George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Maybe I’m just judging him on an unfair scale.
I mean, you hear about pirates like Blackbeard and Captain Kidd and Jack Sparrow.
Those are really high standards to live up to.
It’s like me judging you by comparing you to Gandhi or Martin Luther King or George Washington.
There’s no way you’d stack up to legendary figures like that.
But the truth is, I’m judging George on his merits, and he wasn’t a very good pirate at all.
Next time, don’t be so quick to judge me, okay?
George’s Reward
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Other pirates had huge bounties on their heads. George didn’t.
“I’m sorry, George,” said the Governor of Port Royal. “You’re just not worth a dime.”
So, George went out to sea so he could learn from the greatest pirates of the age.
And he left a trail of destruction as wide as the ocean.
Blackbeard, The Barbarosas, and Captain Kidd all lost ships to George’s incompetence.
“Impressive,” said the Governor of Port Royal, tallying the damage. “The Admiralty thanks you. I’ll have your reward money ready by noon today.”
George Sets Foot
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
In fact, his captain was so angry at him, he ordered George never to set foot on his ship ever again.
“If you ever do, I’ll run you through with my cutlass and have your guts as garters!”
So, George’s shipmates carried him everywhere on the ship.
He would have gotten a wheelchair, but pirate ships aren’t handicap-accessible.
“Oh, so you think you’re smart?” asked the captain.
“Yes,” said George.
The captain thought for a moment. “I guess you are,” he said.
And he made George his First Mate.
Weekly Challenge – Rick
A Walk In The Wood
I found it on the map and had to explore it. 400 acres of land right beside the very worst part of DC. Car parked and gone in my pocket I went in.
The forest was amazing .. two streams, a pond, a 10′ waterfall, 200 year old oak trees …
… and a homeless camp.
All of a sudden I was standing in it … surprisingly … They seemed happy to see me!
We shook hands, introduced ourselves, they offered Brandy, we drank and talked … Swapped life stories.
Lives not So different at all!
There but for the grace of God go I.
Weekly Challenge #751: Camp
NOTE: I figured out what was wrong with the Yeti AFTER I recorded this. Bad cable. Oh well. Getting a new cable when I get the new system this week.
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Serendipidy
- Tom
- Norval Joe
- Todd Spargo
- Planet Z
LIZZIE
What if I lived right there where the butterflies swayed in the air?
What if I lived right there?
The birds chirped, and flew away.
What if the narrow streets were alive to the brim with color? And not gray with emptiness?
What if the tears didn’t rain down the walls alive with the whiteness of summer?
What if the butterflies weren’t gone, and the birds?
What if I lived there, right there, and not here in the middle of the forest by a sizzling fire?
I want to go back to that small town where the narrow streets smiled.
RICHARD
Arrrrrr…
Captain Blackbeard’s Pirate Themed Holiday Camp didn’t quite turn out as we’d expected.
The brochure had promised ‘adventure on the high seas’, and ‘swashbuckling exploits and drama’, served up with a ‘healthy dash of good old-fashioned plank walking, keel hauling and deck scrubbing’.
Unfortunately, the keel hauling and deck scrubbing were precisely that, and as for our fellow pirates…
A bunch of bloodthirsty Somalian ex-fishermen, who treated us like scum and thought nothing of putting us in the firing line when the navy arrived.
Beats me how they managed to get those five star reviews on Trip Advisor!
SERENDIPIDY
When they told you not to camp in the woods, you really should have listened to their advice.
When they told you it wasn’t safe to be out alone in the wild, you should have heeded their words.
When they said you’d be miles from help, with no phone signal and no means of rescue should you fall in harm’s way, you should have taken them seriously.
Because now, in the darkness, lost, alone and frightened, all of that now makes perfect sense.
But, don’t worry, you’re not entirely alone…
Because I’m here too.
And I’m coming to get you!
TOM
The Camp
The edge of the camp was growing. Each day some half dead child would stand at the fence. Sometime with an adult, more often alone. Most stared blankly with an expression of deep indifference, a total sapping of actionable resolve. A few, not many, still had a fire in their eyes. Mac was called when these faces appeared. He needed that fire and long had learned how to uses that rage to the benefit of the camp. Keeping these children in a group also allowed for successful assimilation, or in the sadder cases extreme relocation. “Greater good,” he say
NORVAL JOE
As Billbert carried Linoliamanda up above the battle he saw that the two camps were vastly different. While the super villains had destroyed the superhero headquarters, the heroes were mostly unharmed and outnumbered the villains by five to one.
Billbert flew Linoliamanda home, landing on her front porch. “When you fell on Benedict Arnold, I thought you were a goner.”
She smiled then clasped a hand to her bloody forehead. “Nothing could make me a traitor to you, Billbert.”
“Thanks, I guess,” he said. “We should probably tell your parents what happened and get you checked out at the hospital.”
TODD
The Yahoo Messenger video chat with my future wife abruptly ended with, “Gotta go!” when the shooting started.
Outgoing orange tracers from the south tower marked an aggressive conversation. An M240B barked a throaty command. An unseen AK-47 wisecracked a response. I radioed QRF when the perimeter breach red flare illuminated the sky adding an exclamation point.
Reaching the tower, I saw the soldier and his Iraqi guard duty buddy assaulting the cement barrier of the civilian dining facility.
“What are you shooting at?” I yelled.
“There are a bunch of dudes running around in there!”
“You mean the cooks?”
Camp Caldwell Coordinates: 33.727597, 45.236648
PLANET Z
We sent the kids off to camp.
All kids should go off to camp.
They will learn many things at camp.
That’s what the state says, that all kids should go off to camp and they will learn many things, so we send our kids to camp.
When we were kids, we were sent off to camp.
And we learned many things at camp.
Sometimes, kids do not come home from camp.
Those are the ones who learned the wrong things.
Or could not be taught the right things.
If that happens, we go off to camp.
And don’t return.
George the Adventurer
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
This didn’t stop him from trying, though.
George and his crewmates learned about a castle that contained treasure, guarded by an evil wizard.
They put together a plan, sailed to the island, and raided the castle.
After disarming a series of traps, they finally made it to the treasure room.
The wizard surprised them, and incinerated them with a fireball.
“That’s not fair,” whined George, dropping his dice and crumpling up his character sheet.
“Life’s not fair,” said the captain, behind his DM screen. “Now go swab the deck.”
George at the Helm
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So, the captain gave him plenty of opportunities to improve his skills.
“Take the wheel,” said the captain, walking away from the bridge.
So, George did. And after a while, he got the hang of steering the ship.
When he saw a bridge up ahead, he signaled and shouted for them to raise and let them pass.
The bridgekeeper didn’t signal back.
After five tries, George fired a warning shot and shouted angrily.
The bridgekeeper shouted back, “This isn’t a drawbridge!”
George steered hard right, and capsized the ship.
George Doesn’t Kill
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The first time he killed someone, he became sick to his stomach and threw up.
And he swore to never kill anybody ever again.
He’d shove people overboard, or throw a lasso around them.
At the very most, he’d wound them in the leg or the arm, somewhere non-life threatening.
But never kill. Never again.
So when the captain told him to make a prisoner walk the plank into shark-infested waters, well…
He did.
Because he wasn’t killing the prisoner. It was sharks biting the hell out of him.
George the Painter
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He painted them well enough, though.
I mean, when you take into account the deck tossing and turning in rough seas, the paintings still came out pretty good.
And these days, investors will run up the auction value of mediocre paintings.
Dealers rushed to the docks to fight over his artwork.
George’s art shows were extraordinary affairs.
His shipmates would raid and loot the gallery, and they’d rob the patrons.
“So lifelike!” exclaimed an afficianado, one hand on a wineglass, the other clutching a cutlass wound on his belly.
George the Author
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He know a lot of good pirates, though.
So, he talked to them, wrote a book, and claimed to be the utmost authority on pirates.
Except that his book was a complete fabrication.
Well, okay, the dates and events were real.
But George substituted his own name for each of the heroic pirates involved.
With each edition, George grew more bold, daring, wealthy, and famous.
Thankfully, nobody bought George’s book.
He’d appear at bookstores for signings, but nobody showed up.
Eventually, George gave up writing, and took up bowling.