Author: R.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Lisa
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Tom
• Tura
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO Silly hat, Brave, The old classic, Challenge, Passed out, Visual

RICHARD

“Hey! My latest post got a thousand likes”
I cast Bob a look of deep derision.
“Mate, that’s nothing. Personally, if I get anything less than a million, I consider it a failure.”
Bob’s face fell, “I don’t know how you do it” he said, “how many did your last post get?”
I thumbed through the screen until I found it, “Two point eight mil… not bad!”
He shrugged.
I gave him a friendly nudge, “Don’t worry mate, you’ll get there one day.”
I doubted it though, as I fired up the bot, gaining another ten thousand likes in seconds.

LIZZIE

Santa was furious. He had finished his route and there were still a thousand gifts in his sleigh. Who messed up? Santa paced left and right, as red as his outfit, throwing his hands in the air. What are the kids going to say? And the parents? They relied on him to deliver the right gifts to the right addresses. The ranting continued on and on until one of the elves whispered “They are for you from us all.” Santa was speechless. He was used to cookies and milk, not real gifts and so beautifully wrapped too! So, he smiled.

LISA

The Secret to a Stress Free Christmas Supermarket Shop
‘Twas the weekend before Christmas and the supermarket felt post-apocalyptic: people grabbing food, shouting: it took a thousand years just to get down one aisle.
A tinny tannoy played ‘I wish it could be Christmas Every Day’.
I shopped and joined a queue: thankfully it didn’t seem long ‘til I reached the conveyer belt. The joy to be unloading my shopping was crushed when I realized I’d forgotten the fucking turkey. I ran back to discover, of course, they’d all gone. Back at the checkout so had my shopping: someone pretending it was theirs had simply paid and left.

SERENDIPIDY

I was in trouble again.
Everybody else left, and I was alone with teacher. He beckoned me over to his desk, shaking his head.
“Well, you’ve done it again. You’ve let your classmates down, you’ve let me down, but – most of all – you’ve let yourself down. What do you have to say for yourself?”
I remained obstinately silent.
“OK, if that’s how you want to play it. Detention tonight, and a thousand lines: ‘I must not bring knives to school, and I will never do it again.'”
He was right.
I wouldn’t do it again.
Tomorrow, I’d bring a gun.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert had just put on his pajamas when there was a knock at the door.

Sabrina stood in the hallway and Linoliamanda watched from the guest room doorway.

“I’ve told myself a thousand times today that I wasn’t going to bother you, but can I sit by your bed?”

Billbert sighed. “Let’s go downstairs.”

When Sabrina sat next to Billbert and took his hand, Linoliamanda sat on the other side and hugged his arm.

With a girl on one side in lace-edged satin, and the other in velvety cats, Billbert wondered how he had gotten into such a wonderful pickle.

TOM

It was a depression thing.

When my Grandma died we had to go through a mountain stuff. We had to look through every book and magazine because she would slip different amount of money or stocks for ATnT between the pages. After major stiffing a patter emerged. Page numbers match bill denomination. In one book of old German fairy-tales I turn to page one thousand. There staring back at me was Grover Cleveland. It was in mint condition. The bill was a Gold Certificate a yellow boy. Somehow it had escaped Presidential Proclamation 2039 Executive Order 6073 and Executive Order 6102.Grandma was pretty shrewd.

TURA

Thousand
———
The one thousandth Christian, legend has it, was one Simon of Alessos. A year after the crucifixion, he chanced upon a group of Christians preaching in the marketplace. He was so overcome with emotion that he requested baptism, whereupon a great light shone down from heaven, trumpets sounded, and a voice thundered, “Blessings upon thee, Simon, Our one thousandth convert to the True Way! Thou mayest already have won—” But Simon had fled, and lived as a hermit in the heart of the desert the rest of his days.

He is commemorated as the patron saint who protects against spam.

PLANET Z

Rickey Henderson stole over a thousand bases.
He drew hundreds of walks, racked up thousands of hits.
And had the most home runs of any leadoff hitter.
If he got on first, which he did more often than not, he would find a way to get his ass to home plate one way or another.
The dude was a scoring machine, and he knew it, and he let you know.
Holding that golden base over his head, calling himself the greatest ever.
Make the bases as big as mattresses. Ban pitchouts.
It doesn’t matter. Nobody will be better than Rickey.

• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Richard
• Norval Joe
• Tom
• Planet Z

The next topic is Thousand

LISA

A Born Showman.
The Star sobbed: she’d wanted to play Mary. So, the spotlight shone on three kings… One shuffled forward and muttered “Gold.” The next stepped forward and shuddered as he tried to keep giggles at bay.
“Frankie’s Sense.” He nudged Frankie who was playing Joseph. Then, the third King.
“I couldn’t find Myrrh. No one anywhere seemed to know what it was.” he said as he moonwalked across the stage.
“So, I got this.”
His hand held aloft; the spotlight swung towards it.
“This…”
He sashayed around the crib
“This Gift Card can be used in every major retailer in Bethlehem.”

NORVAL JOE

When they entered Billbert’s house they found Sabrina in the family room surrounded by shopping bags. She looked up, her eyes bright. “Look Billbert. We bought so many clothes they gave us a $25 gift card.” Her eyes clouded over when she saw Linoliamanda. “What’s she doing here?”

Defensive, Billbert said, “Mandy’s dad’s in a coma and they don’t know when he will wake up. So, I said she could stay here. There are two beds in the guest room, you know.”

Sabrina sighed, holding up a lacy sleep set. “Beggars can’t be choosers. She can wear the cat pajamas.”

SERENDIPIDY

I turned over the next card in the sequence, the six of pentacles.
“Ah”, I murmured, “the gift card”.
His face lit up in expectation as I continued.
“It seems you may receive something of value in the future; I cannot say what that may be, but it could make you a very wealthy man!”
“Tell me more” he begged.
“First, cross my palm with silver… plenty of silver!”
He anxiously paid up, and I turned the next card, which elicited a gasp.
“Death! How unfortunate. Let’s hope your gift comes soon, and you live long enough to enjoy it!”

RICHARD

— Gift card —
It was the usual pointless question.
“So what do you want for Christmas?”
Every year the same irritating question, and my answer, the same as always: “I don’t know. There’s nothing I want or need.”
It drew the usual, predictable response. “You’re hopeless dad, at least give us some ideas.”
“Just get me a gift card then.”
And so, come Christmas Day, that’s exactly what I got: A gift card, just like last year, and the year before that, as far back as I can remember.
And, as always, it ended up unused in the drawer with all the others.

TOM

That is remembered lives.

Gail was Linda’s matron of honor. As a courtesy I volunteer to take wedding photos. The groom, Jack Darkhand, gave me an Amazon Gift Card. Never cashed it in. Lived in my wallet till my wallet was stolen. While I still retained ownership, for time to time I’d take it out and give it a look. Did that for his first child, then his second. Did that when he got sacked from a tech job in Seattle for have XY chroms. Took it out during his wake. Show it to Linda, told her I think I’m just going to keep this.

LIZZIE

She loved adventure! She hated books. But the damn gift card said “Books”. At the bookstore, she looked lost. So, the bookseller said, “We have some mystery packs.” Well, OK… “A mystery pack, it is.” When she opened the pack, it was… let’s just say a surprising pack. You had to call a series of phone numbers to get the pick-up locations. The first one was called “Whispers Among the Gravestones” and the pick-up point was the local abandoned cemetery. Who would’ve thought that books could be so interesting after all? She would take some pepper spray, just in case.

PLANET Z

I always thought it strange when my father would give out store gift cards as tips instead of cash.
Until I saw him grabbing a stack of them at Target and putting them in his pocket.
Without activating them at the register.
Technically, it’s not illegal to hand them out.
Maybe it’s a form of fraud if he’s claiming they have value.
He did this for years, handing out worthless cards.
After I grew up and moved out, and he got forgetful, he did this scam at the same place more than once.
And no restaurant would seat him again.