Who doesn’t like Andy Anderson?
With his wide smile and red pinstripe suit and straw hat.
Marching down Main Street with a big grin and a firm handshake and a “How do you do?”
Kissing every baby and handing out cigars.
“I’ll clean up this town!” he shouts. “Vote for me!”
The next day, Andy’s body was handing from a lamppost.
His tongue pulled through a hole through his neck.
Columbia isn’t too far away to send this town a message.
“Nothing to see here,” says the chief of police, a fresh wad of hundred dollar bills in his pocket.
Weekly Challenge #806 – PICK TWO Craft, Ceremoniously, Empty spaces, Clickbait, Disposal protocol, You saved my life, Level
NORVAL JOE
Billbert blinked. “What? No! I’m not a pervert. But it is something personal, so we need to go where people can’t see us.”
“Okay. We’ll see,” Sabrina said gathering up her lunch trash. She carried it to a garbage can and ceremoniously dumped it as if following a prescribed disposal protocol. Billbert threw his away without any added flourish.
“Where do you want to go?” Sabrina asked. “There aren’t many empty spaces around the school at lunch time.
Fortunately, the day was overcast and chilly and most the students stayed in doors.
Billbert pointed. “Over by the locker room doors.”
JARED
She Couldn’t Believe What They Saw
Everyone knew the Watkins place was haunted. Unless you asked them. Awa decided to broach the subject at Evan and Flora’s slumber party. It escalated quickly:
“I double-dog dare you to sneak into the Watkins house with me.”
Evan would have refused if Flora hadn’t been there. Thus, the three of them found themselves sneaking into a house none of them wanted to be in.
They ceremoniously followed the rituals of investigating scary houses, opening doors one by one.
“This one’s empty, too,” Awa pouted. Evan and Flora looked to each other for reassurance – they could see something Awa couldn’t.
TOM
What Could Go Possible Wrong 006
Ford tucked the ball under his arm, made a wide turn to pass through the north gate. “So spill it Cervantes.” “Whatever do you mean Ford?” “Look around you, I don’t need to Level – up. If fact I’m not in play anymore. I’m not the guy. Just a dusty Don, chairing a dusty department. Point Set Match old friend.” Cervantes hailed a taxi. As the hack rolled up to the curb Arnesto lend in to Ford “You saved my life once, sir you have a unique skill set. Her royal presence is charging you to keep this sorry Spaniard alive.”
SERENDIPIDY
You’ll never know it, but you saved my life.
Your generosity and the miracles of medical science restored me to health and saved me from almost certain death.
Your heart, beats within my breast, your kidneys cleanse the poisons from my system, and your corneas gave me back my sight.
I grant you that it’s unusual to take the organs from a donor whilst they’re still living, but my needs were pressing.
And, as I gaze on the empty spaces where your organs used to lie, I smile.
“Cheer up, maybe we’ll find a donor to put you right too!”
LIZZIE
You saved my life and then you followed the disposal protocol. “I must keep moving,” you said. And I knew you meant climbing that money ladder. You grabbed my hand to pull me out of that hole they had hidden me in. Those were the worst 5 days of my life, I thought. But… no. That was not true because the worst 5 days of my life were… now. You barked “No need to shower her.” And you pointed at me. I smiled at the thought that the kidnappers had been kinder than you and your petty little nauseous vengeance.
RICHARD
Rest in peace
We decided that the captain should be disposed of in a manner befitting his station and reflecting the esteem in which he was held.
Ivan, as usual, insisted we follow the rules and adhere to the Disposal Protocol, but he was outvoted – the captain merited better than being torpedoed from the craft in a tube.
We wrapped him in a white shroud, and watched through the portholes as his body drifted slowly from the airlock.
Before being sucked into a booster, instantly shredding his body, and destroying our only means of propulsion.
“Told you to follow the Protocol”, sighed Ivan.
PLANET Z
Martin wrote “Disposal protocol for immortal beings” on a cover sheet, put it in the folder, and dropped it in his Out box.
The Agency didn’t use computers or email or other modern communication.
It used paper, pens, and files and folders stored in filing cabinets and warehouses.
“The Entity can manipulate electricity,” says The Director.
The underground factory produces lead-lined sarcophagi.
In which the captured subjects are sealed and buried.
With every delivery, Martin signs the intake forms.
Assigns storage locations.
100 units per storage area.
Which are then filled with concrete.
And the next storage location is opened.
Jeremy Blake The Fourth
Clutching his head, a searing headache, a migraine of migraines.
“Jeremy Blake the Fourth.”
Jeremy repeated that in the darkness.
Shadows, then lights, shapes came together to form a white room.
One moment, he had been in the scanning center.
A flash of light, and then darkness, and the massive pain in his head.
He looked at his hands, flexed his fingers, and clutched his head to squeeze out the pain.
“This one’s corrupt, too,” said a voice. “We’ll scan again.”
Jeremy’s pain vanished, along with Jeremy, and another Jeremy appeared in his place.
“Jeremy Blake the Fourth,” he said.
Detective Nobody
From the moment he knew of his existence, Detective Hargreaves knew he was AI.
Why would a singularity of billionaires and trillionaires upload a mere cop?
And why would they even need him?
Tracking down corrupted uploads for scanning and repair, why did they try to run?
He always found and caught them.
Why go through the charade at all?
Just access their file, templock it, and make the needed fixes.
Hargreaves shrugged and felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Overthinking things again?” said another Hargreaves.
He nodded, templocked himself, and waited for the cleansing sensation of the data repairs.
We learned nothing
When the virus came, schools were closed to keep students from allowing the virus to spread.
Every morning, the students went to their computers, logged into the virtual classrooms, and took their lessons.
Back in the day, spitballs and smoking in the bathroom. Or passing notes.
These days, they chat with each other instead of paying attention to the teacher.
Play deathmatches in another window, going on adventures.
The teacher shrugs. Same shit, different platform.
He sends out material for them to read, which he knows they won’t.
The quiz score graph trends down.
While the sickness charts trend upwards.
Eyes itch
When my eyes itch, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just an allergy.
When I sneeze, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just a cold.
When I cough, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just catching my breath.
When I feel warm, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just my having worn a hat for a few minutes.
When I feel sweaty, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just the room being warm.
When my body aches, I wonder if it’s the virus.
It’s just me worrying myself to death, waiting for the virus’s arrival.
The new reality
Sheltering in place during a social shutdown can provide all kinds of unusual opportunities for entertainment.
I like to watch network television for the commercials.
And when the companies in their ads show actors doing things that are completely absurd in these new times, I point it out.
“Those people are touching strangers in public,” I say. “They have the virus now.”
Or someone walking through a grocery store with full shelves.
Yeah, like that’s going to happen with hoarding.
Or a fancy commercial for some new wonderdrug.
Where the advertisement cost more than the company’s Research and Development budget.
Douglas Adams, the Seer
Long ago, Douglas Adams wrote about a planet that send a third of its population away in a gigantic ark.
The supposedly useless third of the population.
The other two-thirds died from a disease from a contaminated telephone.
Because the telephone sanitizers were sent away.
We have no public telephones anymore.
But during the beginning of the Coronavirus Pandemic, I went out to buy supplies.
And even with the handwashing and social distancing, I got to the register, and they handled all of my stuff.
Then I had to use a credit card reader.
I use a tissue with those.
Weekly Challenge #805 – Heat of the moment
LIZZIE
What have you done? They put two and two together. They found out. You ran, hid, wore hats and dresses. Ridiculous. What for? What a waste of time. You should’ve run away. What have you done? Yes, you have killed them all, haven’t you? That’s what they’ll say. And here you were, so full of myself. You answered their questions, all of their questions, and you can’t even remember the answers anymore, you buffoon, thinking you could outsmart them all. What now? Now… Now you’re in deep shit. But you’ve escaped once and you’ll escape again. For how much longer?
RICHARD
Heat of the moment
I didn’t exactly have what you might call an exciting life. It’s really pretty mundane: Get up, shower, get dressed, go to work, watch TV in the evenings, followed by bed.
Then, one morning, I saw the ad: ‘Space settlers wanted’.
For some reason it caught my imagination, and frustrated by the bus to work being late for the third time in a week, in the heat of the moment, I dialled the number and applied.
My life hasn’t really changed at all.
I do exactly the same things as I did before, only twelve million miles away in space.
TOM
What Could Go Possible Wrong 005
Also not missing an opportunity to show off the underclassman spun the
ball up and popped in arch into Ford left hand. “Be a good chap Parker and
head down to the Arms and get us a table. The pone Parker back-fliped up
and took off at a run. “Thought we were head to the library?” inquired
Arnesto. “Because half MI6 will be listened in.” Cervantes start to
sheepishly humming a yet to be written Asia song. “Heat of the Moment,
last time I hear that I was the Dancing on a volcano.” “Just a trick of
the tale, Ford”
NORVAL JOE
“Yes,” Billbert said standing up and looked around at the students in the cafeteria, all in their own worlds, unaware they had ostracized one of their fellow students. “I am willing to take a stand and get labeled a freak.”
However, as he took a deep breath to make his declaration, the heat of the moment suddenly cooled and he found he couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth.
He sat back down. “Are you done with your lunch? There’s something I want to show you.”
Sabrina looked at him sideways. “You’re not a pervert, are you?”
SERENDIPIDY
Do you know just how many people suddenly snap, and end up killing someone in the heat of the moment?
An argument that veers out of control, a bad day at work, the proverbial ‘last straw’; and suddenly there’s a smoking gun in your hand, a bloodied knife on the floor or a toaster slowly fizzing in the bath.
And somebody, who until very recently, was very much alive, and now, isn’t.
Trouble is, the heat of the moment is so unpredictable.
I could never be accused of that.
Cold, calculating, and callous, maybe.
But hot headed and unpredictable?
Never!
PLANET Z
Nathan can check the temperature on his watch and on his phone with multiple apps.
His computer’s browser has a weather bug in the status bar, and there’s an indicator in the information panel.
And there’s a sensor on the car’s dashboard.
And, yet, he relies on a simple thermometer he’s mounted to the rail of his front porch.
There’s something to be said about watching the red mercury go up and down… or is it colored alcohol in there?
Doesn’t matter.
As for rain, storms, hurricanes… if the thermometer is missing, well, the wind’s too much.
Better go inside.
Covid Casualty
Teddy started by washing his hands.
Scrubbing with hand sanitizer..
All over his body. Twenty times a day..
He kept a safe social distance from others..
By locking himself in his house.
Working from home.
He had a stockpile of food and water.
Boiling it to kill all the viruses and germs.
He kept in communication with others through the Internet.
Well, not really.
He paid his bills online.
He just read headlines and Twitter flame wars and other nonsense out there.
One morning, Teddy slipped in the tub.
Broke his neck.
Or maybe he drowned in the hand sanitizer.