The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Tom
• Lizzie
• Pedro
• Serendipity
• Zackmann
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Planet Z

MUNSI

My New Year’s Resolution

By Christopher Munroe

In the new year, I’m going to like me.

I’ll look upon myself, upon my works, and strive to honestly like what I see, to take pride in those aspects of myself that I deserve pride in, to see those aspects clearly, rather than depending on the validation of others.

I’ll self-validate, because I’ll know my own approval is the only approval I’ve ever needed. And, in doing so, I’ll finally allow myself to be happy.

Obviously, this won’t happen. My self-loathing is far too internalized by this point.

Still, I will try.

Or at least: I’ll try to try…

CHARLIE

Honestly, I don’t believe in resolutions. If you feel the need to change something for your health, business, home, etc., it shouldn’t wait until the New Year. Resolutions are broken inside of a month. Fat people say they won’t stuff their face, will walk two or three more miles a day, and this lasts until the weekend when they find themselves saying fukit and cramming a bag of chips or cookies in their face. Adulterers swear that the last jump of the bones will put an end to their affair. Bollocks. A good resolution would be to stop making resolutions.

2nd

I hope to dream more in the New Year–more dreams of spirit animals, like wolves and owls. I will write down the dreams when I awake and train myself in lucid dreaming so I can more easily control my place in the dreams, what I can do, who I see, and what I can reveal. I strongly vow that if I pull my pistol in the New Year, I will be using lethal rounds and aim for main mass rather than a knee or foot. Also, lastly, I plan to expand my swordsman’s skills in and about the county.

JEFFREY

My New Year’s Resolution
by Jeffrey Fischer

In 2016, I resolve to eat better. You look a little skeptical, so I’d better explain. I don’t mean I want to eat a *healthier* diet – heavens no. I want to upgrade the *quality* of what I ingest. Foie gras instead of pate with the taste and consistency of cat food. Single malt Scotch aged until it’s old enough to drink, and not bottom-shelf rotgut whose age statement is measured in days. No gristly hamburger, only Kobe beef, preferably using cows that Mr. Bryant himself massages.

Of course, affording this lifestyle change could be a challenge, which brings me to our meeting today. Hand over your valuables – this is a stickup.

Passing the Time
by Jeffrey Fischer

“See that guy? Mister Man Bun?” John asked his wife.

“God, how awful,” Melanie replied.

“The worst part is, he thinks it looks good.”

“Well, he’s wrong. Hey, how about the chick in the maxi dress? Those colors are ghastly.”

“Nice look if she’s a hippie in 1969.” John and Melanie were on the Metro, on their way to a New Year’s Eve party, playing their game of “spot the fashion disaster.” It was a target-rich environment.

“Wait a sec, John. Didn’t we resolve to be nicer to other people in 2016? We decided the snarky comments had to go.”

“Right, absolutely. No more snark….Technically, though, it’s still 2015 for a few more hours. I say let’s not hold back.”

“Oh, good! See the guy with the cheap fur hat? Looks like a rodent landed awkwardly on his head…”

RICHARD

New year resolution

I can’t say my schooldays were pleasant. I was frequently the butt of jokes because I had one of those faces only a mother could love: Huge sticky-out ears, and a massive nose earned me the nickname ‘elephant Man’; whilst buck teeth, pebble glasses and shock of ginger hair did little to improve things.

After leaving school, I resolved to change my fortunes. Hair dye solved one problem, corrective surgery and laser treatment sorted out my eyesight and nose, whilst a small fortune in dental treatment fixed my teeth.

Just one thing left: next year see’s my new ear resolution!

TOM

The Grasshopper Lies Heavy

True to form Bernie dutifully made out his resolutions for the coming year. There was the usually ones concerning weight and health. The social ones about keeping in touch with friends and family. All pretty pedestrian, until he got to resolution 15: Raise an evil army for global domination. His girlfriend Ruth helpfully pointed out he had misspelled domination. “Thanks Honey. That most assuredly would have raised serious doubts among my minions.” “You might want to rethink that “minions thing” that term has been co-opted to the cute. How about Spawn of Darkness?” Bernie gave her two thumbs up.

LIZZIE

A Letter on Believing

“Sometimes, there are things in life that make us struggle, that turn each day into an uphill battle.
Then, sometimes, someone shows up and asks “are you okay?”
Sometimes, a question as simple as this is all it takes. The world seems to change, to shift just a tiny bit. Sometimes, that is the difference between struggling to stay afloat and moving on.
I don’t really have to tell you that I’m not ok. You know.
And you encourage me, you encourage me to believe.
Believing that life can be ok again is a good start, isn’t it?
Thank you.”

PEDRO L

A Fateful Drop

Nobu was a brave samurai warrior, his loyalty unwavering. He had served Lord Yamamoto well and was held in high regard by him and all who knew him. After two years away from home, Nobu was eager to see his wife and infant son, but before he could return to his family Yamamoto fell in battle and his army was defeated. Nobu survived but he could not avenge his master’s death. The bushido code demanded that he take his own life in seppuku.

As he drew his short-sword he hesitated. Who will take care of his family? How could he abandon them? Yet honor demanded that he do so. Should he drop the sword or drop to his knees and end his life? Nobu closed his eyes and said “Gomenasai.”

SERENDIPITY

When it came, it was unexpected, vicious, bloody and brutal.

The mercenaries I’d secretly trained proved to be a force to be reckoned with, overwhelming defences and rapidly taking control throughout the country. Any opposition was met – on my instructions – with ruthless and swift retribution. Many lives were lost and much blood was spilled.

January the first: A new dawn, and a new regime in power, with me at the helm.

Unfortunately, the whole thing was a misunderstanding – a terrible mistake, arising from my poor understanding of English.

It should have been resolution… Not New Year’s revolution!

ZACKMANN

“I will lose weight, become better educated, get a higher paying or most socially prestigious job, do more work around the house, and keep my car clean. I will buy fast food with younger son twice a week and buy him really cool Transformers collector toys to give as special occasion gifts. I will buy elder son’s girlfriend San Jose Sharks gear next Christmas. Sorry family, none of these work. I plan to keep with tradition of not making promises I might not keep. If I ever change my mind, I will definitely write my own New Year’s resolution list.

NORVAL JOE

Henry the red tailed hawk pigeon had no fear of competition from his old friends and family. They were as normal and ordinary as any pigeon could be–no goals for self improvement, no changes in diet and excersize, no new years resolutions.

While Henry had chosen to rise above his lot in life and join the ranks of the raptors, his former companions had done more than only declined thier chance at self improvement, they had designated themselves as his prey.

Henry’s new years resolution would be to show his former friends and family he was serious about his transformation.

TURA

New Year Resolutions
———

At the beginning of the millenium, I made some New Era Resolutions.

On Talk Like a Pirate Day, I made some New Yarrr! Resolutions.

When I went a bit deaf, I made a New Ear Resolution and got a hearing aid.

Last year I went wildebeest hunting. It was my Gnu Year Resolution.

Working in the civil service, every year I’d make a New Year Regulation. But as a card-carrying anarchist, I was actually working in secret for a New Year Revolution.

This year, I’m going to take up craft brewing. It’s my New Beer Resolution. Let’s drink to that!

PLANET Z

“The name ‘United Nations’ is oxymoronic,” said the outgoing ambassador to his replacement. “The only way you’ll make a difference is to prevent others from pushing a their barbaric agenda in the name of peace. And every time you try to solve a problem or fix an injustice, someone else blocks your efforts and claims that they’re doing the same.”

The ambassador handed over the keys to the office and a folder of draft resolutions. “It’s your problem now.”

He then headed to the airport so he could spend New Year’s at home.

Where was home?

Does it really matter?

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Munsi
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipity
• Tura
• Marv
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

CHARLIE

He dropped a hip hop record a few days ago. His group, Fake Ass CP were big in The Valley. DoWaDittyBop decompressed and put down some lines:

Rapping tighter than a Christmas present. When they had you in their stomach when they were pregnant. Never had forgiveness, you better stay distant, cause i’m all about my business. You diss me, yet my rep is listed for Christmas.

DoWa had a learning disability. The lyrics, continued:

Rolling up blunts of the christmas kush, so pussy go back home or go to school. This is the end of my fucking song. Shit.

2nd

A single drop was sufficient. Four drops under the tongue, thirty in the keester, and a drop each in the eye. Usually it’s a bottle of cough syrup and a half pint of sloe gin, and we’re ready to party. The rest of the coeds poured the full bottles of cough syrup in each others behind, and they were ready to boogie. Three of them called their parents and said they were staying overnight at a friend’s house. Five went home and then slid out their bedroom window to return to the Christmas party. Only two OD on horse tranks.

3rd

The backdrop for the annual family photo was Essie Oberlocwins patio. She was a landscape artist and her patio was the cat’s ass. It had two water accents, a large fire pit, and benches made from rare woods and bamboo. My wife stood behind me, and the kids sat at my feet. This was the pose we always took for family portraits. The wife took the subservient roll, and the kids looked up at me as their savior and protector. Essie teased me for arranging the family in this way, so I stuck three fingers in all the hors d’oeuvres.

JEFFREY

Rain Man
by Jeffrey Fischer

The drought had continued so long the townspeople couldn’t remember the last good rain. In desperation, the mayor hired a rain man. He arrived in traditional American Indian garb and shouted incantations at the sky as he danced. I was as skeptical as anyone.

When I felt wetness hit my face, I couldn’t believe it – he had created rain! I wiped away those first drops, only to find my hand orange and sticky. Odd. I tasted the next drop. It was raining Orange Crush! Even though we knew this would end as a sticky mess, we were so happy we even paid the Indian a bonus.

No one saw his assistant disconnect the huge sprayers on the outskirts of town and drive away in a Pepsi truck.

Tech Support
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Good morning, Dropbox help line. How may I assist you?”

“I installed your product, Boxdrop, just the way my friend told me to.”

“That’s good, ma’am. By the way, it’s Dropbox. What seems to be the problem?”

“I gave Boxdrop all my files, just the way my friend said. Moved ’em to the Boxdrop folder, and then they were gone.”

“Dropbox, ma’am. Gone, you say? Let’s try to figure out what happened.”

“Now I get email telling me I need to pay if I want my files back. You people are crooks!”

“I understand you’re upset, but let me assure you Dropbox is a reputable company.”

“Why do you keep saying Dropbox?”

“The confusion is understandable. People sometimes reverse the names, but we’re Dropbox, not Boxdrop.”

“Nope. B-O-X-D-R-O-P dot R-U. You don’t even know the name of your own product!”

MUNSI

On Subscription Boxes

By Christopher Munroe

I want a subscription box that, every month, sends me a box from another, different subscription box service.

The box will arrive, and I won’t know until I open it what I’m receiving. One month could be beef jerky, the next X-Men merchandise, there’d be no way of predicting.

The contents, after all, aren’t why I enjoy subscription boxes. It’s the surprise, the anticipation as I tear open my monthly treat.

And, without any clue what’s in the box, it’d be all the more surprising.

That said, knowing my luck, my first box would wind up containing Gwynith Paltrow’s head…

LIZZIE

He dropped the letter in the mailbox and glanced one last time at her window.
It had taken him several days to write that letter, many hours of writing and rewriting. And so many sleepless nights that he had lost count.
As he walked away from his life, he wondered if she would notice the tears on it.

When she opened the envelope, she saw a piece of paper inside with nothing written on it. She turned it over a few times and shrugged. She was going to throw it in the garbage, but instead gave it to the cat.

RICHARD

Drop Zone

As we neared the drop zone, the atmosphere grew tense. You could see the foreboding growing in the faces of those around you. Smiles faded, jaws clenched, voices were stilled, whilst knuckles grew white as hands gripped the edges of seats.

It was always the same. No matter how many times you endured it, you never found it easy, and that old familiar feeling would creep back, time after time.

A collective drawing of breath signalled the first glimpse of the drop zone… It would be very soon now.

With a grinding of gears and a final shudder, the bus came to a halt and we disembarked.

The first day of a new school term.

TOM

Justifiable

The targeting staff at the Pacific Fleet compiled a selection of easily recognizable landmarks to direct the bombards to the drop sites, weather permitting. Since the primate site was wrapped in clouds the crew’s bombardier opened the envelope marked: secondary. When his scope matched the photo in front of him Commander Ashworth released Fat Man. It was not known at the time that the landmark that was used to target the city was the Urakami Cathedral. All who attend that mass were dispatched to meet their maker. This was the last time an Atomic weapon was dropped on practicing Christians.

SERENDIPITY

A drop in the ocean… So inconsequential and unimportant, it scarcely matters.

In the wider scale of things, insignificance is – for all practical purposes – nothing.

Nothing at all.

You are my drop in the ocean.

But, to somebody, you are far more – you are their world, their life: You are their everything. Or so they told you… But we’ll see about that.

Because, if they won’t pay up to set you free, I’m going to cut that rope with this knife, and you will drop into the cold, dark ocean depths below, and never be seen again.

TURA

Drop
———

There was a man who refused to pay taxes. He was not poor, and did not dispute the amount. He said only that he recognised no authority to make these exactions.

So perplexed was the magistrate that he referred the case to his superior, and thus it came before General Wei.

General Wei said, “The monsoon begins with a single drop. Thus may the meanest of men foretell the destruction of empires.” Then he had all involved with the case executed, and instructed the tax officials to act henceforth with high-handedness, to draw the anger of subjects upon themselves alone.

MARV

“Drop that lid, you little twit!” Santa shouted, coming up behind and grabbing Marcus the elf.

Marcus jumped up and turned to face Santa as the box flew from his lap.

“Well little fellow” Santa began, “Your little prank isn’t going to have the effect you were planning on” as Santa pulled out his Colt Python aiming at the elf and then he cocked the hammer.

“Now Santa” Mrs. Claus blushing, interjected, “After all, it was only a tiny winnie, little joke”

“Well little fellow, I guess you’ll be going for a sleigh ride on Christmas Eve instead.” Santa roared.

NORVAL JOE

Henry was tired of the rest of the pigeons.

They were stupid and boring and happy to sit on the roof top all day.

Adventure to this crowd was startling and flying to the next house when someone opened a door, below.

They all looked at him cross eyed when Henry suggested they drop bird bombs on the local cats sneaking through the bushes.

There had to be more to life than being a non-descript, cookie cutter copy, one of a million other, pigeon.

“Forget them. I’ll be a red tailed hawk,” he said and made the sky his limit.

PLANET Z

I used to love won ton soup, but it got boring quickly.

So, I’d try all the other soups at the Chinese restaurant.

Egg drop soup.

Hot and sour soup.

Spicy vegetable soup.

And they were all great.

But over the years, I’ve developed an allergy to eggs.

Egg drop soup is like a shotgun blast to my colon.

And I can’t eat much in the way of spicy foods, either.

Which rules out hot and sour soup. And the spicy vegetable soup.

So, I’m back to plain old boring won ton soup.

And smoking weed to make it interesting.