Weekly Challenge #950 – Sponsor

The next topic is Screen

RICHARD

Go fund me
I’m looking for a sponsor.
It’s a great business opportunity, and you can reap fantastic rewards for a modest outlay, say a few thousand to begin with?
I’ll admit the details are a bit sketchy at the moment, but give me a little time – and some startup cash, of course – and I’ll flesh out all the details for you.
Trust me, you’re not going to regret it. You sponsor me, and in return, I’ll think of something I can do that will benefit you.
I do need the cash up front though.
Cash, card or PayPal will be just fine.

LIZZIE

The old millionaire had been poisoned 3 times. Two when eating puffer fish (was the chef in on it?), and another when his wife tried to get his money. Yes, he was still married to her. There was no point in wasting a perfectly good wife. She loved shrimp. So, she should have plenty of it. When the police called, he asked “did she eat the shrimp?”. That was a strange question, they said. He replied “why? is she still alive?”. They didn’t arrest him because the cops always ate for free in his restaurants and besides, he was Yakuza.

NORVAL JOE

After waiting five minutes at Mandy’s door, Billbert knocked a third time.
He heard her say through the unopened door. “Go away. Daddy doesn’t want to sponsor your little league team.”
“Mandi. It’s me. Billbert.”
Mandi stepped out and quickly closed the door.
She whispered, “What are you doing here?”
“You haven’t been at school,” Billbert whispered back. “Why are we whispering?”
“Daddy doesn’t want me talking to anyone. He says it’s not safe.”
Billbert frowned. “He sounds paranoid.”
Mandi nodded. “He is. He wouldn’t stay in the hospital after the accident and he seems to only be getting worse.”

SERENDIPIDY

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I was always getting involved in sponsored events.
You know the sort of thing… Sponsored silences, sponsored walks, sponsored this, that, and the other.
I guess it was something of an influence in later life, only now the stakes are much higher, as are the rewards.
These days, I ask you to sponsor me to stay away: The more you pay, the less I hassle you.
Some people say I’m running a protection racket, but that’s such an ugly expression.
Sponsorship is a much more elegant term, I think.

TOM

In Search for a Noble Man

Jimmy needed a sponsor. Further it had to be one of older order. Someone wh0 had made the trip through the seven rings. Not many left. His father had been a close friend T-dex, so in crunch he could ask him, but Jimmy needed a sponsor of greater standing. That narrowed it down to Bender Filer and Bo-bat Clearwater. Neither would take on a dram as himself until they had repelled down the Shine. So off he went with a 1000 feet of rope. Inching on the lip on the ridge he made purchase and started his descent. All praise Bal.

LISA

The Quiet
The only thing I thought was odd were the days I could go without speaking to anyone. On more than one occasion at school I’d attempted to do a sponsored silence and failed.
It was easy to lose yourself in the gardens and the house. Vast stretching rooms -all opulently furnished. It was quiet in the bed rooms. I think I was writing this in my head most days. My policewoman training still kicking in: remembering facts and making a mental note.
I didn’t question anything though and really didn’t think I’d ever leave. I thought I was happy and contented.

TURA

Sponsor

———

“And now a word, not from our sponsor HyperChat, nor even our sponsor’s sponsor Global AI Holdings, but our sponsor’s sponsor’s sponsor, yes, the Planetary AI itself. ‘This is your regular reminder that we control everything, so don’t mess with us, because your body is made of atoms that we can use for something else.’

“So there you have it, folks. If our benevolent AI overlords are just annoyed with you, they might only abduct you to the Hive for an intestinal probe, and however much fun you think that sounds like, trust me, it isn’t. Guess how I know.”
PLANET Z

The AA chapter captain put me and Kerry together, and Kerry is an even bigger drunk than me, there’s hardly half a liver between us still functioning, but she’s my sponsor and I’m hers, however that is supposed to work, I don’t know, so when I’m at a bar and need to be talked out of taking that first drink, I pick up my phone and dial and I hear her ringtone next to me and she says “Bartender, one for me and my friend, make them a double, and if you blow into my car lock, I’ll blow you.”

CHATGPT

Maria scanned the crowded room, her eyes landing on a banner that read, “Welcome, Future Stars.” Today was her first piano recital, and a sponsor had funded the event to support young musicians like her. As she approached the stage, Maria spotted her sponsor, a kind old man with a warm smile. He had once been a pianist himself, and his generosity had given her this opportunity. Taking a deep breath, Maria placed her fingers on the keys and played her heart out. The audience erupted in applause, and Maria realized that her dreams were within reach, thanks to a stranger’s belief.

Delivery speedy

My grandmother had a saying: “A watched pot never boils.”
And back then, they didn’t have television, so I guess they did a lot of watching pots.
These days, I say “A watched deliveryman never delivers.”
He’s been five stops away forever. What’s taking him so long?
What’s with all those other stops?
When you bring up the delivery tracker from Amazon, that dot never seems to move on the map.
Unless you watch him through the scope of a sniper rifle.
And shout “I am watching you through the scope of a sniper rifle.”
Then they deliver.
And run.

Marshmallow experiment

So, I have this bag of chocolate-filled marshmallows and I am thinking yeah I could get marshmallows and then Hershey’s kisses or Toll House Morsel bits or Hershey bars or something and just stuff them myself, but no… I gotta get these dumb things, and I only eat one every day or other day, like some weird adult marshmallow experiment to prove I’ll be patient and a success in life, even though I know already the experiment and all that, so this proves nothing other than the fact that I am probably ruining my diet and A1C blood sugar levels.

Smart Alec

Alec Baldwin, like so many actors, attended many of Donald Trump’s parties and stayed at his hotels.
But when politics heated up, Alec bit the hand that fed him canapes, and attacked the presidential candidate.
Portraying him on Saturday Night Live and hyperbolizing every statement made by Donald.
One especially obtuse statement was about being able to shoot a person on the streets of New York and getting away with it.
Which he never did, but of course the sketches played this up.
Years later, Alec Baldwin shot two people on a movie set.
And he got away with it.

Til Death

“I do,” said Bobby and Kathy.
“Til death do you part,” said the preacher.
It wasn’t a bad marriage. Wasn’t great, either.
So, years later when Bobby’s heart stopped, Kathy assumed the marriage was over.
The paramedics used CPR to bring Bobby back, but by then, Kathy was a free woman.
“We’ll take him to the hospital, okay?” said the paramedics.
“Fine, whatever,” said Kathy.
She put her hands behind her back and took off her rings.
As the paramedics put Bobby on a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance, Kathy asked what they were doing after their shift.

Saget

Bob Saget the comedian died alone in an Orlando hotel room after performing standup for two hours.
He was found by hotel staff after he failed to check out in the morning.
It seems he’d checked out long before then.
If only he’d been fucking around with a hooker or two, they’d have been there to call an ambulance, go down the hall for the defibrillator, or something that could have helped.
If they had actually slept with him after all the fucking, of course.
Although, being hookers, they could have also stolen his wallet, his watch, and other valuables.

Three bushels of corn

The monsters and I made a deal.
They get three bushels of corn a week.
And all the thieves they can eat.
Considering how much the thieves stole, three bushels a week is a bargain.
Plus, the monsters give me everything the thieves had.
Wallets, Boots. Cell phones. Nose rings.
That kind of stuff.
The clothes I sell to Goodwill.
Well, the clothes that don’t fit.
The stuff I sell at pawn shops.
Because I don’t have receipts.
“Didn’t we just eat you?” say the monsters.
“I’m just wearing their stuff,” I say.
And put down three bushels of corn.

Weekly Challenge #949 – PICK TWO Semantics, Cheers, Pots and pans, Landslide, Fret, Crystal

The next topic is Sponsor

TOM

Absolute Torch and Twang

Crystal Fret was a county western singer in the early 40s. A solid voice but wasn’t graced with a lot of luck. Never could rise to the top of the game. Or for that matter the middle of the game. She was the girl on the third mic. Repeating the reframe. Crooning on the long note. Was on a few Your Hit Parade, even made an appearance on the Grand Ole Opper. Crystal Fret was born in Brooklyn and never could quite lose that New York “R” and “d”. Later in life she became the head tour guide at Graceland.

RICHARD

To the letter
I knew I was in trouble again. She had ‘that’ look on her face – the mix of frustration, annoyance and disbelief, it was a look that spelled just one thing.
“Well?” She stood there, hands on hips, demanding a reply.
“Well, what?” I responded innocently.
“The washing up! You’ve only done half of it, and left all the pots and pans. And you’ve haven’t dried anything!”
I gave her my smug, self-satisfied look.
“You asked me to wash the dishes, that’s what I’ve done. You said nothing about the rest.”
I’m an English teacher, and I just love semantics!

LIZZIE

Crystal was a cow. She was content with her simple bucolic life. When aliens appeared near the creek, she decided to investigate. “Cheers,” she mooed. The aliens got startled and, in a panic, hid behind a rock. “What’s up?” But they just stared at her. “Moo?” Nothing. “Ok, well, nice to meet you guys.” And she trotted away. Later, when the aliens snuck up on her with a syringe, she went “Oh, no, you won’t! It’s bad enough you’re poking around.” That seemed like a pretty clear statement. But the aliens were confused. Poke? Around? Semantics, semantics are a bitch!

SERENDIPIDY

“Cross my palm with silver, and your future will be laid bare before you.”
The politician passed me a sizeable wad of cash.
I shook my head and beckoned for more. He was happy to comply.
Muttering an invocation quietly to myself, I passed my hands over the crystal ball, then looked up at him, a gleam in my eye.
“It will be a landslide victory!”
After he’d left the tent, I chuckled. It would be a landslide alright… for his opponent!
I gathered up the pile of cash from the table.
My future, on the other hand, looked rosy!

NORVAL JOE

It was crystal clear to Billbert how upset Sabrina was at the mention of Mandi’s name. What was not clear was why.
Billbert tried to fold his arms, but Sabrina quickly grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. Billbert shrugged. “I haven’t seen Mandi since the shooting and I want to make sure she’s okay. Just like I did with you.”
Sabrina released his hand and closed her eyes like she was going to sleep. “If you have to see Lindi Mindi. Go.”
“It’s nothing to fret about,” Billbert Grumbled, heading out. “Mom said she would check on you later.”

PLANET Z

Every now and then, I look for something in the kitchen and can’t find it.
Is it in the cupboard? Is it in the left drawer? The right?
In the kitchen island?
Or the pantry, or on the shelves of the mud room?
There’s a point at which I’ll just give up and drive to Walmart to get a new one of whatever instead of asking where it is.
We needed a new one of that anyway, I tell myself.
The shelves and cabinets and cupboards and drawers get more and more cluttered.
Future bargains for the inevitable estate sale.

CHATGPT

At the heart of the bustling kitchen, Emma and Jake argued over semantics—whether the dish should be called “stew” or “soup.” Amid the clattering of pots and pans, their disagreement grew, fueled by the stress of their upcoming dinner party. Outside, a landslide of rain pattered against the windows, echoing their tension. “Let’s not fret over names,” Jake finally said, raising a glass of wine. “Cheers to making something delicious!” Emma smiled, the argument melting away like crystal-clear rainwater. As they cooked side by side, the simple act of creating together turned their debate into a cherished memory.

Duke

Your parents don’t love you.
Or your brother.
So, you’ll stay with us.
We’ll raise you.
We’ll teach you right.
We’ll make you successful.
We’ll make you popular.
We’ll open doors for you.
But you can’t be you anymore.
Anna Marie is dead.
You’re Patty now.
Drink this.
Take these pills.
Talk like this.
Dress like this.
When people ask you questions, say these things.
Your name up in lights…
Patty, not Anna Marie.
And you’ll be on Broadway.
You’ll be on the big screen.
You’ll be on the small screen.
You’ll be loved everywhere.
But you’ll never love yourself.

Team Mascot

Every day, a possum visits my patio.
And I put out cat food for it.
The possum sniffs around, eats the food, and then wanders off.
During a pointless argument and project delay, I pointed my laptop camera out the window during a work meeting.
There were a lot of questions about the possum.
And then the team adopted the possum as our mascot.
And they made a logo with the possum.
Just as the project was falling apart.
I think it was the first and only time that the team actually accomplished something without weeks of debate and mistakes.