Weekly Challenge #865 – Record

Sleepies

RICHARD

Night Errors

Why is it that we have all our best ideas at the most inconvenient times?

For me, it’s always in the dead of night, lying in bed, when in that half-waking, half-asleep haze, storylines will wander unbidden through my mind; chapters, plots, characters and narrative slip into my thoughts, to form perfectly composed and complete stories.

Of course, by the following morning, I’ve forgotten everything. That bestselling story, lost forever.

I started keeping a notebook by the bed, just to record those nocturnal thoughts. Problem solved, you’d think.

But no. I’m so sleepy, I completely forget it’s there!

LIZZIE

He told her the coffee sucked.
She didn’t take it lightly.
He sneered. The situation was funny.
She said “no”. As a matter of fact, she heated a cup and threw it at his face.
He didn’t think the situation was funny anymore.
She laughed because now she thought it was hilarious.
He didn’t laugh.
She told him “chill”. Coffee was just coffee.
He said that coffee wasn’t just coffee a minute ago.
The burn mark on his face cost her a few years of her life.
Sometimes laughing becomes a serious matter, especially when you already have a record.

SERENDIPIDY

It was me.

I did it. It was all my fault, and I’m the guilty party.

You may not be able to prove any of it, in fact, I’m quite sure you can’t, but as God is my witness, I’m completely responsible, and proud of my achievements.

Maybe my confession is enough, but I doubt it will stand up in a court of law, especially since the star witness – me – will be conspicuous by my absence.

You won’t catch me. You don’t even know who I am.

All you will ever know, is that I’m responsible.

Just, for the record.

ZACKMANN

I asked a music instructor what would be an easy instrument for an older person to learn to play. I had a recorder like they tried to teach me to play in elementary school in mind.

He asked me why now. I told him that I’m a big fan of The Mutual Audio Network podcasts and would like to introduce my grandnieces to audio drama.

When he mentioned he still didn’t understand my sudden interest in playing instrumentals

I informed him that many of the shows I think they would like, warn children shouldn’t listen unless accompanied by an adult.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert headed for the gate of the junior high school with the two girls following him. “Are you following me?”
Sabrina said, “No. We’re just going home.”
Billbert stopped. Just beyond the gate were the two boys that picked the fight with him.
One of them blocked his way. “You thought you could escape without taking your beating. Come to me.”
Sabrina took out her phone and turned on the camera.
“Are you going to record this to show the principal?” Billbert asked.
“No. For the coven,” Sabrina said. “I want to show them how you vanquish the Dark Knights.”

TURA

Record
———
Old things are dangerous. Brute matter, no upgrades, no revisions. Antiques, my girlfriend called them.

Her latest find was a black plastic disc a foot across. “I haven’t found a playback machine yet,” she said, “but listen.” She took a pin and dragged it along the surface, and I heard a faint snatch of music.

“Data storage? In moulded plastic?” I groped for words. “But that’s…”

“Permanent recording?” she said blithely.

“Yes!” I shouted. “Do you realise the penalties?” I snatched it away from her and broke it over my knee, then threw the fragments into our apartment’s memory hole.

PLANET Z

I remember the first record I bought.
It was a Monty Python album I bought from my brother, who was getting rid of his comedy albums.
I got a bunch of other comedy albums from the store, like George Carlin and Emo Phillips.
And I listened to them a lot, over and over.
They filled the gap between comedy specials on HBO, because this was before streaming and on-demand.
Over time, I got tapes… then CDs… then MP3 downloads.
I don’t know what happened to my records or record player.
I shrug, and look up Gallagher on YouTube, and watch.

We all scream for nostalgia

I remember all of the ice cream shops in the town I grew up in.
Knights was at Cleveland and 161, and they’d have all kinds of handcrafted flavors.
We went there after I ran a red light and needed to chill out.
Friendly’s was a chain that had great peppermint ice cream.
But not much else.
There was this stand in Central College on the way to school, but I rarely went there.
Not much parking.
Finally, there was the Dairy Queen by the South high school along the main street, but that’s not really ice cream, is it?

Waiting in line for meds

The doctor calls in my prescriptions for me.
I could get them delivered, but the Post Office make enough mistakes as it is.
So all I have to do is pick them up.
It’s not like it costs much… my prescriptions are simple and cheap.
Maybe a buck for a month, after insurance.
Waiting in line, I overhear people arguing over hundreds of dollars and those shady benefits plans you hear commercials for.
It makes me grateful to have insurance, at least to be healthier than these people.
Maybe next time I’ll pay in advance and use the drive-through window.

Two brothers

In school, the teachers said that everyone would go to jail.
“You’ll either be a prisoner or you’ll be a guard.”
Reggie was in an out of jail for years.
His brother Rudy was a guard. And he was a good one.
Usually, Reggie went to jails other than Rudy’s, but thanks to overcrowding and slow paperwork, Reggie was put in a cell under Rudy’s watch.
Things went well for a day while the warden worked out the transfer.
“How’s Mom?” asked Reggie.
“She’s fine,” said Rudy.
Ten signatures later, Reggie was in the van and off to another facility.

Betty White

Betty White almost made it to a hundred.
What was her secret?
Not eating Snickers bars.
Sure, she was in that commercial playing flag football and seemingly eating a Snickers for energy, but the truth is she didn’t actually eat the thing.
Instead, she tended to eat healthy, get exercise, and stay busy.
Oh, and she was rich. The rich can afford the best health care.
She got rich by acting and marrying into wealth, but stayed rich by reviving her career with that Snickers commercial.
The only time that chocolate-covered Diabetes bar could be said to extend someone’s life.

The frog and the tea

I keep a posable Kermit the Frog figure by my workspace.
On Zoom calls, I’d use it to mimic the Kermit Drinks Tea meme.
A visual representation of “This doesn’t involve or matter to me.”
But the truth is, I’m incapable of not caring.
At some level, I care.
And when I care, I end up caring too much about it.
Then, I say things I shouldn’t.
I never learned to be still, never learned to just keep quiet.
Even keeping quiet is saying something when it comes to people who can’t normally keep quiet.
I should sip more tea.

Meatless

I know there’s a lot of hype with Burger King’s Impossible Whopper.
I have to special order it without mayonnaise because I’m allergic to egg.
McDonald’s also has a meatless burger option.
They’re had it for years. It’s called their cheeseburger.
A dollar for a bun with onions, ketchup, mustard, and a burger patty so thin, you could shave with it.
Add a bun and thousand island dressing over a second meat wafer, and you get a Big Mac.
As for Wendy’s, well, they’re just awful to begin with.
And when it comes to plant-based, their employees are mental vegetables.

Weekly Challenge #864 – Remastered

Derp

TURA

Remastered
———
There’s a remastered edition of Marilyn Monroe coming out soon, using the very latest AI techniques and incorporating a ton of newly discovered archive material. They’re promising the next level of fidelity, the real person at last. But they always say that, and I’m not sure I want to upgrade mine. Yes, the new body would be updated with the history of my relationship with the old one, but it wouldn’t feel right. I remember when I had a courtesy replacement for a week when she needed major repairs. It was like making love to a machine all over again.

RICHARD

Remastered

If we can have digitally remastered music and videos, then I can’t see any reason why we can’t do the same with the written word too.

What if we could take an old manuscript, like the bible, for example, and use all the modern technology at our disposal to make a brand new, pristine copy.

A copy without the noise and glitches accumulated over centuries; language, and phrasing upgraded to modern standards; the odd edit to improve clarity; maybe even digitally recreate some of the most unclear segments, filling out the gaps and padding the narrative.

Refreshed, improved and better!

LIZZIE

“Have the songs been remastered yet? Who said so? It doesn’t matter if they’re good or bad, release them now. Well, he should’ve worked faster. I don’t care if it makes him look bad. Release them.”
And the songs were released, remastered, true, but never reviewed by the CEO.
The next day, the story broke. Rapper raps a warning to CEO about an impending hit. And no, it wasn’t a musical hit although the CEO sang like a canary, bribes, drug trafficking and shady businesses.
The rapper, well, he vanished and started a completely new career that paid much better.

SERENDIPIDY

My old, vinyl copy of Stairway to Heaven has started to show its age. There’s all the usual scratches and pops, of course, that’s only to be expected, but the original 1971 recording leaves a lot to be desired.

I decided to buy a remastered version, and the difference in quality is quite remarkable. So much clearer that I’d never have believed it.

For years, I’d tried playing the original backwards, but despite the rumours, I could never make out any satanic messages.

But with this one, they are crystal clear.

And they’re telling me to go forth and kill!

NORVAL JOE

After their final class of the day where the teacher played them digitally remastered recordings of Glen Miller’s greatest hits, Billbert headed home.
Sabrina stopped him. “Aren’t you going to the backstop to meet those two boys?”
Billbert looked that direction though there were buildings in the way. “No. I don’t think so. Why don’t you go tell them I’ll meet up with them next week?”
Sabrina looked stunned. “They could be from the Guild of the Dark Knights. You need to go vanquish them.”
Billbert turned back toward home. “No. They’re just bullies and it’s best to ignore them.”

PLANET Z

When the master died, he had no children to leave everything to.
So he left it to all of his slaves, who he freed.
They formed a collective, running the plantation as equals.
With a rotating council of managers, handling budgets and expenses and planning.
And everything ran pretty well. Better than other nearby plantations.
Good housing, good living.
Until the war came.
Soldiers burned the mansion, looted the fields for food.
They burned the houses, the sheds.
The schoolhouse, the church.
Took all the horses and farming tools.
“You’re free now,” said the soldiers.
And they marched off again.

Revenge is dish served on death row

It took 23 years for the state to execute the prisoner.
Lawyers, judges, politicians, and an endless parade of activists posing as experts did their best to keep delaying the execution, but eventually justice was served.
Why was he executed?
Twenty-three years ago, the prisoner killed a cafeteria worker.
Apparently, he didn’t like what was being served then, either.
As they put the needle in the prisoner’s arm, he vomited.
It’s a common thing to happen.
But I’d like to think someone in the cafeteria gave him food poisoning for his last meal, as a final kick in the teeth.

Hand me up

Growing up, I got a lot of hand-me-down clothes from my brother.
He was two years older than me, so I was a bit smaller than him.
But I grew quickly and outpaced him, so the hand me downs didn’t last very long.
And eventually, I was bigger than him, and he refused to wear any hand me downs from me.
I got a lot of cheap IMPERFECT label clothes, and discount shoes.
Dressing up for weddings, religious things, or anything special was uncomfortable at best.
Until I was off to college, got fatter, and nothing ever fit for long.