George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent a lot of time looking at timbers, watching to see if they would shiver.
The timbers just sat there, doing nothing.
“You do know that saying comes from ships in heavy seas,” said the captain. “The ship crests a wave and crashes back down so hard, the timbers shake.”
The next time the ship was in heavy seas, the captain tried to point out how the timbers shook after each time they crashed back down from a wave.
But George was too busy throwing up to watch.
Author: R.
Some girl I met online/Hopeless – Serendipidy
He didn’t realise I was within earshot when his mates asked him how we’d got together.
“Oh, just some girl I met online. You know me, hopeless romantic!”
“Hopeless, yes” countered one of the girls, “romantic? No! You’re only after one thing, and once she gives in, you’ll dump her. You always do!”
So, that was his plan? Well, we’d see about that.
I checked inside my purse and smiled at the glint of my favourite knife, ready for action.
Perhaps tonight I’d give in.
And boy, would he ever regret meeting that girl online, when I’d finished with him!
George vs. Lafitte
Eighteen years ago, I started this podcast.
I’m just as surprised as you are that it’s still going.
———
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He interviewed to join Campeche in Galveston, but Jean Lafitte personally rejected the application and had him thrown overboard from The Pride.
George crawled to shore, and Lafitte’s men pointed at George and laughed.
When George got back to his ship, he pulled a handful of documents out from under his shirt.
He’d stolen the letters of marque from Lafitte.
Lafitte ordered his men to hunt down and kill George.
But the US Navy had them bottled in, and they ordered Lafitte’s surrender.
La Maison Rouge was set ablaze.
George on a cereal box
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
But after the sexual harassment scandals rolled through the pirate community, George was the only pirate that ad agencies could hire without risking backlash or protests.
George’s face replaced Blackbeard’s on cereal boxes.
This pissed off Blackbeard. A lot.
He held up a cereal box and yelled “A HUNDRED DUBLOONS FOR THE MAN WHO BRINGS ME THE HEAD OF THIS MAN!”
His men brought back the heads of the Lucky Charms leprechaun, the Trix rabbit, and Count Chocula.
Blackbeard gave up, and he switched to eating oatmeal for breakfast.
Missing George
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent a lot of time lost or missing.
A crude sketch of George’s face appeared on the labels of rum bottles.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PIRATE?
The sketch was somewhat generic for a pirate, so a lot of reports came in, but none of them turned out to be George.
When the police tracked down the person sending in all of the false reports, it turned out to be George.
“Next time, I’ll use pay phones and other people’s cell phones,” grumbled George, walking back to his ship.
Weekly Challenge #892 – Recovery, Falling, Rotten egg, Some guy/girl I met online, Hopeless, Fog a mirror
The topic of the next weekly challenge is Moisture
RICHARD
First Responders
We watched him.
Watched him as he toppled from the ledge, falling four storeys, until the concrete path below arrested his descent.
We ran towards him, time being of the essence, thinking that just maybe he’d survived the impact.
We reached his prone figure and I knelt down beside him, as Jack urged me to get the guy into the recovery position.
Then, with practiced efficiency, we did what we do best.
It was a good haul: We recovered his wallet, watch, mobile phone, cash and a gold tooth.
And we were out of there long before the ambulance arrived.
LIZZIE
“I’ve never felt so grounded,” he said.
She could see through him.
“Some girl I met online,” he said.
A whole lot of bravado, a cigarette hanging from his lips.
That snapshot she took of him… The ridiculous hat, the feather, the flower. Was it a rose?
Hopeless. Empty.
She still remembered the album crammed with photos of himself, only himself. Page after page, after page.
When she asked why, he grinned and mumbled some vague explanation filled with an under-layer of self-doubt he desperately tried to hide.
Grounded in his desperation, wanting to be seen for what he wasn’t.
TOM
Recovery
Hi I’m the Angle previously known as 103742 , but you can call be Bill, saves time. When I am asked, which isn’t often, why did you take place in the Great Falling? Well, I can tell you this, it had noting to do with pride. Heavens no, that’s a little gallows humor there. It was Jenny, actually Angle 8675309. She said want to go on a fall with me? What’s a fall I ask, angles don’t know shit about verbs, its that lacking free-will thing. So down we all go screaming cowabunga. Been in recovery ever since, making progress.
NORVAL JOE
When Linoliamanda finally took Billbert’s hand they quickly rose, the well and old man falling away below them. Having overshot Sabrina, Billbert made a quick recovery and returned to the girl standing by the well.
Sabrina held out her hand. “Let’s go.”
Billbert was hesitant. “I’ve never levitated two people. I don’t know if I can.”
“There they are,” one of the teens shouted as they appeared on the trail from the forest.
Sabrina shook her extended hand at Billbert. “Let’s find out, quick.”
As the group of teens ran toward them, Billbert tried to levitate the three of them.
PLANET Z
“Insert the Recovery Disk and hit ENTER.” blinked on the screen.
Erica opened her desk drawer and looked through the disks until she found one marked RECOVERY DISK.
Sliding it into the drive, the ejection tab popped out with a click.
“Here goes nothing,” said Erica, and she pressed the ENTER key.
A progress bar appeared, and a green line slowly crawled from left to right.
When it filled the bar, RECOVERED appeared on the screen.
Then it went dark, the system rebooted, and Erica waited for the familiar login screen to appear.
“I need a faster system,” she muttered.
George in the crowd
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He got captured a lot.
Captured pirates would be held in crowded prisons, dragged to the gallows, and hanged until they were dead.
As the pirates were paraded to the gallows, the crowds would shout insults and throw mud and rocks at them.
In that crowd, George threw mud and rocks at his former crewmates.
“Sorry, captain,” he’d say upon returning to the ship. “I tried to rescue them, but there were too many guards.”
“Serves them right for getting caught,” said the captain. “Weigh anchor and set sail.”
George is not a doctor
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When someone has a heart attack, people yell “Is anyone a doctor?”
Or when there’s a crime happening, people shout for the police.
Sometimes, the local police shout for pirates, but they’re doing it as a trap to catch pirates.
Maybe a few of the dumb ones.
“Let go of me!” shouted George. “What am I being charged with?”
“Piracy!” said the cops.
“Oh,” said George. “I got confused. My last name is The Pirate.”
George was found unable to stand trial due to mental incompetence.
They released him.
George gets roasted
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
This provided a lot of material for his fellow pirates to come up with a roast of George.
They rented a ballroom and tuxedos, hired caterers, and threw a pirate celebrity gala.
One after another, famous pirates went up to the podium and told jokes at George’s expense.
George sat there, in the seat of dishonor, listening to it all.
When it was finally George’s turn to speak, he drew his cutlass, hacking and slashing at everyone around him.
Including a waiter or two, according to the police reports.
George the astronomer
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He volunteered for night watch duty because he wasn’t very good at things which happened during the day.
He was also an amateur astronomer, and he’d use his telescope to look up at the stars.
Out on the ocean, with no light pollution, the night sky was amazing, and he was on the lookout for the other plants, comets, and the many wonders of the cosmos.
He wasn’t on the lookout for other rocks, other ships, and storms.
He shouted “HARD TO PORT” and “HARD TO STARBOARD” a lot.