The 100 Word Stories Podcast

• Lizzie
• Tura
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Brownie Mix

He stared at me coldly across the table, then tapped the bag full of powder that sat between us.

“What is it?” He asked, eyes boring into me.

“Brownie mix”, I replied, with just the briefest hesitation.

“Yeah, right… And I’m the queen of England!” He snorted; “You do realise I can just go out back and test it?”

“So, test it” I retorted.

He sighed, grabbed the bag and left the room. Ten minutes later, he was back.

“Brownie mix! You’re free to go”

I left smiling, thankful he’d not discovered the bag of heroin stuffed up my arse.

LIZZIE

When the neighbor started digging holes in his garden at two in the morning, I thought I should do something about it. I took a spade and trotted across his garden. It was a body missing a finger… I put it back in the ground. Should I call the police? I had committed a crime too, trespassing on his property. When he knocked at my door the next day, I froze. He smiled. “Here, have some brownies. It’s my own brownie mix recipe. I add a pinch of this and a pinch of that.” I sure didn’t like his sneer…

SERENDIPIDY

I always said I’d have revenge, even if I went to the grave in the process.

Which is pretty much how it’s worked out, but I had it my way in the end.

I know you were there, laughing behind the fake tears at my funeral; I know the sly smiles that passed among you, mockingly toasting my departure.

I know you thought you’d beaten me, and that my threats of revenge had come to nothing.

And I know you stuffed yourselves on those brownies at my wake.

My own special mix…

Well, my ashes had to be scattered somewhere!

TOM

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 026

Ford raised the pint to eyes and hand the glass to Arnesto. The time lord opened a padded case with form insert the same shape as the duck pint. Closing it he scrabbled the combination lock. Ford eyed the time lord, but could not glean any content. “I will get answer sir.” dryly stated Ford. “Why do I feel so hunger,” said Parker. “Time Riff, Parker. Arnesto you did bring so food, yes?” Smiling he reached in the bag and produced a box of Brownie Mix. Molly grabbed the box and rip it open. Power flew everywhere. “Great start Cervante.”

NORVAL JOE

Still contemplating the ring on his finger, Billbert followed the others into the cottage. Sabrina’s caramel corn and a variety of snacks were spread out on a table.
One distraught boy held a box of brownie mix. “I thought we were going to make the refreshments here.”
A rotund woman took him by the elbow. “Don’t worry, Knockworth, we have time, and eggs.”
Billbert held up his hand in front of Sabrina’s face. “How did this get here?”
Sabrina smiled, but before she could reply, the elderly witch took them aside. “Good. It’s you two I want to speak with.”

TURA

Brownie mix
———
There are two sorts of people: orcs, and food. Considering the variety of peoples in the world, it is no surprise that Orkish cuisine is far more diverse and sophisticated than you would know from Tolkien’s biased account.

All cultures have some sort of stew, but a stew of boggart bellies is the best of all, especially when cut from a live boggart and simmered in a cauldron of hobbitsfoot soup. Our most popular snack, and hard tack on the move, is marnakh’urtul: brownie mix. Dismembered brownies, nixies, and fairy folk of all sorts, pressed and roasted to a crisp.

PLANET Z

I bought a box of brownie mix, but I didn’t realize that it requires eggs.
I’m allergic to eggs, and it’s worse when they’re undercooked.
Sometimes, they’re okay when they’re baked sufficiently.
But an omelet or scrambled eggs or mousse with raw egg is brutal.
So, I error on the side of caution.
And occasionally error on the side of stupid, by buying things I can’t or shouldn’t eat.
The box sits there on the shelf.
And I keep meaning to drop it in a food drive donation bin.
But it’ll eventually expire, and I’ll throw the damn thing out.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

I wanted that horse toy so badly and my father said “you’ll regret it”. I shoved the toy in my pocket and ran. My father yelled “you’ll regret it”. 40 years later, here I am, still that 10-year old kid at heart. That toy was the beginning of my career. Every time I robbed a bank, I took the horse toy with me, the toy and my father’s voice too. Today, I was arrested. My father looked at me and whispered “do you regret it now?” I shook my head and smiled. It had been one heck of a ride.

RICHARD

A word to the wise

They do say that you don’t have to be old to be wise, and I gained a great deal of wisdom even when I was very young.

I quickly learned that a frown, the threat of tears or a quivering lip would almost instantly result in cuddles, warm milk and lullabies.

Throughout my childhood, I gained greater wisdom, and had a charmed life full of good things, treats and a marked absence of bullying, playground taunts and detention.

Yes indeed, I’d learned the wisdom of letting people know who I was.

And when you’re the son of a Mafia boss…

SERENDIPIDY

I was very young when I was torn from my loving family, enslaved and forced to be a plaything for the very rich.

I was very young to face the reality of a life of pain, loss and grief, of torture, abuse and depravity.

But I wasn’t young forever.

And as I grew, so did my thirst for revenge.

Now that I am older and stronger, and free, I seek recompense.

And I will have it, at any cost.

I’m coming.

Not for you.

But for your children.

So, guard your very young, for I am coming to take them!

TOM

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 025

As limb and torsos became untangled and the grumbling made way to a silent that match the silents of the ruined city again the first voice to speak was the Captain. “I was very young when a last beheld this sky line.” The sun set in a greenish glow. Ford turned to Cervantes. “Your work, sir?” “Time’ s work, Ford.” Molly wrapped her arms about herself and rocked back and forth. Parker found the remains of a chair and offered it to her. “We all seem to be in one piece,” said the Time Lord, “Now who’s got the duck pint?”

NORVAL JOE

The giggles faded away and silence settled over the gathering.
The old woman turned the flashlight on Billbert and shuffled toward him.
Sabrina’s mouth hung open in shock.
The old witch looked at Sabrina. “Close your mouth dear, a bug might fly in.”
Before Billbert could laugh the woman turned on him, her dark eyes cutting into him. “I was very young once, too…”
She looked at Billbert’s hand. “Fortunately, the ceremony is complete. Go eat your caramel corn.”
As everyone headed off to the cottage, Billbert noticed the ring on his finger and wondered when that had gotten there.

PLANET Z

I was very young, and I didn’t know anything.
And I would ask people if they wanted to play a game.
“Okay, it’s your turn,” I’d say.
And I’d stand there, staring at them.
Whatever they did, I’d say “Three points.”
It didn’t matter what they did. It was always three points.
If they asked it was my turn, I’d say “It’s still your turn.”
Sometimes, I’d shout “FOUL!”
Other times, I’d shout “TIME OUT!”
And wait a while, then shout “OKAY, TIME IN!”
Even though I am old, I still like to play games.
And it’s still your turn.