The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Serendipity
• Lizzie
• Tura
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

MUNSI

My Wings
By Christopher Munroe

I’ll fly as close to the sun as I fucking please.

My wings are made of sturdier stuff than those of Icarus, and I am a man of vision, scope and ambition. I shan’t be scared off by tales of lesser men and their failings.

For I am not those lesser men.

I’ll fly to the very sun, pluck it from its perch in the heavens and bring it with me back to Earth, that I might present it to you as a token of my love.

I defy God itself to stop me!

I’ll see you upon my return…

CHARLIE

Wings, generally, are deep fried, unbreaded, and coated in a vinegar based, pepper, hot sauce. The first step, of course, in the preparation of hot wings is the USDA-inspected poultry slaughter. The birds are hung upside down by their legs on an assembly line. The birds are drug through a shallow pool of water that is electrified. This stuns them. An automated machine cuts their throat and they bleed to death. The most humane method for killing a chicken is to put it into a small room or chamber, and then gradually replace the air with nitrogen, killing them quietly.

#2

I awoke early one morning, and I was a pigeon, not a cockroach, a pigeon. I tested the tail, and the right and left wings. I ate a breakfast of all fiber. I flew low over town, pulling a strip of paper with my message, in my beak. Swooping low, I skimmed a wing tip on the mayor’s hat as she stood arguing for rate increases, including the goddam water and sewer bills. Diving lower, I let the mayor know what I thought of her and I painted her hat and
her Chinchilla coat with a murky impasto of dookie.

JEFFREY

The Theory of Flight
By Jeffrey Fischer

I settled back in my window seat and waited for the plane to take off. A young boy occupied the middle seat. “Gosh, I can’t believe something this big can fly ” he chirped. “It’s a miracle, kid. But the plane relies on four huge birds to keep us aloft.”

The kid’s mother, in the aisle seat, frowned. “Don’t confuse him with that kind of silliness.” I went back to my magazine.

The plane taxied. As it gathered speed, four pterodactyls sat on the wings, claws gripping metal. They flapped their great wings in unison and the jet headed skyward. The kid watched in amazement. I just shrugged.

The Contest
By Jeffrey Fischer

Butchers always found chicken wings to be the most difficult to sell. Everyone wanted the juicy breast meat, or the tasty leg meat, or even the cheap thigh meat, but who wanted the little bits of meat on a wing?

Thus was born the Buffalo wing: a way of delivering a zesty sauce and, not coincidentally, selling wings. The Buffalo wing begat wing-eating contests, with crazed contestants seeing how many they could down before time ran out.

Frank figured Buffalo wings were passé, and started an ostrich wing eating contest. What he didn’t realize was that, though big, ostrich wings had no meat on, and it was hilarious to watch contestants gnaw at cartilage. Frank’s contests always ended in a zero-all tie.

RICHARD

Finger lickin’ nasty

I’ve never liked chicken wings. Don’t misunderstand me – they’re just fine whilst still attached to chickens; but when crumbed and deep fried, I struggle.

They’re just so small, insubstantial and more skin and bone than meat – seems to me a lot of fuss and grease, for little reward.

As for the rest of the chicken, go ahead: Bring it on! No finer food in my opinion.

Just don’t expect me to bother with those wings, in fact, you can take them off completely and give me what’s left.

It’s not as if the chicken is going to care!

SERENDIPITY

You don’t want to believe all that nonsense about God being loving and caring and all that crap… If you’d ever worked for him you’d know how cruel He is.

He doesn’t tolerate anyone standing up to Him – the penalties are severe. And trust me, He doesn’t take chances: He punishes you – you stay punished… No comebacks.

Like that time me and the gang tried to rebel. Cut off our wings He did, then threw us out of heaven.

Why do you think they call it The Fall? It’s not as if we stood any chance of flying!

LIZZIE

The tombstone in her parents’ garden had an overgrown buzzing cactus leaning over it. Victoria wondered why it had no names, no dates. She got married, moved away. After three miscarriages and a divorce, Victoria visited the tombstone. Suddenly, there were four names on it, the names of her babies and her own “Died June 10 1819”. As she pondered about it, the cactus, home to a nest of killer bees, fell on her. Barely a body anymore when found, Victoria, the heir of a huge fortune, was buried at the Pauper’s Cemetery. Still, no one cared about that tombstone.

TURA

Wings
———
The sky is filled with wings.

We patrol. I patrol. My sensors build a heat map of the terrain, intensity coding likelihood of enemy presence. A spot surpasses a threshold, and by the rules that I am, I mute my engines and glide down to map the buildings and identify people and military material.

I sense gunfire. In the few seconds remaining before the bullets destroy me, I upload myself and all my data to my greater self. My armed brothers will destroy the enemy’s nest.

I am legion. Whatever kills me makes me stronger. The humans’ time is over.
———

TOM

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Larry was two questions away from the million dollar prize. The category was Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. “Who was the first actor or actress to win three Oscars?”
A. Brennan B. Hepburn C. Tracy D. Olivier

“I know Katharine Hepburn has the most, but I will go with A. Walther Brenan.” The tote board lite up $500,000. “Larry what will you do, take the 500,000 or go for it all?” “I’m going all the way.”

“Last question which film won the first Oscar?”
A. All Quiet on the Western Front
B. It Happened One Night
C. Wings
D. Mutiny on the Bounty

NORVAL JOE

Mickey stood up. “I need to find out what Polecat was doing at the library. Do any of you know what wings she went into?”
“I didn’t even know she was there,” Cherry Cola said.
“She told me to wait in the auditorium and stop you from following her,” Ferrit said.
“Maybe it’s more important to find out where she is now,” Mandy said.
“Yeah, but how are we supposed to find her?” Mickey asked.
Mandy shook her head. “Can’t any of you superheroes fly?”
Ferrit huffed. “Do you see wings on anyone here?”
Mandy shrugged. “Superman doesn’t have wings.”

PLANET Z

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.
Which made things rather inconvenient for angels before the invention of bells.
To get from Heaven to Earth, angels had to leap and plummet.
Despite being immortal, the heat of re-entry and impact hurt like a motherfucker.
And the conservation of momentum led to a massive blast, not unlike the Tunguska Blast which felled miles of forests.
“Ouch… hey, Gabriel.”
“Sonofa- oh, hi, Michael.”
“Um, we’re kinda stuck here.”
“Huh? Oh, fuck.”
And then they set out to find a blacksmith to make bells so they could fly back home.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Jeffrey
• Charlie
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipity
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Munsi
• Tura
• Planet Z

JEFFREY

Dem Bones
by Jeffrey Fischer

Cal spotted the mound of dirt first. “There it is!” He pointed for the benefit of Rose and Shel. They all turned 14 within a few weeks of one another and were inseparable that summer.

“Seems like a weird place to bury treasure,” Rose observed.

“What else could it be?” said Shel. “Let’s start digging.”

The three threw themselves into shovel work. They ignored signs of animal activity, but they couldn’t ignore the growing stench from the hole. When Cal uncovered a hand, all three dropped their shovels and ran. They had found buried treasure, just not the kind they expected.

Animal Spirits
by Jeffrey Fischer

John Maynard Keynes used the phrase “animal spirits” to describe the instinctual, rather than mathematical, behavior that underlies many decisions. Individually, these decisions may be wise or unwise but it is only collectively through which true disasters arise. From Tulip Mania in the 17th century to 19th century bank runs to asset price bubbles today, large numbers of uninformed people making emotional decisions rarely turns out well.

In light of this, one has to question the wisdom of universal suffrage. And that’s before seeing this year’s Presidential candidates!

CHARLIE

Sam Torrent was an animal. He had a penchant for focused skullduggery, or shall we say, skullbuggery. As the Master of Arms for the Throbbing Gristle Motorcycle Club, Torrent was the toughest, most psychotic and aberrant of the members. He once hacked off a rival’s head and copulated with the empty eye socket of the dead enemy of a rival biker club. At home, he was like no other sadistic person. He organized hunting clubs, managed dog fights, made meth, and coached peewee football teams. He was never prosecuted for his buggery, as all the witnesses disappeared before the trial.

#2

One of my favorite animals, beside the dog, giraffe, elephant, cat, is the rhino. Rhino’s have gumption and personality. Anyone who has ever hung out with a rhino or group of rhinos will quickly learn that they are very generous and thoughtful. They are happy to share their mud holes, and happy to give you a boost if you catch yourself stuck in hole. At 5 thousand pounds, they are pretty agile, unlike my Cousin Billy. Again, if you ever have the opportunity to communicate with one of these magnificent mammals, let them know straightaway you mean them no harm.

RICHARD

#1 – Tricked

The creature leaped gleefully out of the cave, leaving Boggins relieved and alone – and still in possession of his gold ring!

Before the hobbit could come entirely to his senses a terrifying sound echoed through the forest outside: The roar of an enraged dragon, followed by an animal howl of pain.

He listened in terror, and waited.

It seemed hours before the dragon’s snuffling and grunts finally disappeared into the distance; to be absolutely sure, Boggins counted to a hundred before creeping from the cave.

All was still, apart from his heart, as he stealthily crept through the undergrowth.

#2 – Animal Magnetism

I’m told that I have animal magnetism, and trust me… It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be.

I can’t walk down the street without every passing dog being attracted to my legs, cats have to be peeled off my lap, and rabbits physically restrained from jumping into my arms.

That’s not the worst of it – I once made the mistake of visiting the zoo…

There are few things more terrifying than seeing the vast bulk of an elephant being irresistibly dragged towards you against its will.

Although a projectile meerkat in the groin is pretty unpleasant too!

#3 – Animal

Animal was always my favourite Muppet – not exactly a popular choice, I know, but everyone liked Kermit and Miss Piggy… they were just a little bit too mainstream for me.

He reminded me of Keith Moon, and I often imagined him heading back to his dressing room, smashing the place up and throwing a TV out of the window; Kermit waving his stick like green arms around in consternation, desperately trying to calm him down.

What they don’t tell you is that the current Animal is just a puppet – the original died in 1989 from a drug overdose.

LIZZIE

“My friend, I’ve killed Mrs. Squirrel.”
Pam looked at the talking squirrel in shock but decided to play along.
“Where did you bury her?”
“I didn’t. I put her up on the wall.”
“What?”
“I’ll show you.”
Mrs. Squirrel’s head was indeed mounted above the mantelpiece.
“There was a problem,” said Mr. Squirrel.
“Only one?!”
“The biggest one was that I drank from this bottle. I was thirsty.”
The label read “Back to Nature”.
“I never thought it would actually turn me into an animal.”
Pam shook her head. “That damned snake oil salesman. We’ll get the antidote from him.”

SERENDIPITY

Animal

I know when you’re afraid – I can sense your fear and that reluctance you try so hard to hide.

It’s almost as if I have a sixth sense: One that is attuned to your fear and knows when you are feeling at your weakest.

And believe me, it’s never let me down yet.

So you can hide in the crowd, put on your act of bravado and seek shelter amongst those who are stronger, but I will always sniff you out and hunt you down.

Because, no matter what you do, I can smell your fear.

It’s animal instinct.

TOM

Animal Crackers

It happens from time to time that the story is a story about writing a story. My personal prime directive is: whatever pops into my head first that’s what I write about. This normally works well, but this week the first thing into my head was Animal Crackers. If that wasn’t sad enough it came with a singing and dancing Shirley Temple. Animal crackers in my soup Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop Gosh oh gee but I have fun Swallowing animals one by one. You get the drift, height of the depression, sometimes silly is the only cure for sorrow.

Footnote: the guy who wrote this song also wrote tea for two and swanee Irving Caesar

NORVAL JOE

“Well, even still. You don’t have to get along to work together if you have a common cause,” Mandy said. “I mean, this Polecat doesn’t sound like a very nice person.”
Cherry Cola laughed. “Yeah. Not a nice person. Polecat is an animal. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself.”
“What does that make you, Cherry?” Mickey asked. “Did you care what happened to me when you left me with Team Horse Feathers?”
“That’s not fair, Mickey.” Cherry reached her hand toward him. “You know I had no choice.”
Mickey shrugged. “I guess you’re right. Deep down, we’re all animals.”

MUNSI

Led Zeppelin
By Christopher Munroe

What’s the lead singer of Led Zeppelin?

Not who, obviously I know who he is, I’m familiar with the band. By this point I suspect everyone knows WHO Led Zeppelin are.

Rather: What?

I mean, he’s vegetable; obviously, the man is literally named Plant. And similarly, he’s mineral. He both defines and embodies the very nature of Rock.

But also: I would contend that, judging by his mane and the sounds he makes, he’s some kind of wild animal.

In this sense, he is animal, vegetable and mineral.

And, as such, the best choice for a game of twenty questions…

TURA

Animal
———
The great Professor Hegelbaum planned an encyclopaedic work describing all the animals of the world. He soon realised that the task was too gigantic, and limited his attention to sea animals. This being still too overwhelming, he decided to make his mark with an exhaustive inventory of the echinoderms. But they proved too varied and numerous, and he settled on classifying the crinoids, upon which he was the world’s expert. Fearing that even this would take more years than he might expect, he at last published the monograph that defines Hegelbaum’s legacy: “Some lesser crinoids of the south-east Indonesian littoral”.
———

PLANET Z

“It’s just an animal,” they say.
“You’re just an animal too,” I say back.
They just don’t understand.
They’ll never understand.
You don’t own a pet.
They own you.
Or those who mean well, but…
“Here, have a puppy,” they say.
“Here, have a kitten,” they say.
It doesn’t work like that.
What if you lost your son or daughter?
Or mother or father?
“Here, have a baby,” you say.
Imagine the shock.
Someone handing you a baby.
At the visitation. Or the funeral.
“You can give it their name.”
It’s just an animal, after all.
They just don’t understand.