seem to be sore fully mistaken. The students of this century identified
as 12 general “crowds” in modern high schools: populars, jocks,
floaters, good-ats, fine arts, brains, normals, druggies-stoners,
emo/goths, anime-manga kids, and loners. It’s been half a century since
I did my click streaming, but without the exception of emo/goths and
anime-manga kids I could pretty much Id one on sight. For myself I
crossed two of these sub-groups during my high school stay: fine art and
brains. I actually graduating magna cum laude from university.

SERENDIPIDY

Dear Friend.
I was given your name by a mutual acquaintance, as a trustworthy and honest person.
I have sixteen million dollars in a bank account I need to take out of my country, but I need a sponsor for my government to authorise the transfer.
Half of that sum is reserved in your name if you are willing to help. I promise you, that if you assist me in this matter, I will give it all -Eight million- dollars to you for your kindness.
Please click on this link, to start the online transfer process.
Sincerely.
Prince Hakim Hassan.
—

NORVAL JOE

Billbert spun to face Sabrina. “What are you doing? I wasn’t going to tell them you were here.”

“I know,” she dropped her head sadly. “Your family has a reputation to maintain. I don’t want you to give it all up because of me.”

“Good.” The woman stood up. “Get your things. The family is waiting.”

Sabrina went upstairs.

“Where is she going?” Billbert asked, feeling empty.

“I can’t tell you,” Calabassa said. “Privacy concerns.”

“She’s my friend. I have the right to know!” Billbert voice rose in pitch.

She sneered. “No. You’re a little boy. You have no rights.”

PLANET Z

Even though I have a treadmill at home, I still like to walk in the rain. I get out my wet weather shoes and umbrella and put on my headphones and head out the door. There is something about the breeze and the moisture that’s refreshing. And walking through a space with trees and grass and everything else is a lot more engaging and feeling than simply walking on a treadmill, even if there’s a TV playing with a movie or scenery in which I try to lose myself. What’s a few allergy or cold pills in the end, right?

George the best man

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
You know how there’s no such thing as “bad” pizza or blowjob?
Well, don’t ask George to handle your bachelor party.
Rummy Bill learned that lesson the hard way.
One pizza. One stripper.
And the stripper turned out to be his fiancee’s sister.
She ate all of the pizza and threatened to tell her sister about the party.
Rummy Bill paid her off, but the next day, the wedding was off.
The sister snitched.
As Best Man, George felt relieved. Renting a tux was so damn expensive, you know?