George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He wasn’t much of a fighter.
Just like that bull, Ferdinand, who’d rather smell flowers than fight.
One day, as George was walking through a meadow, he came across Ferdinand, who was smelling the flowers.
George sat down next to the bull, and they enjoyed the peaceful evening.
Then, George led Ferdinand back to the ship, and the pirate crew slaughtered him and they had a huge feast.
The next day, George went back to the meadow and enjoyed it alone, without a huge stinking animal next to him.
Author: R.
George the Train Robber
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Because he failed on the high seas, he tried his hand on the rails.
That’s right. George became a train robber, but he wasn’t a very good train robber.
His timing was a bit off, and he’d swing from his ship’s mast behind the passing train, ending up falling into the berm.
But then, it was better than falling ahead of the passing train.
Once he got aboard, he’d draw his pistols and…
“Ticket, please,” said the conductor.
George shrugged and got off.
And went back to his ship.
George and the Bartender
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When the crew went drinking, George drank herbal tea with the bartender.
When the crew went carousing, George discussed recent news with the bartender.
When the crew went whoring, George exchanged jokes with the bartender.
After a hard night of drinking, carousing, and whoring, George’s crewmates woke up in the alley, money and valuables gone.
George was the only one not to get robbed.
“Do you think they’ll figure it out?” said the bartender.
“I don’t think so,” said George, counting out coins. “Half for you, half for me.”
George and the Fashions
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He didn’t bother with the latest pirate fashions and trends.
No hook hands, no peg legs, no eyepatches, no puffy shirts.
Well, he did try a parrot on for size, but the thing kept biting his ear.
So, George set it free.
The parrot flew away, and then, when it realized it was over the deep ocean, turned back and tried to catch up with the ship.
But it was too tired, and eventually fell into the water and drowned.
“Serves you right for biting my ear,” said George.
Weekly Challenge #913 – Rat Stew
The next topic is PICK TWO Points, Vision, Fuel, It’s a pattern, Cheers, Refreshment
SERENDIPIDY
What do you mean, ‘what the hell is this?’
That, is what you’ve been asking me to make for ages – you know I’ve been trying to find a recipe everywhere, with no luck, so I’ve had to work it out for myself.
And now, you have the nerve to question it?
You seriously don’t want to eat it, after I’ve slaved for hours over a hot stove, just to please you?
As for ‘what the hell is this?’ You know exactly what it is… Rat stew!
Exactly what you asked for.
You didn’t?
So, what the hell is ratatouille then?
TOM
Hair Today
My grandmother pointed out one could train their hair to fall along a
well define part line. Try as I may as child this did not work. Brushes
and combs were no match for the might follicles My hair had other ideas
in mind. Sure, the part starts on the left, but given the slight
provocation it will loses all cohesion. I have over the years taken
ownership of dishevel, cultivated a crawl from dumpster affect. With
age I have parted will much of my hair. Receding and thinning soon I
will look more like Gollum with a single hair part.
RAT STEW
In the eighteen years of posting, we have had some interesting topic to
write on. I’ve found some angle to get to 100 words. This has me dead in
my tracks. No muse can save me. I am coming up blank. I guess at the
minimum can pounded what the offering is. Is it a stew made with rats?
Is it a stew for rats? Is it threat like he’ll swim with the fishes,
boys going to make rat stew with that rat. Is this Mr. and Mrs. Stew’s
cruel joke on their first born? Don’t have a clue.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert sat between the two girls in the back of Mr. Withybottom’s Lincoln.
Linoliumanda leaned forward and glared at Sabrina. “You’re a rat.”
Sabrina was shocked. “Where did that come from?”
“Well…” Linoliumanda looked like she had to think of a reason. “Because you’re a witch and you dragged Billbert and me into your feud with the Black Knights.”
Sabrina crossed her arms. “Then you’re rats, too.”
“Who?” Linoliumanda asked indignantly.
“All of you,” Sabrina snapped at her.
When Mr. Withybottom stopped at a corner, Billbert said, “You can let me out here. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”
TURA
Rat stew
———
“Have you decided what you’re having?” inquired my dining companion.
“Not yet, can you help me out with some of these?” I replied. “What’s ‘ratchet’?”
“Rat stew,” he said. “Probably farmed though, nothing like the flavour of wild-caught field rats, but you rarely see those commercially.”
“And ‘presentation de bratchet à la graisse de caniche’?”
“Bratchet, that’s a type of hunting dog. It’s a mixed grill of the legs, belly, and ribs, with a poodle fat sauce.”
“Paté de phoque matraqué?”
“Clubbed seal paté.”
“Yum!” But I chose the fillet of unborn foal with sheep’s eye jelly. There are limits.
LIZZIE
“Not inside the cave,” they said.
Why? No one answered.
Onward to the cave then.
There was nothing much going on. A few shields with Viking drawings, a few contraptions made of tiny bones, and a dead body.
She couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about. Perhaps it was the cattle skull on the wall.
“Rat this, rat that. Stew?! No, thank you,” she said out loud. “This dead man looks remarkably good for a dead person.”
And then… She didn’t see it coming.
The dead man was not dead and, much to her misfortune, she was a rat.
LISA
Rat Stew
Meals were haphazard. Life was haphazard really, we’d pretty much moved into the basement by November. The summer had been full of dandelion salads. Blackberries and apples warmed by the autumn sun had just run out.
Our cat, Lucky, saw to herself and always had. Our neighbours, long gone now, had eaten their pets. We hadn’t: she brought us the occasional rat and was another warm thing to snuggle up next to at night. Besides, we had hope for Christmas. Hope was essential in these unprecedented times. We were looking forward to having her as part of our feast then.
RICHARD
Nuked
They told us the bomb would be the end of the world, but it hasn’t turned out that badly, to be honest.
I’ll grant you that the radiation burns, are inconvenient, shedding your skin and constant vomiting can be unpleasant, and learning to live in the ruins of what used to be civilisation has been challenging.
But, we’re making a go of it.
Take me, for example. I’ve opened my own post-apocalyptic restaurant, serving a variety of tasty dishes:
Roach pasta, louse noodles, and my best seller, rat stew.
Tasty and nutritious, and business is going like a bomb!
PLANET Z
Twenty days out at sea.
Provisions for ten, long used up.
No land, no wind, sails raised like a prayer.
The barrels of fresh water empty, barely enough for a handful of men from the tarps set on the desk to evaporate from the salt.
Rat stew came up from the galley.
Even though we’d caught and skinned the last of the rats days ago.
“It’s rat stew,” said the captain, handing out the bowls.
And the few of us left didn’t look around for the others who were gone.
The cabin boy. The gunners.
And all of the passengers.
George and Magilla
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
After his parrot flew away, he needed a new pet worthy of a pirate.
So, he bought a monkey from the Peebles Pet Store.
It was a rather large monkey, and it wore a bow tie and a silly hat.
“Call me Magilla,” it said. “Got any bananas?”
The monkey’s appetite soon put George in a financial bind.
He couldn’t afford to keep him.
So, George returned the monkey to the pet store.
And he stole a turtle. Because at least he could catch it if it ran away.
George and the cows
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He’d been all around the world, but mostly by accident or as a result of poor navigation.
When he found himself in India, he tried his usual hostage-taking and ransoming racket.
However, all he could manage to do was take some cows captive.
“They believe that these are their reincarnated ancestors, right?” said George.
So, he sent ransom notes to their relatives.
Who had also died and come back as cows.
George ended up with three gallons of milk, which he traded for a map back to Port Royal.
George and the fireworks show
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Wherever George went, explosions were sure to follow.
Cannons, muskets, powder kegs, flares…
Once, his hat exploded. Nobody was sure why or how.
The townspeople watched from the docks and cheered and ooohed and aaahed.
They thought it was a fireworks show.
Members of the local symphony came out to the docks and played along.
And then, as a grand finale, a massive series of explosions lit up the docks.
Every ship went up in flames. The crowd cheered.
Well, except for those who owned those ships, of course.
George and the breakfast menu
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He never got to restaurants in time for their breakfast menus.
“But my watch says five til eleven,” said George.
“My clock says eleven, sorry,” said the woman at the counter.
George knew that if he made threats, he’d be arrested and end up in a viral video.
George learned to make his own breakfast.
So did lots of people, and the woman at the counter lost her job and ended up as a homeless beggar.
“Sorry, my wallet says ‘fuck you’,” said George, walking by the homeless beggar.
George washes his hands
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He washed his hands a lot, singing “This is the way we wash our hands!” while he washed them.
George thought if he did it early in the morning, the other pirates wouldn’t make fun of him singing.
But his singing woke them up, and they’d mock how he washed his hands, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and brushed his hair.
Right up to the point they died from bad hygiene.
George waved goodbye to their corpses as they were buried at sea.
Early in the morning.