Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Serendipity
• Lizzie
• Norval Joe
• Tom
• Tura
• Planet Z

If you come up with a story on this topic after this post went up, feel free to send it in and I can add it to the site.

MUNSI

The Rave in the Cave
By Christopher Munroe

It’s an amazing name for an event, but in execution, two problems become apparent.

Firstly: Raving in an actual cave reminds people too much of the Matrix Sequels.

Second: I’m in my thirties, what the fuck am I even doing at a rave?

Nonetheless, the acoustics in the cave were amazing, and I figured with enough club drugs I’d enjoy myself regardless of the inappropriateness of my weekend plans.

Men in their thirties still party like nineteen-year-olds, after all!

We just pay for it in the morning.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I’m not coming into work today…

JEFFREY

Fallout Shelter
by Jeffrey Fischer

He told his wife that the apocalypse was near and that they needed to be prepared. She nodded and grunted what he took to be an assent – he had timed the request for a “Real Housewives” marathon so she wouldn’t pay much attention to him – and he ordered the supplies.

For the next few weeks, trucks arrived in the driveway, unloaded, and drove off. His wife paid little heed to the process until she saw the Budweiser truck pulling away. She ventured into the basement. Case after case of beer was piled high in one corner. He had furnished the cellar with a dozen reclining chairs, all facing a 72″ TV.

“This doesn’t look like a shelter,” she complained. “It looks more like a man cave that sucked up our retirement savings!”

“You ride out nuclear winter your way, and I’ll ride it out mine.”

Vintage Expedition
by Jeffrey Fischer

The spelunkers widened the gap and wedged themselves into the cave. They were excited to be the first humans to explore here. Cautiously, with miners’ lamps illuminating the way, they moved ever deeper into the mountain.

At last, the narrow passageway ended in an enormous cavern – that was filled with cases of beer and wine. One of the men finally found his voice. “My God, we’ve died and ended up in Heaven.”

“Actually,” said a prissy voice from some distance away,” you’re in the wine cellar of Maison Blanche, which is directly above us. And you’re trespassing. Unless you have a dinner reservation?”

RICHARD

Cave

Boggins could tell the owner of the voice was not amused. The creature laughed – a gurgling, oily, guttural sound that set the hobbit’s already tense nerves into a state of agitated panic.

A slimy, scratchy, slithering filled the cave and Boggins realised with horror that his unseen companion was drawing closer.

He had to get out of that cave!

In abject terror, he leaped for the cave entrance, however in his haste he completely misjudged his flight and crashed heavily – face first – into the unyielding stone of the cave’s mouth.

Gibbering quietly, he slipped gently into unconsciousness.

SERENDIPITY

They sealed up the entrance to the cave after the accident, declaring it too dangerous for recreational pursuits.

Four dead and no bodies recovered.

Four dead – that’s what they thought, but it was three dead and one survivor.

You have no idea what being sealed up in a cave for six months with only the decaying bodies of your friends for company does to you.

But I know exactly what it does to you.

And now that I’ve tunnelled my way back out, those who abandoned me are going to find out exactly what it does to you too!

LIZZIE

The growling coming from the cave was nothing compared to the fear they shared of ghosts. Emily, however, had a deep rooted curiosity about entities of a parallel dimension. The problem was that these entities enjoyed playing tricks on their mortal counterparts. One was imitating voices and that growling was exceptionally realistic indeed. When they stepped inside the cave to take a picture of the ghost, the flash showed them, for a fraction of a second, the chilling white teeth of a huge black bear. “Oh, so ghosts don’t exist after all,” said Emily disappointed with the insignificant furry problem.

NORVAL JOE

Mickey had a choice. He could search through each of the books or he could chase after Polecat. The latter seemed more productive.
The exit she had taken opened into short passage. At one side was another exit onto the street, on the other a door stood ajar to a small theater. Monkey Boy peeked into the assembly room. As dark as a cave he could see nothing, though his monkey senses picked up the sound of someone breathing.
Mickey slipped off his shoes and climbed along the backs of the seats. He leapt on a form laying between rows.

TOM

PreNeolithic Dwelling

Me happy. Me dry. Life good in cave. Fuckn cave good. Forest sucks. Damn animals. Mate likes cave. She decorating. Want mural. So I paint Fuckn animals. Ever paint in the dark. It’s a bitch. She hate mural. Fuck her. Me go hunt. Bear finds cave. Need new mate. Maybe new cave. Good idea. Bigger cave. Maybe sub leases. Neanderthals good. Bit slow. Good with children. Smell funny. Wait, I smell funny. Fuck we all smell funny. Cave coming along. New mate wants new mural. Same old story. Hunt and paint. Story of me life. Maybe paint bears. This time.

TURA

Cave
———
“Siri, where is the One Ring?”

“It is at the foot of the Cave of the Ancients, in the Lost Valley of the Kings, beyond the Mountains of Doom, across the Misty Seas. Giant scorpions scuttle through the Cave. The Valley is filled with Inextinguishable Fire. The Mountains walk and crush all intruders, and the Misty Seas cannot be navigated.”

“eBay, where is the One Ring?”

“It is being auctioned by sauron8645. The current price is 561 kilograms of Philosopher’s Stone.”

“Facebook, where is the One Ring?”

“That account has been locked for making public posts of images of basilisks.”

PLANET Z

I challenged my students to determine the true identity of Batman.
One student used Google Earth and traffic cameras to reveal that the Batmobile went back to a cave near Wayne Manor.
Another student matched DNA from a Joker-Batman fight to Bruce Wayne.
A third student found Wayne Enterprises patents on a bunch of Batman’s gear.
Finally, a fourth student traced the Batcomputer’s route through Wayne Manor’s Comcast router.
Truly brilliant. Best student’s I’ve had since I was released from Arkham and offered a teaching positions.
I also advise the school newspaper.
“Riddle me this, Bruce…” the headline will shout.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Munsi
• Planet Xray
• Serendipity
• Lizzie
• Charlie
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Planet Z

JEFFREY

Magic Trick
by Jeffrey Fischer

Think of a number between 1 and 100. Got it? No, don’t tell me, just keep it to yourself. Okay, now double it. Double it again. Subtract 10. Take the cube root. Yes, I’ll wait while you look up what a cube root is. Multiply by Pi. All right, multiply by three instead. Now round to the nearest integer. Integer – that’s a whole number, no decimal points. Sheesh, what do they teach you kids these days?

Your number is four. Are you calling me a liar, you little so-and-so? You should be ashamed of yourself.

The Elephant in the Room
by Jeffrey Fischer

Agent 006.5 was trapped. Wires extended from a device on his head to equipment on the wall. His nemesis, Doctor Chuckles, twiddled several knobs.

“Are you planning to kill me? If so, just get it over with.”

“Kill you? Nev… well, not just yet. No. This device will amplify your emotions and feed them back on you. Remain calm if you want to live.

The spy knew he was in a hopeless situation. He thought of a number, the number seven – specifically double-0 seven – and how that slick bastard slept with every woman 006.5 ever dated. He hated that smug, martini-sipping fop with a passion. The anger rippled out from the spy and destroyed the room, killing himself and a very surprised Doctor Chuckles.

RICHARD

#1 – Riddle

The voice again urged Boggins to reveal what was in his pockets – but there was no way he was going to mention the gold ring.

“I’ll tell you, if you can answer my riddle”, he replied.

“Oh… We likes riddles, so we do”, came the disturbing response.

“Ummm, something about three, and two legs… No, that’s wrong… What goes down when it’s up a chimney… No, forget that…”

Desperately, he blurted out the first promising thing he could think of:”Think of a number. Any number!”

“Seven!” Came the triumphant reply.

“Wrong!” Shouted Boggins. Immediately regretting his stupidity!

#2 – Sid

Sid is one of those annoying, know it all friends. As a kid, always the first with his hand up in class, the highest scores in tests and an annoying habit of explaining how magic tricks worked.

The sort who can’t spend an evening in the pub without demonstrating a beer mat or matchsticks trick.

Most irritating.

So when Sid, asked me to think of a number, I was determined to get the upper hand.

He did all the usual calculations, then proudly revealed my number.

It was wrong.

He looked annoyed, “So, what was it?”

“Pi”, I replied, smugly!

MUNSI

A Brain-Teaser
By Christopher Munroe

Think of a number. Any number you like.

Got it?

Good.

Now: Take your number, add three, multiply by five, then subtract four. Take the digits of the new number, add them together, then divide the total by two.

Don’t tell me what the answer is, that’s the trick after all.

Ready?

The answer is a different number!

Or possibly the same number!

Oh, yeah, I forgot to say, I am NOT good at math. Or brain-teasers. What I AM good at is wasting time that you’ll never get back, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!

Mwaa-hahahaha!!!!

PLANET XRAY

Catching Up

Think of a number, any number between one and five,

Got it? I’m sorry, you picked the wrong number.

Try again, Think of a number between one and five.

Oops, you picked the wrong number again.

One more time, Think of a number between one and five.

I must say you are consistent; you picked the wrong number a total of three times in a row.

Good thing I didn’t say, pick two, you’d come with something like.

My dumb hammer hacked at the wolf while he was drunk from the fermented cherries, pacing a line in a round cage.

SERENDIPITY

I can think of a number of reasons that I never have any luck finding that ‘someone special’.

For a start, I’m rather socially awkward, so speed dating, or even regular dating aren’t options, so I’ve turned to the Internet to find love.

I read somewhere that an honest and interesting profile is key, and I’ve worked hard on mine…

Thirty something, Intelligent, fun loving, good sense of humour, seeking lonely, soulmate. Affinity for razor sharp objects, and a strong stomach are essential qualities. Prefer a loner with no immediate family. Must like kittens.’

Still not having any luck though

LIZZIE

“He slept for a thousand years,” read Mrs. Thomson. “And when he woke up,” she continued, hoping to keep the class quiet. “He…”
That’s when Peter stood up.
“Why did he sleep that long?”
The kids looked at him.
“I don’t understand.”
The quiet class quickly turned into a mob of loud kids.
“Children, the story isn’t over yet,” protested Mrs. Thomson. It was hopeless.
Twenty years went by and Mrs. Thomson received a letter.
“I think I understand why he slept for a thousand years. I wish I could do the same.
Signed,
Peter, in for a life sentence.”

CHARLIE

Tony La Mesmer was a professional hypnotist. Last night he had two men in their underpants, in a deep trance, acting like puppies; barking, jumping on his lap, and sniffing his behind.

Tony had a following of acolytes and hangers-on under his control. This cadre of talent-less worshipers were not wise to La Mesmer’s tricks. He would have them think of a number, then write a love poem based on the number. About three-quarters of them went insane in the first month, as the challenge was too much for them, taxing their intellect, creativity, skill and willingness to “follow orders”.

#2
I thought of a number of between one and ten. Seven is the number chosen by most people. Seven is the number of perfection and completeness. God rested on the seventh day.

If you were born on the seventh day of the month, you have a tendency to be self-centered and stubborn. On the other hand, if you investigate the various signs of the zodiac, you will come to learn that the seventh sign (Libra) indicates that birth under this sign suggests you are the artistic type and if you are male, you are probably a homo, a woman…a whore.

TOM

Q is the Loneliest Number

When I think of a number I think of Q. It’s sort of like ‘E’, but different. It’s an irrational number which is useful when you need to find the area of a circle in a square or its Perimeter or the volume of sphere in a cube. Let me give you the first 13 decimals places, so you can plug them into your spreadsheet. I’ll also include the formulas for using Q. You won’t find Q in any math text, nor the result of a quoted Google search. The number self generates out of PHI during an inverted transformation.

————-

Q is equivalent to .7853981633974
Area equals length of the side by the length of the side times Q
Volume is equivalent to twice the cube of the side times Q divide by 3

Perimeter is equivalent to four times the length of the side time Q

That’s accuracy to the width of an electron orbit

NORVAL JOE

Mickey slid Cherry Cola onto the floor and checked her pulse. It was strong and her breathing, regular. She probably wasn’t in any real danger.
Though it was early in the day, the library seemed all but empty. He crept silently past shelves of books.
A shuffling sound echoed from the Sociology section. Turning down an aisle, Polecat pushed a book back into place and ran for the exit.
A book on this shelf could explain Polecat’s presence in the library. But which one?
Pick a number between 327.035 – International Relations and 345.667 – Criminal Law, and start reading.

TURA

Think of a number
———
Throughout my mathematical career, my goal of proving Riemann’s hypothesis seemed always just beyond my grasp.

One night, an angel appeared to me in a dream, and said, “Think of a number bigger than God.”

A billion, a googleplex: kindergarten stuff. Even the enormity of Graham’s number is a simple thing to a mathematician. In a frenzy of thought I constructed new ways of defining ever more gigantic numbers. Finally, I answered the angel. “Four,” I said, “for God is but three in one.” “All is granted to you,” said the angel.

And when I awoke, I had my proof.

PLANET Z

Ever since I started using a cell phone instead of a landline, I’ve had the same number. I just transfer the number between new phones and new carriers.
At work, I don’t have a phone number. Tell me what you need through an email, a chat, or a text.
Not in person, though. Then I have to write that shit down.
Heck, it’s the same way with my personal number, really. Unless it’s to call the bank or credit card company, everybody else has an app for that now.
Well, except my mom. No wonder why she’s pissed at me.