George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
It made him very unhappy.
“If you’re so damned unhappy, why don’t you just quit?” the captain said. He pointed to the plank. “Exit’s that-a-way.”
So, George got up and walked the plank, and he fell into the water.
It really wasn’t so bad. The ocean was warm, but not too warm. And there was a gentle breeze.
Treading water wasn’t so hard, and when he needed a break, he floated on his back.
The gentle waves were very relaxing and soothing.
On the other hand, the sharks weren’t.
Weekly Challenge #882 – BLOCK
NOTE: WordPress on this provider is having some issues with posting on a schedule. I’ll add Publish to my daily to-do list to see if I can get these up more reliably, okay?
LISA
He Just Wanted a Friend.
He’d been sat building a tower when his Mum noticed it wasn’t very tall. She asked where his other blocks were but he didn’t answer. She was used to that. He was a very quiet child.
Three decades later following a long police surveillance operation their garden was excavated. They found twenty five Duplo blocks with names scratched into them. In the same corner of the garden they revealed twenty five cat skeletons.
All the other remains they unearthed were human. The newspapers suggested that due to the high volume discovered the identification process was expected to take considerable time.
RICHARD
Adblock
I’m a big fan of ad blocking software. I can’t do much about the advertising drivel that I’m subjected to on TV, radio, junk mail and every available surface wherever I go outdoors, but when I surf the web, it’s a haven of commercial-free joy.
Well, mostly: Some manage to sneak through the net, it’s a constant battle trying to keep up with every new intrusion.
That’s why I think it’s high time to block those responsible for the ads… Web designers, advertising consultants, and the companies who pay for the damn things.
With bullets, and bombs, if necessary!
LIZZIE
The signal is blocked. We can’t get through. I’m leaving this note. There’s food for five days. After that… I don’t know. I’m in my bunker. Perhaps we won’t need food for five days. I go out at night to get my share from the warehouse. They hand it over through a small window. I never talk to anyone. I tried waving hello, but no one waved back. Now, when I see someone else, I cross the street and walk away. By the way, if I don’t make it, they’re all in the Mayor’s pool. And no, they’re not swimming.
TOM
Basically Flat and Straight
In Chicago, a “city block” has a very specific definition—660 feet. 8 “city blocks” equal one mile. The numbering reflects this in that at the beginning of each city block, the numbering increases by 100. Chicago Ave. is 800 and 8 city blocks (a mile north) of that is North Ave. at 1600 N. New York does not have a uniform system like this, thus New Yorks sucks. Tell me any two addresses in Chicago and I can tell you their distance apart in miles. Show me any two blocks in summer and I tell there is a Block Party.
SERENDIPIDY
It’s always tough being the new kid on the block: You have to be thick-skinned, hard-headed and prepared to fight.
Some might say I took it all a little too seriously, and fought a little too hard, but I’ve never been a pushover, and I don’t put up with any nonsense.
I wasn’t the new kid for long, I made sure of that and soon I was running, not just the block, but the whole neighbourhood.
I did it for all new kids on the block, everywhere.
Such a shame then, that there’s no kids left here, now.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert settled himself and Sabrina down in the firs and ferns a hundred yards away from the cabin. He turned to her. “Come on Sabrina, use your imagination. I’ve seen on the weather channel where a tornado comes down a city block and only takes the roof off of one house and left the others in tact.”
Sabrina scowled. “I’m not that good.”
Billbert took her by the shoulders and turned her toward the cabin. “You said that I increase your powers.” He squeezed gently. “Use my help for some surgical accuracy.”
Sabrina closed her eyes and raised her hands.
PLANET Z
We had everything we needed on our block.
The school, the grocer, the pharmacy with the soda fountain counter, and the general store.
Dr. Lefferts had his office in his house. The dentist had his office in his house.
City Hall and the courthouse were on the other side of the town square and park.
If you wanted to go to the city, the train stopped at the station four times a day.
The city grew, until it surrounded us.
Things changed, and they got worse. Department stores, and crime.
The fences and gates on the other street got tallers.
George can never go home
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Every time he came home, people spat on him and called him murderer or babykiller.
Every bone in his body, every scar on his skin ached.
George had never killed a baby.
And the only times he’d killed, he’d killed other pirates, and in self-defense, too.
He remembered every man he’d killed, looking into their eyes as life left them.
Every night, they haunted him in his dreams.
George stopped thinking of his home as home.
His home was the sea, and he never wanted to leave it again.
George’s Imagination
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He suffered from an overactive imagination.
“Is there anything you can do?” he asked his doctor.
“You could have it taken out,” said the doctor. “But it’s expensive.”
George agreed, and they set an appointment with a surgeon.
“Now count to ten,” said the anesthesiologist as he put a gas mask on George’s face.
When George woke up, he felt the bandage on his head.
The doctor gave George a simple imagination test, and George failed it with flying colors.
He proudly keeps the empty jar on a shelf.
George in the cave
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When he was a young boy, he liked to go exploring caves.
Until he got trapped in a cave because the rain flooded the tunnel.
One team of rescuers tried to dig into the cave, while another team worked out diving plans.
It took weeks to rescue him, because the news media were getting incredible ratings from their coverage of the event, and they kept sabotaging the rescue equipment.
After George was rescued, he learned his lesson: he made a point to kill any reporters among hostages he took.
George is not very prompt
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
His captain was annoyed at the fact he’d tell George to do something, and then. days later, he’d find out that George had screwed it up.
“I’m tired of waiting to find out that you’ve screwed up my orders!” yelled the captain. “I want this nonsense to stop!”
The captain hoped that George would stop making so many mistakes.
Instead, George learned how to screw up quicker. And louder.
That way, the captain didn’t have to wait so long.
“On second thought, I’d rather not know,” said the captain.
George and the Fever
Surrounded by treasure and the ghosts of the men who he killed for it.
George lay in bed, sweating and pale from a high fever.
“The good pirates don’t die in their beds,” said George’s old captain.
George reached for a pitcher on the nightstand, but his fingers slipped on the handle.
“You weren’t so clumsy when you killed me.”
The pitcher fell to the floor.
George hit the floor with a grunt and a long, painful moan.
Servants came in to put George back to bed.
Towels to mop up George’s sweat.
And a fresh pitcher on the nightstand.
George Puzzled
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent a lot of time below decks with jigsaw puzzles.
No, not those simple Playskool wooden puzzles with 6 or 7 pieces.
These were serious ones, with 5,000 pieces.
And he worked hard to solve them before the cardboard pieces swelled with the moist sea air.
The captain complained that the hold was filling up with jigsaw puzzle boxes and leaving little room for cargo.
He had George toss them overboard.
But, still, at every port, George would pick up a new puzzle.
And work on it diligently.
Weekly Challenge #881 – TOGETHER
The next weekly challenge topic is: Block
SCRIBBLING WREN
Mum Saves the Day
Paul had anticipated most things so was always half expecting the knock on the door from the police apparently today investigating a missing local girl.
They showed him a picture of Sally, who was currently tied up in his spare room.
“No sorry, never seen her.”
A woman shouted from inside his house and the Officers stepped forward together, knowing they’d got the creepy bastard at last.
“Paul! I think I’ve shat meself.”
He looked embarrassed.
“Sorry, I’m Mum’s carer, I think she needs me.”
Paul closed the door, let the tape recorder play a while longer before hitting stop.
RICHARD
Fidelity
“Really? You spent the night together in the same bed with your secretary, and nothing happened? Nothing?”
“I had no choice, darling. They’d booked us into the same room by mistake. I promise you, nothing happened, except sleep.”
She gave me a hard stare.
“It never happens again. Right!”
I nodded. She knew I wasn’t lying – she always knew when I lied, it was like a sixth sense. I was telling the truth, and she knew it.
Frankly, after sex in the shower, on the balcony, and against the wall, when we got into bed, all we wanted was sleep!
LIZZIE
The string of lights reminded me of you.
It reminded me of those days we spent in the cinema parking lot, next to the industrial fan, barely able to hear each other.
The string of lights reminded me of you and me.
It reminded me of the shouted out tunes that were just laughter.
It reminded me of when our fingers touched by mistake and we didn’t know what to do.
Did you say “I love you”?
The string of lights reminded me of us.
The cinema is now gone but I can still hear that silent I love you.
TOM
Can I bring my friend to tea?
Since I am old, I remember a time before the Beatles. Before was pretty much street corner crooning. Well and motor town and actually Mississippi blue, well all that, but the Beatles got so big they could record just about anything they wanted. Case in point: All together now. Not exactly Wagner there. Being in the States I don’t get that Music Hall Vib. After a dozen pints I bet it is a riot. Chop the tree, sail the boat, look at me. Ok, I’m smiling. Guess after 50 years it has succeeded cause we are still all together now.
Now, The Reason For My Absence.
It’s been near half a year, but I can barely acknowledge my oldest friend’s death. So, it is a bit hard to work him into this length explanation. We could go back 40 years, but that would be way too much plot expo. Let’s land on Podcasting. Jim, God rest his soul, said he was listening to a podcast of two kids from Wisconsin talk shit for 45 mins. I said, I don’t have a Ipod. Sorry got to hit pause here. I had no idea I was about to be answering that question regularly for the next two full years.
SERENDIPIDY
‘Together, forever’
I traced the words with my finger, carved all those years ago, when I thought that our love would always endure.
It didn’t.
He lied.
However, I kept my promise, and when he tried to walk away from me, I broke his legs. I cut out his tongue to stifle his curses, and chained him in the cellar, where he remains grovelling to this day.
I know he hates me with a passion, and I certainly no longer love him, but a promise is a promise, and together, forever, we will remain.
Whether we like it, or not.
NORVAL JOE
Had Billbert and Sabrina not been zooming above the treetops, they would have skidded to a stop. Instead, they hung together in the air as Billbert considered what the old man had said.
“They still have Linoliamanda. We have to do something, Sabrina. Can you bring a wind to knock their house down?”
Obviously Sabrina was not as comfortable hanging out fifty feet above the ground as her fingers gouged Billbert’s arm where she gripped it.
“Remember, Lillywanda is in the cabin, too. And, any wind strong enough to level the building would also blow us out of the air.
JRADIMUS
Another Productive Meeting
“Welcome, All. Have a seat. Quickly, please. We’re short on time. If you’re wondering why I called this meeting – it means you didn’t read the agenda in the invite.”
“Come on, Frank. Knock it off. You do this every time. Just get on with it already.”
“Listen, Little Mike – I say it every time, because everyone always asks what the meeting is about. So if you want me to stop doing this, read the agenda. With that out of the way, I’ll “get on with it”: Item one, Safety-”
A whistle blows. “Shift change!”
“Wait! I just started… Damn it.”
PLANET Z
Our last salvage run was a colony shuttle that flamed out on its way to Mars.
Thousands of bodies in the sleeper pods.
The cargo looked interesting.
Dead withered plants in the hydroponics bay.
The engines were completely shot.
We grabbed the computer system and fuel, and gave the rest a boost back on course to Mars.
An orbital tug could grab the thing and get it to a waystation for offloading.
We messaged Mars Authority so they’d know to catch it before it slams into the planet.
Another colony ship is being launched.
We’ll see if it’s another salvage.
George and the gorilla
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was fit enough. He had the education for it.
But things never seemed to work out for George.
“It’s all in your mind,” said the captain.
So, George went to a therapist.
The therapist told George that the problem was as obvious as an 800-pound gorilla in the room.
George looked around for the gorilla, but he couldn’t see it.
“It’s a metaphor,” said the therapist. “It means something big and scary and obvious.”
So, George bought a gorilla.
But when he tried to weigh it, it escaped.