Author: R.

It’s a von trapp

I was sitting by a stream when an old man carrying a worn out map, walked up to the stream, crossed it, and made a mark on his map.
I’ve done it, he shouted. I finally done it.
I got up and walked to the stream edge and asked him done what
I’ve climbed every mountain and forwarded every stream, he said. I did everything that singing bitch told me to do, and I finally done it.
He showed me the map, and sure enough, every mountain and stream had been marked with ink.
Congratulations, I said. And we hugged.

Weekly Challenge #1040 – PICK TWO Cover band, Slow down, Empty streets, Sculpture gallery, Shred

The next topic is Classic

LEWIE

As the tour guide brought the group through a museum, a cheesy cover band was in one room playing ambient music of slicing, shredding, and melting cheese on a grill, another member was stretching mozzarella, while another was intensely focused curing a wheel of cheddar.

The exhibit itself was full of various sculptures of hats, swords, animals, flowers, and more. They were colorful and seemed to wave in the air. It almost seemed as if static electricity drew them towards you. In each room, the artist could be heard twisting, rubbing, and shaping new sculptures made of vibrant, colorful balloons.

LIZZIE

Slow down, she cried. The streets were empty. A strict curfew was in force. We can’t slow down, he whispered. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward. He couldn’t leave her behind. She was his world. She had taught him to believe that everything could go back to what it was. That’s when he saw them. The three red orbs, scanning the alleyway. He instinctively covered her body with his, right before they fired. Years later, she told their child, now the leader of a democratic country, the story of that day when they had to run and hide.

RICHARD

I’m with the band
He was in a cover band; they called themselves Fan Halen.
He played guitar. In his mind he could shred like Eddie, but to be absolutely honest, his two-handed tapping was just a mess of fumbling fingers and he was the only guitarist I knew who routinely ended up with pick-related injuries.
The rest of the band were pretty awful too, and behind their backs we used to refer to them as Van Failin’!
I drove them to all their gigs, and despite the dreadful music, I always stayed for the whole show.
Why?
Two words – the groupies!

TOM

1040

by my reckoning this week is the 20th year at the challenge. So thank to L for what was a long strange trip it’s been.

Dawn patrol

It was 4-a-clock in Montmartre. The locales were hosing down the street from the debris of the swarms of Germans and Russians had pasted. I had slowed down to a sub-stroll among the glittering empty streets. Circling out from the main square I came upon a rather shabby structure and it’s garage. In a dormer window was this abstract stick model. A small sign in front of the build quietly stated this was Pabla Picasso’s studio. No fanfare, just acknowledgment. Best sculpture gallery in the city of light. If you ever get a chance to visit, throw away the guidebook, wander.

SERENDIIDY

Slow down!
I know it’s late, and the empty streets are dark and deserted.
You’re scared, and that’s understandable. You’re rushing, focussed on getting to your destination as quickly as possible.
You walk briskly, glancing over your shoulder, avoiding alleyway entrances, ears attuned to any unexpected sound.
But, there’s really no need to rush. Slow down, take it easy, savour the moment, you can afford to take your time, I promise you.
You see, no matter what you do, whether you dawdle or sprint, I’m going to get you anyway.
So, make the most of the time you have left.

NORVAL JOE

“Slow down, a minute,” Sabrina said. “You don’t expect Loony Bin to come on a special mission like this. I don’t mean to shred your hopes about a happy little threesome heading off on a great adventure. But she just doesn’t fit.”

From the first time he met Sabrina, she had insisted on making all of his choices for him, and now Billbert was fed up. “First of all,” he growled at her. “I want you to stop calling Mindi names. And second of all, she’s been a friend of mine for a long time, and she fits to me.”

PLANET Z

When I was very sick, I kept extensive notes and every receipt and doctors report.
I deducted all of the healthcare expenses, and eventually I got better.
After a while, the notes and receipts were taking up a lot of space in my closet.
So I dragged out the paper shredder and fed the documents in one by one.
A few minutes later, the shredder slowed down.
The overheating light came on.
I went out for a walk, came back, and continued shredding.
Until the light came back on again.
Eventually, the bin was empty.
And I got sick again.

It spreads

I guess it isn’t working out so well.
Protestors without masks.
People coming across the border for health care.
Kids being kids.
Fingerpointing. Blame.
Fools in stores refusing to wear masks.
Beaches. Parks.
Going out when we don’t have to.
(You know, like my third grocery run of the week.)
Or when we’re sick.
I see the neighbors doing laundry without masks.
Or going to their cars or walking their dogs.
Dumbasses.
Not washing our hands.
We’re fat. We’re sick.
We’re having the same unhealthy shit delivered to us.
It’s all bad choices.
You can only control your own actions.

The package never boils

Two months ago, they launched a new series of video cards.
But they didn’t make enough of them, so they were impossible to get.
Unless you went through a scalper on eBay, of course.
And they were damned expensive.
For the past two months, barely any of the cards get to the stores.
Scalpers keep snapping them up.
But, thankfully, the prices are coming down.
I did the math, and finally ordered one.
I bookmarked the shipping tracker.
It’s up in a browser tab.
Every five minutes, I hit refresh.
A watched pot never boils.
And the doorbell doesn’t ring.

The cold dead heart

I got a letter from Greenpeace the other day.
Your classic Save The Whales plea.
When I think whales, I think the killer whale Shamoo at Sea World.
Leaping from the water for fish.
I also remember a whale watching boat off the coast of Cape Cod.
A blinding storm with the waves tossing the boat around.
Throwing up over the side until I could only dry heave and scream myself hoarse.
I shred the letter and go online.
Searching for defense funds of Japanese and Norwegian “marine research’ boats.
Kill them all. Let no seasick kid ever suffer again.

Run its course

I used to be pretty good at frisbee golf.
I had a strong throw and pretty good accuracy.
I practiced throwing at trees and trash cans at various distances.
And I played the campus course nearly every day.
After I graduated, I played the course a few times, but I eventually hung up the disks.
Years later, I moved into a small town with a half-abandoned golf course.
The community converted it into a nature walk and preserve.
And set up frisbee golf cages.
I got a new disk, went to the course, and threw.
And hit a nearby house.

Job posting

Freddy saw a job posting, and he sent his resume and cover letter.
Two days later, they wrote him back saying that they went with another candidate.
Then, a month later, the job posting appeared again.
He adjusted his cover letter slightly, telling them that they wouldn’t have had to repost the job if they had hired him.
He was ready to drag and drop it to the form, but decided to go with his original cover letter.
Two days later, they went with another candidate.
When the job posting appeared again a month later, he closed the browser window.

Light it up

Henderson liked to go for walks and smoke cigars after dinner.
But that was kinda hard, being an astronaut on the space station.
So, he ate his steak paste, strapped himself to the treadmill, and walked for a while.
He wasn’t allowed to light a cigar, but he snuck one out of his coveralls and put it in his mouth unlit.
When he finally got back down to Earth, the first thing he did was have a real steak.
Then he went for a walk, lit his cigar, and coughed until he dropped it.
And lit the neighborhood on fire.

Weekly Challenge #1039 – Bubble Wrap

The next topic is PICK TWO
Cover band
Slow down
Empty streets
Sculpture gallery
Shred

LISA

A stressful Job
John was stressed at work. He’d tried meditating, herbal tea and cutting his hours. He left the office altogether wondering if the commute was a factor and worked from home. All to no avail. His blood pressure was sky high and his family were worried so they ordered some executive, very expensive and delicate stress relief toys. The parcel arrived and they left it for him. The next day he was the least stressed they’d ever seen him. The toys unplayed with. He leant back, under the desk he popped the air from the bubble-wrap.
“Thank you!” he smiled.

LIZZIE

The bubble wrap, he said, we must make sure this book is well protected before we ship it off. Everyone hurried around, mostly just trying to look busy. Where’s the bubble wrap? Finally, someone said that they had none left. Go buy some more?! They all ran out of the room. He waited, and waited. The book mumbled. He was startled. The book mumbled some more. What? I can protect myself, it said. He was stunned. How?! That’s when everyone came rushing back. Bubble wrap! The book sort of sneezed and tragically everyone collapsed. The book clearly didn’t like plastic.

RICHARD

Pop!
Pop… pop… pop’
She’d been at it for over five minutes now. Enough was enough!
“Will you please stop doing that!”
She looked at me with ‘that’ look on her face.
“But it’s relaxing” she said, in a whiny tone of voice.
“Do I look relaxed?” I asked.
“You look pissed” she said. “You know what? You’re always picking on me, you’re so intolerant!”
She threw the bubble wrap at me in frustration and stormed out of the room.
Perfect, I thought, sitting back comfortably in my chair and sighing in relief.
Bubble wrap: Gotta love it!
Pop… pop… pop’

LEWIE

Title: Bubble Rap

I went to the store just to kill this bore.

Looked on the shelf – yea, I spotted an elf.

Glanced to the left, saw no theft.

Turned to the right – got a fright.

Peering closer,

saw a jokester.

Bubbles three,

and nothing more.

Pop-poppety-POP!

He gave a retort,

“Life can be short.”

Blew through his cane –

three just the same.

One bubble big.

Two doubled small.

“Thrrrrreeeeee in aaaaalllllll!”

he called with a drawl.

I name this Fred,

with no hope left.

I name this Holly,

still quite jolly and light.

I name this…

POP!

That poor bubble –

he’s dead!

SERENDIPIDY

I stared at the contents of the box in dismay.
Bubble wrap. A great big, huge roll of bubble wrap.
Someone at the warehouse had screwed up big time.
Unless, I’d made a mistake. I called up my online order, no -there it was, clear as day: Bulk pack of duct tape, and they’ve only gone and sent me bubble wrap instead.
What use is that to me?
Am I supposed to bubble wrap you to a chair? Gag you with bubble wrap? How the hell am I going to restrain you without duct tape?
Maybe, I could suffocate you?

TOM

The line between

Rudy worked out the hard math. It took 400 sqft of bubble warp to created the cubes. Well it was actually a hyper-cube with lemniscate nano-tubes. It took months to built and a couple of weeks to get it to the site. Transport speed had to be below 12 mph. Rude was lower in to center and whole thing was spun to remove any gaps. His mom threw him a kiss and the crew dumped him in the water. He went over the falls and disappeared in the foam. When the retrieval crew got to the bubble warp Rudy was smiling.

NORVAL JOE

“A NASCAR race? Right, Lindy-Mindy,” Sabrina sneered.

Billbert held up a finger. “Sabrina. She’s right. The clues match and the Sonoma raceway is only 250 miles away. There’s a race next month, after school’s out.”

“Okay,” Sabrina said. “That gives us a month to find the third person mentioned in the directions. Let’s invite Bobbi to go.”

“What about me? “Mandi interjected. “I used magic to trap you in the mirror.”

“That’s true, Sabrina. Mandi used magic,” Billbert said. “And speaking of the mirror, why did you put all your stuff in it?”

Sabrina shrugged. “It’s safer than bubble wrap.”

PLANET Z

Soon after arriving and saying hello, the Voldani offered a solution to global warming.
Move Earth a bit further from the sun.
Sure, they could do it.
They’d done it before with a few other planets.
There was just a bit of breakage, nothing major.
Maybe some seismic activity.
So, we agreed.
The subcontractors dropped out of hyperspace and wrapped the entire planet in bubble wrap.
By the time the Earth was in position, every living creature had suffocated.
“Bummer,” said the Voldani.
They spent the next five years in Galactic Court fighting with the subcontractor over liability and payments.

Cart

The shabby overcoat, boots, and dirty hat pushing the shopping cart full of junk around is Gertrude.
But don’t bother calling her that. She’s stone deaf, and even if you stop her and write things down, she’ll just ignore you and keep going.
Touch her or her cart, and she’ll beat you with an umbrella.
Which she never uses when it rains.
She goes from dumpster to dumpster, looking for things, throwing other things out.
Some say she used to have a cat in that cart.
Maybe she still does.
I’ve never seen her sleep.
She just pushes her cart.