The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Charlie
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Serendipity
• Zackmann
• Munsi
• Norval Joe
• Kym
• Tura Brezoianu
• Planet Z

JEFFREY

The Jump
by Jeffrey Fischer

I peered out the open door, watching farmland speed by. The instructor had gone through the safety check one last time. I made sure the parachute straps were snug against my chest and stepped into the air.

As I fell, I counted off the seconds before pulling the cord. The chute flew out; I slowed. Then the ground came at me quickly and all my training flew out of my head. I landed awkwardly on one leg, bounced up, and dragged across the ground until I stopped, rolled into a ball mixed of human and nylon parachute. I hardly stuck the landing, but I made it down alive, which must count for something.

Job Satisfaction
by Jeffrey Fischer

The best part of being a cop, Frank thought, was surprising the perp and slapping the cuffs on him. Right now the guy had no idea his evening would end poorly, but that would change when Frank kicked in the apartment door.

When Frank had the perp’s arms behind his back, the guy unleashed a torrent of curses. Frank’s parentage was questioned, his wife’s fidelity was challenged, and the perp was just getting started. “Stick these cuffs up your ass until they come out your nose,” the guy rasped.

Frank laughed and tightened the cuffs some more. “I think that’s anatomically impossible, sir, but I appreciate your imagination.”

RICHARD

#1 – The Man

There comes a time in everyone’s life when realisation dawns that it doesn’t have to be this way: We make a promise – no more will we be victims of oppression!

My moment came last Thursday, waiting for the bus home.

This particular oppressor was a spotty youth, rudely pushing ahead of the queue… Something inside me snapped.

Time to stick it to the man!

Unfortunately, it seems the man has a bigger stick than me, and a pretty good left hook too.

One broken nose later I decided my moment had passed. What’s wrong with oppression and drudgery anyway?

#2 – Rustling…

Left alone guarding the camp, Laggins cowered beside the fire, muttering decidedly un-hobbit like grumblings about his fellow travellers.

A rustling in the bushes sent his heart racing – he scrabbled in the darkness for a weapon. In addition to several slugs lurking in the undergrowth, his hands finally found a large and heavy stick, which he raised bravely above his head, ready to face the unseen enemy.

A small rabbit then popped out from the bushes, looking at him quizzically.

Laggins laughed and congratulated himself on his bravery, before turning round, straight into the arms of the waiting ogre!

CHARLIE

We threw another stick on the campfire, and stuffed big gobs of hash into the pipe. It was our first year at Summer Camp in the Dardanelles, and we all wished that this was the year we were going to be awarded our colored kerchief for conduct and sportsmanship. Fuck that. I wanted a bag of candy from the gedunk and some cooch. The little trail leading to the rocky enclave where the campfire burned was the highlight of my day. It was pitch black in the forest, and provided lots of opportunities to play grab ass with the girls.

2nd

Not everything I learned stuck. I didn’t know the secret of making dates and names stick in my Art History class. I relied on how small and how legible I could print on my palm and forearm. I shaved my forearm so it wouldn’t interfere with writing. I put a couple of dozen artist’s names and movements on my arm. This got me through the midterm and final exams with good grades. I feel guilty cheating in Mr. Bate’s class, because he was such a sweet, patient man. If he can hear me, I would like to say, “I’m sorry.”

LIZZIE

“And he wouldn’t shut up,” said the prisoner in cuffs.

The detective nodded. A piece of gum was sticking to his left shoe.

“He went on and on about it.”

The detective tried to scrape the gum off with his right shoe. Shit. Now the gum was on both shoes.

“That’s when I hit him. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

The detective stood up. “That was simple enough. I have to go now. I have gum on my shoes. Stick around.”

“Yeah… Com’on… It’s not like I have a choice, right.”

“Right,” replied the detective. “And… shut up about it.”

TOM

The Purpose of Language is to Present Irony

I spent my formative years 13 to 19 working at on all Jewish country club. It was formed in the days when the Chicago gentry was less then P.S. Lots of the members spoke Yiddish as a first language. I had just take up close contact magic. When you’re out on the back nine, four foursomes deep, on the 13th hole, bit of distraction, is in order. “Yea Kid, your patter is excellent, you need an excellent shtick,” said Mr. Garfunkel. He suggested doing my act balanced on my head. Damn if that wasn’t the best advice I ever got.

SERENDIPITY

You don’t want to believe everything you see in the movies about vampires – most of it is complete nonsense, especially all that stuff about killing us with stakes.

That would be far too simple; and anyway, how exactly do you define ‘stake’? Would any old stick do the job? And what about splinters – a very real concern when you spend most of your time hanging around rotting wooden coffins.

Not that it matters – it’s simply not true about stakes.

And as for drinking your blood…

Yep, that’s quite definitely true; and tonight, I’m having yours for supper!

ZACKMANN

“My mother wants to see you.” Sara told her husband.
“I am not sure I want to see her. She hit me with a cane.” replied Joe.
“It was a walking stick and serves you right for asking about how it felt to be on the Mayflower when you know my family came on the Jamestown. Even so she has a gift for you” said Sara
“Why would she, when Being the grumpy old lady is you mothers shtick?”
“My father can’t drive safely anymore so she is giving you his car since I refuse to drive a manual transmission.”

MUNSI

A Public Service Announcement
By Christopher Munroe

Teddy Roosevelt once famously said, “Speak softly, and carry a big stick.”

Good advice for its day, perhaps, but I think we all agree it needs to be updated.

“Walk on two big sticks.”

In this modern age, height’s never been a more important factor in determining success. With this in mind, can you deny yourself the opportunity to be your best, tallest self?

Jump on a pair of stilts today, as Roosevelt would have, had he the technology to do so.

This message has been brought to you by the Canadian Stiltwalkers Federation. For more information, consult our website…

NORVAL JOE

“Here you go, good buddy,” Dergle said to Long John. “Fetch.”
Dergle hurled the stick with every ounce of his 235 pounds behind it. It sailed across the open, grassy area of the park in a long arc and bounced to a stop.
The wiener dog looked up at his master and panted.
“Go get it,” Dergle said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
Long John looked over his shoulder at Bambi, siting on a park bench, reading a magazine.
“I get it,” Dergle said, walking toward Bambi. “I don’t believe in myself. Why should anyone, even my dog, believe in me?”

KYM

From the third floor window, I saw a tutued girl turn three cartwheels on the
walkway. Then a rat ran across and stopped, two feet away from the tree side. I thought the oblivious kid with the headphones and sagging skinny jeans would surely step right on it but, alas. Many walked by, all noticing it, even if only at the last moment, giving it a wide berth. Some stopped a moment to investigate. Some got as close as six inches but the rat did not move. I imagined someone poking it. Then the pedestrians were gone. And the rat ran away.

We lay on my couch and I wondered if this was a bad idea. But I went through with it. My first one-night stand. It sucked. Had you EVER done this before, I wondered. But me, I was amazing apparently. I had everything you wanted and now I can’t get rid of you. You moved in and started causing too many extra dishes and wearing my socks. I wonder why you won’t stop breathing; you wonder how you got so lucky. Turns out, I’m not good at one-night stands. But dating sucks. So… this is it, huh? OK. Let’s have dinner.

TURA

Stick
———
I awoke on the bank of a river, as a boat drew up.

“Hi, I’m Sharon,” said the figure in the stern, “I’m your ferryperson for this journey, and this is the sticks.”

“Yes, it is pretty deserted,” I said.

A cat leapt out of the boat. “If you go, you can’t come back,” it warned.

“You just did,” I observed.

“Oh, I can do that,” it replied. “Up to a point.”

A light swelled behind me, and Sharon and the cat with nine lives receded into the distance. The light grew brighter still and resolved into a hospital ward.
———

PLANET Z

One of the funniest comedy routines I ever saw was Johnathan Winters on the Jack Parr show.

Jack handed Jonathan a stick, and the comedian went through dozens of different scenes and characters in under four minutes.

I’m sure that Jonathan had prepared and imagined all of these characters up beforehand, but even to just remember them and roll them out one after the other was impressive.

Call it genius or madness, it sure was fucking funny.

Robin Williams had that kind of magic too.

But they’re both gone now. And we’re left holding the short end of the stick.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Jeffrey
• Charlie
• Richard
• Kym
• Lizzie
• Serendipity
• Zackmann
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Tura Brezoianu
• Planet Z

MUNSI

Ultimatum
By Christopher Munroe

You’re either with us, or against us.

Or, now that I think about it, you’ve never heard of us at all and have no opinion regarding us one way or the other.

In fact, given that we aren’t particularly notable, either for good or ill, chances are that it actually is the third thing that describes you.

So, anyway, you’re either with us, against us, or we’re nothing to you, have always been nothing to you, will always be nothing to you and you’re completely indifferent to us.

Probably the latter.

Now get off the fence and pick a side!

JEFFREY

Big Game
by Jeffrey Fischer

“They really are magnificent animals,” I told Taranj, my native guide.

“Indeed, sir.”

“And endangered, you say?”

“Very endangered. Hunted nearly to extinction.”

“And yet…”

“Sir?”

“We’re stuck in this tree while a hungry pride of lions waits for us. If we do nothing, we’ll eventually starve to death. If we try to run for it, we wouldn’t get more than a few feet before being mauled and eaten.”

“You summarized our situation quite well, sir.”

I sighed. “That’s it, then. Nothing else to do. I hate to do it, but it’s either us or them. We’ll have to shoot our way out.”

“Pardon me for pointing this out, but my rifle is at the base of the tree.”

“I see that. Go get it, Taranj!”

“What if I’m attacked?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

At Night

by Jeffrey Fischer

Briony snapped the light off then sat under the covers, listening. Her daddy told her there was no such thing as monsters, and she believed him. Still, every night she heard rustling sounds, and what she thought was whispering. Daddy said it was just house noises, but Briony wasn’t so sure.

When her ears picked up the whispering once again, she called out, “Who’s there? I can hear you, you know.”

Silence. Then, from below her, a gruff voice responded, “There’s no one here but us monsters under your bed. Get some sleep, kid.”

“Oh, okay.” Briony settled herself in the covers.

“Wait for it…” said the monster.

“Mommy! Daddy! Come quick – there are monsters under my bed!”

“Geez, kid, calm down. We’re monsters, nothing more. It’s not as though I said we’re from the government and we’re here to help. Then you’d have a reason to be scared.”

CHARLIE

Ultrasound (US) is used for a number of things. I used an inexpensive, portable unit for muscle stimulation and strengthening. Originally, Russian Muscle Stimulators were used as part of the Russian Olympic Team training. I made the decision to experiment, and tasked my device for the discrete, yet profound strengthening of my unit. The smooth muscle was able to adapt to minute tearing of the cellular walls of the pores, thereby making the pore cells larger and more capable of absorbing more blood. If anyone would like to purchase a device, documentation, and a log describing results, please email me.

RICHARD

#1 – Join us

‘Come and join us’, the flyer said – nothing else, just a telephone number.

I was intrigued enough to pick up the phone, half expecting a recorded bible message or telesales call centre. So, when my call was answered by a friendly and reassuring voice, I was a little surprised, to say the least.

I asked her to explain the mysterious invitation, and my surprise turned to incredulity – this was an opportunity too good to let pass by.

So, I joined them, and it was the best decision of my life.

You should too… Would you like the number?

#2 – The Golden Rule

Battered, bruised and exhausted, he staggered through the imposing gateposts, before collapsing into the mud, utterly exhausted.

He had finally made it – the fabled Lair of the Golden Monkeys!

Days later, now recovered from his ordeal, he was summoned to appear before the Grand Council.

“So, tell us: Why should we make you one of us?”

He told of his struggles and dedication, of long nights and countless hours of self-denial, of years of toil and the broken relationships. He told them of his striving for perfection and…

“No, no, no!” Interrupted the Great High Monkey.

“Keep it brief!”

KYM

We lay on my couch and I wondered if this was a bad idea. But I went through with it. My first one-night stand. It sucked. Had you EVER done this before, I wondered. But me, I was amazing apparently. I had everything you wanted and now I can’t get rid of you. You moved in and started causing too many extra dishes and wearing my socks. I wonder why you won’t stop breathing; you wonder how you got so lucky. Turns out, I’m not good at one-night stands. But dating sucks. So… this is it, huh? OK. Let’s have dinner.

LIZZIE

The us we used to be disappeared.

“How did this happen? When did we drift apart?” She did that, talk incessantly. I just couldn’t process what she was saying anymore. It was all a numbing blur.

I still remember the long walks at the beach, holding hands, the salty promises of eternal love.

I still remember, right before the wedding, the eagerness of that forbidden kiss and the way we looked up at the balcony and saw my future wife waiting.

We continued to meet secretly, but this us we used to be disappeared… There was just you and her.

SERENDIPITY

“If you want to be one of us, you have to drink our blood”, said Jenny, offering me a plastic cup.

I didn’t want to drink, but I desperately wanted to be in the gang, so I closed my eyes and swallowed the lot.

It was probably blackcurrant juice; I didn’t want to imagine what else they’d added to concoct their ‘blood’: It didn’t matter – I was in the gang, and staying for the sleepover!

Later that night, sinking my teeth into Jenny’s neck, I smiled at the sweetness of her blood and looked forward to happy days ahead.

ZACKMANN

“Have you ever been in one of those secret clubs?” asked the boy asked his dad.
“Not secret but very few know about uss, that is U double S.” replied his father
“Doesn’t that stand for United States Ship?” asked the son.
“In this case it stands for The Uberfans of Sanborn Smith. It’s currently a small group but someday we hope to be even bigger than bronies with an annual meeting called UssCon. So what do you think ” said father.
“Honestly father, I think maybe it was a bad idea to put a Hairy Mango into you Mango colada.”

TOM

Turtles all the Way Down

Ulysses and Sally were inseparable. Way beyond soulmates, they shared a particular way of looking at the world. It was all about the work. And the work was about to change everything. When it became clear their overlords weren’t about to let them control the project in a manner that served the great good, they made a run for it. “I guess it’s going to be us and against them,” said Sally. Ulysses booked passage to Peking by way of Tokyo. The media call them traders, the government press hard to get them return to the US, to no avail.

NORVAL JOE

Bambi handed Dergle a plate of spagetti and sat with him on the couch.
“You don’t have to sleep in your van in some parking lot,” Bambi said. “You can sleep here. On my couch.”
“B,b,b,but,” Dergle stuttered. “It would be just you and me here. Just us. All alone.”
“Yeah. So?” Bambi asked.
“I wouldn’t be right. We can’t sleep in the same apartment. We’re not married,” Dergle said, blushing furiously.
“Why?” Bambi sounded upset. “I’d be in my room. You’d be on the couch. You could have your dog be a chaperone.”
Dergle could only shake his head.

TURA

US
———
Once upon a time, there was an ugly country called Uk. It was cold and damp, and it always rained. Because it was an ugly country, its people were ugly, and they did ugly things. They invaded a beautiful country across the sea, inhabited by beautiful peoples, who did beautiful things, but Uk enslaved them all.

Then the peoples said, Uk cannot conquer all of Us together. United, We drove Uk away. Then We drove ugliness away wherever it was, and at last the world was ruled by Us.

And that is how the US, the Universal State, was born.

PLANET Z

We’ve been together fifteen years.
But how together are we?
We have separate bank accounts.
We have separate credit cards.
We file our taxes separately, do our own laundry separately, and because someone has to watch the cats, vacation separately, too.
I work early, and she works late.
So, by the time she gets home, I’m asleep.
And when I wake up, she’s asleep.
We’re together on the weekends, though.
Watching football. Or baseball. Or basketball.
Or picking up plants from the nursery down the street.
A nice dinner out now and then.
What more can you ask for, really?