George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Some say it was a memory from his childhood that haunted him.
The Flying Zaleskis were performing under the big top, and one of them had been caught messing around with his brother’s wife.
So, his brother didn’t catch him during The Triple Backflip Leap of Doom.
Who then slipped from the grasp of his mother.
Zaleskis were flying and falling everywhere, landing in sickening thuds.
One landed on a clown, breaking his neck.
The Zaleski’s neck, not the clown’s neck.
Because that makes a world of difference, right?
George flies a flag upside-down
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was always flying the Jolly Roger upside-down.
Someone would point it out to him, and he’d grumble and bring the flag down, mess with it a bit, and run it back up the mast.
“It’s still upside-down, George,” said the captain. “Try it again.”
Once again, George would grumble and try to fly the flag right, but when he ran it back up and stepped back, it was upside-down again.
“This is why I try to lose battles,” said George. “At least the white flag is never upside-down.”
George and the breadcrumbs
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Most pirates navigate by landmarks or by the stars, but George preferred a technique that he’d read in a book:
He left a trail of breadcrumbs in the water.
“We can follow them back to port,” he said.
The other pirates pointed out to George that this used up their food supply quickly and that the birds and fish ate all of the breadcrumbs, leaving the pirates without a trail.
George tore up his book of Brothers Grimm fairy tales and left a trail of shredded paper to follow.
George the Veteran
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
On Veterans Day, he went to the Navy base and hung out at the enlisted men’s bar, listening to war stories and other tall tales.
When it was his turn, George would tell his own stories.
Eventually, an old sailor would stop George and ask him when he served in the Navy.
“Oh, I wasn’t in the Navy,” said George. “I’m a pirate. But I fought against the Navy.”
George hightailed it out of there, running for his life.
At least he never had to pay his bar tab.
Weekly Challenge #898 – Riot Of Color
LISA
The Bully
Her bruises bloomed with a riot of colour across her face. Purple and blue blended with a jaundice tinge beneath her eyeball. What a night: it was the first time the neighbours had intervened.
The police said they didn’t get involved in domestic disputes, and left when no one needed hospital attention.
She didn’t know where they’d go from here. Changing the locks hadn’t helped previously. She wondered about leaving, but would miss the children. She looked in the mirror at her beaten up face; he’d never retaliated before. At least she only hit him where the bruises didn’t show.
RICHARD
Proud
I had no idea at the time it was my big break. The editor tasked me with covering the Gay Pride parade, mainly because I was the most junior reporter.
I wasn’t exactly impressed, but determined to make the most of it, and to be fair, it was really quite impressive with all the rainbow flags, outrageous outfits and over the top makeup.
Fun, until they ran into the Black Lives Matter parade, who thought they had right of way.
Words and blows were exchanged, and it all descended into a brawl.
Front page news.
Headline: ‘A Riot Of Colour!’
LIZZIE
Out of the blue, he jumped from behind the giant canvas. Sword swallowing. A daring exhibition. He had to practice, right? “Almost caught red-handed,” he mumbled. And when they asked him questions, he chuckled. “Oh, it wasn’t me, officer.” And they believe him, because he told them a harmless little white-lie. The officer grinned. But then he was given two days to leave the circus… Why?! Making a random passer-by swallow a sword hardly seemed a good enough reason to be fired. The said passer-by vanished into thin air, true. But still. Well, their loss. A daring exhibition no more.
SERENDIPIDY
It was entirely by accident I embarked on my new career – serial killer to contemporary artist in one simple step.
My last killing was rather messy: blood, guts, and gore everywhere, and body parts strewn all over the floor.
It hadn’t quite gone to plan.
It was supposed to be a simple throttling in a dark alleyway, but an unexpected change of plan meant it was indoors, and a little bit gory.
Thankfully, it happened in an art gallery.
Rather than clean up, I attached a small label: ‘Riot of Color’ – Unknown artist.
I sold it for a small fortune.
NORVAL JOE
Once they were at the river’s edge, and out of sight, Billbert, Loliamanda, and Sabrina joined hands and flew downstream. They crossed back to the highway passing flocks of sheep and eventually coming upon the small town of Ferndale. The main street was lined with Victorian houses. The rising sun reflected off myriad stained glass windows creating a riot of color, distracting the three from the danger waiting on the edge of town.
An elderly woman stepped into the road ahead of them, aimed a confetti cannon, and pulled the cord. A riot of color blasted them from the air.
TOM
897 Story 1
In its day Live Aid was real big deal. And it was in the day of VHS. I recorded the whole thing on a number of tapes. Each carefully labeled. Fast forward to the day I got married. Total chaos, lots to people circling in cars around a shifting center point. One of these folk was the person willing to do video. He needed a tape to record on. So somehow he got tape 15 from my Live Aid tapes. He used it to record the wedding, but the camera input failed. No wedding and a hole in Live Aid.
898 Story 2
Frank was some what normal. Job, eating habits, selection of friends, and most of his hobbies. He did have one odd habit. He loved sitting in large vats of paint. Had 16 barrels of different colors. Built a crane that lowered him into and out of each color. I took four hours. When finish Frank was a Riot of Color. His wife would wrap him in a bolt of white canvas, toss him in a wheelbarrow, tip him out at the edge of hill. One foot on the canvas, down the hill rolled rainbow Frank. Sold them for a Fortune
PLANET Z
When the Amazing Journey to Inner Space ride opened, thousands of guests boarded the conveyor of seats, showing them the journey through molecules and atoms.
After hours, the employees lit up all the projectors in a riot of color, and lit up their joints and dropped acid.
The speakers jamming the latest psychedelic rock.
The wildest ride, a trip unlike any other, true to the name of the building.
The park managers posted security guards to keep the employees from their after hours drug trips.
But the employees shared their drugs with the guards, and The Amazing Journey rolled on.
George retrained
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“Obviously not,” said the caseworker at the unemployment office. “Your file clearly shows that you have no aptitude for piracy.”
She sent him to a job training facility, where George learned how to use computers.
After a while, George learned how to use spreadsheets, documents, and presentation software.
“I think you have a knack for this, George,” said the trainer.
That night, George loaded all the computers on a cart, and took them back to the ship.
“Think we can sell these?” asked George.
“Welcome back,” said the captain.
Georgelantis
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He collected empty bottles, stuffed them with paper, and would seal them into the bottles with corks.
Then, he’d toss them into the sea and let the tides spread them throughout the world.
Scientists collected the papers, and after careful analysis, they determined that there was an unknown continent in the middle of the Atlantic ocean.
But dozens of expeditions later, they never found the continent of Georgelantis.
Meanwhile, George wiped his ass, stuffed the dirty toilet paper in the bottle, sealed it, and tossed it into the ocean.
George the accountant
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“Dress for success!” said the consultant, and he took George to a Saville Row tailor.
George emerged two hours later in a three-piece suit, bowler hat, and carrying an umbrella and a briefcase.
“The perfect gentleman,” said the consultant. He turned George to face the crew. “Don’t you agree?”
They laughed at George.
They stopped laughing when George started his job at a large accounting firm, worked his way through the ranks, and became wealthy and powerful.
“Okay, I admit, the hat does look a bit silly,” said George.
George’s billboard
“George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.”
The billboards with those eleven words appeared across Southern California.
A few appeared in Portland, Oregon. And others in Seattle and Austin, Texas.
Nobody knew what it meant, or who had paid for them.
People asked George, but he had no idea either.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” he said.
Some people guessed that he was running for President.
Others thought it was an alien conspiracy.
“Okay, maybe your guesses aren’t as good as mine.”
The billboards vanished the next day, and soon after, were completely forgotten.
George goes flying
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was nervous about flying, and he took dramamine pills to prevent air sickness.
Then, he’d have a few shots of courage at the airport bar, followed by little bottles of Jack Daniels while on the plane.
“It’s hard to build a ship in a bottle,” George told the flight attendant, “but tiny bottles? Crazy!”
The captain turned the seat belt signs back on, and George rose up and demanded a mutiny.
The air marshal tased George, and he spent the rest of the flight handcuffed to the toilet.