Weekly Challenge #462 – After

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

What’s the next Weekly Challenge? Come to the website and subscribe to the feed to find out!

Twisty girl

JEFFREY

Use Your Imagination
by Jeffrey Fischer

The lazy approach to writing a sex scene is to bypass the whole thing. The amorous couple heads to the bedroom, at which point the author simply starts a new paragraph with “Afterward,…” The comma signifies the entirety of the act, from carnal activity to cuddling, the author insisting that the reader carry the entire burden of lustful narrative in his imagination. The reader tries, but fails, to construct a fully-realized scene of rumpy-pumpy, nookie, the beast with two backs, et cetera. This is an author derelict in his duty. He’s the one with imagination – give us something to work with!

You Had One Job
by Jeffrey Fischer

The Washington Post recently ran several short pieces on the dating scene, including some personal experiences. One lady confessed to a remarkable 75 dates in a year. Seventy-five! Hard-working touring bands have fewer late nights than this woman.

Those 75 dates yielded exactly zero lasting relationships. She then explained that most of the dates were arranged through Tinder, the app where two people get together based on how well they like one another’s looks. I’m no expert in this, having been married since Mr. Mister and the Pet Shop Boys were popular, but maybe she’s doing it wrong.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 95: After all that

George found it hard to believe that everything he’d recently been through was all contrived – some sort of nightmare interview process that had completely turned his world upside down. And what was he supposed to do now, after all he’d been through?

The after-effects would stay with him forever.

The brusque woman was back: “Give me your arm”, she said, and quickly swabbed it before plunging a syringe into his vein.

“This will restore your suppressed memories”

After administering the drug, the woman waited, watching him quizzically… as his memories began to return, he slowly realised exactly who she was…

#2 – The letter

After receiving the letter, I flew into a blind rage.

I tore your clothes, doused them in petrol and burned them; I ripped your pictures from the album and shredded them; I poisoned your goldfish and threw all your plants in the bin.

After I’d calmed down a little, I emailed your naked pictures to your work colleagues and plastered them all over social media.

And, after that, I re-read the letter.

And realised it wasn’t from you.

It was addressed to next door.

And now, I’m waiting for the sound of your key in the door.

And, after that…?

#3 – You shall not pass!

After the wizard had gone, Laggins’ spoiled breakfast did nothing to lighten his mood and, straight after doing the washing-up, he made a large, intimidating sign and nailed it to his front gate:

‘NO WIZARDS! You shall not pass!’

To make his point absolutely clear, he scattered broken glass along the path, and daubed ‘WIZARDS GO HOME’ in foot-high letters across his front door.

If that doesn’t stop him, nothing will, he smirked.

Later that afternoon, he was disturbed by a discrete tap on the back door… it was the wizard!

“Thought I should use the tradesman’s entrance”, he smiled.

LIZZIE

After dark, evil spirits haunted the town for weeks. “A warning against nuclear tests,” old people said. The Mayor called in all sorts of experts to solve the problem, to no avail. One day, a man showed up, claiming he could end the torture. He had a jar. “It’s magic,” he said. Everyone went home and waited. The next day, the man was gone. Under the jar, a note. “Done.” Inside, dozens of them; they looked like a cross between crickets and fireflies. They were nice to look at, but were they loud. Sometimes, things are simpler than we think.

SERENDIPITY

“After you… ladies first”, you said – so charming, and even in our present circumstances, I had to admire your composure. Whilst those around us were shouting, screaming and fighting, you chose to remain calm and composed, with impeccable manners.

“Are you sure?”, I enquired, “We don’t need to stand on ceremony,”

You assured me you would be fine, nodding towards the remaining bag stuffed under the seat.

Such a polite man, I thought, as he helped me with mine.

“By the way”, I shouted over my shoulder, “That other bag is my luggage, it’s not a parachute!”

Then, I jumped.

MUNSI

Now

By Christopher Munroe

There’s no such thing as after.

We look to the future, wonder what awaits us in a desperate, ultimately futile attempt to avoid what we already know to be true, but reality doesn’t care what we want, or what we believe, it simply is in spite of our wishes, and nothing we can do will change that.

We have no future, separately or together, because there is no future, only moment after moment of endless Now approaching us, unrelentingly.

There is no “After” and the future will never come.

And, as such, it’s our duty to live in the moment…

ZACKMANN

“Now that you have been elected we have requests for you to speak including one at a church but I don’t remember which sect you said you are.” said the adviser.

“Oh, never mind that. Now that the election is over, I can go back to my devout worship of Mammon instead of whichever religion we thought would get me elected. We will take the speaking engagements that pay” said the Public Servant.

“I think I might regret being such good campaign manager” Said the adviser.

“Considering your rates, there’s no pretending you don’t also serve the god of money.”

TURA

After
——–
General Wei said, “An inferior general wins battles without winning the war. A mediocre general wins wars without winning the peace. A superior general is he who wins not only the peace, but all that follows after.”

Therefore before making war, he studied the condition of the enemy’s peoples. With his hidden hand he fomented rebellion, and when the people revolted, his armies assisted them. When he achieved victory, the conquered people said, “we have won freedom for ourselves!” Then they turned to those who had fled across the borders, and said to General Wei, “help us against our enemies!”

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 95

Every time Timmy tried asking a question of the King, he would raise a hand the say “after we’re eaten.” After the orange stuffed peacock Timmy broke in “After is a luxury I don’t have in abundance.” “You’re a wise man Timothy Patrick Parsons. All things after a single choice define how much after you may have.” “You had held the key to every afters.” “Then the snake took it.” “Show me the Snake.” As Timmy correctly reasoned Babylon fade and he was face to face with the snake. “ Are you Tamerlane?” The Snake smiled. “What are my choices?”

Lost in Translation

You would think a mastery of prepositions would be pretty natural in a concert world. After all they describe temporal and spatial relationships. Not the case prepositions demand complex understanding of multiple forms of reference. A thing can have frontness, betweeness, underness, and overness, to itself. But all these attributes change when a second object is referenced. In front of one car is the behind of another, which is of course between the two. I can stand after Benny in line, But mother can tell me to go after Benny. Thank you for your kind indulgence have a good afternoon.

ANIMA

After

It is stifling warm in the underground bunker. We’re down to the last few packs of batteries for the flashlights. Based on the display of my watch, we have been down here 6 days. But gauging the tension in the air, we’ve been here an eternity.

Think it is safe to go out? I haven’t heard anything in the last 24 hours.

Josh, we said we’d wait 48 hours. If we don’t hear anything by tomorrow… Settle down, now. How much water is left?

DANNY

It isn’t every day that Adolph Hitler is trending on Yahoo!, so I had find out why this sudden resurgence in Facism. It appears Mein Kampf is about to be republished 75 years after it’s first printing, with annotations and criticisms of the original text. Proponents call it a vital academic tool, while critics say it will fuel an already increasing rise in anti- semitism . Mel Brooks said it the best, “With Comedy, we can rob Hitler of his posthumous power.” On the other hand, when a book becomes labeled as too dangerous, the more powerful it rises from its grave.

NORVAL JOE

“I’m sorry you cut your lip on your braces,” Dergle said. “Does that happen a lot?”
“I’m sorry the monkeys were on strike,” Bambi said. “Only when I’ve been eating caramel corn. Do you think Long John is okay in the van?”
“I would rather eat caramel corn than have straight teeth,” Dergle said, then felt stupid for it. “I mean, if I had to make a choice. Yeah. Long John’s fine.”
The dog stood on the driver’s seat, pressing his nose against the window.
“Do you want to come in for ice cream?” Bambi asked.
“Sure,” Dergle said, smiling.

PLANET Z

There is no now.
Only before and after.
Once something happens, it’s over.
Does this mean that everything is just a memory?
Yes.
If you can remember memories, can you remember what hasn’t happened yet?
Yes.
The future is now.
And you can remember is, just like you remember the past.
Just as you’re remembering this.
Even though it hasn’t happened yet.
When will it happen?
When it happens, of course.
But that doesn’t matter.
You already know what will happen.
What are you going to do about it?
Nothing?
Good. Then you already know.
Accept it, and then remember.

Contact High

In a few years, the drug companies will have mastered the art of medicating out of existence every condition that interferes with the competitive consumption our society and economy depends on.
Drug A treats Condition A, but causes Condition B.
Drug B treats Condition B, but causes Condition C.
And so on, in an endless circle of pills and ointments and drops and vapors, we will torment our chemistry into a constant state of not-quite-well-enough.
We will be so saturated with these drugs, our souls will sweat bizarre toxic compounds, and devils will get deliriously high with a single lick.

The duel

Stephen A. Douglas and Abraham Lincoln’s debates are legendary, but do you know of the time when Douglas demanded a duel?
Lincoln, considerably taller than Douglas, felt that the size difference afforded his opponent an unfair advantage.
“I’m a much bigger target than he,” said Lincoln.
The referee for the duel had the two men stand face-to-face. Then, he pulled out a piece of chalk, and drew a line on Lincoln’s chest at the top of Douglas’ head.
“Any shots which go over this line will not count,” he said.
Douglas laughed.
Lincoln grabbed both pistols and shot them both.

The Wobbly Wheel

The old homeless lady who’s always pushing a shopping cart around the neighborhood is stuck.
Her shopping cart has a broken wheel.
She can’t push it to the store it to move to another cart. And she can’t leave her stuff.
So, she’s stuck under the freeway, screaming.
I ponder bringing her a new cart to move her junk to.
But I remember when I helped her get the cart she has now.
She screamed and bit and scratched.
And she rammed the cart into my car a few times.
I won it in our divorce settlement, fair and square.

S as in Sam

Whenever some customer service representative asks me for my name, I spell it out and ask them to repeat it back to me.
When I tell them my middle initial, I always say “S as in Sam.”
“Oh, so your middle name is Sam?” asks the person on the other end of the line.
“No, it’s not,” I say.
After saying “S as in Sam” for all these years, I don’t remember what my middle name is. I just know it begins with S.
So, I looked it up on my birth certificate.
The document says “Sasinsam.”
My parents suck.

Name Calling

Oh, the nasty name-calling!
Everybody calls Denzel an Oreo because he’s black, but he acts white.
Sung gets called a Twinkie because he’s Japanese, but he acts white.
Then there’s Morito. She’s gets called a coconut because she’s Samoan, but she acts white.
As long as there’s food that’s white on the inside, there will be racism.
Heck, there’s a food lab in New Jersey that’s working on a green food that is white on the inside so we can insult Martians who act white.
All these food-based insults explain why people are so damn fat these days.
And racists.

Tornado Soup

At first, I thought my son had asked for tomato soup.
“No,” said Owen. “I want tornado soup.”
Tornado soup?
I looked in the pantry. “We don’t have any. How about vegetable?”
Owen shook his head.
“Clam chowder?”
“Yuck.”
“Chicken and stars?”
“I want Tornado!” he yelled.
Yelling is a no-no in our house, and Owen spent the rest of the day in his room, without supper.
Or, so I thought.
That night, I checked on him.
His room was a mess. Everything tossed around and knocked over.
Like a tornado had hit it.
“It was delicious,” mumbled Owen, half-asleep.

Weekly Challenge #461 – Strike

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

What’s the next Weekly Challenge? Come to the website and subscribe to the feed to find out!

Smirks

MUNSI

How The Smiths

By Christopher Munroe

I did stop listening to Depeche Mode.

I didn’t NEED to, like I said, but change can be good.

I moved on to The Smiths. I also will love The Smiths until I die.

Johnny Marr’s the best guitarist of his age, and Morrissey’s a God.

I own every album, both Smiths and solo, and I listen to them whenever I can, the lyrics are genius, and he’s one of the foundational artists of a genre.

Morrissey isn’t my first crush, that was Ally Sheedy, but he was my third or fourth.

Mayhaps I’ve said too much.

Bigmouth strikes again…

JEFFREY

Tomb Raider
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Christ, it’s dark in here!” Professor Stenson exclaimed as he squeezed through the doorway into the ancient tomb. “Let’s get some torches lighted.”

Stenson heard no reply from his two native assistants. He sighed. This was not entirely unexpected, as the pair claimed they feared an evil spirit that guarded the tomb. Stenson was a rationalist, and did not believe in evil spirits, animated corpses, or any other superstitious nonsense. Still, he mused, if he weren’t so sensible, he might well be nervous. The atmosphere gave him an uneasy feeling, as though someone was in the chamber with him.

He fumbled for his matches. Striking one, he used its meager light to get a glimpse of the tomb. It was all he imagined: the coffin, painted in gold leaf, surrounded by countless jeweled treasures. Just before the match went out, he felt rather than saw something move. His last thought was that the natives weren’t as foolish as he believed.

Look for the Union Label
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Unfair!” chanted the three men. They looked cold, parading in a small circle by their large, inflatable rat.

“What’s up, fellas?” I asked. Their leader replied, “We’re protesting the use of non-union labor at this casino.”

“I see. How’s that going?”

“We’ve been here every day for the past ten years, in all weather, demanding the owner use union labor. Sure, it’ll cost him two bucks an hour more in wages, but it’s only fair.”

“So let me see if I’ve got this straight: you’re on strike, often standing in the cold and rain instead of being in a nice, climate-controlled building, making nothing for a decade, all so you can demand, what, twenty percent more than you could have made all along?”

“That sounds about right. But we’re real close now. The owner will cave any day.”

“And how many years will it take for you to make up those lost wages from the last decade?”

“Uh….”

Strike Three
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Mr. Del Rio, under California’s ‘three strikes’ law, the minimum punishment for your crime is a life sentence without the possibility of parole. I so sentence you. Do you understand?”

“Aw, judge yo’ honor, can’t ya gimme a break?”

“Sir, which word do you have difficulty with? Mandatory? Minimum?”

“Naw, but three strikes? Can’t we call it two or sumthin’?”

The judge reviewed Del Rio’s folder. Burglary. Burglary. Assault. Armed robbery. Burglary. Assault with a deadly weapon. The list went on. “Mr. Del Rio, I’m assuming your pleas had some effect on other judges. From what I’m reading, this isn’t a question of strike three – you’ve had a full inning’s worth of strikes against you. Bailiff, take him away.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 94: Failure!

“Wait here!”, ordered the woman, leaving George alone with his thoughts in the corridor.

He mulled over what he had just been told…

“You’ve been through a rather unique selection process, George. Most organisations of our type run character tests and hypothetical scenarios: We prefer a more ‘hands-on’ approach. You’ve faced a range of situations designed to measure your response to danger, decision making and mental agility, and a whole host of other criteria. Sadly, you’ve managed to strike out with every test!

You are the lowest-scoring candidate we’ve ever had… it’s quite an achievement, albeit it’s your only one!”

#2 – Grandpa

I miss grandpa and his weird sayings – he had ways of putting things that were utterly baffling, but terribly endearing.

Now – as he would say – he’s gone to the great white turtle waxer; dead as a bean on a roller skate, and off the rota at the boxing club.

Total nonsense, of course, but you always knew exactly what he meant and it made for some interesting conversations

His favourite expression was ‘struck down in their prime by a wanton banana’ – all the more ironic and poignant considering how he died.

Botulism, from a rancid plantain.

#3 – They’re back!

The team were back together – Captain Johnson, nerdy Jack the hacker, Sid and ‘Tenacious’ Willy.

How long had it been since the last time they’d beeen on a mission? Too long, and the guys knew it – all too aware of how the easy life and lack of training might have dulled their wits, nerves were on a knife-edge.

They couldn’t afford to make mistakes.

They needn’t have worried – it went perfectly – mission accomplished, objective secured and no comeback at all.

The team celebrated their success, it felt good!

Strike Team Alpha was back in business!

#4 – Breakfast… interrupted

Limbo Laggins was halfway through his breakfast bacon and eggs, when a knock on the door disturbed him. Sighing, he trudged to the door only to find that pesky wizard stood on his doorstep.

“Could I interest you in a quest?”, enquired the wizard.

“No”, said Laggins, attempting to close those door.

“Be very careful, little hobbit, or I shall strike you with my magical staff!”

Laggins looked the wizard up and down before replying.

“What staff?”

The wizard frowned… “Oh bother! Now where I have left that?”, and hurried off down the pathway.

Richard ‘

SERENDIPITY

They do say that lightning never strikes twice. however, as far as you are concerned, not strictly true.

You’d be surprised how many times lightning can strike when you encourage it with a good tall flag pole, a reel of heavy gauge cable with a nice, easy route to earth.

And that’s where you come in… my missing link.

So just make yourself comfortable as I strap this cable to your head and try not tip the water bowl at your feet.

There’s a storm coming, and you know what that means, don’t you?

What a shocking way to die!

ANIMA

College Anyday 2015

Jill enters the crowded college bar, avoiding eye contact with any of the patrons. She is pissed Aaron has bailed on dinner, and contemplating how to get out of the relationship before finals week. It is going to be a mess.

Some guy from the other end of the bar locks eyes on her. Hamn, Strike one.

He sidles up, carrying what appears to be 2 pints of beer. Lite beer. Strike two.

“Excuse me, I am writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and would like to interview you…”. Strike three, Frat boy, you’re outta here!

ZACKMANN

I don’t think I will take a date to a baseball game again. My day would have been better if there had been a baseball strike. The speakers played too loud so I got a fan to give me two cigarettes.I tried to put their filters in my ears but they were Lucky Strikes. My date snuck onto the field, despite my trying to drag her back. She smacked the umpire then ducked which placed my eye in the path of a moving fist. Apparently when you hit a baseball official the umpire strikes back. Fortunately we left then.

JOHN MUSICO

John Musico
Strike

The secret meeting hall was filled.
The union head pounded his fist on the podium;
“We are sick and tired doing all the work, we demand vacation; we deserve promotions! His wings shuddered as he spoke. “Heaven fills daily with more of we angels, merely to do His good deeds for him as he sits peacefully on his throne. When the sun rises; no one goes to work- and our days will be filled instead with the leisure WE have earned!” That was the day heaven became a lovely place. The angels still lounge and gladly pay their union dues.

LIZZIE

Unaware of his demise, Nolan was about to lose everything. His wife Linda, along with her lawyer lover, prepared everything quite thoroughly. “Trust me,” she said. And, foolish as he was, he did. The car, the house, the weekend cottage, everything was gone. However, there was Nikolai. “My darling,” he said, “I’ll take care of it.” Nolan never saw Linda again. The lawyer disappeared. And the properties were magically in Nolan’s name again. “How?” “My darling,” he replied, examining the barrel of his gun, “there’s a monster at the end of everyone’s path. I just happened to be that monster.”

TOM

What He Say?

Strike while the irons hot. Said the Master. He was always saying stuff like that. In all the time he had spent with the old man not one original word came out of his mouth. Further the wise words were always out of context. The last pearl came after the apprentice asked if the master would like another bowl of ice cream. When the dish was placed before him instead of a simple thank you the master said: When you have been struck on one cheek turn and offer the other. It was going to be one very long day.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 94

The energy from the Tamerlane leveled the bandit’s lair then spread out across Denman. As quickly as it struck the entire mass of the planet was pulled back to the Tamerlane producing one glorious mini super-nova.

“President Parsons the Marivoltie Gravis Imperium has just claimed responsibility for the planetary strike on Denman. The newly widowed leader ordered Admiral Poindexter to engage the fleet.

Inside the cube the doctor was struck be a deep sense of emptiness. “I just died,” said the doctor. The dealer nodded.

Timmy?

Mirror.

The dealer dealt one more hand. He busted and so did the cube.

NORVAL JOE

This was the worst date of his life, not that Dergle had been on that many.
Bambi, the checker at the corner grocery story, kept calling him, “Mr. Vander Hoont”, instead of Dergle. He was only three years older than her and though her braces and ponytails made her look like a teenager, she was twenty-two.”
Maybe the zoo was a bad choice for their first date.
Dergle felt off balance.
He had to leave Long John in the microvan, the monkeys were on strike, and Bambi’s lip got cut by her braces when he tried to kiss her goodnight.

TURA

Strike
——–
My great-grandfather struck it rich in the Californian gold rush. But he realised the real business was selling equipment and supplies to all the other poor fools. Eventually, he and his son were running a chain of stores across six cities, and richer than any gold-digger. Then my grandfather sees mail order getting big, so he gets into delivery networks. FedEx is a direct descendant of one of his companies. My father saw computers coming in and got into computer consulting. And me? I charge business leaders twenty thousand dollars a day to tell them how to strike it rich.
——–

RICK

Mama generally came home from work in one of three mental states…
Normal
Nervous Break Down (which is bad … REAL BAD)
and the far more common “on strike”, which meant … if she didn’t get a break she would have a nervous breakdown. During those times our older brother always knew what to do.
The music was Dixieland Jazz
steaks outside on the grill … (dirty kitchen … REAL BAD!!!)
Red wine (he would say “this is the reddest I could find, hope it suits Madame’s pallet” in his best French accent.

Mom would smile so sweetly!

“You’ll make a good husband someday!”

PLANET Z

They say that you should strike while the iron is hot, but they never say what you should strike the iron with.

I used to strike the iron with a rubber chicken, but now that I heat iron before I strike it, the rubber chicken tends to soften and melt all over the iron, making a gooey mess.

Why am I striking my iron with a rubber chicken?

You’re right. I should strike the iron with a mallet in order to shape the iron.

Now, what should I place the iron on while I strike it?

Aha! The rubber chicken!

Superman’s Drunk

Superman’s drunk.
How can you tell?
His cape’s on backwards. And he’s got his boots on the wrong feet.
Plus, he’s wearing his glasses. Usually he remembers to take those off.
Then there’s the fact that he just killed Lex Luthor.
He ripped off the guy’s head and flew around Metropolis, shouting all kinds of crazy stuff.
Yeah, YouTube’s overloaded from people uploading and watching videos of all this.
Everybody’s out in the streets or hanging out of windows with their camera-phones, taking pictures and video.
Except Jimmy Ollsen.
He’s off somewhere, fucking Lois Lane.
And that’s why Superman’s drunk.

Policy

After his second heart attack, the insurance company threatened to drop Fred’s policy if he didn’t get a nurse.
Fred shopped around for new coverage, but nobody would offer him coverage without a nurse.
“Fine!” he said.
He blinked up the menu, grumbled “install nurse” and dragged the confirmation certificate to the policy renewal form.
The nurse chimed warning tones whenever he drank or smoked or ate too much.
Fred responded by hacking the program to disable the tones.
The nurse reported this to the insurance company, and the policy was terminated.
Fred’s resulting third heart attack finished him off.