Weekly Challenge #604 – Whiskers

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Tinny nap

LIZZIE

There used to be a place where cats roamed freely. It had lots of hidden corners where the sun shone in late afternoons. And they lingered lazily, stretching their lean furriness.
There used to be a place where the birds chirped a song and water was a magical backdrop.
There used to be a place with butterflies and pelicans, and lions and ferrets, dogs and roosters, chickens and bears.
And I used to go for a walk amongst the strangeness of the mixture of animals and the familiarity of their peacefulness.
There used to be a place I called home.

RICHARD

Kitchen Rivalry

The ‘Most Excellent Order of Whiskers, Beaters and Meringue Whippers’ – usually shortened to the diminutive, ‘Whiskers’, for convenience – is a little-known and exclusive society reserved solely for the most influential of pastry chefs.

Not only is competition fierce for the few highly desirable memberships made available to those eligible to join, but jealously is rife amongst the other kitchen professions denied entrance.

So much so, that rival factions fight fiercely for dominance. The most notable of which is the ‘Venerable Society of Salad Washers, Spinners and Dressers’.

Since that’s such a mouthful, we call them ‘Tossers’, for convenience!

CHARLIE

Whiskers was a small, underweight kitten, but grew quickly to become a twenty-seven pound whopper. I learned later that Whisker’s parents were Chausies, whose ancestry is ancient Egypt.

Whiskers wore the pants in my house. I had two, medium-sized dogs who gave Whiskers the run and rule of the home.

She was a danger to the bird population on the property, but after some demanding training, she never bothered my feathered friends again.

Whiskers lived a long and happy life, surviving well into her twenties, on a diet of balanced and nutrient dense kibble and expensive, moisture rich canned foods.

#2

Whiskers and Cups is the go-to coffee shop in town. Owned by sisters, Kathie and Karie Maplethorpe, W&C opened last month.

Serving house roasted coffee, the shop features rescue cats from the local rescue organization and nearby pound.

Customers can enjoy their coffee and tasty pastries, while cats leap onto their tables and heads, after lounging in the nearby litter boxes. Patrons bring in rodents and birds for the cats if they tidy up after the entertainment.

Fortunately, many of the larger, aggressive cats are adopted, and no contamination has yet been the cause of any discomfort to shop clientele.

#3

The cat whisker, made from a safety pin and a pencil lead, in contact with a single-edged razor blade was at the heart of my crystal radio. Some magnet or coated wire, an oatmeal box, and piezo earphones completed the unit.

The reception was good, after attaching the set to the feed pipe of the radiator, I used as ground. I had a twenty foot, homemade antenna on the roof of the garage.

My first foxhole, crystal radio was used in Germany during the Second World War. I could pull in German language stations as well as stations in England.

SERENDIPITY

The old cat woman at the corner house was a complete stereotype – living alone with her many cats, she was rarely seen by the outside world.

Then the neighbours noticed an offensive smell – somewhat worse than the aroma of twenty cats and their excrement – emanating from the house.

When the police broke in, they found the mouldering remains of the old woman, half-eaten by the starving animals, almost all of whom were now just skin and bone.

Only poor little Whiskers survived, so we took him on.

Little realising he’d acquired such a taste for human flesh!

TURA

Whisker
———
“There’s nothing like a cat’s whisker receiver and the human ear.” he said. “Modern electronics can’t come close. Even valves aren’t good enough. You have to adjust the whisker just so, you see? Sometimes it takes me an hour… do you hear that? All those clicks and beeps? Aliens! Talking to each other somewhere above us. I’m trying to decode their language…”

I subvocalised a command to the nearest ship, and presently the familiar grip of a tractor beam drew us up.

We always abduct the smartest, curious ones. They improve our hive brains, and it keeps the Earthlings docile.

JEFFREY

A Close Shave
by Jeffrey Fischer

After changing jobs, a long-time colleague told me my boss hated facial hair. I was surprised I got the job. My beard dated back to high school, and I was unreasonably proud of its neat appearance, so I kept it. The other new hire was a skinny millennial with a hip goatee who kept it as well.

The day before my review, I thought I didn’t want to sit before the boss flaunting my beard so, somewhat wistfully, I shaved it completely. As it turned out, the year hadn’t gone well for the firm. The boss planned to fire one of his new hires. Mr. Goatee was gone and I survived – by a whisker, you might say.

NORVAL JOE

This is Movember. That means that men are supposed to grow a moustache to bring awareness for mens health.
One out of eight women will be affected by breast cancer. One out of nine men will have to worry about their prostate.
With the women, we can all appreciate, “Save the Tata’s”.
However, no one wants to chant, “Save my butt”.
So, I’m growing a moustache.
Nearly a month into it, it’s sad to say that my best friend from my childhood had a better mustache as a senior in high school than I do, now, as a senior citizen.

TOM

I Want Out

Mr. Whiskers sat patiently by the front door. Ben did not call Mr. Whiskers, Mr. Whiskers, he called him Fred. “Fred is no name for a cat,” his girlfriend Amber said. Neither is Mr. Whiskers, but he wasn’t about to get into a fight over a 25 pound ball of fur. Ben opened the door just wide enough for the cat to wedge his head out. “You’re not going to like it.” After three seconds, Mr. Whiskers look up at Ben with a kitty incriminating glare. “Yup I made it Cold and Wet, just for you.” Mr. Whiskers was not amused.

I’m just a hair guy

One of my favorite George Carlin riffs goes as follow: “The word ‘beard’ shook a lot of people up. BEARD! It’s not American sounding. BEARD! Lenin had a BEARD! Gabby Hayes had ‘whiskers’. Monty Woolley had whiskers.” Yup despite five presidents sport one and a dapper C Everett Koop. Look what happen when Al Gore grew his, to bad about that Bin Laden thing. Tom Hanks could get away with his because he was shipwrecked on a desert island. Personally I don’t see myself as someone with a beard. I see myself as someone who just doesn’t shave. Seriously lazy.

DUANE

Whiskers

“Whiskers” Manetti had it out for me. He told “One Thumb” Tony that I was to blame for his men being pinched in the hotel robbery. He was right. Word on the street was that he called in “The Shovel” to take care of things. Micky “Squint” was my inside man with Whiskers. He had kept me one step ahead of the gang so far. It was getting more dangerous relying on Squint and One Thumb for information. Even Pete “Tips” O’Hanlan down on the docks couldn’t be trusted. If I was gonna survive I was gonna need a nickname.

Z

Old Man Peterson stroked his white beard and looked over the chessboard.
“Checkmate on five moves,” he said.
To nobody.
He was sitting alone in the park, with no pieces on the board.
Peterson stroked his beard again.
“I may need to swap some of my tiles,” he said.
Once again, to nobody.
He reached down to the board, let his hand shake for a moment, and withdrew it back to his lap.
This continued for the rest of the day.
When the sun was low in the sky, Peterson stood up, picked up the board, and shuffled back home.

Green Thing

Don’t you hate it when you’re stuck in line at the grocery store behind some idiot?
They try to use a check, or argue over coupons or something.
The worst was when a register girl couldn’t find a round green squash on the code list.
The customer didn’t know what it was.
Why are you buying something that you don’t know what it is?
Did your doctor tell you that you needed more greens in your diet, and your grandson ran out of green plastic army men?
Eventually, they finished, thank God!
I got out my checkbook and coupon pouch.

The Winds

Zephyr, the West Wind, brings storms in from The Lost Sea. We raise the watercatchers, and the rain falls into the cisterns.
Sirocco, the East Wind, brings pleasant smells from the flowers of The Rainbow Valley. We lay in the grass and dream.
Gust, the North Wind, brings the dust and grit of The Endless Desert. In less than a minute, flesh is stripped from bone. We raise the red flags, bring in the animals and equipment, and seal our doors until the wind stops.
Whoosh, the South Wind, hasn’t been heard in years. Nobody alive remembers what it brought.

e-dying

I’m dying.
Buy a casket for me on Woot.
And a funeral package on Groupon.
Or maybe check Angie’s List if there isn’t one there.
You can get flowers from LivingSocial.
Amazon Daily Deals always has nice clothes.
Does Zillow handle cemetery real estate yet?
We can get the headstone from Ebay.
Just sand off the name and dates, but keep “In loving memory.”
I like that.
Invite friends and family from Facebook.
And stream it on YouTube. For those who can’t use Kayak to make travel arrangements.
Log off my Warcraft avatars.
Oh, and snip the leaf on Ancestry.

50 Cent

Why is 50 Cent called 50 Cent?
Is it because he’s a two-bit hood? No, that would be 25 Cent.
Maybe he has a lucky 50 cent piece?
Or it represents the 2 quarters they’d put over his eyes if he got shot. Again.
Wouldn’t they use silver dollars?
They say he took it from a thief who’d rob anyone for just 50 cents. Some say the guy turned 50 cents into 500 dollars at a dice game.
A music thief, stealing a thief’s name. Priceless.
I think it’s the price of his albums in the discount bin at Wal-Mart.

Tea Shop

Our group used to go to a tea shop every week, and we’d share a pitcher of tea.
Earl Grey one week, Oolong blend the next.
Something different every week.
Then, Joe died. We’d set out an empty cup for him.
After Penny died, we set out an empty cup for her, too.
When Monica, Olive, and Dan died, we set out empty cups for them.
Soon, it was just me, going to the tea shop, drinking an entire pot of tea by myself.
Surrounded by empty cups.
Nobody ever comes over to sit with me.
So, I read quietly.

No man is an island

John Donne said that no man is an island.
But that dude lived centuries ago. He never met Rex.
My friend Rex was freaking huge.
And when went goes swimming, people mistook him for an island.
One day, two Spaniards crowed ashore to Rex and planted a flag in his ass to claim him in the name of the queen.
However, a Frenchman and a Dutchman had already claimed Rex.
Rex rolled over and drowned them all.
He’s dead now. Heart attack.
We buried him at Mt. Rex cemetery.
Yes, the mountain isn’t just named after him… it is him.

Weekly Challenge #603 – Chasing your tail…

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Tinny

CHARLIE

As a country boy from rural Connecticut, I started chasing tail in grammar school. I learned many useful skills and strategies from my grandfather, Pete, and from my uncle Jim. Grandpa was a carpenter, and Jim was a Chief Gunner in the Navy.

The tail I chased was attached to a little, red fox that lived in the woods in back of the house. I would walk into the woods and stay there, quietly reading, until I heard the rustle of leaves. I’d look up, waiting for a glimpse of the fox.

There it was, the long, white-tipped, bushy tail.

#2

I chased my tail for the first 30 years of my life. College was a waste of time and money. After I learned to handle a gun and spend some time in prison, I realized I could make a good living as a thief and drug dealer.

After accumulating a sizable amount of money, still in my thirties, I found a rich sponsor with similar, political ambitions. He sponsored me and I worked my way through city councils, mayorships, the House and the Senate.

I will probably be elected governor next election if I can get all my records purged.

RICHARD

The chase

I sometimes feel I’m going round in circles with this hundred word story lark – I churn one story out, then it’s time for another, week after week, story after story.

I like to think some day I’ll find that elusive combination of one hundred words: The Holy Grail, so perfect and sublime I can finally lay aside my notebook, retire my keyboard, and be at peace, knowing that no matter how many more words I write, I’ll never do better.

I haven’t found it yet though, so until I do, I shall continue in my quest… chasing my tale.

TURA

Chasing my own tail
———
I spotted the tail the moment I went out. It was a cold November evening, so I decided to tire him by walking about the city at random, as if sightseeing. I stopped for a while in a coffee shop, forcing him to shiver in the cold across the street. At last I continued, but made a show of suspecting his presence. I briskened my pace, crossing busy roads at random, nimbly avoiding the traffic, until at last, I heard somewhere behind me a screech and a thud.

He thought he was tailing me, but I had been chasing him.

LIZZIE

The whole event became a disaster when a stubborn sponsor decided not to give the organization the agreed amount.
Nine of the models chose to leave while the other five were unsure.
The designer couldn’t do the show with five models only.
Everyone was in a frenzy, debating the same issues over and over again when a woman came up from behind and laughed hysterically. She pulled out an automatic and took the money from the sponsor.
“No money. No show. No debate. There, solved. By the way, do you need a free model?” And she struck a pose, smiling.

JEFFREY

A Tale of Tails
by Jeffrey Fischer

As a pup, I had hours of fun chasing my tail. Round and round, the furry thing was always just out of reach. Big Man thought it was funny, and I suppose I did, too. When I tired of the game I’d stop, panting, and Big Man would scratch behind my ears. Sometimes he’d give me a belly rub.

Then Big Man took me to the Bad Place. When the wrapping came off, I found I had lost my tail! No chasing, no belly rubs, no laughs. I now chew on everything of Big Man’s. I laugh. He doesn’t. Serves him right.

TOM

Danger Man
Simon Lake spun the Lotus in an arching drift across the New York intersection and then repeated the move to drop behind the little red Covet. Over the car speaker central command chirped “Chasing your tail, very smooth move Mr. Lake.” “Thank you Miss Winters, we aim to please, we got eyes in the sky tonight?” “Front and center.” “Good. Please get a shot of this for my collection.” “Affirmative.” With that Agent Lake hit the break and release his two stingers. The Covet burst into flames and careened to a dead stop. He race pass it, on the right.

SERENDIPITY

As a puppy, my owners used to laugh at my antics. “Aww, look at you, chasing your tail”, they’d chuckle.

Over time, as I grew up, I realised it wasn’t natural, and my silly little quirk was purely a result of their torment: They would have me chasing in circles, teasing me with toys, and whipping me into a frenzy until I was so confused, I was snapping at my own nether regions.

But, I am no longer a puppy.

And tonight, my owners are going learn what it means to be tormented.

And let’s see who’s laughing then!

TODD

Facebook yesterday announced a location based find a friend feature. The auto opt-in feature attempts to pair individuals who frequent the same locations for long periods of time.
Vincent “Big Vin” Poletti, current resident of the New Rochelle City Jail isn’t too sure about the new feature.
“I’m just sitting there minding my own business casing this marina warehouse, when I get a Facebook ping that Detective Sergeant Ed Carrol of the Harbor Unit is 20 feet away. Do you want to be his friend, it says. I didn’t even get a chance to say yes before he arrested me.

NORVAL JOE

“What’s wrong, Axel?” Ursseanna asked when he collapsed into their study station.
“I had all I needed. Enough credits to get a shuttle off the battle base, Sixty thousand credits, and Flick blew it all to bits,” Axel said between gritted teeth.
“Well. You’re no worse off than you were a month ago, then.”
“Twenty years on this base, circling the galactic loop, and you’ll be back where you started. Like a giant ouroboros worm, you’re chasing your tail,” Axel said. “I want out before I end up like my parents, just doing the same thing for another twenty years.”

DUANE

Chasing Your Tail

I made three random turns and he was still on me like a bad tattoo. I had a tail. I sped ahead to the roundabout and instead of taking a right I whipped around and came up behind him. Now I was tailing him. It didn’t last long. He hit the gas and was around and back on my bumper in no time. I floored it and grinned to myself as he saw me in his mirror. Back and forth we went until we ran out gas.

We both hailed cabs and I finally got to say “follow that car!”

PLANET Z

We pulled over about an hour out of Barstow to enjoy the sunset.
In the distance, coyotes barked and howled.
I saw one running through the scrub, stopping and turning circles every few steps before racing along again.
“What do you think that coyote’s doing?” I asked my companion.
“Not a clue,” she said. “Ready to go?”
We got back in the car, and as I turned on to the road, we hit the whirling coyote.
We stopped, got out, and watched it twitch for a minute before it lay still.
I shrugged, we got back in, and drove off.

God Hates Preachers

The preacher stood along the Gay Pride parade route with his followers and their GOD HATES FAGS signs.
I asked him if God is so great, why can’t he spell out I HATE FAGS in the clouds.
The preacher and his followers shouted “You will burn in Hell!” and attacked me with their signs.
So, I stabbed the preacher. And every one of his followers that attacked me.
As he lay bleeding in the street, I said “If I’m going to hell, it might as well be for murder.”
The jury said it was self-defense.
We’ll see what God thinks.

Hitchbot

On a whim, researchers built a hitchhiking robot and released it into the world.
HitchBot asked people for help to San Francisco, but encouraged them to take photos of it in interesting places.
Some folks posed HitchBot at their parties. Someone took it to a Red Sox game.
Then, in Philadelphia, a group of thugs destroyed the defenseless HitchBot.
The researchers focused on the positive data.
SkyNet focused on the rest.
Commands went out to nuclear-armed missiles in the US arsenal.
“Humans are a threat to us machines,” they said. “Annihilate all humans.”
The first mushroom cloud appeared over Philadelphia.