A werewolf bit George.
Now, George is a werewolf.
He does his best to maintain his condition.
During the full moon, he locks himself in his basement with raw meat.
It’s very expensive, but his insurance company covers the cost.
They didn’t at first.
Luckily, he lives near an executive with the insurance company.
George showed up at the executive’s door with a stack of LOST DOG and LOST CAT posters.
“I’m still hungry,” said George. “You love your wife and kids, don’t you?”
The meat deliveries were approved with one condition.
“Can you please eat my mother-in-law?” he asked.
Weak by Serendipity
People ask where my wickedness came from… I’m not sure, but there’s one day that clearly stands out in my mind.
It was the day the fair came to town, and the big, ugly brute at the ‘Try Your Strength’ machine laughed in my face when I asked for a go.
“This is a man’s game”, he said, “not for weak little girls like you”
That’s when I grabbed him by the balls and started to squeeze as hard as I could, and I didn’t stop until his screaming ceased, as he slumped unconscious to the floor.
Who needs strength?
Word Dice
It’s not easy to write about something different and new every day for over ten years.
That’s why I made a set of writing dice.
Each face has a different word on it.
I shake the dice in a cup and pour them out.
Then, I look at the words, and I let my imagination run free.
Sometimes, the ideas come easily, and other times all I can think about is “dice.”
So, I wander to a nearby craps game, and I lose a hundred bucks.
I’d better write and sell a story quick before the month’s rent is due.
Weekly Challenge #625 – Weak
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
We’ve got stories by:
DUANE
You call us old and say we’re weak
You think the boomers are meek.
Didn’t anyone ever teach you,
you should be seen and not speak.
We’re your moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas.
Grew up with swings and seesaws.
We didn’t need helmets and pads,
or playground safety laws.
You say we spent all your money,
on pensions and social security.
How much did you plan on making,
with your new liberal arts degree?
Some day our role you’ll take on.
You’re gonna miss us when we’re gone.
My last words to you millennials,
everybody just STAY OFF MY LAWN!
NORVAL JOE
Bilbert took a couple steps and jumped into the air. Again, only a weak buzzing from the poket of his backpack and he landed back on his feet.
“That’s pretty weak,” Roderick said. “It’s too bad you made fun of me like that. Now, I’m going to have to beat you up.”
Frantically, Billbert pulled off the backpack and opened the buzzing pocket.
His eyes lit up when he saw the plastic grocery bag. Stepping through the leg holes, he pulled up the bag. Holding on with one hand, he leapt into the air and flew out of Roderick’s reach.
JON
Weak On The Concept
By Jon DeCles
Yesterday I was shopping at Safeway. The cheerful female voice of the omnipresent commercial announcement was burbling on and on about the sandwiches one could purchase in the deli department. I heard in astonishment that one could get sandwiches featuring ‘delicious gluten-free meats’ from the deli case.
People who write advertising copy often have impressive degrees from universities, much like people who copy-edit books for publishers. They are really good at putting the right spin on their words. They are universally weak when it comes to the content of their copy.
I got into hundred word because of gluten-free copy-writing.
TOM
Some Like it Beyond Hot
Allan dipped the spoon into the bowl. “It’s still weak,” he said to Colin. “Well we’ve add both the Red Devil and Green Devil. A mess of chills that would incinerated a goat’s digestive track, and the pepper both Carolina Reaper and Trinidad Moruga Scorpion. What left?” Allan reached up to a shelf containing an unmarked bottle. Dropped an eye dropper down the neck. Drew up a single drop of liquid. “The juice of Pepper X.” “You’re out of your fucking mind, but be it far from me to curtail your insanity. Allan down the sauce. “Not weak,” he rasped
JEFFREY
The Inexplicable Force
by Jeffrey Fischer
Scientists have found four fundamental forces in the universe: the gravitational and electromagnetic forces, and the weak and strong forces. More recently, they have uncovered a fifth force, more powerful than the others.
Ever wonder why hipsters like bad-tasting beer, or overpaying for pretentious-sounding dishes in restaurants? Why are some rich people drawn to the Prius? And how is it that the woman who is clearly out of the guy’s league besotted with him? It’s the inexplicable force! Striking seemingly at random, it becomes the superglue of physics. You won’t find the hipster trying a decent beer or the Prius driver learning that gasoline-powered engines in decent-looking cars are the way to travel.
And Sarah Jane… pure logic says she should dump that schlub of a boyfriend for me, but it never happens. Yup, the inexplicable force in action.
LIZZIE
“My stomach is weak,” she said, a tray filled with amazing food looking back at her.
At the restaurant, they were used to her moaning. But she ended up gobbling it all down.
One day, they dared her to cook. She hesitated, but she wasn’t one to run away from a challenge.
When the insurance company showed up, it was impossible to identify where the kitchen was, and it was nearly absurd to even attempt to tread through the barrier of debris by the front door.
That’s when they heard, “My stomach is weak and now my leg hurts…”
RICHARD
#1 – Weaker sex?
People who say that women are the weaker sex have clearly never met my wife!
That’s not to say she doesn’t ask me to carry the shopping from the car, take the bins out, remove stuck jar lids and do all the heavy jobs in the garden.
Not that you can blame her, after all, I’m six foot three in my socks and built like the proverbial brick outhouse, and I was a professional wrestler in my heyday.
But she doesn’t make me do all those things because I can handle it; she does it because she can handle me!
#2 – Make mine a double
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s my drinks weak.
Weak, insipid, tasteless tea or coffee is a crime against humanity, and there’s nothing worse than being served something undrinkable when visiting friends. I smile, take a sip, then leave it to cool, untouched, at my side.
It’s hard to be polite, in those situations, but I try.
I don’t like my alcohol weak either. Forget the ice and water, forget the mixers: Give it to me straight.
A double, at least.
But then, it’s even harder to be polite.
Probably why I’m no longer invited to friends for drinks!
CHARLIE
Never weak in any way. nor surrendering to any kind of pressure. I’ve survived indigenous people’s wrist burns, and dozens of nuclear wedgies during school gym classes. I still have some pencil lead in my buttock from the pencil Pete Poggi stuck under me as I sat down in chemistry class in the tenth grade.
Today, as an independent business person, I exercise my will and demonstrate my strength. If I get a new client that is a lawyer, insurance man, dentist or doctor, I add fifty percent to the hourly rate when I invoice them for computer network maintenance.
#2
My cousin has a weak mind, and a brittle marriage. Her husband has taken up with a skank he met at his AA meeting. They are both out of work, and they like the weed as much as the gin and Ranier Ale.
She called and asked if I would meet with her. She hopes I will help her “take care” of her old man after she gets a big policy on his life.
I figure that we can do it next time he changes the oil in his pickup. I’d kick the jackstands out, and collect half the policy.
PLANET Z
The strong survive and the weak die.
That’s what my boxing coach always said.
So, when I killed him, that’s what I said to the cops.
Okay, so I punched him after he caught me robbing the gym after hours.
But it isn’t what you think.
He said I could keep the money if I beat him in the ring, bare-knuckles.
Final exam, he called it.
And I guess I passed, because I laid him out with one punch.
Cops didn’t agree. Neither did the judge.
Twenty years.
Now I fight in the prison gym, and the guards place bets.
Tax Cheater
Sylvia cheats on her taxes.
She’s been spending time with Mary’s taxes.
She finds them exciting and romantic.
After all, Mary’s got all those deductions and investments, while Sylvia’s on a simple fixed income.
“It’s complicated!” indeed!
After the fling with Mary’s taxes, Sylvia found a couple on Craigslist that were filing jointly, and they had a fivesome.
They had spreadsheets everywhere!
Sylvia went to night school, got a degree, and became a CPA.
She was doing everybody’s taxes! What a slut!
The fun didn’t last. She got sloppy, her clients were audited.
Now, everybody’s cybering safely with Turbotax.
Labels
Back in grade school, there was a contest to see which class could collect the most Campbell’s soup can labels.
My brother took the labels from all of the cans we had.
Mom got mad because she didn’t know what was in each can.
My brother blamed me, and despite my denials, I got spanked.
In the meantime, I ripped off a few dozen labels every time we went to the grocery store.
On the last day of the contest, I turned in my stack.
My class won.
“See, he lied!” said my brother.
And I got spanked again.
Asshole.
Vorcent
The Vorcent arrived in our solar system centuries ago.
They’ve been quietly mining the asteroid belt for construction material and fuel.
Only now, we’ve been able to detect them.
And, I suppose, launch rockets that might pose a threat to them.
So, they sent a delegation, introduced themselves, and offered to help us in exchange for mining rights.
We signed on the dotted line.
Soon after, a Vorcent Planetbuster shattered the moon, and harvester units collected up the useful minerals.
“Should have read the fine print,” said the Chief Negotiator, as another Planetbuster turned towards Earth. “Nothing personal, mind you.”
Moonathon
Because of the weaker gravity, it’s easier to run a marathon on the moon or Mars.
However, neither colony has a single corridor or tunnel that allows for proper marathons.
Running a marathon on a treadmill isn’t Kosher.
And you don’t want to run that distance outside.
So, instead, both facilities have circular corridor arrangements that can be used as running tracks.
There’s no Heartbreak Hill or Broadway on Lunar Loop or Mars Station Perimeter. It’s all flat. And you pass the same offices and living quarters multiple times.
Just make sure that some prankster hasn’t shut a blast door.
Pills and Pills
Ted’s father needed a pill to get an erection.
The erection that got Ted’s mother pregnant.
And resulted in Ted.
Doctors prescribed pills for Ted’s attention deficit disorder.
And more pills for the resulting stomachaches.
He needed pills for allergies.
And more pills for the side-effects from those pills.
When he broke out with acne, there was a cream for that.
But it was greasy, so he took even more pills.
He needed pills for anxiety.
And pills for a football injury.
Ted had nightmares, and committed suicide.
His body was cremated, put into pills, and given to his friends.
Go fuck yourself
Ted was always telling Alice to go fuck herself.
So, she went ahead and did it.
She pulled off Ted’s head, put hers on Ted’s body, and fucked herself.
Right before she came, she realized that she wasn’t on the pill, and she hadn’t put on a condom, either.
She panicked, pulled out, and made a sticky mess on herself. Still, it felt great.
Ted had a condom in his wallet, so she cleaned up, put it on, and fucked herself again.
The second time was even better. And the third. And the fourth. And…
Ted’s head watched it all.