Author: R.

Weekly Challenge #752 – DEPLOY

Sleepy

LIZZIE

Deploy your hopes and your dreams. Organize them in squadrons. Make sure they are well armed and motivated. Follow the rules. The rules? The rules to neatly line up your dreams and your hopes, the rules. Dreams and hopes line up neatly? Neatly and obediently. Those are not hopes and dreams. Those are not… Shut up. Deploy your hopes and dreams like an army. Organize them in squadrons of nothingness and the future will be yours. And then there was silence. That stifling silence that hits you when you know, you suddenly know. You close your eyes and you know.

RICHARD

Operation Deploy

I was surprised they chose us for Operation Deploy. The army considered us non-combatants pretty much a waste of space.

However, there it was, in black and white – although, somewhat coffee stained, thanks to my clumsiness! Operation Deploy.

We’d be dropped deep into enemy territory, where we’d undertake a mission vital to the success of the war. Details would be revealed to us after deployment.

For a covert operation, the enemy seemed to know exactly where to find us.

On the orders in my pocket, through the coffee stain, now dry, the words ‘Operation Decoy’ could clearly be read.

SERENDIPIDY

Welcome to the Centre for Internal Medical Research.

Thank you for volunteering for this exciting opportunity to become an Internal Research Assistant, which as you are aware, enable us to investigate a living human body from within.

You will, of course, have many questions about precisely how we will deploy you into the host body – that process is, I’m afraid, commercially sensitive. You will, however, be injected into a large vein, using a process that does not require you to be miniaturised, despite any science fiction you may have read!

Now, if you’ll please step into the blender, we’ll begin.

TOM

Home From The Hill

It was the four shift in the bunker. Junior Grade Smith was monitoring all the usual channel and equipment. The sound came from an ancient rack of prewar systems. A rhythmic clicking repeating again and again. Smith opened a battered three ring binder. He cross refed: Clicking and found the table of Morris Code graphics. Slowly writing down the difference between dot and dashes he had the message: DEPLOY. So he did. 10,000 drones in 10 warehouse took flight. Duty done he popped a burrito in the nano-wave. And took a swig of a Jägermeister. “I am the master hunter”

TODD

Build 61.0.3163.79 online.

The android’s eyes fluttered open registering the little girl standing before him.

“Hi mister robot. I’m Scarlett. What’s your name?” asked the little girl cheerfully.

“Tactical Observation Droid, Build 61…”

“Nooo,” she interrupted, “What’s your REAL name? “

“Tod, I’m Tod” corrected the android, “Pleased to meet you.”

Scarlett smiled and thrust her hand within inches of the android’s face.

“Want a piece of candy?” she asked.

Defense mode suppressed. Affable disposition triggered.

“Thanks, Scarlett.” The android smiled, gently took the candy, and popped it in its mouth.

Diagnostic complete. Build cleared for human interaction and deployed.

NORVAL JOE

Before Linoliamanda could reach for the doorknob, the door swung open.
Her mother gasped, putting her hand to her mouth. “What be happenin to ye, Linnie?”
“Where do I begin?” Linoliamanda said. “Billbert and I be flying to a battle between superheroes and villains, when we be knocked from the air.”
Mr. Withybottom appeared behind his wench, rolling his scurvy eyes. “Be the National Guard deployed to control the situation or be Superman called in?”
Billbert scowled. “Be ye drunk on bilge water? Can’t ye see yer own daughter be hurt. We be needing to get her to the hospital.”

TURA

Deploy
———
In George’s student days, he would write his essays by Googling a random string of buzzwords, then mash together everything he found, rewriting it just enough to avoid plagiarism detectors. He completed a Ph.D. in sociology that way, even got an assistant professorship. But he never made tenure, so he left academia and redeployed his skills to writing management books. After churning out a few dozen of those and getting a steady stream of $20,000 speaking engagements, he got bored with nonsense and longed for something real.

And that’s why he became a pirate (but not a very good one).

RICK

Girl Power

Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a figure. Young, beautiful, personable, and popular … Lynn had the world at her fingertips. Honor roll student, a nice car, a good after school job …

… and minions … boys who followed her, adored her, wanted her, would do anything for a chance to be with her.

Paul almost certainly gave this little thought when he confronted her …

“Arrogant, self-absorbed, inconsiderate … A germ that infests our student body” he said.

She cried.

Lynn told her minions, they were not happy.

Paul was beaten within an inch of his life.

Lynn smiled … Never underestimate the most popular girl.

PLANET Z

There had been some police brutality incidents, so people rioted and protested, and city councils and mayors threatened to reduce and cut police funding.
Cops began to retire or transfer to rural departments in greater numbers than usual.
A few national guard units went into the cities, and some federal troops went in to assist.
“How dare you!” shouted governors and city councils and mayors.
Riots and protests continued, and general crime went on the rise, too.
Then, a few city councilors and mayors themselves were mugged and assaulted.
They demanded action by the police.
“Fuck you,” said the cops.

George the Barkeep

George wasn’t a pirate.
He was a barkeep.
He bought this bar and named it George the Pirate.
And pirates from all around would come here to drink.
Sometimes, they’d pay with a ship’s wheel, or a figurehead, or an anchor.
All the junk you see hanging on the walls.
They’d tell stories, but it was tradition to tell them as if they were about George.
And George would laugh and serve another round.
He had no children to leave the bar to, but he lives on through his stories.
And we tell them, and raise our tankards to George.

George the Chili Cookoff

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Still, he did his best to find ways of being useful.
Every year, he ran The Great Pirate Chili Cookoff.
Pirates from all around the world sailed in to challenge each other’s cooking prowess.
Sometimes, all-out wars would break out, especially between factions of pirates who thought that chili should include beans and those who thought beans don’t belong in chili.
After the smoke cleared, George and his shipmates would loot the bodies and abandoned ships.
“Very clever,” said George’s captain. “Just sleep downwind from everybody else tonight, okay?”

George the Pirate’s Phone

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate,
Plus, he always had an annoying ringtone on his phone.
It was pretty bad when the phone would go off while a raiding party was sneaking up on a town.
“Can you at least put that phone on vibrate?” hissed the captain.
“Sorry,” said George, and he pressed a button on the side of the phone.
Then, George would forget to set the ringer back on, and he’d miss important calls.
Eventually, everyone learned to just text George.
He’d respond with annoyingly cute animated stickers that nobody could understand.

George the Paperpusher

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So, as other pirates groused over daily status meetings, George saw them as a welcome respite from the routine and drudgery of piracy.
Instead of keeling and kauling, he could delight in endless Power Point presentations and mission statements.
“Enough with the meetings,” growled the crew. “Can’t we just sail the high seas and loot and plunder?”
“Certainly,” said George. “But recent metrics clearly show great improvements in efficiency, performance, and safety.”
The crew lifted George with their legs, not their backs, as they strung him from the yardarm.

George the Mediocre Pirate

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Maybe I’m just judging him on an unfair scale.
I mean, you hear about pirates like Blackbeard and Captain Kidd and Jack Sparrow.
Those are really high standards to live up to.
It’s like me judging you by comparing you to Gandhi or Martin Luther King or George Washington.
There’s no way you’d stack up to legendary figures like that.
But the truth is, I’m judging George on his merits, and he wasn’t a very good pirate at all.
Next time, don’t be so quick to judge me, okay?

George’s Reward

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Other pirates had huge bounties on their heads. George didn’t.
“I’m sorry, George,” said the Governor of Port Royal. “You’re just not worth a dime.”
So, George went out to sea so he could learn from the greatest pirates of the age.
And he left a trail of destruction as wide as the ocean.
Blackbeard, The Barbarosas, and Captain Kidd all lost ships to George’s incompetence.
“Impressive,” said the Governor of Port Royal, tallying the damage. “The Admiralty thanks you. I’ll have your reward money ready by noon today.”

George Sets Foot

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
In fact, his captain was so angry at him, he ordered George never to set foot on his ship ever again.
“If you ever do, I’ll run you through with my cutlass and have your guts as garters!”
So, George’s shipmates carried him everywhere on the ship.
He would have gotten a wheelchair, but pirate ships aren’t handicap-accessible.
“Oh, so you think you’re smart?” asked the captain.
“Yes,” said George.
The captain thought for a moment. “I guess you are,” he said.
And he made George his First Mate.

Weekly Challenge – Rick

A Walk In The Wood

I found it on the map and had to explore it. 400 acres of land right beside the very worst part of DC. Car parked and gone in my pocket I went in.

The forest was amazing .. two streams, a pond, a 10′ waterfall, 200 year old oak trees …

… and a homeless camp.

All of a sudden I was standing in it … surprisingly … They seemed happy to see me!

We shook hands, introduced ourselves, they offered Brandy, we drank and talked … Swapped life stories.

Lives not So different at all!

There but for the grace of God go I.

Weekly Challenge #751: Camp

NOTE: I figured out what was wrong with the Yeti AFTER I recorded this. Bad cable. Oh well. Getting a new cable when I get the new system this week.

Blep

LIZZIE

What if I lived right there where the butterflies swayed in the air?
What if I lived right there?
The birds chirped, and flew away.
What if the narrow streets were alive to the brim with color? And not gray with emptiness?
What if the tears didn’t rain down the walls alive with the whiteness of summer?
What if the butterflies weren’t gone, and the birds?
What if I lived there, right there, and not here in the middle of the forest by a sizzling fire?
I want to go back to that small town where the narrow streets smiled.

RICHARD

Arrrrrr…

Captain Blackbeard’s Pirate Themed Holiday Camp didn’t quite turn out as we’d expected.

The brochure had promised ‘adventure on the high seas’, and ‘swashbuckling exploits and drama’, served up with a ‘healthy dash of good old-fashioned plank walking, keel hauling and deck scrubbing’.

Unfortunately, the keel hauling and deck scrubbing were precisely that, and as for our fellow pirates…

A bunch of bloodthirsty Somalian ex-fishermen, who treated us like scum and thought nothing of putting us in the firing line when the navy arrived.

Beats me how they managed to get those five star reviews on Trip Advisor!

SERENDIPIDY

When they told you not to camp in the woods, you really should have listened to their advice.

When they told you it wasn’t safe to be out alone in the wild, you should have heeded their words.

When they said you’d be miles from help, with no phone signal and no means of rescue should you fall in harm’s way, you should have taken them seriously.

Because now, in the darkness, lost, alone and frightened, all of that now makes perfect sense.

But, don’t worry, you’re not entirely alone…

Because I’m here too.

And I’m coming to get you!

TOM

The Camp

The edge of the camp was growing. Each day some half dead child would stand at the fence. Sometime with an adult, more often alone. Most stared blankly with an expression of deep indifference, a total sapping of actionable resolve. A few, not many, still had a fire in their eyes. Mac was called when these faces appeared. He needed that fire and long had learned how to uses that rage to the benefit of the camp. Keeping these children in a group also allowed for successful assimilation, or in the sadder cases extreme relocation. “Greater good,” he say

NORVAL JOE

As Billbert carried Linoliamanda up above the battle he saw that the two camps were vastly different. While the super villains had destroyed the superhero headquarters, the heroes were mostly unharmed and outnumbered the villains by five to one.

Billbert flew Linoliamanda home, landing on her front porch. “When you fell on Benedict Arnold, I thought you were a goner.”

She smiled then clasped a hand to her bloody forehead. “Nothing could make me a traitor to you, Billbert.”

“Thanks, I guess,” he said. “We should probably tell your parents what happened and get you checked out at the hospital.”

TODD

The Yahoo Messenger video chat with my future wife abruptly ended with, “Gotta go!” when the shooting started.

Outgoing orange tracers from the south tower marked an aggressive conversation. An M240B barked a throaty command. An unseen AK-47 wisecracked a response. I radioed QRF when the perimeter breach red flare illuminated the sky adding an exclamation point.

Reaching the tower, I saw the soldier and his Iraqi guard duty buddy assaulting the cement barrier of the civilian dining facility.

“What are you shooting at?” I yelled.

“There are a bunch of dudes running around in there!”

“You mean the cooks?”

Camp Caldwell Coordinates: 33.727597, 45.236648

PLANET Z

We sent the kids off to camp.
All kids should go off to camp.
They will learn many things at camp.
That’s what the state says, that all kids should go off to camp and they will learn many things, so we send our kids to camp.
When we were kids, we were sent off to camp.
And we learned many things at camp.
Sometimes, kids do not come home from camp.
Those are the ones who learned the wrong things.
Or could not be taught the right things.
If that happens, we go off to camp.
And don’t return.